Our Secret Melody

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Lyric: Forty-Three

Kai’s POV:

After the talk I had with Rose, she told me that she would be heading to the hospital to see Jin and his mother. I wish I could tell her not to go since it would only cause more stress on herself, but I know she’ll ignore what I have to say and just go anyway. So I ended up offering to take her a ride once I was done with my work. Lately, I’ve been overwhelmed by the amount of training I’ve been having to do. And right now, I feel stuck...unable to make any progress with my music. I need to figure out what I can create next-

“Hey! I’m so sorry that I kept you waiting, but Mrs. Kim needed me and the staff to go over some makeup brands that we should use for you guys when you go on tour soon.”

I suddenly heard Rose say to me once she quickly entered the car, I’m relieved that she was able to find me at the right spot where I parked my vehicle. It would be too dangerous to pick her up at her apartment or even at the company. So we should meet a few blocks away from the building. Instantly smiling, I had her put her seat belt on before driving off.

“It’s okay, I didn’t wait that long...I was just thinking about what to do with my next song.” I explained to her as she looked over at me.

“Oh, are you having trouble coming up with some lyrics?” She asked as she began to tie her hair in a ponytail.

It was a bit difficult to keep my eyes on the road since this was the first time I’ve ever seen Rose put her hair up! I don’t know why, but she looks so much younger with that hairstyle. The nape of her neck was fully exposed and I was able to pick up her perfume a lot more, her cute baby hairs could be seen sticking out before she rested her head back on the headrest. This shouldn’t be anything new to me, I’ve snuggled myself onto her neck many times already but...

“Kai?”

“Huh? Oh, uh...yeah, I’m trying to figure out what I should come up with, the melody I already have figured out. But it’s the right words that need to flow well with it.” I quickly spoke as I tried to focus on my driving.

Put yourself together Kai! You’re acting like some kind of creepy 16 year old who’s in heat. You’re in your 20′s so act like it...maybe it’s best if I don’t kiss Rose at the company anymore. I’m risking a lot by doing that, but it’s not like her and I get any time to be together. Our schedules of work are always clashing, if I’m busy then I can’t spend any time with Rose. But if I have any free time, then Rose is the one that is working. I already knew that if we started dating it wasn’t going to be easy. I just hope Rose will be able to handle being in this kind of relationship...

“Hey Rose, can I ask you something.”

“Sure, what is it?”

She asked sounding a bit concern by how low I was talking. This isn’t something I wanna bring up, but I feel like I need to...

“Are you sure... you’re okay with dating someone like me?”

I asked her as I was too nervous to make eye contact.

Yet I didn’t hear Rose say anything, it just went completely silent and it was only making me feel more anxious! Is she starting to second guess us being together? If so, I’ll feel completely shattered. I don’t think I’ll be able to deal with anymore heartache, especially if Rose is the one that causes it-

“Ouch! What are you doing!? I’m driving!”

I yelled out in pain once I felt a forceful jab on my arm. That was when I realized that Rose had punched me!

“You’re so dumb! Wasn’t I the one that told you how I felt first! From the very beginning...when I accepted how I felt about you. I knew that it wasn’t going to be easy dating someone such as yourself. Look, I’m not scared or worried about what others will say about me, but I mainly fear what people would say about you if anyone found out about us. So If anything...I should be the one asking you. Are you okay with being...with someone like me?”

Her voice trembled and I could feel her gaze focusing in my direction as I drove.

But hearing how she felt, made me instantly smile. Because who would have thought we both were worried about the same thing. I truly love her...more than she’ll ever know. The way she cares so much for others, she puts so much time and energy to tend to someone’s need. Yet she forgets to take care of herself in the midst of all chaos. How? How did I get so lucky in finding someone as precious as her? As I kept driving, I thought very hard about what to say to her. But I’m just not sure how to put it into words, I feel like everything that I wish to express can’t be measured by simple words...so what can I do?

As I finally pulled up to the hospital, I parked the car further away from the building as I turned off the engine. Letting out a deep sigh, I looked over at Rose and saw that she held an expression of worry. The way she’s looking down at her small fragile hands made me want to hold her. It seems that I was right about her, she carries all this stress and sorrow all by herself without asking for help. Even now...I wish I knew what she was thinking to have such a painful expression.

“Rose-”

“I don’t want to ruin your life...Zack and Jin. You’ve all worked so hard to get where you’re at. So I don’t want a risk anything...just like earlier today at the company. It’s best if we aren’t seen together... and as I mentioned before, are you really okay... being with me-”

Wrapping my hand behind her head, I instantly pulled her into a kiss as I no longer wish to hear her broken words. Her eyes shown so much guilt and worry that I knew it was eating away at her. This isn’t what I want, for her to feel this way. All I want is to make her happy...to hold her, kiss her... embrace her. I won’t let her go, ash can try and push me all she wants...but I want her to know that my heart only aches for her.

“Don’t you ever feel that your love for me is a burden? Rose, your hands that have always held me...that showed me support. These lips of yours that have been the only ones I’ve ever touched...and your heart...that only beats this tenderly for me. Am I a horrible person to want it all for myself? Rose, I’m sorry...I’m so sorry that I made you wait. This whole time...from the very beginning, I probably have always loved you. Yet my heart was...and still is very clouded with the grief that I carry. All I can ask...is for you to keep staying by my side...I love you...I love you...” I whispered close to her little ear the moment I pulled away from our kiss.

The faint gasp of her voice was all I heard in return as she quickly pulled me into a tight embrace. Pulling her closer into my arms, I buried myself deeper into her chest. Her sweet fragrance carried me as I continued to leave light kisses around her gentle collar bone. Her soft skin was smooth to the touch as my lips couldn’t stop tasting her, her heavy breathing grew more intense as she clutched her hands against my sleeves.

“Kai...”

She cried out my name in heat as she arched her head back so sensually.

“Have I become a pervert? Have I grown too needy for you?”

I asked her as I slowly began to unbutton her shirt. The rapid growth of her heart was addicting...

“No...I have to go...I can’t do this with you right now. Kai... please...” She moaned out in delight the moment I began to suck on her tender flesh.

The cleavage of her breasts was at full display that I couldn’t help myself moving my hands around her chest. Regardless of her bra still being on that didn’t matter to me. It’s not like I haven’t seen her beautiful breasts before. The thought made me giggle quietly to myself as I refused to let her go just yet. Jin, I’m sorry...right now, I know that your hurting. But just for a bit... please let me enjoy this moment with Rose.

“Please...don’t...don’t leave me any marks...I...I can’t...”

Rose continued to cry out in satisfaction as I refused to listen to her request.

“I think it’s a bit too late for that...”

I whispered dangerously close to her ear as I soon nibbled on it.

Her body immediately jolted forward as I noticed her thighs tightening close together. She was growing excited and I instantly smirked at what I was doing to her. The feeling of her warm hands soon wrapped around my neck as she pulled me into her plump lips. Though I was surprised by how much force she was putting into it, the heavyweight of my own heart was aching more for her that it was becoming almost too unbearable to breathe. But I didn’t care, I need more of her comfort, more of her passion. Give me a reason Rose...any reason to fall more deeply in love with you. As I stuck my tongue into her mouth, her cute squeals were undeniably adorable.

“I love you...I love you...”

She finally spoke out in an exciting moan as she rested her body against mine.

Our heavy breathing was the only thing that filled the inside of my car as I moved on to her bare shoulder. The many light pink kiss marks that I left on her were beginning to grow visible on her light fragrant skin. Placing my hand on one of her breasts, I began to gently fondle them. The hearing of her addiction was music to my ears as I traced her bra to the back of the hook. However, Rose quickly grabbed my hand to make me stop. Looking up at her, I saw her flushed cheeks. She even averted her eyes as I felt how shaky her hands were becoming...

Giving her a gentle smile, I pulled my hands back and adjusted her clothes. She then went ahead and re-button her shirt back as I had her lean herself against my chest. She’s just so innocent in my eyes, even when she finished putting her shirt back together she nervously avoided looking at me. The redness of her ears most likely matched the color of her face right now...

“We could stop here...I won’t keep you any longer.” I said to her while planting a kiss on top of her head.

All Rose did was nod in shyness as she quickly placed a kiss on my cheek before hurrying herself out the door! And once she closed it, I immediately chuckled at her actions. Though, it’s a good thing that she left... because right now, seeing myself in the mirror. I was just as red as Rose was, I guess this is my body reacting how it should be. I have never been this close to a girl before, let alone someone I hold precious to my heart.

Watching Rose walk closer to the building, I saw that she had let her hair loose to hide the many hickeys I had given her. Placing both of my hands on top of the steering wheel I rested my forehead on top of them. Giving in a much-needed breath, I had to calm my beating heart as I closed my eyes. This was the first time I’ve touched Rose so... closely. It’s strange, but as I was touching her...I wasn’t nervous...but now that she’s gone. I’m becoming anxious, this is really uncool of me. Pulling myself back on the seat, I no longer saw Rose...

“Jin...is this what you want. Is Rose the only person you want by your side?” I voiced out as I ran my fingers through my hair.

I’m fully aware that Jin wishes to keep what’s going on a secret. But I should at least check up on his mother, I’ll just quickly go in and come right back out. I know this goes against what I told Rose, but...Jin to me is family. I need to know if he’s doing okay...

Placing my face mask on, I wore my hat and left the car. Looking at my surroundings I saw that there weren’t many people in the parking lot. Rose did tell me to wait here a while, but I can’t bear to sit around and do nothing. So I decided to make my way towards the building, I tried my best to not make eye contact with anyone as I walked towards the front desk.

“Hello, may I help you with something?”

Said the nurse as she looked suspicious at me, of course, anyone will give me that exact look when I’m purposely trying to hide my identity.

“Hi, uhh...I’m here to see someone-”

“Oh, okay. May I please have your name and photo I.D? So I can see if your name is registered-”

“Umm, I don’t think my name will pop up-”

“Then I’m sorry, I can’t let you pass then. The patients here aren’t allowed visitors without strict authorization- oh my god!”

I had a feeling this would happen, this hospital is known for being very high guarded. Paparazzi and reports aren’t allowed on these premises either, so just this once...I’ll use my name to get a free pass. I know this goes against my better judgment, but it’s the only thing I could think of. And to no surprise, it worked. The moment I showed the nurse my face. She already knew who I came to see, but in exchange for giving me a visitor pass, all she asked in return was an autograph.

Hurrying down the hall, I searched for Jin’s mother’s room number. The nurse told me that they will be in the V.I.P area which would be on higher floors. Luckily it didn’t take long to finding the room, though I had to be very careful not to be spotted by Jin or Rose. Noticing that the door was slightly opened, I peeked inside as I overheard someone talking...

“Hey, are you okay? Your face looks a bit red, you’re not getting sick are you-”

“Oh, no! It was just hot outside..."

“I see...well thank you for coming today. I told you that you didn’t need to worry about showing up-”

“Stop, you know that I don’t have a problem coming to see you or your mother. Which by the way, how is she doing? Have the doctors told you anything?”

Seeing them chat, made me a little relieved that Jin was at least acting like himself. But seeing the condition of how his mother looked. It brought pain to my chest, Jin’s mother has always been supportive not only to her son. But to me and Zack as well, I hope she recovers soon...I wish I could say that she’ll be able to overcome her cancer and live a full life. But that’s nothing but wishful thinking on my part, hell...I’m sure even Jin understands what’s to come.

“Jin, you need to rest. You look so tired...” I suddenly heard Rose speak softly towards him.

The way she was speaking so comforting to him brought my attention. I have no right to feel jealous, what Jin really needs is rest. But why does it hurt seeing him get this comfort from Rose? It disgusts me feeling this way, of not wanting her to be there for him when he needs it. These emotions of what I fear of losing her to him, Jin is a lot more mature than me. Has a better sense of how to handle things and isn’t mentally fucked up like I am. I know it wasn’t too long ago since I held her in my arms, but seeing Jin hold her hand right now... it’s killing me.

“I know...I’m sorry, but I can’t sleep no matter how much I try.”

“Come, lay down on the bed here. It’s so strange being in a V.I.P room. It almost feels like some sort of hotel suit...” I overheard Rose say as I watch her drag Jin towards a mattress.

It was hard to see the way Jin looked, how sunken his cheekbones were, and the darkness of his eyes. With his disheveled hair and clothing, he obviously hasn’t been taking care of himself. But how can he when his mother is attached to so many machines? I’m not even sure if she’s breathing on her own at this point, I think she’s relying on oxygen right now...

“Yeah... sorry if this is kinda strange to you, but it’s the only place I feel comfortable putting my mother in-”

“It’s fine, you don’t have to apologize. Now come, lie down and-”

“I can’t...it’s not possible for me right now-”

“Stop being stubborn, the last thing we need is you collapsing from the stress. Besides, I’m sure your mother wouldn’t want you to be like this right now. You’re not taking care of yourself and I’m worried...so please, if not for yourself. Then for me...rest.” Rose pleaded to Jin as she spread the blanket on the bed.

“Okay...but only, if you help me...” He said in a tiresome sigh.

“Of course, what do you need? Do you need more pillows? A glass of water- Huh! Jin!?”

My hand immediately gripped the doorknob so tightly that I didn’t even realize that I had to bite my lower lip so hard to stop myself from entering the room! The sight of Jin pulling Rose into the bed with him set me off! Though I can’t barge in, I can’t cause any disturbances that will make Jin’s mother’s illness worsen. Damnit Jin! Why are you doing this to me!?

“Jin, what are you doing-”

“You know...the last time I fell asleep on you, it felt very peaceful for me. I was able to sleep with ease...do you think...you can be there for me again." I heard Jin ask Rose as he rested his head on her lap.

“If that’s what will help you sleep...then you can borrow my lap. But that’s it! This is as far as I’ll go...” Rose responded nervously as she looked over at Jin’s mom who’s been unconscious this whole time.

My insides were full of anger, even the light trace of my blood that could be felt in my mouth when I bit my lip earlier could be tasted. I didn’t know if I should wait here or wait outside, I don’t wanna see Jin being this close to Rose. But I also can’t leave him alone with her, what’s to say that he won’t try something!? Contemplating what to do, I suddenly felt my phone beginning to vibrate! Is someone calling me? Pulling out my phone, I saw that it was actually a text message from Lily! Quickly opening it, I saw that she had sent me an address of where to meet her at.

Looking back at Rose, I could see that it was going to be a while until she’s done here. As much I want to fuck Jin up by the actions of what he’s doing. I need to calm my nerves and trust Rose...Immediately texting her that I’ll be back soon. I watched as she pulled out her phone to read my message. She immediately gave a heartwarming smile as I saw her texting me back. She trusts me...so I won’t ever second guess her.

“Rose...I’m sorry, but there’s somthing I need to take care of before I could fully move forward...” I whispered before heading out of the hospital.

Following the address Lily had given me, I was brought back sudden flashbacks of my old self when I first came to this place. The place where I first met Lily... where my first love began. The library, the place where Lily and I would always meet in secrecy. So as I pulled up a few blocks away from the building, I saw how late it was getting. Letting out a tiresome sigh, I started to make my way towards the building.

Though the strange thing that I took notice of when getting close to the building, was that there wasn’t anyone around. Which was very strange since the library is always busy. Though I immediately knew what was going on the moment I saw Lily’s bodyguard along with the rest of her security standing outside the entrance. Looks like Lily rented out the place for the rest of the night...

“Hello Mr. Joong, my lady is waiting for you right inside...”

Said one of the guards who opened the door for me to enter.

“Thank you...”

I responded as I took my face mask off the moment I entered inside.

Making my way towards the main floor where Lily and I would use to meet, I immediately spotted her sitting in her wheelchair as she stared out the window. She looked like she was lost in thought before turning herself around to face me. She was smiling, yet her eyes showed a different kind of emotion as she came towards me...

“Kai...I think it’s about time we talk.”

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