This can’t be happening!? How could he do such a thing to him! And in front of his own mother! I don’t want Jin to hurt anymore, I don’t want him to cry any longer. The despair that has been eating away at him has caused so much stress that he could no longer handle his emotions. And what’s worse, is that I can’t do anything to help him feel any better...
It’s not his fault that he accidentally hit me, he’s too unstable and I got careless by my foolishness in wanting to calm him down when he’s in that state. Feeling the blood dripping down my hand, I saw that I had stained my shirt in the process of covering my nose to stop the bleeding. It hurts, but I know this pain is nothing compared to what Jin is going through. Which is why I can’t leave-
“Stop fighting against me! We’re leaving right now!” Kai raised his voice in a pit of anger.
“You’re a horrible person...”
I said to him as I kept looking down. I couldn’t even make eye contact with Kai because I knew I would break down more. I hate him right now...I don’t want him touching me-
“I’m horrible? Then what about you? Lying in front of her face... putting up an act in front of her as if everything is fine. That Jin...is okay. When you and I know that is complete bullshit. And if you think I’m going to let the woman I love be with another man tonight...I don’t care what the reason is. I won’t allow it...Rose, if you go back to him...I won’t ever forgive you.” He cried out to me as we both made it to the parking lot.
It was pitch dark outside, the night sky matched how hollowed our hearts were. Because what Kai said was true, what I’ve done, was horrible...I lied. But it was because I thought I was doing the right thing, but now...I’m beginning to regret it. Because I never realized how much I was hurting Kai...he even saw me with Jin laying down together in the same bed. So, of course, he’ll be upset...
I thought very hard about what I should do, Kai’s hand that’s been holding on to mine hasn’t stopped shaking. Is he afraid or angry? Either way, I know that I’m the possible cause of it. But just as I was about to let go of his hand, he held it tightly one more time which made me finally look at him. The brokenness of his green eyes has never been more traumatic and even what he said next, shattered me whole...
“Would you be able to let go of my hand...if it was different? What would you have done...if it was me and Lily laying in that bed? What if I was the one fighting against you so I could be there for her-”
“I hate you!” I cried out to him the moment he started bringing up Lily.
Because I instantly buried myself into his chest and felt a heavy tug on my heart. This isn’t fair! I can’t stand it...I’m such a disgusting hypocrite. I have no right to be acting this way...but just picturing the scenario of him and Lily together breaks me apart. I don’t wanna see that, I don’t want him...to ever leave me for some other girl. Because then I’ll truly know what heartbreak is... and I don’t think I’m strong enough to handle it, not now...
With Kai embracing me in the middle of the parking lot, I noticed I had no face mask on. Although Kai still had his, I was still a bit worried. However, it didn’t seem that Kai cared at all who was around. He soon walked us towards his car and helped me get into my side of the passenger seat, the bleeding from my nose was slowly starting to stop as I tried to hide my tears. So many types of emotions were rushing through my head, part of me just wants to walk away right now and just be a support system for Jin. But at the same time, I’ll only be hurting Kai if I do that...
“You and I couldn’t stay with Jin even if we wanted to...”
Kai suddenly said as he entered the car. He soon showed me his phone that was going off and that’s when I saw the caller I.D. It was Manager Sang! Why is he calling right now? I then watched as Kai answered the phone and set it to the speaker so I could listen in...
“Kai, where are you right now!?”
He quickly asked in a stern-like matter. I was beginning to panic that we would get in trouble but Kai was so fast in responding so calmly...
“I was just driving around, was thinking of getting a cup of coffee-”
“I want you to head back to the dorm right now, I already called Zack and asked him to do the same thing-”
“Wait, what’s going on?” Kai asked in a bit of confusion as he started the car.
“I can’t explain at the moment, but know that I’ll let you and Zack know soon...it’s about Jin. Something came up and I need to check up on him, I’ll most likely be gone for the rest of the night and tomorrow. So I’m having you and Zack take that day off, however, you’re both not allowed to leave company grounds without authority, understand? Anyways, I need to go, I have a lot of calls to make right now.”
Manager Sang didn’t waste any more time as he hanged up the phone. Kai then immediately tucked his phone back in his pocket and hurried in driving us away from the hospital...
“I don’t think you need me to explain what the call was about, it’s obvious that the hospital contacted our manager about what happened. So most likely he’ll be with Jin for the rest of the night until his mother gets better...”
He explained in an unsteady voice, the twitch in his hands that gripped the steering wheel showed his anxiety. As well as the fears in his eyes that stayed focused on the road, just what is running through his mind right now? I realize that in this small amount of knowing Jin...Kai and Zack. It feels like I’ve known them for years. So If I’m acting like a complete mess with what’s going on, I could only imagine what Kai is feeling at the moment...
The car ride was quiet, the only thing I could focus on was the beating of my heart. The bloodstains on my hands had finally dried up. And the bittersweet taste of iron from the blood left an uneasy feeling in my mouth, I guess my nose is still bleeding a little. I was even beginning to even feel the discomfort, looks like I was stressing so much that I didn’t even feel the impact that Jin inflicted on me. I just hope I’m not left with a bruise or else I’ll have to cover it with so much foundation...
“How’s your nose?” Kai asked in concern once he noticed my painful sigh.
“I...it’s fine...I just have to clean myself off-”
“If you think I’m gonna believe you, in you saying that it doesn’t hurt, then you’re stupid-”
“Then what’s the point of asking me if you know it hurts! Just hurry up and take me home!” I shouted at him while gripping my seat belt.
He bluntly said as he continued to drive.
I gasped in utter shock once I realized that we were actually heading in the opposite direction of the company! Looking at the screen on the GPA I couldn’t tell where the hell Kai was taking us!?
“I’m not taking you back to the apartments. Not like this, what kind of guy do you take me for? That I’ll be okay with dropping you off in this condition? You-”
“This is why I can’t stand you! You always do whatever you want! You’re so stubborn! Hardheaded and just-”
“And what are you?” Kai quickly asked me in annoyance.
It’s clear that he was comparing his persona to mine, I mean...I know I could be stubborn as well. But it’s just so annoying dealing with someone who acts so immature like me, but then again... despite being the oldest. Kai acts a lot more adult-like than me when it comes to uncomfortable situations.
“Please...Kai, I’m just really tired. So wherever you’re taking me now. Just stop-”
“We’re going to my house, my father is most likely not home since he’s always away because of work-”
“What!? Your house?! No, I...I can’t just go. Besides, didn’t manager Sang specifically tell you to head to the dorms-”
“When do I ever listen to what he tells me? Listen, there are many reasons why I don’t wanna head back to the company right now. Number one is that I’ll have security monitory me so I can’t leave the property. So it’s not like I’m gonna have any privacy, and second...I’d prefer not to having to deal with Zack and his many questions about where Jin is at. Also...it’s most likely he’ll be upset at me right now...”
He explained in a troubled tone once he pulled up towards a gate.
I was a bit confused when he brought up Zack, why would he be upset at him? Furthermore, my eyes were completely locked on the huge gate in front of us! The only way to open it was when Kai pulled out a card and scanned it against the machine that automatically opened the gates! I mean, I’ve only ever seen stuff like this in movies. But to see it actually happened in person is just a whole other experience! So once Kai kept driving inside, my eyes widened in surprise once I saw the size of the house- wait a minute! I don’t think that’s even considered a house...
“Kai...don’t tell me that your home is-”
“Yeah, it’s more like a mansion. Look, don’t make it a big deal. I personally don’t like the house...it’s too big for my taste which is why I rarely come here. But it’s the only place that I could think of where we could have privacy.”
He said while parking the car in the driveway, my vision was still solely locked on the house and I couldn’t believe that Kai actually lived here. That this place...is his home.
“You and I... really live in separate worlds,” I spoke out quietly, though I’m sure Kai was able to hear me since I felt him grab my hand soon afterward.
“There’s no such thing as that, you and I...we just grew up differently. But that still doesn’t change...what I feel for you. I don’t care where you came from or what you do...I fell for who you are.”
He spoke with honesty as I looked back at his steady gaze. His hands that were once covering mine, soon shifted to my jawline as he was very careful of avoiding my nose...
“Come on, let get you cleaned up.” He suddenly said as he unbuckled my seat.
Following him out of the vehicle, I was a bit hesitant at first to enter his home. But I required a much-needed shower. I just wish I could take it in my own apartment, so with Kai leading me to the front door. I was caught off guard by my phone going off! Quickly answering it, my chest ached the moment I heard his voice!
“Melrose! Where are you!?” He asked in worry, the uneasiness in his breathing showed just how panicked he was.
With Kai overhearing my conversation, he stopped in his foot tracks and paid very close attention to what I had to say. Looking directly at him, I wanted to let him know that he had nothing to worry about. But more importantly...
“I’m fine...I...Kai took me home and-”
“I’m so sorry! I’m sorry for hurting you! I wasn’t paying attention and I ended up hitting you-”
“It’s okay Jin, it’s not your fault. You’re going through a lot and...I just wish I could do something-”
“No...you’ve done more than enough. I...I just wanted to know if you were okay, umm...I’ll call you later. Melrose, I hope...what I told you, didn’t scare you-”
“Of course not...Jin, please...take care of yourself. And let me know how your mother is doing, I’ll be here if you need me...”
Ending the call, I placed my phone back in my pocket before Kai took hold of my hand and led me inside! With his grip being so firm, he refused to let me go until he brought me into a bathroom! And without saying a word, he released me and quickly walked out! Confused by his actions, I looked at my surroundings and admired how beautiful the restroom was. Everything just looked so expensive, is it really okay to wash up in here? I then took a sudden long pause once I saw myself in the mirror!
“Eww! Is that me!?” I voiced out feeling flabbergasted at the sight I was witnessing!
The puffiness in my eyes was swollen red and the dark circles around my bags made me look like some kind of zombie! Not to mention my red nose, and what’s worse is that the stain of my blood made me look like some kind of crazy murderer! I can’t believe Kai saw me like this and didn’t say anything!
“Here, I brought you a towel. I’m not sure if my shirt will fit you. But it’s the only thing I could lend you- ouch! What the hell are you doing?!” He yelled in defense once I marched my way towards him and pinched his arm!
“Why didn’t you tell me I looked like this! I look gross and-”
“Are you being serious right now? Rose, I don’t care what you look like...I don’t even know why you let stuff like that bother you. Look, just take a shower and...give me your clothes so I could wash them.” His words of irritation drastically changed the moment he avoided eye contact with me once he brought up my clothes.
Taking the towel away from his hands, I looked down in embarrassment as I turned myself around. Hearing his footsteps make their exit, I let out a sigh of nervousness! Because it just dawned on me that we’re alone together! I don’t know why my heart is beating so fast for!? It’s not like this is the first time we’re spending the night together. Is it because we’re officially dating now?
I voice out in shyness once I heard Kai’s deep voice coming from the other side of the door. I wasn’t expecting him to stand a few feet away from me! This was absolutely nerve-wracking since it was only a wooden door keeping us separated!
“You can just hand me the clothes when you’re done,” He said nervously.
“Oh! Right...yeah, okay....” I stuttered out in response.
As I hurried in taking off my clothes, I wrapped my body with the towel and prepared to hand them over to Kai who was waiting for me. But when I was about ready to open the door, I was struck by what Kai asked of me!
“Rose...do you have any feelings for Jin?”
“You know what... nevermind... forget I said anything.”
He quickly said before taking the clothes away from my hand. Cracking the door a bit, I saw him rushing down the hallway.
His words confused me, it even made me worried. Is he beginning to doubt our relationship? Have I not made it clear to him yet that I love only him? Stripping away the towel I had on, I stepped inside the shower and turned the faucet on. With the warm water running down my body, I stood there thinking of what I’ve gotten myself into. This is my first time having a boyfriend, and with someone like Kai. I know that dating a celebrity isn’t going to be easy but...
“I tried not falling in love with you...” I said to myself in heavy sorrow as I began to wash my body.
I wish I knew what Kai was thinking, his anxiety that pushes him into despair. Always worrying, even know...I wish I could make things simpler for him. I never would have thought that Jin and Kai both held such heavy scars. And what hurts me the most is that I can’t be there for the both of them anymore... because the moment I accepted Kai. That was when I decided to stay by his side, so if I open my heart to Jin...if I get to close him. I’ll be breaking Kai’s heart...
“I hate this...” I voiced out in aggravation as I brought myself down to the bathtub floor.
Wrapping myself with my arms, I tried to calm my breathing. What am I supposed to do when Jin has been nothing but kind to me? I never intended to have things escalate as they did. To have Jin love me...that is something, I will never tell Kai about. Because then I really will fear what he will do, I don’t want them to fight anymore! Jin, I’m sorry...but I want things to stay how they are. I want you to keep staying by my side as you have been, I want us to still laugh and smile like before. So, please...I pray that your mother lives a little bit longer. That way...you still have a reason to be happy...
Once I finished showering, I immediately dried myself off and placed Kai’s long shirt over my body. I couldn’t help but giggle a bit at how big it looked on me, it practically fits like some sort of dress. Seeing my face in the mirror this time wasn’t as bad as before, the swelling had finally gone down and my nose no longer bled, it just felt sore. But at least it doesn’t look like it will bruise...
As I finally decided to leave the restroom, I held on to my phone tightly as I wasn’t sure where to go? This place is so big just like Zack’s house, I’m afraid of wandering off because I knew that I would end up getting lost. Unsure of where to go, my ears picked up a light noise coming down the hallway. Though as I paid closer attention to it, I was able to pick up a beautiful melody...is that Kai singing?
Following his voice, I was able to find what looked to be his room. I don’t think he was able to notice me once I entered inside. Looking around, I concluded that this was his room with the number of instruments that were in here. His guitar stood next to his bed and his keyboard that rested near his window. The number of music sheets that were scattered around his table showed just how hard he was always working. But that wasn’t what moved my heart to tears...no, it was his reasoning for why he does this.
Slowly approaching the nightstand, I saw the many pill bottles that Kai was taking. Someone so young as me, shouldn’t be taking this much medication. It pains me that he’s relying on this to stay sane... because I fear that that the music that he creates, that once brought him happiness. Is beginning to fade away...
“How was your shower?” He suddenly asked once he stopped singing.
“You could sleep in my bed tonight, it’s already gotten late.” He continued to speak without making direct eye contact with me.
Calling out his name once more, I saw that he was about ready to leave the room!
So without giving it a second thought, I quickly ran in his direction and wrapped my arms behind him! Burying myself against his back, I refused to let him go as I felt my arms shaking. Please...Kai...your hurting, aren’t you?
“Please...tell me what your thinking,” I asked him as I tried to stay calm.
The last thing I want is to cry again. But I can’t get what Kai said to me earlier out of my head. Though just as quickly as I hugged him, Kai was a lot faster in pushing me down against his bed within an instant!“I can’t...I can’t tell you everything that’s in my thoughts. Because I will always fear you leaving me...Rose, look at the mess that I am in...I...am poison. I told you that I’m not strong...so why? Why stay with someone like me...it can’t be that simple for you. Love isn’t that simple...”
His words trembled in heartache as he stared down on me, yet my eyes followed my locked chain necklace that kept dangling around his neck. So I slowly reached for it and held it gently in my hands. Giving a weak smile, I placed my other hand against his cheek as he slowly brought his face closer to mine.
“Love is never simple...Kai, there is no one else I want to be with. It’s always been you... you aren’t poison. I don’t care how toxic you think your life is, because I’m not leaving...so please...don’t hide from me. I want you to trust me... because I trust you. Kai, I love you...I love you so much...and it scares me. Because you’re the only one that could truly hurt me...and I hate it...I hate feeling so little next to you, feeling so breakable when you hold me. But what I truly despise most of all...is how weak I am when I’m with you-”
Without even finishing my sentence, Kai had already placed a kiss on my lips to silence my cries. The many tears that I tried to keep contained within me were too much for me to handle, when did I start to change? I don’t remember being this fragile before...Kai, look at what you’ve done to me...