I did not see Charles for a week after our little introduction. I had thought he would really bug me after we officially introduced ourselves but I never heard from him and it was finally weekend. I was done with my first week at the office and it was a productive one for that matter. I turned in all the manuscripts on time with their respective notes to John and he was beyond impressed to say the least. I hope my job only gets better from here.
I remained in my bed for the most part of the morning not really willing to leave the comfort of my bed. I totally deserved it. The office nerd has got to be well rested after all. I took of the blanket and sat up a little, resting my head against the headboard. I picked up my phone and put on some music while I went through my Instagram. I have not really scrolled much lately which I am grateful for because I get addicted pretty quickly.
Something caught my attention and I sensed something shifting in the periphery of my vision. I looked up at the window and saw Charles throwing away a bag at one corner and taking off his jacket. He went into his closet, taking off his shirt on the way and I looked away quickly.
Was he away on a trip or something?
Why do I care?
I shrugged to myself and got up to draw the curtains on the window. I do not want to look like I have been noticing his empty room all week.
Wow Stella. Stalker much.
I did not stalk, its just his bedroom happens to be right in my face all the time and if I should not be looking in there then he should keep his blinds on. Simple.
Why am I even thinking about that guy? I barely know him.
I texted Mae to come in my room so that we could enjoy some netflix and junk food.
She came in with burgers and fries which she ordered for our lunch and I put on a chick-flick as she ordered me to do. I am just simply going to cringe at every sappy thing.
We got under my blanket and started the movie while digging in all the calories.
"So I met this guy in the office..." Mae started after a few minutes and I rolled my eyes. Classic old Mae. She always tells me about her latest boy-toys when we sit in for our movie sessions. "He is really cute."
"All the guys you meet are cute Mae." I said sipping on my soda. "Whats the difference?"
"Hey this one is different okay!" She said swatting me on my arm getting all defence about it which only made me laugh all the way more.
"Yeah go on. I am all ears." I said getting serious after our back and forth bantering.
"He works in the same unit as I do. He is really a shy one you know and I find it really amazing. Goes with my excitement." She said stuffing her face with fries. "And I have a date tomorrow night."
"Uh huh thats great." I nodded really not interested while she kept on going about him.
Honestly I am have never been much of a dating girl nor am I ever interested in hearing about it. Yes I am very much straight but I have never met someone who is actually worth giving a shot and from what I hear from the twins and Mae here, it never ends in a good way. If you date a friend and it does not work out you not only put yourself through the break up once but actually twice because you loose a friend as well and do not even get me started with dating a complete stranger please.
"Earth to Stella! Are you even listening?" Mae asked not looking surprised at all. She knows I zone out of such conversations.
"Yeah my ears are all yours." I said sarcastically. "What were you saying again?"
She hit me with a pillow, laughing exasperatedly at my usual habits.
"Seriously." She started and I groaned knowing full well what was coming my way. "You are going to die alone if you keep running away from all of this."
"I am not running away from anything Mae. Its just I have never met anyone who actually makes me want to be with them." I said in my explanation.
"Make a fool out of someone who does not know you. Do you think I am not aware about all the guys you have purposely ditched on those dates which I set you up for?" She said, her eyebrows shooting up, giving me that look that said do not every dare to challenge me.
I smiled sheepishly and all this while I thought she really bought my excuses when I returned from my failed dates every time.
"Fine. As I said none of them really sparked my interest." I said jutting out my chin. I did not want to date back in high school or college and I still do not want to get in that stuff at all.
"Sweetie I know you have commitment issues but how are you going to overcome that if you don't try?" By this time, the movie was long forgotten and she was all focused on tutoring me about my issues.
"I do not have issues!" I said scowling.
"Nothing to admit here."
"Quit it, Mae."
"Not until you accept it."
"Fine I have issues. Happy?" I gave in because I know she will not leave the matter alone until I do. I had no idea that she knew about this. "So what?"
"You tell me." She said countering my words. She always does that. She would not tell what is wrong with us until we figure it out on our own.
"Meant to be. Now go on." She smiled sweetly but remained put. Great.
I feel so stupid even to think about it. I have never really talked about it with anyone, not even with myself but I know this exists somewhere in the back of my mind. I feel it whenever someone tries to get closer to me because my natural instinct is to retrieve back into my shell which is an obvious sign. Carrying a particular feeling for someone scares me more than I like to admit. I do not think that I am or ever will be ready to date someone or settle down with them because that requires a lot more than just feelings. It requires commitment of being there for them no matter what and that is a responsibility I suppose I am not ready for. That is what scares me that I do not want to let down someone I care for so much.
I just do not think I would be able to handle that.
"I do not want to hurt anyone." I said finally getting it out of me. It actually knocked down my mood into dumps. That is why I do not wish to discuss it. It really snatches away my spirit.
"Stella you are not going to hurt anyone." Mae said abandoning all her food and coming to sit in front of me with her legs crossed just like mine. "If you do it the right way then you will not have to face any heartbreak."
"That too. How do you avoid a heartbreak?" Everything ends eventually right? Heartbreaks are just another cons of dating and I do not wish that for myself and for anyone while we are at.
"You do not. Things may not be smooth sometimes but you have to work for them to be so." She said as if I was missing the logic in it.
"I don't know." I said not really feeling up for the conversation. "Lets just finish the movie."
She sighed but did not push me further. We went back to the movie and continued with a few more but my head was not at all into them. I kept on thinking about what Mae said.
She took off after a while with Bella. If its a date then Bella is in charge of it. From clothes to shoes and makeup, she will take it upon herself like a mission to make it a perfect one.
I decided to right in my diary and when I was about to take it out from my bedside drawer something flashed in my room. I looked over at the window and saw the light coming in through the curtains again.
I got up and pushed back the curtains. He gave me a cheeky grin as I made an annoyed when he flashed the torch in my eyes.
"Can you stop with that thing?" I said, opening the window.
"And hello to you too, princess." He said sitting on the sill and I did the same, careful to be away from the edge. Of course his nickname did not get past my attention but I chose not to react on it. I do not want to make a big deal out of it.
No one has called me that ever though.
"Where have you been?" I asked hoping that did not give away my nosiness in his room which has bothered me these past days.
"Why you missed me?" He smirked at me and I gave him a flat face. He chuckled. Wow where was he? Has he been on expression hunt?
"Maybe." He winked and I laughed, shaking my head at his back to back new gestures. "So how are you?"
"Good." I replied smiling. He frowned and looked behind him. What was that?
"I gotta go." He said all of a sudden. His voice had taken a sudden shift from being warm to extremely curt and distant.
"Woah what happened?" I asked casually.
"None of your business." He did not even look in my way and before I could comprehend anything he took off shutting the window right into my face.
I just sat there blinking my eyes thinking what just happened.
What the actual heck just happened?
I got off from my sill, my face soured from what that jerk did. I was not planning to meddle in his business anyway. Did he really think I would do that? Why did he have to be so rude about it? He told me off like I was an errant child trying to trespass in his boundary which is so not the case.
He is such a baby with his mood changing in every second. A total bipolar if you ask me. One second he will be all nice and sweet asking me how I am doing while calling me names and before you know it he is back to being the jerk that he is.
Relax Stella. You have only talked to him twice. You do not really know him for you to judge him like that.
My conscience was right.
I sighed and tried to shrug him off from my thoughts and when I failed to do so, I texted Mae who was at Bella's place and decided to just go over and join them.
If nothing then at least my mood will get better with them because for a change they are not rude to me.
Why is my conscience such a teacher?
Fine I won't judge him anymore its not like he was rude to me or anything.
I seriously need to chill.