Our Secret Melody

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Lyric: Sixty-Two

MelRose POV:

“She’s still not wanting to eat? Have you taken her to see a doctor?”

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve been on tour with ExEx Idol, and my schedule has been keeping me so busy that I haven’t had the chance to check on my family. Though I’m so relieved that this tour is finally coming to an end, it’s been so stressful and utterly exhausting. I could only imagine how tired the boys are, I haven’t been able to talk with Kai...I’ve been missing him dearly. Though I’m grateful that Jin has been letting me know of their health. From what he told me, Kai has been busy with interviews a lot more than the others. Though it’s to be expected since he is the leader of the group and the most favored I assume...I mean, whenever I looked up their group name, there are so many pictures of the guys together. But a good majority of the other half of the photos that pop up are of Kai.

“I’ve already taken her to see three doctors and they’ve all said the same thing to me...” I heard my mother say sounding worried.

It’s fortune enough for me to be able to have some free time now, I’ve been in my hotel room almost all day and I decided to spend a majority of that time talking with my mother. Lately, she’s been very worried about Sam’s mental and physical health. It turns out that Sam’s friend Lizzy called the house a few days ago to let them know what’s been going on in highschool. And to my surprise and my family, we found that Sam has been getting bullied and she hasn’t been telling anyone. But I guess Lizzy saw some girls harassing her after school one day...

“Really? And what did they all say?” I asked feeling concern as I laid on my bed.

“They said she’s showing signs of depression...she’s not eating, I have to constantly tell her to bathe and she refuses to go to school. Like I mentioned before...all she wants to do is lay in bed all day. However, she’s always hearing that one band that you girls were talking about when we were heading home from your graduation that one night...what was it again? Boy Idol...Idol somthing-”

“ExEx Idol...” I voiced out in a heavy sigh.

“Yes! That’s the one... the doctor told me to let her do what will help her cope. And it seems that hearing that boys group music is helping a little, but the doctors still recommend me to take her to see a psychiatrist in case her depression worsens. I worry that they’ll end up giving her medication, she’s still far too young to take such heavy medicine, don’t you think?” My mother asked me as her voice grew more worried.

I instantly thought of Kai when he started having to take such heavy medication...it could really ruin a person if they can’t handle it. Not to mention grow dependent on it... though I’m not a doctor so I have no idea how it works for everyone? But I would rather not have my little sister take medicine that could potentially do more harm than good.

“Mom...can I talk to her. I...she’s probably still a little upset at me. But I want her to listen to what I have to say...”

I said while getting off the bed. Making my way towards the window, I looked out at the evening sky and felt my heart beating uncontrollably.

“Oh, of course...I need to finish making dinner for your father right now. I’ll let him know that you’re doing fine...I just wish I could say the same thing about your sister. Your father has been stressing a lot more because of work... sweetie. We really appreciate you sending us money but you don’t have to worry about us. You should try and enjoy yourself while you’re in Korea, you’ll only age faster like your ‘mother’ if you’re always worrying.” She said in a light chuckle...

“That’s fine...I don’t mind aging...we all eventually start getting old anyway. So please...use the money to help pay off some of the bills. I love you guys...” I responded with a weak smile before placing my hand on the glass.

“We love you too...I’ma pass the phone to your sister now.” My mother said once I heard complete silence.

The sounds of emptiness filled me, it made me a little nervous for some reason. I have been avoiding my sister’s calls and texts these past few weeks ever since the tour was about to begin. Even now, I still don’t what to say to her...where do I start? Who would have thought being the older sibling can be such heavy responsibility. Though I’m beginning to regret my decisions when it came to ignoring Sam. The only reason why I kept avoiding her was that she was just starting to annoy me. But I shouldn’t have used that as an excuse to ignore her... because what if she needed me when she was going through her trouble times in getting bullied at school?

“Sam...how are feeling right now? Mom already told me what’s been happening in school. Why didn’t you say anything to us-”

“You wouldn’t have cared...”

My sister coldly stated as I felt my fingers twitch by how she sounded...

“What?! Of course, I would have, you’re my sister. Do you think I like hearing Mom talk about how depressed you are? Because I don’t, I’m really starting to worry...so are Mom and Dad. Look, Mom is gonna talk with the principal tomorrow and-”

“You think it’s just about school? Well, it’s not only that...you...all my life, I looked up to you. I trusted you...there was even a point where I wanted to be just like you. But as we both got older I realized that could never happen... because you and I are completely different. You have this perfect life that you’ve planned out already...never getting in trouble in school, always being the good girl. Getting straight A’s, having this goal of going to college, and following your dreams of doing makeup. Mom and Dad were willing to help you pay for college, you know... they always liked you best-”

“What are you talking about? Our parents love us both equally and if this is about you not knowing what to do with your life after high school...I already told you to take your time to figure it out. I’m more than willing to help pay to whatever college you want to go to-”

“I don’t need your help! I’m tired of being treated as if I’m incapable of doing things on my own. But I feel so pressured in having to be so perfect in our parent’s eyes. They see you and they are so proud of what you’ve accomplished. Whereas I...they take one look at me and see a good-for-nothing spoiled brat. How? How in any way am I spoiled? When we were little growing up we couldn’t afford new clothes...we always took hand-me-downs from other people. We could never afford new toys or even go on school trips because of how expensive things were. I’m not stupid Mel... growing up and seeing what you want but could never have. It really brings down a person...and I feel so trapped in the same place where I was when I was little. Having to see you get so far away from me and getting away from the life you had in America-”

“Sam...it’s not like that. I didn’t leave America because I hated living the life I had. I just... wanted to do something different in my life. And it led me here in Korea...look, I know we didn’t have the fondest memories growing up when we were children. But Mom and Dad did their best in making sure we had what we needed. And that should be enough...”

I explained to her as my voice began to shake. This was the first time Sam was opening up to me and as happy as I am to hear her speak. I’m only growing more concerned with how much turmoil Sam has built up inside her.

“You make it sound so easy...but you have no idea how it feels to be made fun of almost every day. From the clothes I wear, to where I live and to listen to my classmates make fun of the jobs that our parents work at...and to hear how guys just want to date me because I look easy to them. Mel, you might be able to handle people making fun of you. But you should understand that not everyone is like you...I’m not strong...and I’m trying so hard to just get through high school...but if I can’t handle it. How am I supposed to handle the real world? Why do you think I listen to ExEx Idol...why do you think I love seeing them? It’s because they understand me...and I don’t feel so alone...”

She began to cry out as I clamped my hand over my mouth so she wouldn’t hear me cry as well...

All this time I thought that my sister was just obsessed with Kai. But it’s more than that... because ExEx Idol is her escape from the cruel reality she is going through right now. But it sicknesses me how evil people can be...but what do I do? Knowing how strict my father is he’ll just tell Sam to get over it. But it’s not that simple... living a life that can be difficult, isn’t simple...

“I...had no idea-”

“No, you didn’t. You weren’t supposed to because the last thing I want is for you to feel sorry for me. You know...I see you trying to be the perfect daughter for Mom and Dad. But you’re far from that...you’ve been lying to them and me. ExEx Idol is almost done touring in Europe, it explains why you haven’t answered my calls. You know...I still remember you telling me how much you hated Kai when we both saw that interview when you were still here in America. I never understood why, but...that necklace that he’s wearing. I haven’t seen him taken it off yet...Mel, you promised me that you wouldn’t get close to him. The one person who I’ve grown to hold dear to my heart, that I admire...that I love... please...tell me that you still hate him.”

She sobbed out her tears and I instantly felt a heavyweight fall on my shoulders as I brought myself to sit on the floor feeling defeated.

I can’t continue to lie...but if Sam heard the truth. How will she take it...will she hate me? Loath me? She’s already dealing with so much at such a young age, and I don’t think she could handle more heartbreak anymore. I have no idea how long she’s been putting up with this harassment and bullying in school. But I know it could take a toll on you... especially when you’re already having issues at home. And when you finally find something that helps you breathe...only to then see it being taken away...No! I can’t tell her, Kai...he is her air...he is what is keeping her stay sane. This depression is eating away at her...will it go away if I keep lying to her?

“Samantha...I...don’t care for any of the members. Though I need to support them because that is my job. Along with the other staff...I have to be professional where I work. I... don’t get anywhere near Kai since I’m Jin’s personal makeup artist. I don’t have any time to see the other members. I just...want to work with makeup and that’s it...and that necklace that he’s always wearing...it’s not mine if that’s what you’re thinking. I would never give my necklace to someone who I hate...so please, Sam. Please stop asking me about Kai...”

I pleaded with sorrow as I tried to wipe the many tears from falling...

“Okay...but no more lies. I can’t handle any more negativity...Mel. I’m sorry for how I acted last time when we spoke...I really miss you. And I guess...I just feel really alone over here...this room that you and I shared for years...never felt so empty before. Take care of yourself... okay.”

She responded sounding broken, I didn’t even get a chance to say my goodbye since she quickly hanged up.

Never in my whole life have I ever heard Sam sound so fragile before. It’s like she could breakdown at any minute, maybe... she should see a psychiatrist. My mother and I could only do so much in comforting her. And from what my sister opened up to me about...it sounds more serious than I thought. I really wish I could just go home and see my family... because maybe then, I could ease everyone’s stress a little. As I continued to sit on the floor, I looked at the time and realized how long I’ve been on the phone! But what surprised me more was when I was looking back at my screen, I had a missed call from Zack, strange? Dialing his number, I calmed my heavy breathing and tried not to sound like I’ve been crying my eyes out.

“MelRose?! Yay! You’re not asleep like Jin assumed you would be! What are you doing? Are you hungry? You haven’t eaten yet, right? Did you want to BBQ? If so let’s- Hey! Give me back the phone!”

Overwhelmed by Zack’s many questions, I stood back up and suddenly heard his voice fading out into the background as I heard someone else’s voice take over.

“Hello, MelRose. I’m sorry for Zack’s stupidity... since you didn’t answer his call a few hours ago I thought that maybe you were resting. Anyway, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to come down by the beach today? Zack knows a spot where it’s caught off from the public eye, though it is a popular beach here in Poland. And since it’s your day off, I figured if maybe you would want to take this time to relax and enjoy yourself.”

Jin said sounding kind-hearted by his words as I heard Zack trying to grab his phone back. Picturing the thought made me giggle a bit as I looked at the time. It wasn’t that late but...

“As much as I would love to go to the beach with your guys...I don’t think that’s a good idea. Aren’t you guys being surveillance 24/7 right now? And what if you get caught? It’s just too dangerous-”

“I understand your concerns but don’t worry. Today is the only time off we have until we go back to do interviews. We have our last performance in a couple of days and then will be heading back home. But before that happens I thought it would be a good idea to make some memories in Poland. I’m sure you haven’t been able to enjoy yourself fully since you’ve been working non-stop with the staff- Zack!”

Hearing Jin being cut off by Zack’s tantrum, I smiled as I thought hard of whether or not to go out with them...

“It’s my phone! So I get to invite her! Hey?! MelRose! I’m not taking no for an answer, so come! It’s not every day we get to spend some time by the beach! I promise that you won’t regret it! I already had Jung go out and do the grocery shopping and everything! Do you have any idea how hard it was to convince Jung to let us go! We had to blackmail him...I do feel a little bad for doing that. But I want to eat my grilled beef by the beach! Look, Jung will be covering for us since manager Sang is with Kai in an interview. Though I did text Kai of today’s plan, I haven’t heard anything yet from him. Other than that...I’m going to guilt-trip you if don’t come, ready!? If you say no I’ll be sad for the rest of this tour and I won’t perform either and I’ll blame you-”

“Okay! Okay! I’ll go with you guys... honestly Zack you act more like a little brother.”

I responded to him as I began to place my shoes on...

“How dare you call me a little brother, you’re the one that looks younger than me- hey! Damnit Jin! Stop grabbing my phone! Hey! Don’t ignore me...”

“MelRose, I’ll send you the location of where to meet us at. Bring your mask just in case, will be waiting for you.” Jin said as he hanged up Zack’s phone.

With a slight smirk on my face, I felt a little happy that Zack and Jin went out of their way to do something like this. Though I’m not sure if I have the right to be smiling right now after the conversation I had with my sister a while ago. Placing my face mask on, I grabbed my bag and headed out the room. Taking the elevator, I received a message from Jin on where I should go. Since Poland is the last place that ExEx Idol will be performing at, It felt almost surreal with how quickly this month had passed...

Reaching the lobby, I saw the usual crowd of fans and paparazzi crowding the front entrance. So I knew I had to take the back doors. I decided to flag down a cab once I was a good distance away from the building. Using the translator on my phone, I tried my best to communicate with the cab driver as I showed him where to take me. Luckily the driveway there didn’t take long since the beach was only 30 minutes away from the hotel. Zack mentioned before that he messaged Kai earlier about today’s plans. But I really hope he does come... because I think what I really need is the comfort of his arms holding me...

Once I reached my designated area, I followed the path that Jin gave me and found that there were hidden steps that were covered by many bushes! I knew that it wasn’t going to be easy to get through, but I fought my way through the thick branches until it became easier for me to walk down the path. It was when I finally reached the sand, that I was able to see the beautiful view of the beach!

“MelRose! Over here! Come check out my chef skills, here! Try this beef I just cooked for you. It tastes awesome, I even have some veggies that are grilling!”

Zack shouted as I saw him and Jin in the far-off distance. Waving towards their direction, I hurried in reaching where they were at.

“You guys, this place...it’s... amazing. How did you find it?”

I asked them once I got closer to the campfire they set up. It was warm and I could hear the crackling of fire breaking down the wood. As I watched the little sparks be carried away by the cool winds, I stared at the sun beginning to set by the sea...

“Zack is the one that found this place a few years back with Lily and his family when they came on a family trip. It’s pretty cool since no one comes here and there’s no need for you to wear this...”

Jin explained to me as he carefully took off my face mask. Though I’m sure he took notice of how distant I was reacting since I’m not really sure how to act in front of the boys right now, I wish I could form a-

“Smile. You always look a lot pretty when you’re happy...”

Jin suddenly said as I felt him squeezing my cheeks together to force me to make a smiling pout!

Though as I tried my best to hide my sadness, I soon felt him lean his forehead against mine and I instantly blushed! Though in the midst of me feeling overwhelmed with shyness, I wasn’t sure if my mind was playing a trick on me. But I thought I heard a branch being snapped nearby? Hmm, was it just my imagination?

“Hey! Don’t flirt with her or else I tell Kai you’re being a pervert also just like him! Here, I’ll keep you safe. Just stay here and try to keep me warm.”

Zack voiced out in high demand once I felt him pull me away from Jin. He then had me take a seat next to him by the fire as he tried to warm his body up.

“I told you to bring a sweater since it gets colder by the beach at night. You know how easily cold you get, honestly, you can be more troublesome than Kai.”

Jin explained as he went ahead to cook the remaining meat that was on the grill. Taking off my coat, I placed it around Zack and he immediately snuggled himself into it. Though I couldn’t help but laugh since my coat was pink, Zack looked really funny wearing it. Even Jin started to laugh in amusement!

“You may laugh all you want...but I know I look good in this coat then Melrose did... however, I’m still freaking cold! MelRose, stay close to me, don’t let me freeze to death.”

Zack explained sounding dramatic as ever as he cuddled himself next to me...

Continuing to laugh with the boys, I enjoyed myself as I waited for the one person who’ve I been longing to see. But I couldn’t help but feel uneasy, it almost feels as if someone...was watching us. Perhaps...I’m just being paranoid? Tonight, I won’t worry...I want to be happy. At this exact moment, I don’t want to be just some staff member who works for ExEx Idol...I wish to be something more to them. A friend perhaps? Or maybe... something beyond that.
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