Fate can be cruel and twisted, when I yelled at you that day that I never wanted to see your face, I was lying. But I had no chance to say, I tried calling and texting without a word. I cried thinking you hated me and that we were through. You somehow knew I didn't mean it, but it didn't matter one bit. That day when you left tears trailing down your fair freckled cheeks. Your blue eyes swimming in the water of your tears that I caused. You fled, ran out the door and out of my life.
I found out just yesterday, but it feels like much longer, you never made it home that day. You rushed to your car tears spilling down your cheeks, you started to drive away. You got to the highway, you were doing everything right. You stopped on the side of the road, they said, right after a sharp turn. You got out your phone, nobody knows why, you were typing in a number I believe to have been mine. Then round the corner came a car, it to was doing everything right. Then crashed into you not seeing you there, the man rushed to your side to see if you were all right. Your heartbeat was faint, your breathing shallow. You looked to the sky one last time, with a shaky breath said "I love you"
I was laying down crying over our fight thinking you hated me. Then my phone finally rang hope rose in my heart. Then I saw your mothers name in my phones light. Picking it up thinking everything was fine, I heard your mother chocking on her tears and your father repeating "Good bye, good bye" I felt faint when she told me, I fell to my knees. I remembered my words and the look on your face when I said them that day. My numbness just spread and still it lingers.
I remember rushing toward the door and stumbling to my car. Rushing to the hospital not believing their words. You couldn't be dead, not the love of my life, this is all just a joke. I saw you laying there limp and pale and rushed to your side to touch you again. Your coldness chilled my bones and my last bit of hope died as dread sunk in. My hand falling to my side resting on my pocket where my proof of true love lied. The box never opened not even touched. You never knew of it or the love it held deep within. A lovely gold ring with a lovely set jewel, your favorite color and gem. I wished I never spoke a word and never let you leave. If only I gave you that ring before and kissed you passionately. But alas it's to late, tears ran down my face as I cried into your hair. It still smelled like the roses that you cared so deeply about and was soft as fresh fallen snow.
You were buried today, laying in the coffin in your wedding dress. Your mother says you had it ready feeling it was almost time. They sealed you away after I gave you a kiss and placed the ring you never saw on your hand. I cried that day, more than I ever have. Seeing you so frail and small in a wooden box was one more hit to my damaged heart. They sealed you away with Amazing Grace being sung by the churches choir. Your mother in tears your father so broken, they placed you in the ground. I went home that day without making a sound and sat there all broken and small. Your time wasn't up, but yet, it was and that I couldn't bare. Your life so short but pleasant at that, should not have ended so soon.
I don't remember eating, just sitting there staring, at a picture of your lovely face. Wondering why fate could be so cruel and why I could not have said "I love you" that day instead. The last words you heard hurt you more then anything ever has. It hurt me too my dear, but I can't change it and it hurts me more than you. I have to bear the pain of my regrets and mistakes, the longing to tell you what I truly felt when I was with you.
Your time has passed and I feel mine drawing to an end sobbing and starving myself. At least I can be with you my dear, when I'm dead I will be more happy then I ever was here. Being reunited with you is what I long for, to see your fair freckled face and to run my fingers through your luscious hair. To smell your scent and hold you close and more importantly, to never let you go.
Our graves were put next to each others you know, yours on the right and mine on the left. Roses on yours and violets on mine. The grave diggers looked on with saddened faces at how we both came to pass. "So young" they said with great sorrow wishing we could live another day. The man who hit you blames himself, he feels responsible for both of our deaths. He took to drinking to calm his nerves while your parents have been reduced to lonely silence never speaking a word. No more of your warm smiles warming up the house or a nice soothing voice calming everyone down.
Your father visits everyday talking to you and singing you songs. Your mother just cries while recounting all the good times you've had together. Nobody comes to my grave, I guess nobody cares, my family left me and I grew up alone. Such a peaceful spot we lay, on a nice hill with lots of flowers. I should have taken you here on your birthday, how much you would have liked it! I guess I could bring you this year if we still remember each other.
My memory is still strong, so is yours, but the others here have been here too long. All the places I should have taken you, all the things I should have said! They swim around my head all day never just a fleeting thought. I wish for closure, some kind of happiness for me and you. I doubt any will come this soon, I'm scared about my memory fading but also kind of relieved. I don't want to forget about you and all we've done, don't get me wrong. But to forget all my mistakes and to stop thinking about what I should have done differently, I will be able to relax.
It's been many years now, your mother and father are dead. You don't remember me anymore but I still remember you. Not a second has passed where I have not thought of you. It hurts every time I see your confused face. You want to remember me but can't, I should have forgotten, I wish that I did. But these memories still haunt me and it drives me crazy. You look so peaceful, free of worry and doubt, while I sit here staring at our graves alone. Every year that passed I came here to celebrate your birthday with you. But as years passed you showed up less and now never show up at all.
You're starting to fade now, just glimmering air, I can't even touch you but I can still feel you there. Your parents are gone and it's just me and you but you will fade soon and leave me too. I don't know why I am cursed to remember forever and ever. I probably deserve it for all I have done. I stare at our graves everyday now, the flowers are wilting and nobody comes.
I walked by you and saw a man robed in black walking to you. I stopped to look and wished I hadn't. He pulled out a scythe and sliced right through you, you shimmered out of existence as I stood staring. The man walked up and led me away, without realizing tears were running down my face. He stopped at the hill where I spent my days and sat me down in my regular place. He pushed back his hood and there I saw a broken man. Jet black hair and sunken eyes, he stared at me then pulled me tight. He is like me, never forgetting, never fading, stuck with his memories he hoped to forget.
His job was to release the souls when they were ready, to free them from this in-between world. The real happiness awaits them for where they end up, a place where we would never reach. He has wondered through here many times and when he first saw me I caught his eye. He watched me struggle with my love forgetting and my sorrow when it wasn't me leaving. I saw him reach in his bag and pull out a cloak much like his own. I knew then that my fate was sealed. With a heavy heart I pulled on my cloak and pulled my hood up over my head. A scythe appeared by my side. I stood up from my spot knowing my job and sensing a pull to my right. I followed the pull and was greeted by a small shimmering spirit. A small girl no older than 6 died one day long ago. She smiled up at me and in her I saw my love, with a firm grip I held my scythe to the side and swung. Her essence burst into stardust and I knew she was in a better place.
Out of nowhere he came, placing a weak hand on my shoulder, comforting me in the best way he knew, companionship. Minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day, I swung my blade freeing the peaceful souls. How lucky they were to be free with no regrets, while they spend eternity happily I will spend it weighed down by my past life. I never asked the man how long he has been here, even though I have a feeling he knows exactly how long. My darling, how I miss you here with me, but you are in a better place. I can't let myself forget that, the one thought that brings me joy is that you ended up having a better fate than mine.
A little boy who from the looks of it just died ran up to me in shock and fear. He pulled on my robe crying, begging to forget. What horrors he must have faced, I wished I could have freed him then. As months passed I grew fretful for the child, all his memory's have stuck no matter how much he wants to forget. A boy like him couldn't possibly have the same fate as I. When the day came for him to be freed I surprised myself, I was overjoyed. An innocent boy was able to be freed, I had freed many others but he was the one I liked the most.
So many years have passed, both I and the man have aged, we might be immortal but we age until a certain point. My hair is snow white and I have quite a beard, I believe I am 1202 this year. So many souls I have released, this is my fate, it is my job to help the people find happiness. I learned today that once you reach a certain age you are given a choice. I don't know what the choice is yet but maybe I will find out soon.
A teenage girl is now one of us, she cried at first, just like I did. She is sweet and gentle and I have been assigned her mentor until she can free souls alone. The idea saddens her, I can understand why, but it also brings joy. It's just me and the girl now, the man has been given the choice.
Years are flying by and I can't believe how old I am, 1664! My love, how I wish I could see you, that dream will never fade. I no longer regret my life actions, but I do regret not being able to be with you in the final destination. Maybe that is a choice, to go there too, oh how I wish it is. I haven't thought about you much because I'm busy with work but I will never forget you. Now my choice has come, to be free, to live a new life, or to help out as an angel. I am sorry my love, I do want to see you, I do miss you so. But I know what I need to do, after all these many long years I've learned to help people. To truly be happy for what they get even when i was not lucky enough to have it. I feel myself the lucky one for this chance and I am choosing to be an angel. I want to keep helping, so forgive me my love. Bask in the happiness and love you deserve of the final destination and let me help others like others have helped you and many others.
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