I locked myself in the room for better part of the day.
Has it ever happened to you? You know, you do something promptly and then it occurs to you that, its the exact thing you have wanted to happen all along. Is it normal that I feel like this? Like, I do not know, almost happy?
I am still unnerved with all the jitters running under my skin. Its like they are the new defining rhythm of my body which is shaking to the upbeat of Charles's desire that I never knew existed.
Are we not just friends? Do friends act like this?
First stage of involving with someone is called being friends.
Well I guess then I really need to find the answers.
I have acted funny and that just not stresses the intensity level of idiocy, my actions have displayed today, enough. Maybe it was all just a byproduct, an unwanted consequence of anomalous situation we were in.
No. It does not feel like it. I mean his kiss, it was a bizarre to say the least. I never expected it, ever, but like I said, when it happened it felt like it was the only thing I have ever wanted. For the first time in my life, I was the one wanting more, I felt attracted and there is no denying in that and it definitely did not feel like he regretted it either.
The only thing I regret is not being able to answer him. I wanted to, I so wanted to answer him that yes it did not feel wrong, in fact it was the only thing that ever felt right in all the senses but I just could not get the words out of my mouth. I know I was already confused by all those uneasy thoughts of him being with Vanessa but after he kissed me like that, I was shaken.
The signs have been all over the place, Stella.
Like getting tattoos, casual flirting, those moments in festival, the way you guys tease each other across the rooms, the way he comes to your rescue and takes care of you. Are they not enough?
I do not deny any of that but its just I am not sure where I stand. Heck, I do not even know what that kiss meant for him or what he feels. I just do not know him enough to subject myself like that. I mean I know nothing about him except that he has some serious mood issues, for all I know that kiss was just out of his frustration.
Frustration for who?
Gah. I do not know okay?! I mean who is Vanessa? Why would she claim him to be her man when he clearly said he is not? I mean their contradiction is a little confusing for me to handle and its better if I stay cautious because I can not exactly overlook the event either.
All your life Stella, you have been cautious. Waiting for the right one, for the one who would make sense but did it work out? Do you not see how him making no sense is forcing you to question your feelings and emotion which have been dormant for a major chunk of your life and that matters alright.
Its not, not true. I mean of course I am always edgy around Charles but only in a good way. Despite his frequent mood swings, he is actually fun to hang out with and I am always looking forward for more. What does it say about me?
I shifted in my bed to glance at the table clock on my desk. It was still five minutes to midnight and the wait was becoming too much now so I got up and went to the window, drawing back the curtains, I found his room completely empty and dark. My phone was still at his place which ruled out the option of calling him so I just sat on the window sill waiting for him to realise what time it was and come here.
Half 'n hour passed away and still no sign of him.
I sighed. Maybe it was indeed nothing for him. I touched my lips recalling how real and passionate his lips felt against mine and a pang of hurt hit my chest.
I got up, feeling like a fool to actually act on stupid guts for once, and shuffled around to get ready for bed.
My head snapped at the sound of tapping on my window and my eyes instantly met with his. He was standing their with no shirt on and I prohibited myself from looking down. Be a good girl Stella!
I shifted closer to the window but did not say anything. He was too silent for me to talk anyways. He thrashed a plastic tub in my direction and I recognised it as the exact same one I had found in his fridge earlier, the one he left for me.
Why was he passing me an ice cream tub?
"Move back." He said and climbed upon his sill. My eyes widened realising his intentions but before I could say anything, he swiftly let himself in through my window, landing perfectly on the floor with all his limbs intact.
"Are you crazy?!" I burst out. How could he do that? Does he not realise that we do not live on the ground floor? How can he risk himself like that?!
He smirked closing the distance between us.
"Wha-" All my words died before they could even come to life properly when he kissed me, again! Oh for heaven's sake spare me some mercy so that I can at least have enough sensibility to talk after this. Though he took his time. Unlike before, he was gentle with this one. Slow and graceful, taking all the time in this world. His tongue inspected every inch of my mouth thoroughly and I let him, just like that. Liking it more than what is smart for my being.
He pulled away, leaving me gasping for air.
"What was that for?" I asked looking at him with hooded eyes, swaying slightly from his sweet assault. I leaned into him for support so my knees would not give away from underneath of me. It dawned on me that my hands were pressed against his very naked and a very well built chest and I recalled his lack of clothing.
It was dark in my room which thankfully cloaked my heated cheeks but I could still make out his figure and his grin which was directed at me.
"You are irresistible." He flicked my nose and made himself comfortable on the bed. "Here."
He held out my phone and I took it from him. At least he knows I was not making up a story to check upon him.
I shrugged off his words and sat beside him cross legged. I turned my face towards him while he remain sprawled across my bed with his entire body supported on the elbow he was propped on to face me.
He opened the lid of tub and fished out a spoon from his pocket making me laugh at how he had come all prepared with supplies.
"Answers, Stella." He put a spoonful of ice cream in my mouth and I groaned.
"Why me?" I asked face palming myself.
"What do you mean?"
I peeked at him through the gaps in my fingers and spoke not taking them away, my voice coming out really muffled.
"You know, why did you kiss me?"
He grabbed my hands and pried them away from my face.
"You are so naive Stella, it hurts."
"Because I like you damnit!" He said running a hand through his hair and sat up straighter to face me properly. Where as me? I am sure I was comically imitating a fish with my mouth opening and closing rather unladylike over and over again.
Did he really just say that?
"Pinch me." I said not believing him. "Ow. You jerk!"
I slapped his hand away when he pinched me hard, laughing slightly.
"How is that possible?"
"Well I don't know." He said shrugging.
"Still..." I said wondering. There must be some explanation to it right?
"Its not a game of possibility Stella. Feelings have a charming way of showing us what we least expect in the moment and this," he waved his hand between us. "Is exactly that."
"So please, I want you to say something. Anything." He took my hand in his and entangled his fingers through mine, kissing the back of my knuckles.
"Charles.." I started. "Honestly, I never saw this coming you know, not that its wrong and I understand the quirkiness of human feelings, I do. Its just.."
"You don't like me, right?"
"What? No! Hear me out okay?" I said frowning at his words. "Its just I have never been so close to a guy like this, its new and I don't know how to act or say anything."
"That bad huh?" He mocked chuckling and I gave him a dead pan. "Wait! That means.."
I gave him a confused look, prompting him to go on.
"When I kissed you.." He said, his eyes wide with astonishment and I realised what I had just given away. Well there was no going back anyways so I nodded. "It was your first kiss."
He put the ice cream aside, as his words turned into a soft whisper at the end. He pulled me into his lap and I gulped at the closeness of our bodies. This was too much.
His lips fluttered over mine, hovering above, enough to tease the hell out of me.
"Oh Stella Summers, where have you been my whole life?" He asked more to himself and looked at me with untamed wilderness in his eyes, so intensified, that they were gleaming even in the dark.
"What is this Charles?" I asked him, my senses too mired for me to untangle them. Why am I such a dork again? Why did I not date anyone back then when I had my chances? My inexperience is too frustrating right now.
He leaned in and rested his forehead against mine.
I closed my eyes, enjoying the stillness of the moment which was so delicate that I never wanted to move again just so I can savour every bit of it for rest of my life.
There. You know what this is don't you?
I think I do but now is not the right time.
Gah you are insufferable Stella!
I am you smart ass!
"Its nothing unless you want it to be something." Charles said and I pondered over his words.
"Do you?" I asked pulling away enough to look at him. His proximity, when he was naked like this, was messing with my judgement for sure. His fresh body scent was really tempting. "Do you want it to be something?"
"I just told you I like you, what do you think that was?" He raised a brow at me like I was overlooking the detail but I don't think so I can ever do that considering he is the one who said that.
"Well it does not say 'Stella I want something' so I don't know, enlighten me." I said getting up. I sat on the sill to get some fresh air.
All of this is too much and too fast for my liking. I have never done this, hell I have never even discussed these things with anyone until now but then again, I have never kissed a boy before Charles and never taken anyone serious whenever they have told me that they like me. So reacting to Charles in ways I don't, in ways I don't feel, surely is something right?
But what if we come crashing down and never grow a bone to stand up straight again?
What if this, whatever it is, consumes us and leaves nothing but a hollow in wake with no space for any feelings? Just the vacuum.
Its not that I doubt him, its me who I am not sure about.
He got up behind me and stood between my legs.
Damn his abs are right in my face! Somebody please put me on a ventilator.
Can you not?
He held my chin with his fingers and forced me to look up at him.
"I do." He said. "More. I want something more than this Stella because I can't let you go without trying that is of course after you stop drooling over my body like a fat kid eyeing his jar of candies."
"You wish." I scoffed quickly looking away.
"Yeah princess I do."
"But we don't even know each other that well for us to..."
"Is that what is bothering you?" He asked and I nodded.
"That and lack of well, romantic bones in my body."
He chuckled at the choice of my words.
"I can live with that." He said. "But if not knowing me that well is what bothers you then give me a chance to let you in."
Yes my curiosity stays just around the corner where Charles is considered.
"Give me time with you." He said with determination in his voice.
"Seven dates Summers and you will know all the feelings in the world."
His words were more like a challenge at this point.
"Are you daring me Charles?"
I got up smiling and levelled my eyes with his.
"Name your stakes." I said biting my lip.
His hand snaked around my waist and he crushed me into his chest, pulling me closer and closer until we were just an inch apart.
"I'll name my prize. You."
And he sealed the deal with yet another kiss of his. I think I can get used to this.
Hey there guys !!
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Fun fact : so this is the chapter from where it all really starts and I hope you stay to find out everything.
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