“It’s been so long...yet I could still replay the images in my mind so vividly. Devouring all those pills until I felt nothing. But hearing Zack call out to me as he found my half lifeless body on the ground made me realize somthing...I’m not the only one that was hurting. And what I was doing...was running away...but at the same time. I’ve just felt too tired to even care anymore-”
“No more... please...I don’t want to hear you talk like this. You sound more and more distant from me and it’s breaking me apart. Kai...I can’t do it...I can’t handle the thought of it. Don’t throw your life away... please.”
I continued to cry out hysterically as I felt suffocated...
Though Kai hurried in turning around to face me, only to then wrap his arms around my shaking body. As terrible as I felt, I’m certain that what my heart is going through is nothing compared to what Kai has been going through in these past years. I felt completely helpless, unable to do anything to ease his pain. All I could do was listened to what he had to say to me, but I know that it’s probably difficult for him to open up about something so traumatic.
I’m trying so hard to be understanding... but, I don’t know If I ever could. Hearing about him overdosing himself and if it wasn’t for Zack finding him. Then I know for a fact that Kai wouldn’t be here with me right now. My head is just filled with so much of what Kai is telling me that I don’t know what I’m supposed to say. My silence even seemed to worry Kai a bit as he hugged me more tightly.
“Please...say something. Rose...do I...scare you now? Am I...is something wrong with me? If so...then you shouldn’t be with me if I’m this broken. I won’t ever blame you if you decide to leave...because I never wish to be a burden-”
Putting a stop to his ridiculous words, I sealed his mouth shut by forcing my lips against his. The brightness of his green-colored eyes locked gaze at the tears that I couldn’t stop shedding. The feeling of his fingers wiping them away wasn’t helping as I suddenly pulled away only to bury myself against his bare chest!
“I’m not going anywhere... although. I won’t lie to you, I am afraid...completely terrified. Kai...I’m grateful that you were able to tell me. But...have you...have you thought about-”
“I made a promise to myself...that I would never do such a thing again. So you don’t ever have to worry-”
“I’m always gonna worry about you...if not for your mental health. But your physical health as well...Kai, what you did...it doesn’t define who you are in my eyes. You are still the man that I love...and nothing will change that. So don’t ever think that I would leave you for something like this. But you better keep that promise... because if you ever break it. I won’t ever forgive you...”
I responded as I felt Kai’s tensed shoulders dropped...
“I’ll continue to live... today, tomorrow, and many more years to come. I will always, be by your side... because my future, is with you. The fear of you leaving me...will surely break me, but even so...I will keep living. Because I don’t ever wish to make others worry...especially you. Rose, please...let me hold you until this aching feeling inside me is gone.”
He whispered dangerously close to my ear. The beating of my heart thumped heavily as I felt the grip of his hands holding on to me firmly...
Why is it whenever we’re this close to each other, the tightness of my chest locks? Causing my body to shake and my heart to feel like it’s about to burst! It’s as if Kai ignites a fire inside me that only he could control. These flames that make my body grow hot by a simple touch he gives me, becomes almost overwhelming...
“I... don’t think we should...you...”
With my words coming off muffled, I tried to push myself away from him, yet he kept bringing his face closer to mine.
I’m trying so hard to control my urges, I need to consider how tired Kai must be feeling right now. It’s already so late and after the intense conversation we just had...is it really okay to be like this with him. With my back finally hitting the edge of the pool. I had nowhere else to go as Kai closed the gap between us. Arching my head back to look at him, the wet droplets that ran down his hair began to land on my face. But the only thing I was able to focus on were those strong plump lips I was beginning to crave.
“Do you want me to leave? If so...you truly are an unfair woman.”
He said to me in a bittersweet smile while placing his hands against the tile behind me, trapping me from my escape.
“What are you talking about, unfair?”
I nervously said to him as I brought my hand against my chest to calm my rapid heartbeat...
“Did you forget the game we were playing earlier? You came to me...which makes me the winner-”
“That...that doesn’t count! How can I not get close to you after hearing you say such a thing! Do you think I could easily brush it off!? Well, I can’t okay...you make my heart beat so uneasily! One minute it hurts and then when you get like this you make it throb uncontrollably! I feel like I’m gonna suffocated at any moment and I hate it! Because my life is beginning to mix with yours and I don’t know if I’m strong enough to-”
The pressure of his hand grabbing my jaw and pulling me into his aggressive kiss instantly took my breath away. The slipping of his tongue entering mine made me immediately moan in delight as I grab hold of his chest! But the sweet taste of his flesh left my mouth as I gasped for air. Resting my head against his clavicle, I felt the sweet kiss he placed on my forehead before grabbing both of my hips.
“I love you.”
Was all I heard him say as I heard how heavy his heart was still beating. Who am I kidding...it’s like everything I say sounds so trivial. Like all my worries and doubts that I have shouldn’t be something for me to stress over. Kai can get past whatever doubts I might be overthinking because he truly cares about me. And that should be enough...our love for each other. Should be the only thing that matters, so why am I worrying about things that will only become an unnecessary burden. Why am fighting against what I really want?
Stuttering out my words in heat, I pressed the lower half of my body against his and instantly felt how hard he was!
“I won’t force you...but know that I won’t be able to control myself if you decide to stay. ”
He explained as I felt the soft trail of kisses he began to place around my neck. Running my hands through his thick wet hair I finally gave in to my desires, as all I wanted was to erase any scars that were left in his heart...
“Make...my body yours...hurry...Kai, hurry, and make love to me.”
I cried out to him as I wrapped my arms around his neck with desperation...
Though my embrace didn’t last very long, because within seconds his hold on my hips tightened more and before I knew it he had lifted me off the pool and made me sit on the very edge of it! Confused by his actions, my lips remained sealed the moment he separated my legs apart! This position had me feel very nervous, with Kai still being in the pool he was at perfect eye level with my lower core. The seriousness in his eyes sent chills down my spine as I felt my thighs already shaking...
The sensation of his palms grazed my hips, the cold air that mixed against my wet skin made my nipples instantly hardened. His fingers continued to explore my curves, but I underestimated just how long Kai’s arms were as his hands made their way towards my breasts! The light pinching of what his fingers were doing to my nipples increased with every moan I let escape my lips. With my back arched, I tilted my head back as I closed my eyes. The burning tension he was giving me was making me go insane already!
It was only when his hands decided to move towards my sensitive flesh that I felt my body jolt in excitement! His fingers caressed my inner thighs so sensuously that I automatically bit my lower lip as I tried to conceal my moans. But it was impossible to keep quiet once I felt his fingers sliding against my wet folds! The throbbing of my inner walls kept wanting to clench with every flick he gave my clit. His long strong fingers showed no remorse for my aching pussy that he continued violating. It was only when he plunged his finger inside me that I clamped my legs shut towards the sensation I was going through! Though Kai kept forcing my legs apart which made my lower region vibrate more. The juices that kept pouring out of me were beginning to build up the moment he penetrated two of his strong fingers inside me! I was starting to wither away to the ecstasy I was receiving as the sounds of my wet lips could be heard by how rough he was starting to become!
“Kai...I... I’m... gonna...”
“You’re so tight...it’s so hot inside...Rose...cum...hurry and cum so I can taste you.”
He demanded of me as I watched him stuck his heated tongue out towards my aching core!
My moans only grew louder the very second I felt the burning heat of his tongue pulling on my tender flesh! The way he kept devouring my wet lips was sending me into overdrive as he never stopped fingering me in such an aggressive pattern! He was building me up only so he could shatter me and take control of my every will. It’s like he wants my body to only remember him...how cruel. To make my body only crave for his love, even if I wanted to get away from him. I think it’s already too late, the wave of everlasting pleasure took control of me as I felt a release of my cum pouring out of me!
“Wait... don’t... touch me right now or I’ll...oh!”
With how sensitive my pussy has gotten, I felt like anything could set me off to a point of no return. Yet I wasn’t given a chance to rest as Kai continued to suck on my throbbing core that only burned more for his touch! My body felt like it was melting away as my legs continued to twitch with every stroke his tongue was doing to me!
“It’s sweet...just like your body. Rose...come here...let me feel more.”
I heard him say in a breathless grunt as he pulled his face away from my lower region...
The steam that was coming from the pool made my body sweat and the glistening of Kai’s abs we’re in full display once I went to look at him. It’s insane how much my body was already trembling, I almost felt too weak to even lift my lower half. Though I think Kai caught notice of it since he quickly pulled my body back towards him. He was so impatient that I didn’t even have time to catch a breather as he brought me back into the pool! Only this time he had me face away from him as I felt the tip of his groin pushing against my back!
The nibbling of his teeth sucking away at my neck burned but left a lust of addiction of me wanting more. Raising my hands behind me, I ran my fingers through Kai’s jawline and hair as I left my neck open for him to consume more thoroughly! I’ve missed this...his touch, his dominance, his love...his everything. I wanted it all to myself, to taste the flavor of his lips and let him drown me in his body.
“More...it’s not enough...”
I moaned out in desperation as I went to grab his cock. However, Kai immediately grabbed hold of both my arms and brought them to layout in front of me. Grabbing the edge of the pool, my nerves got the better of me once Kai began to tease the entrance of my slit! One of his hands kept me in place from going anywhere, which made it impossible for me to thrusts against him! This is complete torture! With every second that passes, I became more envious. It was almost like a drug that I couldn’t get enough from...
“I wanna hear your voice more...let me listen to your beautiful moans as you call out my name. And In return...I’ll give you as much as you need of me...”
His words sent goosebumps throughout my entire body as I felt my heart beating uncontrollably!
Though the pressure of what my heart was in was nothing compared to how much force I was holding on to the edge! The feeling of his tip entering my inner walls sent a course of rush running through my veins! It was hot and my lower core couldn’t help but tighten around his long shaft that couldn’t stop throbbing inside me!
“Fuck...Rose...your... holding me too tight...I...I’ll-”
“Don’t stop... keep moving! Please...I...I need to feel you!”
I cried out to him as I felt my ass twitching with how much I was bending myself over to feel his dick reach further inside me.
“I will only break you if I keep going like this-”
“I don’t care! My body is already yours...so ruin it. Ruin me...all I want is to feel your love- oh!”
Giving out a moan, my voice echoed throughout the room as Kai took my body to his satisfaction!
His love will be the end of me, I’ll go lost without him at this point. With his cock stirring up my insides, I savored everything. The wetness of my cunt could be felt wrapping around his groin that my cries grew louder! He really showed no mercy with how possessive his hips kept slamming against me! The wet slaps were just as loud as my screams of arousment. Plunging only deeper into my womb, I felt another orgasm wanting to be released!
“I love you...Kai...I love you so much!”
I cried out to him as I felt the lust of our bodies bury us deeper...
“Rose...I love you...so much...marry me...”
I heard him grunt out to me as he refused to part ways!
“I will...I’ll marry you...just never stop loving me!”
I moaned out to him, he then covered my moans with an aggressive kiss. With our tounges and bodies mixing into one I wished that this sensation would last forever.
“Always...I will always love you until the day I die!”
I heard him groan between our kisses as I felt my eyes watering again...
With my insides quivering, my legs were starting to give out along with my hips. But I just kept wanting more of his love! And whether he asked me to marry him out of the heat of the moment. I didn’t care... because I couldn’t see myself marrying anyone else but him!
The thrusting of his head hitting my womb was becoming dangerous for me, I felt as if my insides were going to collapse! With how rough his shaft kept digging in, I couldn’t help but move along with his thrust. I’m becoming a pervert...damn you, Kai. When will it be enough, how much more do you want me to change? The feeling of his fingers rubbing around my clit made me instinctively bite on Kai’s bottom lip!
“How do I control this heat of yours?”
He grunted with a mischievous smirk as he pulled away from me.
I moaned out to him as I felt how obsessive his fingers were clinging on to my cunt! If there is a way to tame my love and urges, then teach me how...
“Rose...look at the mess you made me become. Take responsibility...”
He quickly responded before placing his forehead along my collar bone.
With my body being bent over, Kai was able to consume my entire being. His tallness proves once again how fragile I look right next to him. His muscles tensed up rippling with strain, I knew he was doing his best in not holding on to me too tightly. But I don’t think I was helping with how forceful I was being!
The exhalation of our breathing took over as I felt my body wanting to climax! With every grind he pulsated within me, only made it that more toxic for us! Feeling his cock beginning to vibrate deep inside my moist walls. I knew that he was reaching close to his limit! Feeling him grab my neck, he made me arched my head back until all I could see was him staring down at me.
“You’re so beautiful...my love.”
He groaned out in a sensual desire before placing a kiss on me.
We both refused to part our lips away as I let Kai pound harder into me! Faster, deeper...I let him take control over me until there was nothing left. And within an instant, I clamped my legs together as I felt something hot mixing within me! This overwhelming feeling was impossible to ignore that I made sure Kai was completely inside as we both came to our climax!
The feeling of our cum mixing felt amazing as I felt his dick still pulsing into my core. Though I finally was able to catch my breath as I felt chills run through my body. However, Kai continued to hold on to me after he slowly pulled himself out of my aching core. Though that didn’t stop us from still kissing one another, even as I stood back up. I couldn’t stop tasting his lips...
“I meant what I said.”
He suddenly spoke out sounding out of breath...
I moaned out in confusion...
We both then looked at each other as Kai wrapped his arm behind my back, pulling me close to his chest. My breasts felt so soft touching his bare skin, but when I came to look at his beautiful green eyes. My flushed cheeks only grew redder once he repeated his words to me...
“I really want you to marry me...to be my wife...and to permanently live here in Korea with me. Rose...you are the only one I want...”
His words ran deep into my soul and I didn’t know what to say. I mean...I did kinda say yes to his proposal earlier but...I didn’t think he was being serious! The feeling of his hand resting on my cheek made me naturally leaned into it as I brought one of my hands to hold his as well. I then brought myself to rest against his hot body as my eyes couldn’t pull away from the heart locket chain he wore. So I brought one of my fingers to carefully touch it as all I could do was cuddle into his protective arms...
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
If you or someone you know is dealing with a mental crisis, please don’t be afraid to talk to someone. Know that you aren’t alone, be strong, and live each passing day to love yourself more and more.
(It’s okay to not be okay.)