I feel filthy.
Like they called me. A whore.
Yes. That's what I am.
What my life has become. I hate myself. I gave myself to the monster. He raped me so many times that I lost the count. He took my Eli.
I couldn't do anything. Like a helpless person. I sobbed and tried to cover myself as much as possible with a blanket.
When I had enough, I took a bath and rubbed myself hard to remove the feel of touch, but I was still able to feel his hands over my body. To those parts that I never wanted him to touch me again.
“Mam?” Nancy called. “Eli was asking for you.”
“Ok.” I don't want this event to affect my bond with my daughter. I need to escape. I need to provide a better life for her.
When I got to the room, I see Nancy was collecting pillows from the floor. She looked tired. Eli can be quite a handful sometimes.
“What happened?” I climbed on the bed beside Eli. But she looked angry. “It's late, baby. Please sleep.” I kissed her forehead.
“You left.” She sniffed.
My baby was afraid that I would abandon her. Poor baby. I covered her with a blanket and rested beside her holding her tight.
“Thank you, Nancy. You must rest. Good night.” I tried to polite.
“Don't worry. I have been doing this for 3 years now.” She forced a smile. “Good night.”
So Nancy is with Eli from last 3 years. Her words felt like a curse to me. I missed my baby's first step. First word. Even the first day of school.
“Mommy.” Eli hugged me back.
“You are the first love of my life. I will never abandon you willing. Promise.” I cuddle with her.
“Up. Up.” Eli was bouncing on my stomach.
“Baby. Calm down.” I cuddled her. “Good Morning.”
“Good Morning.” She giggled.
She giggled a lot. I love it.
“I had your baby sisters in my tummy. It pains when you do that.” I miss my twins.
“Baby sisters. I want. Where?” She was curious.
“Somewhere better.” I tied her hair. “Come on. Brush your teeth.” I tried to control my emotions.
“My baby sister.” She pouted.
“Don't worry, Princess. There are lot many babies on the way.” Valerio was leaning on the door frame. “I'll make sure.”
“Good morning, Valerio.” Nancy chirped. But he didn't answer her and continued his ogling games with me. He was ogling me like he had never seen any woman and licked his lips.
What should I say about babies? Eli looked so happy thinking of babies. She wants to be an elder sister.
How could I have another child when I don't even know about my second child. It's a boy or a girl?
They took my baby.
“Good Morning.” Valerio was walking towards us. He climbed on the mattress and gave me an open mouth kiss without waiting for my reply.
Why his kiss is so warm? So gentle. So passionate. His touch was so possessive. And embarrassing as well.
Nancy is here.
I pushed him and to my surprise, he stopped. He gave me that intense look with unknown emotions.
He reeked of sweat with the same clothes from last time.
“Your order.” An old aged Butler passed him a shopping bag. “Nancy, it's their family time.” He pulled Nancy out of the room.
“They are family.” She said.
Those words felt like a question. She questioned him if we are family.
“Princess, you must get fresh.” The desperation in his voice was demanding.
Without any words, Eli went to I think in walk-in closet. Wow. She's really a princess.
“Miss Smith is good with you?” He took a ring out of the shopping bag.
“Nancy Smith.” He took my left hand and look at it.
I know it looks horrible with two of fingers missing, including thumb, but I didn't choose that. I feel handicapped now as I am left-handed. Drawing with Eli was difficult as I was trying to draw with my right hand. I need to learn to use my right hand more.
“Wear this all the time.” He put an engagement ring on my third finger of the right hand.
Are we getting married?
“I don't want this.” I sobbed. If he marries me then he is really going to make my life hell. Earlier, I wanted to die but now I want to live with Eli and will look for my other baby.
“I am informing you.” He was calm. “Prepare breakfast. I'll join you both soon.”
I was shaking and was about to cry, but I had to control myself when I see Eli standing out of her walk-in closet with a curious look.
“Want to eat?” I tried a smile.
She nodded enthusiastically. I brushed my teeth with a spare toothbrush that Eli gave me then she pulled me to the kitchen. No doubt, she wants to eat breakfast.
“Come on. Eli eat.” Nancy was in a hurry. “Thomas, where is black coffee? Valerio is coming.” She said to the old butler.
“You call Valerio by his name?” I was curious. So I asked her.
“Yes.” She shrugged off.
“I never noticed that,” Valerio placed his hands on my waist and pulled me towards him. He smells fresh. “You look strawberry now. I can't wait to eat you.” He whispered indicating my pink silk pyjama. “Wear gown tonight. Black one.”
His dirty words made me blush. A few years back, even his simple words made me feel like a whore and now, it feels like he's change. Maybe my daughter made him a good person.
“Have a day off. Both of you.” He smelled me with closed eyes. “Thomas and Miss Smith.”
“Family day.” Thomas, the handsome old butler smiled. “Thank you. Valerio.”
“Valerio, What will I do all day?” Nancy sound angry. “Eli needs me.”
“You do call me by my name.” He gave her an amused look. “My Princess needs her mother.” Valerio sits beside Eli. “She doesn't like milk. Can you do something?” He asked me.
I nodded and I knew what I have to do. I prepared chocolate milkshake with Thomas's help. He's old, but he's active for his age. He seemed genuine.
Eli gave us a horrific look but when gave my 'you are hurting me' look, with her sad look she tasted it and gave the biggest smile. She finished it.
“How did you do that?” Nancy was surprised. No doubt. “You were never with her.”
“Because she's her mother,” Valerio declared. “Why do I feel you don't like her?”
“What about us?” She looked heartbroken. “I thought you would give us a chance.” She tried to touch Valerio.
“Honey, how about we draw something?” I knew it's something Eli shouldn't listen.
“It happened once and I was drunk. I made clear that night. You are fired.” He tried to keep his voice low. For Eli, I know. “nessuno fa casino con la mia famiglia.” (No one messes with my family.)