“I... I’m sorry, I didn’t think you both would be here-”
“Neither did I...Kai just needed to give me something.”
Jin said with a kind-hearted smile. Watching him approach where Kai was standing, he grabbed the paper out of his hands before heading towards the elevator.
“Wait, you don’t have to leave just because I’m here- oh! How’s your mother!? Is she-”
“She’s fine, she’s just on heavy medication at the moment. Umm, she actually wants to speak to you...but I’ll tell you about that later. I don’t know how you managed to sneak into the dorms at this late hour but I could only assume that Zack had something to do with it. Anyways, It’s getting late so...I think it’s best if you stay hidden here until morning.”
He explained before walking right past me, though he gently patted my head before taking his leave.
I don’t know why, but for some reason, Jin’s voice sounded very distant. As if he doesn’t feel right being close to me if Kai is around. I should understand the reasoning for it, but it still makes me a little sad with how he’s acting. But I shouldn’t complicated things, what matters now is that Jin seems to be okay. I’m relieved that his mother is doing well, I am curious as to why she needs to speak to me? Perhaps it has something to with the whole thing about me pretending to be Jin’s girlfriend? If so, I really need to apologize...
“Deep in thought again.” Kai suddenly said to me.
“What? Oh, I...it’s just been a long day.”
I responded while turning my head to see that Jin had already left.
“I see...well I guess it’s been a long day for the both of us then. Jin is still recovering from the stress, but he’ll be fine. But what I want to know is why did Zack bring you here to the dorms? He is the only person I could think of- did he say anything that might have upset you-”
“No, he didn’t...he just...wanted to understand how and why we got together. Nothing more...I mean, he was obviously surprised so I think it’s only fair that I gave him an explanation. But he promised to keep our relationship a secret...”
As I spoke, I didn’t really give Kai the full story of what Zack and I were really discussing. But it’s not like I’m lying to him either, I just don’t wanna add anymore worry. I should probably hurry and change the subject...
“Hey, is it okay if I borrow your charger? My phone died in the middle of me talking with my sister earlier.” I quickly explained to him before he handed me the cable that was in his room.
“Have you already ate?”
He asked of me before he went to go wash his face in the bathroom.
“Yeah, Zack was nice enough to offer me some of his home cooking. I have to say, I’m very surprised that he can cook. I would think that with how busy you three are with your schedule, he wouldn’t have the time to be cooking-”
“Were gonna get busier from here on out. Rose...I talked with Jin’s mother today. Her condition is still the same, but the good thing is that her condition hasn’t gotten worse... however, I don’t think she has much time left. And I’m sure Jin has come to terms with that finally...”
He explained as I watched him step out of the restroom. The expression on his face looked exhausted once he finally laid down on the bed.
Standing by his desk, I was very deep in thought again about what he had said. I’m relieved that Jin’s mother is no longer in the state she was a few days ago. But at the same time, it hurts hearing that she won’t be able to live much longer. Maybe that’s why Jin mentioned her mom wanting to speak to me? Also, perhaps it’s for the best that they cancel going on tour-
“But regardless of the circumstances...she still wants ExEx Idol to continue going on tour-”
“What!? Are you serious? Why would she want Jin to leave and go to Europe at a crucial time right now?! Does she not understand-”
“It’s because she understands, that she wants Jin to go. She knows very well...that Jin’s dream is to be the number one group in the world. That my dream is to share my music with everyone and that Zack could overcome his doubts about performing. For ExEx Idol...to hit the billboards and break records. Rose...come here...”
With Kai still laying on the mattress, he gently stretched out his hand towards me. His gaze was serious just like his voice...
So I slowly made my way towards him while extending my hand. The second he grabbed hold of my arm, he quickly pulled me into his arms until I was laying against his chest! With his arms beginning to wrap around me, I felt my whole body instantly relax. As if all my worries just completely vanished into thin air, snuggling myself deeper into his embrace. I tried my best to understand why Jin’s mom would want them to leave Korea...
“Whenever I hold you...I feel like I could finally breathe. How? Tell me how you make me feel like everything will be okay?”
I heard him say before he released his embrace. I then watched as he began to take his shirt off and I completely covered my face with a nearby pillow!
“What are you doing!?” I shouted while feeling my face growing red!
“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m getting ready to sleep with you- ouch! Why the hell are you throwing me the pillow!?”
“You’re such a stupid pervert! You can’t just say that to me! I...I’m...still sore from doing it twice with you last night. So I don’t think- Kai?!”
Calling out his name in embarrassment, I was caught off guard when I felt his hands pin my arms against the bed!
Unable to make eye contact with him, I avoided his stare. The feeling of his eyes felt like glue with how close his face was to mine! I honestly thought he was going to kiss me, so I slowly began to close my eyes and prepared my lips to feel his. However, nothing was happening so I carefully re-opened my eyes to see that Kai was just staring at me. That was until he let out a burst of sudden laughter! Confused by his actions, I gave out a pout before he finally spoke.
“When I meant by sleeping with you...I meant taking a nap. I usually like sleeping shirtless, you’re free to join me if you want. Though if you do, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to control myself from touching you. However, you said that your body is still sore. So I won’t go any further than this...”
He explained before placing a kiss on my lips. He then proceeded in snuggling his face against my collar bone and the heated touch sent goosebumps throughout my body!
“Rose, I’m surprised you get flustered so easily still. Wasn’t it earlier in the morning that you stripped in front of me when you were changing-”
“Shut up! Forget about that! I was just in a hurry and-”
“Yet you turn so red when I take my shirt off, I wasn’t even thinking of doing anything to you tonight. So I wonder who really has the perverted thoughts-”
“You are the one that made it look and sound like you were about to do something! So don’t start pointing the fingers at me!”
I raised my voice feeling absolutely shy by what I was saying!
“Rose, believe me... you’ll know when I’m about to make love to you. As long as your heart keeps beating for me...my heart will always belong to you. I promise...to be more gentle with you next time if you want me to...”
Once he finished talking, I felt my heart beating a million miles per minute by his sweet words. He always knows how to make my heart flutter...
I quietly whisper out my words with a smile. He then gave out a smirk before giving me one last goodnight kiss.
That following morning when I woke up, I had no idea what time it was. Though just by peeking through the sheets, I could see that the sunrise was slowly peeking through the skies. I’m surprised with how early I woke up, it was pretty late when Kai and I went to bed. Speaking of which, where is Kai? Placing my hand on the empty bed space next to me. I slowly got off the bed while rubbing my tired eyes.
A soft voice was what caught my attention, it sounds like it was coming from the living room. So as carefully and quietly as I can be, I made my way out of the room and followed the sounds. This person is always singing, who works so hard, who is so passionate about what he creates. Regardless of what he has gone through, the pain he endures. He never gave up on himself to make his dreams a reality... and I will never get tired of hearing his beautiful voice.
Even now, watching Kai practice on his vocals. Made me instantly smile and my heart race, but just how long has he been practicing? And what time did he wake up? My eyes soon wandered until I saw the clock that was hanging on the wall. It was only 6 am and Kai is already working this early? Just as I was about to call out to him, I paused for a moment once I saw him pull out his pill bottle. At first, I thought that he was going to take them, but my nerves suddenly took over once I watched what he had done!
“Kai! What are you doing throwing them away!? Don’t you need them-”
“Rose? Did I wake you-”
“What? That isn’t what’s important right now! Tell me why you’re tossing out your medication?”
I asked him, feeling still in shock by his actions, I was about ready to grab his pill bottle from the trash can. Yet Kai was so fast in stopping me! Gripping my hand, he placed my palm against his cheek.
“Fluoxetine, Benzodiazepines, Antidepressants, Xanax... almost half of my life. I had to rely on these drugs...to make me feel a little bit alive. Everyday...these pills, were my only salvation. It was the only thing I knew that could help me...I then realized that I was becoming dependent on them. I couldn’t sleep, eat, or even perform without taking these fucking pills. And I don’t want it anymore...I can’t. Because I know it will ruin my future-”
“Kai...I’m sorry...I’m so sorry that you had to take these at such an early age. But...I’m worried that you might ruin yourself more if you stop taking them. Your anxiety, your worries, your depression...I wish I could take it all away.”
My voice was beginning to crack, and the sorrowful gaze of his green eyes wound me...
“What are you talking about? I don’t think you understand how much you have affected me already...the night terrors that I would always get every night. Have now been replaced by your smile...this depression that has been stuck inside me for so long. Is starting to heal by the comfort you give me...and the anxiety that is always wanting to take over my body. Is beginning to fade away by the love you’ve given me...Rose, all I need. Is my music, my fans, and most importantly...you. I want to be the man, that could hold you without any fears. To be the person that you never have to worry about.”
His words just keep touching me more and more, I never felt so needed before. But it makes me so incredibly happy to hear him say that I’m helping him. Even though I know it’s not much, at least I know...that I’m wanted. That he’s wanting to get better, with my hand resting on his cheek. I grabbed the chained necklace that Kai was wearing and tugged it lightly to have him inch closer to me. He was still shirtless and the thumping of his heart could be felt against my chest once I placed my body against his.
“If you want me to be your new drug...then take as much as you need from me.”
Without even having to say another word. Kai didn’t waste a single second in devouring my lips, with my arms wrapped around his neck I pulled him even closer to me.
Any gap between us was soon filled with our heated passion. His hands moved throughout my entire body until he finally grabbed hold of my upper thighs. Immediately picking me up, I instantly wrapped my legs around his waist. The flirtatious giggles we exchanged with one another were what made us grin so mischievous. With my hands running throughout his bareback, I was brought to a halt once I felt myself being placed against the wall! Soon enough I felt Kai’s strong hands run underneath my shirt, this hot intimacy of his skin touching mine could never get old. It will always be something I crave for...
His muffled moans calling out my name made my body jolt forward the moment I felt him grabbing one of my breasts.
With my lower core already aching in delight, I arched my neck back and felt his hot kisses consume me. It will always amaze me how my body reacts to his love, the pressure of my chest was beginning to be too much for me to bear that I end up pushing my lower region against his hardened groin. The muffled aches of his voice were clear enough for me to understand that he needed me as much as I needed him. I think Kai was right...maybe I am a pervert. Just like him...
“Kai...make it stop. The beating in my chest...make it go away...”
I cried out to him with desperation in my voice. Bringing my hands down to his lower abdomen, I inched my fingers closer to his pants and shakingly began to unbutton his trousers. Though Kai automatically tightened his grip around my breast which made me instantly let out a lustful moan.
“I can’t do that...if I make the beating of your heart stop completely, I will have nothing...Rose, I’m sorry...but I’m going to make your chest beat more for me. Let me love you...let me touch you until I’m all you can think about...”
His grunts sounded desperate the more he spoke, so much so that I couldn’t hold back my tears from falling. Just how long does he plan on making me cry this way. This happiness that I never wish to let go of...it’s slowly becoming my addiction. Kai, I’m sorry for being so selfish. But please...don’t ever love anyone else this way except for me. With our hearts beating as one, I accepted whatever Kai wanted to do with my body. I was ready to feel his love, until...
The sounds of the elevator going off caught our attention and we both immediately had to pull away from each other! In a panic, I tried to run into Kai’s room to hide! Though I ended up slipping on one of Kai’s music sheets that were scatted on the floor, causing me to fall over! Letting out a painful groan, I tried my best in getting back up. Though I must have hit my knee pretty badly against the floor since it was difficult to bend it! Shit, this is bad! We’re gonna get caught and it’ll be my fault-
“Rose are you okay?!” Kai asked worriedly while grabbing my lower waist to help me stand.
“Kai, I need to hide or else-”
“Or else what? Were we interrupting somthing?”
That voice immediately caught my attention and all my fears left once I saw that it was only Jin and Zack that had entered the dorm
“What are you guys doing so early in the morning? We don’t have practice until 8.” Kai said with a stern voice once he helped me sit down.
“Don’t ask me, Jin is the one who dragged me out of bed. He said he needed to take me and MelRose somewhere, however, it looks like she’s busy being assaulted by you-”
“Assult? I’m not assaulting her, we were just kissing when you guys suddenly- ow! What are you doing...”
Slapping Kai behind his head, I made him stop speaking any further as I felt my face grow blush. I’m sure he finally took notice of what he had said that led me to hit him because not too long after, he as well froze in embarrassment!
“Kai, it’s not appropriate to say things like that out in the open. Now hurry up and put a shirt on, that’s unless you want MelRose to come with me and Zack alone-”
“Just where do you plan on taking them- wait. Do you plan on taking them to see her so early? Don’t you think you should wait until-”
“We don’t have time to reschedule our plans around. We’re gonna be very busy starting today, besides...we both owe Zack an explanation of what’s going on. MelRose...will you be okay with seeing my mother right now?”
Jin asked of me, taking in a deep breath. I stood up and look directly towards him.
That same expression that he held when he felt so lonely, is remaining in his eyes. Sorrow, despair, and sadness...it all still dwells inside him. Jin, you can’t heal until your mother is at peace. But even after that, how long will it be for you to smile on your own again?
“Of course, I owe her an apology, and... there are some things that I need to talk to her about as well.” I responded in a respectable bow.
“Huh? Your mother? What’s going on? Is she doing okay? Hey-”
“I’ll explain everything on the way there, just stop asking so many questions, Kai... MelRose, we will be downstairs waiting...” Jin said before grabbing Zack from the collar and pulling him out of the room.
Once they were gone, I felt a heavy weight being placed on my shoulders. I’m relieved that it wasn’t manager Sang that came through those doors, but at the same time. It’s still a bit awkward to face Jin whenever I’m with Kai. I shouldn’t allow myself to get too comfortable with Kai whenever Jin is around. It wouldn’t be fair to him... Jin’s heart is still broken. Especially more now with what’s going...
“Hey? Are you okay?” Kai asked before grabbing hold of my hand.
“Yeah...I’m just, nervous about seeing Jin’s mom. We should probably hurry, don’t wanna keep them waiting.”
I quickly said to him before letting go of his hand. Heading towards the dining table, I grabbed my phone along with my bag and waited for Kai to get ready.
“Okay...just, give me a minute,” Kai said awkwardly before heading back to his room.
The tension between us was very visible, even during the car ride to the hospital. We didn’t really exchange many words with one another. It’s fairly obvious that Kai and Jin still hold a grudge against one another and I still feel like I’m stuck in the middle between them. Once we arrived, we all followed Jin inside the building. The main one who showed the most concern was Zack since he was left in the dark about what was going on. He didn’t try to hide how angry he was with the boys for keeping this from him. So it was only fair that he would speak with Jin’s mom first.
Sitting on some benches, the pressure of the air grew thick the moment Jin and Kai sat on either side next to me! With my hands gripping my phone, I refused to make eye contact with either one of them. That is until...
“Here, you haven’t eaten breakfast yet, have you?” Jin said as he handed me a little bag of cookies.
“Oh! Thank you, you didn’t need to give me any. I don’t even remember the last time I ate a cookie.”
I responded with a smile while accepting his kind gesture. Taking a bite of the chocolate chip cookie brought me to a smile and I was able to relax a bit now that my stomach doesn’t feel as empty anymore. Jin is always there to ease any discomfort I have without even trying. And because of that, I will always be grateful to have him in my life...
“What about me? Can I have a bite?” I heard Kai say. He then grabbed my hand that held on to the cookie and leaned himself close.
“Did...you want one?” I asked feeling bashful with how close he was getting!
“Only if you feed it to me...” He responded in a mischievous tone before taking a bite of my cookie!
“Kai, it’s rude to be stealing other people’s food. Also, we’re in a hospital. So can you stop the mushy love stuff you’re doing...now scoot over! I mad at you and don’t wanna talk to you or Jin for the rest of morning... until we get back to the company.”
Zack voiced out sounding strict before taking a seat next to Kai. But despite how upset he sounded, the slight redness in his eyes showed that he was crying. It shouldn’t come as a surprise. I’m sure Zack had come to love Jin’s mom as if she was his own mother as well...
“Look, we said we’re sorry on our way coming here...”
With Kai and Zack speaking to one another, Jin patted my back and signaled me to follow him inside the room. With him closing the door behind us, Jin had suddenly grabbed my hand and led me to his mother who was sitting up on her bed staring out at the window. Her beauty will always be imprinted in my memories forever. And the love and dedication that she has for her son is something that I will always respect. But I wanna know why...why is she okay with letting Jin go? Is it really because she wants him to follow his dreams? Or is it something more than that?
Once Jin called out to her, she slowly turned her focus on me. I couldn’t help but squeeze Jin’s hand as my nerves were starting to eat away at me.