I wanted to see Jin but I was afraid of what he would think of me with these bruises on my face and body. How could I let someone hurt me like that? Will he think I’m weak and pathetic? I don’t want him to like me because he feels he has to take care of me or because he feels sorry for me. I don’t want his pity. I want him to love the real me. No fake love for me. I want to feel real love. That’s what I thought I had with Jimin but it was obsessive and manipulative. We hadn’t been happy for a long time.
I needed to give myself time to mourn my lost love. I know I am vulnerable now and if Jimin comes back with the pretense that he forgot something, I’m going to want him back. I will forgive him for anything just to feel loved by him again. I can’t do that to myself so I need to leave here. Maybe a vacation by myself. Just me and my camera enjoying my own company. I need to love myself again before I can love Jin thoroughly. It wouldn’t be fair to him to use him to forget Jimin. He deserves to be loved for himself. So before I leave I will send him this message and hope that he’ll wait for me.
I laid on the seashore
soft waves lulling me to sleep
till I woke with a soft pressure on my lips
In my dream it’s you I kiss
and I know it’s you I miss