New Beginnings 12
Two Months later
Here I am in England.
After my mom died I packed up everything I owned and left with my two besties by my side nonetheless.
School doesn't start for another month but we came early so that we can have a chance to explore, relax and unwind before the semester.
"Fai" says Hope,
"Yea what's up" I respond,
"Are you okay" she asks,
"Yea why wouldn't I be" I say looking at her sceptically,
"Well because you've been sick a lot lately and you have added a few pounds" she says,
"Don't be absurd I'm fine" i say in a shaky not so confident voice that even has me second guessing myself.
Looking up from where I'm sitting on the couch I now have her and Nates full attention, they both eyeing me suspiciously.
"Faith Prince when was the last time you saw your period" she asked,
and now it's my turn to be shocked because I've been so depressed about what happened to my mother I had used it as an excuse not to think about how Saddam rejected me.
Not to mention the fact that I've never told Hope and Nate the truth about what happened that night because I was to hurt to face my feelings or my bestfriends so I just shut it out and pretended it never happen.
"Answer me this and please be honest this time did you guys have sex or not" she asks,
I lowered my head in shame because I don't want to see the hurt in their eyes knowing I lied to them.
"Yes we did" I say
but gazed up slightly just to see a flash of hurt pass through their eyes.
Did you use protection Nate asked and this time I can't answer because the truth is we were so caught up in the moment that none of us even thought about it once but I think he did or I'm not sure damn what is wrong with me.
Now I'm ashamed...... ughhhh she groans.......
Grabbing by hand she pushes me towards the bathroom in our four bedroom flat and goes in the medicine cabinet and pulls out two home pregnancy test kits.
Why do you have these I asks while smirking, she just laughs and says "a girl can never be too careful".
We both read the directions several times to ensure I take it correctly after which I took both test just to be sure then place them on the table and set the timer on my phone for 5 mins.
My nerves eat through me as I silently pray that these results comes back negative. Balling my fist I dug my nails in my hand and squeeze not even realizing, Hope must have seen because the next thing I know is she grabs both of my hand and holds them in hers and says "no matter what these results say we're here for you and you will be okay".
The timer goes off and I rush in the bathroom as I pick up the first test I can see the two very pink lines appear, no no no is all I can say while reaching for the other just to see the same results.
I sink to the floor and let the dam break once again. While Hope and Nate holds me. Why is this happening to me what have I done that was so wrong that I'm being punished so much in life.
"Fai what ever you choose to do we support you okay".
"Okay" was all I managed to whisper as silent tears came down my cheeks. I cried for my mother, I cried for that night, I cried for the baby that's growing in me it didnt deserved this. I cried until no more tears could fall an exhaustion eventually consumed me into it's cold dark pits.
1 month later I'm still trying to process everything, I'm finally deciding to face this head on. I have my very first ultrasound this morning and I'm nervous as hell, I can't stop thinking what if there is something wrong with it.
"Lord please let this baby be okay" I say a little prayer.
As I complete my morning rituals I head down stairs for breakfast it's like ever since finding out I'm pregnant I'm always so damn hungry. I swear I slaughter everything that crosses my paths. The morning sickness is horrific it happens all throughout the day and its killing me slowly.
As we pull up in front of the hospital my nerves spike this is really happening.
"Fai its gonna be okay" Hope says, while taking my hand after we Exited the car and for some reason in that moment I found the greatest comfort in her words.
As we Neared the nurse station she asked "have you thought about what your going to do, I mean am sorry it's not my place its okay if you don't want to answer".
The look on her face was priceless that I couldn't help what happened next. I bursted into a full on fit of laughter. I've never seen my bestfriend looked shy or embarrassed about asking a question so this was the first time and I found the world of humor in that,
I haven't laughed like this since my mom died and it got worse since finding out I was pregnant but I have to say that this feels heavenly.
I laugh for a full on 4 minutes whiles she looked at me like I just told her she has shit on her face. I finally calm down enough to answer her.
"Yes I'm going to keep it,"
thinking to myself over the past few months I've done some soul searching and I've decided that this isn't as bad as it seems I've lost so much already and despite how this baby came about it wasn't its fault and on the plus side I'll have a mini me to keep me focused.
So with all the confidence and self surety I could muster up I repeat myself again but this time with a smile.
"Yes I'm keeping my little peanut".