Our Secret Melody

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Lyric: Fifty-Nine

MelRose POV:

He’s trembling, even his hands that were holding me are shaking. His heavy breathing brought me back to the whole point as to why I was upset at him! I won’t be easily distracted by his lips! So without second-guessing myself I immediately stomped on his foot! I then watched as Kai finally pulled away from me, bending in pain.

“Why...”

He grunted in discomfort, though without giving him any sympathy. I took my bag away from him and the moment the elevator doors opened. I wasted no time leaving! With a pout of annoyance, I remember the sight of Kai looking completely pale as he laid on the floor during his break after performing. It terrified me, seeing him in that condition. It looked liked he was about to faint! Even Zack and Jin both looked horrible...

As I walked further out of the parking lot, the more upset and saddened I became. I don’t think Kai would have ever told me what he goes through during the tour. Here I thought he had enough stress on his mental state, but now it’s also the stress of his body. It’s no wonder he and the guys are always practicing, it must be very hard for all of them. But it hurts knowing that Kai can’t be completely honest with me...

“This is so annoying...”

I said in a bothersome sigh as I left the building. Since I forgot my bag earlier, I told the rest of my staff team to leave without me. Guess I’ll just have to flag down a cab, but in doing so it just dawned on me...

“How do I communicate with the cab driver,” I said in a defeated tone as I hanged my head down.

English and Korean are the only languages I know and since will be touring around Europe. I’ll be completely mute, so how-

“Taxi!”

Hearing his sudden shout! I felt him wrap his arm around me as he stood close! Watching him wave down a cab, all I could do was stare at him in shock!

“Kai!? Did...you seriously follow me!? Have you gone insane!? You have to go back inside before anyone see’s you!”

I explained to him in a panic as I started to look around to make sure no one has spotted us. Regardless of Kai wearing his face mask, I don’t want to risk him getting caught!

“How about a simple thank you for returning your bag. And you know...for someone who cares about me. You have a really sick way of showing it, my foot still hurt-”

“Now isn’t the time to be talking about your foot! Just go back inside already before some reporter or fan sees you!”

I raised my voice at him as I tried to push him off of me! I swear this guy is so unpredictable, does he not realize that he just finished performing and it’s only a matter of time before his fans come outside!

“Oh, here’s our ride.”

He nonchalantly said as I heard a car pull up next to us.

“Huh?! What do you mean by our ride!? Hey, are you listening at all to what I’m saying-”

“I heard you, which is why we’re entering the cab before that crowd behind us comes any closer.”

He pointed out in a playful smirk. Following his finger, I looked behind me to see a massive mob of people finally leaving the building! I didn’t even have time to comprehend what was happening once I felt Kai pulling me into the cab! The number of people leaving was unbelievable! With the taxi driver beginning to take off, I looked at Kai’s fans who wore ExEx Idol merch. Some were even crying as they left, I’m relieved that no one caught notice of us. But I don’t think Kai will be able to go back inside with his fans walking outside the building...

“Usually, our fans wait a couple of minutes before deciding to leave. It’s rare, but sometimes ExEx Idol would perform an extra song if we have the time-”

“Are you serious?! You and the guys shouldn’t be pushing yourselves to do so much. After seeing how you guys looked earlier-”

Quickly silencing myself, I decided to look away from the crowd of people that we were passing and stared back at Kai. His intense eyes looked disciplined as he went ahead to give the cab driver directions on where to take us. I’m surprise hearing him speak a foreign language, I’ve only ever heard him speak Korean. Though it is rare whenever I hear him singing in English sometimes...

“I’m sorry... okay. I understand that you’re upset at me for keeping somthing like this from you. But, what can I do? Even if I did tell you sooner, what would that change-”

“A lot of things...Kai, I’m not upset about the condition you and the guys put yourselves through. I already knew that what you do isn’t easy, what I’m really upset about is that you didn’t tell me. All I ask...if for you to be honest with me. It feels like you don’t trust me enough-”

“Rose, stop speaking foolish things. You know very well that I trust you, it’s just that...I don’t know? Maybe I’m still afraid of telling you everything... because I will always be afraid of how you’ll react once I tell you.”

He explained while grabbing my nervous hand. Lacing his fingers between mine, I saw the worry in his expression as he tightened his grip.

“I don’t ever want to force you to tell me things that will make you uncomfortable...but know that I also don’t want to be left in the dark. I’m sorry...for being a complicated woman, maybe I’ve grown too needy in wanting to know everything about you.”

I said as I slowly began to rest my head against his shoulder.

“A needy, violent, deceitful woman...and yet, I can’t help but fall deeply for her every day.”

I heard him whisper close to my ear, the feeling of his arms embracing me made me only want to cuddle closer to him. Perhaps, I’ve grown insane by his love. A man that is so stubborn, jealous, and aggressive...but even still. I want to know more about him and who he was before becoming ExEx Idol.

With the cab driver coming closer to our designated area. Kai explained how he found my bag and what he did to stay behind to come find me. I couldn’t help but laugh at the thought of Kai blackmailing Jung. I would think after the number of years of Jung working for this company that Kai would never actually go through with having Jung get fired...

Once we approached closer to the hotel that the company will be staying at. Kai had the driver pull over a block away from the street. At first, I was a bit confused as to why he had the cab driver do that. Though I got my answer immediately the moment I stepped out of the car. The sounds of people calling out for ExEx Idol could be heard echoing through the night skies! Looking ahead, my eyes grew in awe once I saw a sea of people waiting outside the building!

“Kai...there’s no way that there-”

“Yeah, it is. It always gets like this after we come back from our performance. The company tries to keep our profile low when it comes to where ExEx Idol will be staying at. Though it doesn’t really matter in the end since most hotel employees tip-off to people who are staying here just to make more business. Also, some of our fans tend to follow our van which would ultimately lead them here. So there’s nothing that could be done, anyways let’s go around the back.”

He explained before taking my hand and leading me to the hotel. With how crowded the entrance was, I’m sure Kai and I both agreed not to go anywhere near the front doors...

Sneaking our way around, we both immediately came to a halt once we saw a security guard blocking the back door! Though Kai immediately came up with the idea of having me use my I.D staff to get us through. I was worried at first that maybe he wouldn’t let us in, but I guess the hotel was okay with the company using the back doors considering how chaotic it is right now at the main entrance. Though I did have to cover up for Kai and say that he was part of the staff and just forgot his I.D badge. But once we entered inside, Kai was so was quick in leading us to the elevator! At first, I thought that maybe he just didn’t want to risk us being seen. But once I saw him take out his hotel card and scan it against the screen pad, he pressed a certain floor that didn’t make sense to me...

“Kai, what are you doing? That isn’t my floor, and I’m pretty sure manager Sang has you guys in the main deluxe sweet which is on the upper floors, so why-”

“We won’t be able to see much of each other this month...let alone talk. You saw how busy it was today. Rose...I want to be able, to at least spent this night with you.”

His words moved me and I felt my heartthrob in such happiness. But at the same time, I wasn’t sure if this would be a good idea...

“I... want to be with you too, but...you just finished performing a while ago and I’m sure you’re tired. I think it’s best if you get some rest.”

I said to him while feeling regretful. What I truly want is completely selfish, as much as I want to spend this night with Kai. I can’t... because then I’ll be getting in the way-

“You know I’m not going to forgive you for stepping on my foot earlier. I think you might have permanently damaged it, so it looks like I won’t be able to perform for the rest of the tour.”

He said in a joking matter before returning his body against mine.

“I didn’t step on you that hard! And who said I wanted your forgiveness? I wasn’t going to apologize, you deserved it and- hey! Wait! What are you doing?! Stop taking me everywhere you go-”

Bringing myself to silence, I saw where Kai had brought us to! It’s no wonder the floor he pressed earlier only worked with his key card.

What I saw before me, was a huge pool that lit up the whole darkroom! This was the last thing I would have ever thought Kai would bring me to. Smiling at how beautiful the view was, my eyes immediately averted their sights towards Kai who started to strip away his layer of clothing! Flabbergasted, I shield my eyes and turned myself around!

“What are you doing, are you crazy!? What if someone comes in here-”

“Impossible, the pools are always restricted to everyone except us ExEx Idol members during the tour. Guess you can say that this is how hotel businesses try to give us space from the public, so you don’t have to worry about anyone disturbing us. Which, I’m still confused as to why you’re covering your eyes. I’ve already shown you everything of me...and I’ve gotten a clear image of your body already-”

“What did I say about saying perverted stuff! And the main issue is that you should be resting with the other members. Not trying to swim in the pool naked-”

“What are you talking about? I am resting...I finally get some peace and quiet. It’s just a lot better now since I get to spend it with you.”

He explained as I heard the sounds of light splashing of water coming from behind me. Turning around, I saw that Kai had entered the pool already!

“I can’t believe this... you’re really skinny dipping.”

I voiced out in embarrassment as I felt my cheeks grow flush once I saw Kai’s clothes lying on the floor.

“Your more than welcome to join me... though it’s only fair that you strip as well.”

He said in a playful tease as he swam in my direction.

“You’ve completely lost your mind if you think I’m entering without a bathing suit-”

“Very well then...just stand there and watch me swim then.”

He responded in a mischievous grin before lightly splashing me!

Watching Kai swim away, I grew curious if the pool was actually warm from how much steam was coming off of it. Taking off my shoes, I placed my feet inside the water and let out a gasp! It felt so light and warm, yet so fresh and soothing. Looking at the reflection of the water, I saw my face for a spilt moment before the ripples of the water vanished me away. Following the current, I looked ahead of me and saw that Kai was staring off into space...

“What are you thinking about?”

I asked him in curiosity, but Kai peered his sights back at me and gave a devil-like smile.

“How about we play a game...I will answer any question you ask of me. However, I will keep my eyes shut the entire time. But if I manage to grab you by following your voice, you have to do whatever I tell you.”

He explained before running his hands through his long black wet hair. It took me a moment to think about it, but I grew excited at the thought of being able to tell limitless questions.

“Alright...I’ll play this little game of yours. So close your eyes...”

I said to him in a competitive smile...

Once Kai shut his eyes, I began to take my clothes off bit by bit. The cool breeze sent goosebumps thought-out my entire body that I quickly hurried in entering the warm water! But the moment I did, I saw that Kai was already heading my way with his eyes still shut!

“Hey! I haven’t asked a question yet-”

“The game started the moment you entered the water.”

He bluntly stated as he closed in on me. So without saying anything, I dove right into the water and swam as far as I could away from him. Within seconds of coming up for some air, I saw that Kai had stopped moving and was staying silent to hear me saying something. Trying my best not to laugh, I began to ask him questions while avoiding his grasp.

“Earlier when you were talking with the cab driver...I didn’t really pay much attention, but I’m very curious. How many languages can you speak?”

“Only four, Korean is my first language of course. Then Japanese followed by Sweden and a bit of German.”

“What! You know that many languages- wait. What about English? Some of the music you sing has a few English words-”

“English isn’t really a fluent language I know all that well. I know a few words, though I’m able to understand a bit of it. Alright, next question.”

He said with a wide grin as he stuck his arms forward to grab me. Dodging him, I splashed water against his body before swimming away.

“Okay, let see...when did you start singing?”

“I think it started when I was 6, I would always sing along with my mother who would sing me lullabies. And I guess... within time. I ended up finding a passion for wanting to create music.”

“That’s probably the cutest thing I ever heard,” I said while giving off a giggle.

“I’m surprised you’re asking simple questions...you know, I did say you can ask me anything...”

He repeated himself, I then watched him dove underneath the water! Unsure where he could be, I kept myself from going anywhere and just waited for him to pop his head back up. Though what he said made me think if I should bring up questioning his past? I mean, he did say I could ask him anything. Soon enough I saw that Kai had popped his head back up to the surface. Only this time, he was a lot further away from me...

From this distance, I get a flashback from what happened at the airport. So many people know who he is and I feel almost insignificant compared to him. It’s no wonder celebrities date other celebrities, it makes sense. And there’s not a doubt in my mind that if I had never met Kai. Then I’m certain he and Lily would be together...when I put it like that. It makes me feel depressed...

“Do you still love her...”

Without even saying her name, Kai instantly answered without any hesitation.

“I will always love Lily... because she is the one that brought me out of the darkness that was killing me. However, within these years that kept passing by...I realized. That the love I have for her is nothing compared to the love I have for you. Lily, will always be like family to me...and in my eyes. She will always be a sister I could trust...so please, Rose. Don’t ever ask that question again...”

With a smile on my face, I respected his honest answer. Lily will always have a special place in his heart. And I can’t be angry at him for that, she was there for him at his lowest point... though I wonder?

“Kai...do you have any regrets?”

I asked of him, though he stayed silent for a while before answering me.

“Of course I do... too many to count. But my biggest regret will always be not being able to save my mother.”

I wish I could hug Kai right now, but doing so will cost me to lose. And I still have a few questions I still wish to ask him. But hearing the sorrow in his voice is really making it challenging for me. I need to try and cheer him up somehow...

“Your mother would be so proud of you-”

“I highly doubt that.”

He quickly replied in a cold demeanor...

“Huh? Why would you say that? You’ve accomplished so much and never gave up-”

“But I did give up...there was a point in my life...where I just couldn’t do it anymore.”

He began to speak with his back turned against me. We were only a few feet apart and the sound of the water kept us in motion.

“What are you talking about? You-”

“Rose... remember when I told you that some things are better left unsaid. The last thing I want to do is ruin us.”

His voice was beginning to crack and the beating of my chest never felt so heavy...

“Ruin us? What do you mean? Kai, I told you that I don’t want to be left in the dark...I want you to be able to rely on me. To trust me...so please... don’t push me away. Let me know how heavy your heart is...what scars are still hurting you?”

“Manager Sang, Zack, and Jin...and my father are the only ones that know. I could never trust anyone to get close to me...after the loss of my mother. It became difficult to smile...music was the only source of comfort I had. But after meeting Lily...I was slowly beginning to smile once more. But that quickly came to an end after the accident she went through. No matter what anyone says to me...I will always blame myself no matter what. First my mother... and almost Lily...I grew tired....so tired of seeing the people who I love get hurt. It’s like I couldn’t breathe... being suffocated. No longer having the strength to even feel alive...it numbs you. Pulling you deep into a hellish nightmare that you can’t escape from...I didn’t want to feel it anymore. So one night...I was ready to just end it-

The heavy waves of water splashing everywhere mixed along with my tears escalated once I rushed myself towards Kai! With my breasts pressing against his back, I used all my might in wrapping my arms around his chest! It was as if I was afraid that he would truly disappear from me! The knot in my chest pained me that I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I felt so shattered and broken that it made me almost want to scream! Why?! How could you do such a thing!? Kai...

“I’m sorry...Rose. I ended up making you cry again. I’m sorry...but I’m not as strong as you thought I was... because there was a point in my life where...I tried to kill myself.”

His voice sounded muffled, yet I knew he hated the words he was telling me. I could even feel the warm droplets of his tears hitting my arm as I refused to loosen my hold on him. This man, that I’ve come to know...that I’ve come to love so much. Holds a heavy wound in his heart...and I can’t fathom the thought of him being gone from my life!

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