Our Secret Melody

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Lyric: Fifty-Three

Kai’s POV:

“A song for you, a love for you...ugh! What else can I add to that?!”

I said with frustration, as I lightly began to hit my pencil along the table. I continued to sit at my desk for hours trying to figure out the lyrics that would fit well with the melodies.

But it was no use, I felt that my mind was about ready to explode. Slamming my hand against the table I stared at the many pages I wrote. The further I thought back to the first album I made, I saw just how much my genre was beginning to shift. 5 albums that I created with the group, each one breaking records on the billboards. I feel like I’m expected to create a better song than the last...

“I can do better...”

I said to myself as I ripped the piece of paper that was in front of me.

This upcoming year, I want to try and be the top artist of the year. Because I know that’s ExEx Idols dream...is to surpass our goals and achieve something that would seem impossible. Zack’s and Jin’s muse had always been our fans, I love and adore my fans as well...but the shifting of finding inspiration has started to lean towards Rose. The way she smiles at me, the way I could make her pout in anger. She looks so cute in any expression she gives me, she’s the one.... she’s...

“My muse...”

I whispered to myself with a gentle smile.

I’ll make something beautiful, something...that even the fans will cry in heartache. Rose, I’ll show you how amazing your boyfriend is. So watch me, and see how I’ll change the world with my music. Rubbing the back of my neck, I felt a slight tingle where my fingers touched my skin. Standing up, I approached a mirror and saw that in the area where I was rubbing it. I saw that it was slightly bruised, the light traces of Rose’s teeth marks were almost visible. Instantly smirking, I started to replay the dirty images of what we did. Stripping off my shirt, I decided to wear something that would cover my neckline a bit more.

Looking over at the clock, I saw I’ve been working for 8 hours trying to create a new song. Time really passes by quickly when you’re busy, I think Rose should be finishing up her work as well. Maybe I should start heading back to the dorms? That way I could talk with Zack more directly. Hopefully, he was able to cool himself down a bit, so as I prepared to leave. I locked the front door of my house, but was startled by my phone going off! Answering it, I made my way down the steps before approaching my car. But my hand froze once I grabbed hold of the handle. Because I was not expecting to hear from him so soon...

“Kai...”

He voiced out awkwardly.

“Jin? Hey...”

I responded feeling a little nervous as I entered my vehicle.

This was one phone call I didn’t think I’ll get in a while, I’m surprised he wants to speak to me right now. I would think he would want his space and to be left alone with his mother, unless-

“Is your mom okay?! Did something happen-”

“She’s fine, just shut up and listen to what I have to say. Kai, what you did last night...I should fuck you up for it. Saying those things in front of my mother...but, I had to stop and think. I realized, that this whole time...I was mad at the wrong person. It wasn’t you that I should’ve been angry at, it was me...”

He explained in a weak tone, he sounded tired and I could easily tell that he didn’t get any sleep last night. This might not be a good time for me to say this, but...

“Is our manager with you right now?” I asked him once I started the engine of my car.

“No, he left a while ago. One of the staff called him and said that they needed to review the number of tickets they should sell this year when we go back on tour. Though...Sang is thinking that maybe he should cancel it. He thinks that it wouldn’t be healthy for me to leave with the state of how my mother is...”

He explained in heavy sorrow...

“I see...in that case. I’ll drop by if that’s okay with you?”

I asked him as I began to drive through the city. Though a long pause came from the other line and I wasn’t sure if Jin hanged up on me, maybe I shouldn’t have asked him that-

“Sure... I’ll let the front desk know. Just, don’t do anything stupid this time...” He said before dialing off.

Shock by his response, I smiled slightly. I’m glad that we’re taking steps to heal, no matter what we’ve gone through. The arguments, the fights...the jealously. We try and get past them. Because if one of us falls, we all fall. there is no ExEx Idol without us three. I soon started to call Rose to see how she was doing, but when I was sent to voicemail I was a bit surprised. Maybe she’s still working? I’ll just call her again later...

Pulling up to the hospital, I placed my face mask on before approaching the hospital. It was already night time, so there shouldn’t be that many people in the building. Walking up to the front desk, they checked me in and I started to make my way to the higher floors. But in that small amount of time stepping down the hallway, I froze once I saw Jin waiting outside the room! Slowly taking off my mask, I watched as he finally caught notice of me...

“Jin, what are you doing waiting outside?”

I asked him in curiosity, though without saying a word, all he did was open the door for me to enter. Following his gesture, I was expecting him to follow me inside. But was stunned when I heard him close the door! What the hell is he doing? I was about ready to reopen the door but immediately froze when I heard a light fragile voice calling out my name!

“Kai...come here.”

Her voice made me immediately turn myself around, my eyes have never moved so quickly in locking gaze with someone before! The shortness of my breath took a heavy toll on me that I was having difficulty approaching her. But even when I managed to stand in front of her, I just felt completely guilty for my actions that led her to fall ill again. So I immediately brought myself to my knees and bowed apologetically. I don’t expect her to forgive me, but...

“I’m sorry...I’m sorry for what I did. I never wanted to hurt you...it was never my intention. I just...wanted you to see the pain your son was in and I was selfish-”

“Please...get up. Let me look at you...”

She asked of me, but for some reason, I was having trouble raising my head. I’m sure it’s probably because I just feel ashamed. And although I’m relieved Jin’s mother seems to be okay, I’m surprised that she was able to recover overnight...

“I understand your intentions...thank you. My little Kai, when did you boys start growing up so fast? I feel like it was only a few days ago you were turning 18. You, Zack, and my son, I’ve watched you all in such a small amount of time grow into amazing men. And I really wish your mother was here to see how much you’ve accomplished on your own...”

She said to me with a heartwarming smile, as I finally had the courage to raise my head. I felt her place a hand on my cheek once she began to speak of my Mother. After Jin told her what happened in my past, she tried to be the mother figure in my life. But I think through time, she knew that she wouldn’t be able to fill in my empty heart...so she just tried to be as supportive as she can without making me feel uncomfortable.

“I didn’t do it alone...if it wasn’t for Jin and Zack by my side. I don’t think we’ve would have been able to do so much... Jin, I know he’s strong...but he’s weak too. Him being the oldest, I feel like he thinks he needs to be the adult in the group. Not being able to share his concerns, his feelings, or his fears... it can be frustrating sometimes. Because I know he’ll never change, which is why I know he wouldn’t tell you anything about what’s going on with his life.”

I explained to her as I slowly got off the floor. Taking a seat, I looked out the window and grabbed hold of the necklace chain I was wearing.

For Jin to open up his pain to Rose so easily, I knew that his feelings for her were deeper. Jin doesn’t see Rose as just a friend. No, it’s more than that. And it hurts because I can’t...and won’t ever let Rose heal his suffering. Because if I do...then she will no longer be mine. And no matter how much I’ll try to reach her hand, it will only get farther away from me.

“You know...I kinda had a feeling that my son’s smile wasn’t genuine. Whenever he would make time for me, he would never want to talk about his future. He would only talk about what he’s doing now, and I think...that’s when I knew. That he wasn’t ready to start a future where I longer exist, so what I did when I finally woke up today. I had a long talk with my son...it’s heartbreaking to see your own child look so broken. His exhausted eyes, his slim body...I could see it all. He’s worn out...and it’s because of me-”

“No, it’s not your fault-”

“Yes, it is...as much as you try to convince me. It won’t change what I think. If I was healthy, then you and I know...Jin would be fine. Kai, what you told me last night... really opened my eyes. I’m well aware that I don’t have much time left, but that wasn’t what shocked my heart. No, it was the fact that Jin would live a life of regret if we didn’t speak to one another. I knew that he was always trying to avoid the conversation, but...I’m glad. Because I don’t have to worry anymore. You know, I was afraid in the beginning, when I found out that I had cancer, I was terrified, not of death...but of leaving my son alone in this world. But I am forever grateful...of how so many people around the world love my son... because even when I’m gone. I know he will still have a family...you, Zack...even Melrose. In the short amount of time I’ve known her, I could tell that she has a heart of gold. And a beautiful soul...Kai, please try and be kind to my son. Jin told me the truth of who MelRose really is...I may be an old lady, but I know true love when I see it. Kai, you take care of that girl... because if you don’t. I know that my son will-”

“I won’t let that happen- oh! Sorry, for my outburst-”

“I’m only teasing, however, by your seriousness. You must really love her...Kai, I’ma tell you what I told Jin. Please, don’t ever hate each other over a girl...no matter what. You, three boys, need to care for one another, and I know...you all will continue to do amazing things. Keep making your Mother proud...and follow what your heart wants.”

Her honest words made me smile as I stood up from the chair.

Bowing in gratitude, I did my best in keeping my eyes from crying out. Because I knew this was her way of saying goodbye to me, I don’t know how long Jin’s mother has left. But I don’t want her to worry anymore about her son living in grief...

“I promise, to make your son smile along with the rest of the world...ExEx Idol, will change the hearts of everyone! Thank you...for bringing Jin into this world!”

I raised my voice in hopes that she could hear the passion of my soul as I bowed. Music has always been my life. So I never would have imagined how many lives I would have affected doing what I do. It brought me brothers, friends at the company, and amazing fans that enjoy my songs. But most importantly, it brought me a love I will cherish forever. Rose...

Raising my head, she gave a weak smile before closing her eyes. Continuing to lay down, the oxygen mask she wore was the only thing I could hear that was attached to the machine. Taking a moment to calm my nerves, I said my goodbyes to her before exiting the room. And that’s when I saw Jin sitting on a chair across from me. He looked lost in thought until his eyes locked with mine finally. Shutting the door, I approached where he was and took the seat next to him. No words were exchanged and I just waited until Jin was ready to speak...

“What are you? My lover?”

He said in annoyance before smacking the back of my head!

“What the fuck are you talking about-”

"The whole, ’I promise to make your son smile.′ I would much rather have a cute girl say that instead of you-”

“Shutup! Don’t be eavesdropping on what your mother and I are saying!”

I said to him feeling embarrassed, but I was more annoyed than anything. Rubbing the back of my head where he hit me, I watched as Jin chuckled a bit before tilting his head back.

“So you want ExEx Idol to change the world...I wonder how you’ll do it-”

“We will change it. My music is nothing without you guys.”

I explained to him as I hunched myself over in a tired-like motion.

“Is my mother sleeping?”

He asked before standing back up.

“Yeah...Jin, your mother told me you both talked finally-”

“She... didn’t want to talk to me unless we discussed what we both needed to say. I honestly didn’t wanna say anything though, especially after she woke up. I was worried that I would stress her heart more...but, I think...after we spoke. I was able to put her heart at ease. Once we were done talking this morning, she really wanted to speak with you...I was completely against it at first since I was still pissed off at you. But she ended up convincing me, that’s why I called you. Though she also wants to talk with Zack, our manager still isn’t sure if that’s a good idea to let him know. And...”

“And what?”

I questioned him after he took a while to finish his sentence.

“My mother wants to speak with MelRose as well...”

He said in an awkward tone before looking at me.

I get the feeling that Jin’s mother wishes to say goodbye to every one of us, and I think Jin sees that. The puffiness in his eyes says it all, and I’m sure the pain in his heart is breaking him right now. But he’s trying to stay strong in front of me, his stubbornness will always be something I hate. But at least, he won’t hate himself...

“I see...well, whenever Rose is available, I’ll bring her here,” I said to him as I watched him place his face mask on.

Confused by his actions, I watched him place his coat on before walking away from me!

“Hey! Where are you going?! Aren’t you staying in the hospital?”

I asked while hurrying myself to catch up to him!

“My mother is on heavy medication so she won’t feel any pain. And because of that, she’s sleeping a lot more, Kai...I once told you what my dream was. That’s being the number one group in the world, but after what happened to my mother. I was about ready to give it up so I could stay by her side...and when I told her that I was thinking about leaving ExEx Idol. She slapped me...I honestly wasn’t expecting that. But she got very mad... because she never wants to get in the way of my dream. Even now, when I told her that we had a tour coming up, she told me to go. I wanted to tell her how insane she was for telling me that, does she really expect me to just leave her in the condition that she is in... especially when I have no idea how long she...Kai...I can’t go...if my mother is going to die then-”

“She won’t die...that woman is strong just like her heart. She won’t let herself die until she sees your dreams come true, how do I know? Well because she’s stubborn just like her son, Jin...in one more week. We go on tour...but that’s only if you want to. Just one month...will be gone for one month. Do you think...you can last that long in Europe?”

I asked him while placing my face mask on. Following him out of the parking lot, he finally stopped in his tracks and looked at the night sky.

“One month...”

He voiced out before turning around to face me.

“Kai...I don’t need you to make me smile. I’ll do that on my own...the one that you should focus on is Melrose. She is the one...that you should make smile.”

He explained to me, taking one step forward my eyes grew serious as I felt the need to tell him the truth about my relationship with Rose. Zack already found out...so it’s only fair that I tell Jin.

“Listen... there’s somthing I need to tell you. I never intended to make things hard...I tried, to not like her....but within time. I didn’t realize how much I ended up-”

“Loving her...yeah, I know what you mean. Because I ended up falling in love with her also...Kai, are you and Melrose... together?”

He asked while taking off his face mask, the sternness of his voice matched his facial expression.

So that’s when I decided to take my face mask off as well to show how serious I was, it didn’t come as a surprise to me hearing his confession. Because deep down, I already had a feeling he loved her for a while. But I won’t let his feelings for Rose affect the group. But I also need to let him know that if he ever crosses the line of disrespecting me. There will be hell to pay...

“Rose is my girlfriend. I love her and I won’t let anyone...take her away from me. Not even you...”

I said to him, the standstill lasted for a few seconds before Jin’s once serious gaze turned into a defeated smile.

“Very well then...but just as what my mother told you earlier. If you’re unable to take care of her...then know that I won’t hesitate in being by her side when you can’t. Kai...you say you want to change the world. Okay then...I’m in, ExEx Idol will go on tour...”

He said before placing his face mask on.

“The day Rose ever chooses to be with you...is the day I fail being a man that can make her happy. Jin, I promise you...will be back soon. And the next time you see your mother...she’ll smile to the very end.”

I explained to him before putting my face mask on. Walking towards my car, I entered inside and watched as Jin entered his vehicle as well...

Though I immediately dialed Rose’s number again but was struck down when I was sent to voicemail mail again. This is really strange, Rose should be out of work already. In fact, the working hours at the company should be closed since it’s already gotten late. Is her phone possibly off? Maybe she’s sleeping already?

Coming up with excuses in my head, I began to drive off to the dorms. With Jin following behind me, it seems that he’s decided to come back to the company. It’s gonna be one hell of a surprise for the staff to see Jin again. So once we both drove into the property, I saw that there was already a lot of security patrolling the night. And to no surprise, the number of fans waiting outside the main building area was as huge as always. I’m relieved that there’s a back gate for us to drive in, so once we parked. We both made our way back to our dorm buildings, and that’s when I remembered that I had to give Jin something!

“Before I forget, I need to give you the new music sheet we’ve started recording,” I said to him once we entered the elevator.

“Oh, in that case just give them to me now so I could start memorizing them.”

He said as he pressed my floor number that would take us to my dorm.

So once the elevator doors open, we both entered inside and I had Jin wait in the living room. Making my way towards my bedroom, I grabbed the music sheet that Jin needed. But my ears suddenly picked up an elevator noise going off! That’s strange, I know that Zack is already sleeping since it’s past his bedtime so I know it can’t be him. Could it be manager Sang? With the paper in hand, I hurried back to the living room only to be surprised by her presence!

“Rose?”

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