Our Secret Melody

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Lyric: Seventy-One

Kai’s POV:

Just before I can reach the elevator, the doors had already shut! Slamming my fist against the steel doors, I slid myself to the floor as I bit my lower lip. The unwanted anxiety that I no longer wish to feel, was now turning my insides into poison. It’s hard to breathe and my body just feels completely numb. Seeing Rose just leave like that...it was breaking me. Reaching for the heart locket around my neck, I widen my eyes in shock. How can I forget already? Rose took it off me...all this time, I’ve grown so used to holding it. But now...I could no longer do it.

Leaning myself by the door, I tilted my head down as I tried to hold back my tears. I don’t want to cry anymore...I don’t want to be weak. But it’s so hard to be strong...when you feel completely unwanted. Am I selfish, for just wanting her love? Shouldn’t my fans be enough? Shouldn’t my music...be enough? If so, then why do I feel so incomplete?

Rose, I trusted you...I gave you all that I can. Was it not enough? Or was it just too much? You told me...that you would always be by my side. Even when I held your body last night...as close as you were to me. Why did your heart still feel so far away? Is it because you really hate me? And that everything you once told me, was a lie...

“I really am an idiot...”

I said to myself before slamming my fist onto the cold floor! Taking a minute to calm my heavy breathing, I was still unable to stand up. I didn’t even have the energy to even button up my shirt, let alone buckle up my pants. I just didn’t care... looking at my bare feet, I raised my head and released a heavy sigh. As pathetic as I felt right now, this broken feeling that lures within me are insufferable. I need to let it go...even if it feels impossible. I have to let it go...let her go...

“If you really want to get away from me that badly...then fine...go and never come back.”

Even as I said those words, I instantly cover my mouth as I purposely hit the back of my head against the steel door behind me. I repeatedly kept hitting myself in hopes of just focusing the pain of my heart on something else. I hate it...I hate how easy love can become...and yet how agonizing the cracks of a broken heart can be!

Though in the midst of this hardship I was going through, the ringing of my phone could be heard going off in my pocket. It took me a while to gain the will to answer it since I didn’t feel like talking to anyone. Without even looking at the caller ID, I answered the call and placed it against my ear. But without saying a single word, Jin’s voice was all I could hear as he began to speak!

“Kai... yesterday, you wanted to talk about not being there for my mother’s funeral. So before you say anything...let me say this. I understand the trauma that you had to go through when you were younger. The sight of seeing your own mother die...is a pain that I never wish on anyone. You had to go through it all alone...and you depended on medication to numb the torment. And within time...you grew dependent on it. I could only imagine how worse it must have gotten after what happened with Lily. Seeing the women that you used to love...get hurt. And always feeling at fault for what happened...Zack and I... especially Lily. We will never blame you for what happened...but seeing how much you let yourself fall into despair. I wish I could’ve understood sooner what you were feeling like at that time, because then maybe. I would have been able to prevent you from doing something so reckless...and I’m sorry...I’m sorry that I never tried to understand. Even when I saw the condition that you were in, seeing how distant you started to become with everyone. Even your music began to change...I just ignored it. But when Melrose came into our lives, I saw how much of an impact she had on you...you were slowly starting to change. And I guess...I grew envious of wanting something good in my life also. The feeling of being protected, cherished and loved...I ended up wanting Melrose’s approval on being happy. Because of all my life...I always thought it would be selfish of me to live a life of joy. When I know that my mother was living in pain every day, so when I heard Melrose tell me that it was okay to still smile...I began to fall for her. But the way that she cares for me...is completely different from how she cares for you. The love that we both share for each other is precious and I adore her for it. However...her heart could belong to me.”

Jin’s words flowed deep inside me as I clutched my phone more tightly. I was beginning to shake and I tried to grab whatever energy I had left to stand myself up. I don’t get it...why is Jin suddenly telling me all of this now? He doesn’t need to apologize for what happened in the past...if anything, I should be the one saying sorry.

“Why are you telling me all this-”

“Because I don’t want you or MelRose to live a life of regret. I will never be able to live with myself if I didn’t do anything...Kai, Melrose is meeting me at the airport right now-”

“What do you mean regret? And why are you meeting her at the airport-”

“There are reasons why Melrose can’t stay in Korea anymore...and judging by your reaction. It’s obvious that she couldn’t tell you the truth...but I can’t blame her for it. You were never one for taking news lightly...I really wish things could be different. Kai, if you two really ended things, then just stay where you’re at. But if you wish to see her one last time...and know the truth of what’s been going on. Then come...”

And just as he finished saying those words, he instantly ended the call! Within seconds of hanging up, he had sent me the location of where he was.

As I stared at it, I kept contemplating whether or not if I should go. Before Jin called me, I thought I had my mind made up on what I should do. Letting her go...but what is it that Rose can’t tell me herself? What truth is she keeping from me? And why does Jin know? He can tell me all he wants about how Rose loves only me. But it doesn’t change the fact that they both have a special connection. I still can’t get the image of Rose stepping out of Jin’s apartment out of my head! Just how close have they gotten!? Do I even wanna know the truth!? Because I don’t think I can cope with what my mind is thinking right now...I don’t wanna hear it. I don’t wanna hear Rose tell me she loves Jin! Regardless of what Jin has told me...I can’t ignore this disgusting jealousy in my heart!

But even so...

“Oh my god! Is that Kai!? It is!”

“Why is he shirtless!? He has no shoes on either!”

“Oppa! Where’s Jin!? Why are you coming out of the apartment like that!?”

“What’s going on!? Kai!”

“I love you! Kai! Please marry me!”

“Holy shit! I need to record this!”

“Hurry! We need to follow him!”

Ignoring their screams, I sprinted my way out of the building. Racing towards the car that I had parked near the building, I felt how cold the concrete was beanthe my bare feet! I didn’t care to put my shoes on or even fix my outfit! I’m pretty sure my hair was a total mess as well! Entering my vehicle, I immediately turned the engine on and stepped in the gas! With the number of people recording and running towards me, I had to get away quickly! But not even 5 minutes after being on the road, I heard my phone ringing! Seeing who it was, it was no surprise that it was manager Sang. I could only assume that people had already posted videos about me and how I’m dressed.

Deciding to ignore his call, I threw my phone behind me as I raced to the airport! I need to hurry! I need to settle things properly this time...I was so controlling last night that all I wanted to do was be with Rose. And I think deep down, I knew that if we just spoke...then perhaps, she wouldn’t have had to leave this way! I’m such an asshole! Was I too rough with her...did I end up hurting her again- what the hell am I even saying right now? Of course I did!

Finally pulling up to the airport, I grew impatient with how long it took me to get here! With how bad the traffic was, I’m hoping I’m not too late! From what Jin told me, there should be a private room in terminal 3! Quickly fixing my belt, I stepped out of the car and was instantly recognize! But I didn’t care about my image right now, with my shirt still opened, I ran inside the airport! With my chest feeling like it’s about to explode with how fast I was running, it didn’t help that I was drawing a huge crowd of people around me!

"Kai? No way...”

“Oh my god! The pictures really are real! I thought they were photoshop! But he really is shirtless!”

“Oppa!”

“Wait! Are those hickeys on his neck!?”

Forcing my way through the sea of people, I managed to get security to notice me! They then helped me in slowing down the crowd behind me as I ran to reach terminal 3! Feeling the sweat coming down my forehead, I felt my lungs wanting to collapse with how harsh I was breathing! Though once I reached the private room, the only person I saw standing there. Was Jin...

He kept his back facing me as he looked out through the window. The image of a plane was all that we could see preparing to take off. But the sight of not seeing Rose anywhere made my blood boil! So I marched my way towards Jin, grabbing him by the shoulder I yanked him around! His expression stayed the same as he never once pulled his eyes away from the plane.

“Where is she! Tell me-”

“Before I tell you where she’s at...I think you deserve to know the truth first-”

“No! I don’t wanna hear it from you! The only person who I wanna talk to...is her. I need her to tell me...why...why is she really leaving!?”

I clenched my jaw firmly, however, I began to loosen my grip on Jin as I decided to take a few steps back.

“MelRose is never going to tell you...and the reason why is because she loves you too much to ruin your future. Kai, what I’m about to tell you... please try to understand...”

I never heard Jin sound so strict before, but it was when he started to explain everything that I felt my heart wanting to stop...

Grabbing my hair, I stared off into space as I stood there completely in shock! All this time...I was clueless. Jin and Zack...they couldn’t tell me because they worried about what I might do. And of course, they should’ve been... because right now...my body is raging in hatred! Anger, resentment...but most of all, sadness. Rose never left me because she wanted to...it was because she needed to. To protect ExEx Idols image...manager Sang blacklisted her! And the only reason why she came back was because of what Jin was going through, the darkest time of his life...and listening to Jin speak so painfully, it’s no wonder Rose felt the need to take care of him.

“Now that you know the truth-

“Is Rose in that plane right now?”

I bluntly asked him as I walked towards the window, I then stared at the plane that was slowly beginning to back up.

“Yeah...she boarded a little while ago- wait! Where the hell do you think you’re going!?”

Sprinting out of the room, I felt Jin running behind me as I frantically searched for the exit of this stupid airport! I needed to stop that plane! So without even thinking, I opened the emergency door which set off an alarm! Hearing Jin still screaming out my name, I ignored everything around me. As all I could think about was seeing Rose! I need to see her...I need to talk to her!

“ROSE!”

Shouting out her name as loud as I could, I felt the veins in my neck popping out as I continued to cry out her name! I’m sure I looked insane right now! The chances of Rose even hearing me is non-existent! But even still, I kept running towards the plane as it began to speed further away! Feeling my body failing me, I ignored the pain that my lungs were in as I kept my determination of stoping the flight!

“Stop the plane! Rose! Don’t go! Fuck! Rose! Damnit! Why couldn’t you just tell me?! Rose!”

My stubbornness took over as I didn’t stop running, but with my stamina running low I ended up getting caught by security! They soon began pulling me away from the station as they kept saying how dangerous it was being out here in the open! But I couldn’t care less what they had to say as I tried fighting them off! Reaching out my hand, I watched the plane leaving the ground and saw just how far Rose was getting away from me...

I was then forced into a van where I saw that Jin was already in. The look of sorrow was visible on his face as he handed me his phone. Confused by his actions, I looked at the screen and remembered that he gave Rose his number. Taking his phone, I pulled up her contacts. But before I was ready to call her, I stopped myself midway as I thought very carefully of what I was doing...

“Not yet...”

I whispered to myself as I felt how dry my throat was.

“What?”

He questioned in confusion as I handed back his phone.

“As much as I want to call her...it won’t change anything...it’s our fault that this happened. We knew what the consequences were...but we still did it. I let myself get too close to Rose and it ended up hurting all of us. And I know it’s never going to stop unless I put an end to it...as pissed off as I am right now. I need to fix it...I have to plan for the future. Because if I don’t...then there never will be a future where we could all be happy. Jin, I’m sorry...for everything I’ve done to this point. But...I will take this group to the very top. And I intend to...but what manager Sang said to us was true... there are going to be some changes, but they won’t be in his favor.”

I said while feeling breathless, pulling back the strands of hair covering my forehead. I rested my head back as I looked up at the dim light sky. The sun was slowly beginning to rise...

“Looks like things are you going to become more interesting...I wish I can say that you’re finally maturing. Though seeing how you were coming out of my apartment looking like this, I can’t. I’m certain that manager Sang will want to talk with you since there are many videos and pictures of you spreading everywhere online. Which by the way...you better hide that mark that’s on your neck-”

“Shut up! I wasn’t thinking about any of that. All I cared about was being able to see Rose...but I was too late. However...I need to thank you for telling me what happened. If you never would have told me...I would have forever thought that Rose hated me.”

I explained as I started to finally button up my shirt...

From what Jin told me after that, it seems that the van we were on belonged to the company. I almost forgot that Jin had spent the night at the dorms, so of course, he had staff drive him here. But the closer we got to the company, the angrier I got. The last person who I want to talk with was also the same person who I need to discuss the future of ExEx Idol. And although my heart isn’t hurting as much after finding out the truth... I knew that Rose was still suffering. Since Jin didn’t tell Rose that he planned on telling me the truth, I need to hurry and take care of some things before I could ever face Rose again...

*

“You fucking careless fool! Is this how you repay me! I give you a month! To take a break...and on the first day of having you three come back to work, you do this! Why weren’t you answering your phone last night!? I called you multiple times! Security informed me that you weren’t in your dorm, so tell me right now where the hell you’ve been at! And you, Jin! Explain why you and Kai were at the airport!”

Manager Sang’s face had turned completely red as his voice intensified. The utter rage in his tone made Zack hide behind Jin...

I already knew that the minute I stepped into this company. That Jin and I would have to head to Sang’s office, however, on our way up here. I told Jin to not say a word, the same applied to Zack when I saw him waiting in the hall. Though he couldn’t stop showing me the many pictures that the media had taken of me. But regardless of that, I need to not let that bother me anymore. It’s about time I started acting like a leader...and take responsibility for everything I have done.

“One year...”

I calmly said as I took a seat right in front of him...

“What!? What the hell are you talking about!?”

Sang asked in confusion, his patients were running dry as he held an intimidating stare when he approached me. Though I didn’t let that bother me as I kept my composure...

“In one year...I will make ExEx Idol known worldwide. And I’ll make our group be the first Korean artists to break records on the billboards-”

“Have you gone fucking insane?! Did you not hear what I told you before?! It’s going to take years for you to ever reach that dream! Now enough nonsense! Tell me right now! Why we’re you at the airport! And why did you think it was a good idea to expose yourself in this condition!?”

Sang refused to hear me out as he grabbed me by the shirt and violently tug me more strictly! Dragging me towards a wall, he pushed me harshly against it as I felt his arms shaking in anger!

“Fans from around the world...are watching each one of you! You hold that responsibility! So when you, Zack or Jin, fuck up! That takes a toll on not just the company, but on your image! Is that what you want!? Do you want the world to see you as some worthless artist with no respect!? No wonder your father is the way that he is...and your mother, I’m sure she’ll be very happy in how you turned out.”

He said in a disappointed sarcasm, but hearing him bring up my mother was more than enough for me to take.

“My father has nothing to do with what I do in my life...as for my mother, I know she’ll be proud of me. Because I was able to create music that not only helps people...but I gained so many fans from around the world that have come to respect and love me for what I do. And I will forever be grateful...I was even able to gain two brothers because of it. But most importantly...I was able to find someone...who loved me for not what I am...but who I was. She didn’t judge me for my past...nor did she despise my first love. Her kindness...her laughter, her smile...her heart. She became my muse...and my love-”

The sound of a slap echoed through the room as I felt the burning sensation tingling on my cheek! Seeing how Jin and Zack were ready to come towards me, I gestured my hand to stop them from getting any closer. I don’t want either of them getting between Sang and me! Though just as quickly Sang was in slapping me, he yanked my collar which caused the first few buttons of my shirt to rip off! Soon his sights fell on my collar bone where he was able to see the mark that Rose had left on me.

“You...I’ll kill you! If it wasn’t bad enough that Zack and Jin were caught getting close to one of the female staff that I had to end up firing-”

“That female staff that you placed a restraining order on...was my fiancee.”

I bluntly stated in a tenses gaze as I grabbed Sang from the wrist. Having him let me go, the pale look on his face made him stumble a bit before he decided to take a seat and comprehend what I just said. Judging by the looks on the guy’s faces, I’m sure they had no idea that I asked Rose to marry me. The room grew quiet for a while and I decided to tell Sang the full story on how I met Rose and the details on how I found out why she left. Though I didn’t go that deep on telling Sang as to why Rose came back...her reasoning for being here was to solely help Jin out. But I won’t deny telling the manager that I went to go see her before she left...

“Rose...she isn’t just some person that I’ll just give up on. I plan on marrying her...and what you did in making her stay away from me and the guys. Was a mistake, I don’t care what people have to say about me...and I’m sure Jin, as well as Zack, could care less as well. But I won’t let anyone, especially you...disrespect her-”

“All this time...you two were together. And I didn’t even know...I never would have thought that she would be the same girl you met in America...Kai, I can’t let you see her again. It will be going against everything you signed...and even if you don’t care what people might say about you. How do you plan to protect her? You’ve already seen what could happen if word gets out that you’re dating this girl-”

“Which why I’m telling you...give me one year. I won’t talk, see or contact her for one entire year...we both ended things. And I think that’s for the best... because I need to prove not only to her but to myself...that I could be a man that could protect those who I care for. I need to get stronger...and if my fans come to hate me in the end for the choices I make to what makes me happy...then they were never really my fans to begin with.”

I said to him as I closed my tired-like eyes while resting my head back against the wall.

“Let’s say I do take your word for it, in having you not have any contact with her in this year to come. In one year, you said that you will break records. What happens if you’re unable to do so?”

Sang asked in a serious tone. Reopening my eyes, I looked over at the guys and saw their reassuring smiles. So with all the courage, I had in me. I ran my fingers through my long black hair. Letting out a sigh, I looked directly at Sang’s gaze before answering...

“Then I’ll sign eight years of my life to you in the new contract. But if ExEx Idol does succeed in changing the world...I’ll retire from the group...and live the life that I want with Rose.”

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