Saturday morning is slow, it was hard to sleep knowing what this place is to Jordan. I showered, which soothed the pain in my head and relaxed my muscles, but it took me until midnight to get comfortable and to sleep. Waking up though, I just feel numb. My mind fills with questions I’m not sure I want the answers to.
Has he stayed in this room before? Was there a girl like me here with him?
I shove myself out of the bed and start digging through my stuff. I pull out my makeup and clothes, knowing Jordan will be here in about an hour.
Part of me debates just going home, I don’t know if I’m up to going out with Jordan today. It’s all been really heavy and now I feel like there’s a pressure to get physical with Jordan.
Pulling on my jeans, I hear my phone ring. I don’t hold back the frustrated sigh as I go to pick up. I’m not surprised to see it’s Jordan.
“Hi,” I run my hand through my hair, “What’s up?”
“I’m on my way over there, I know it’s a little early but I thought we could get breakfast. Did you sleep alright?”
I look at the messy bed, “Yeah I guess. Just felt weird here.”
I can feel the tension even with him nowhere near me, “I’m sorry, Rhea... I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“Jordan, I don’t know what you want me to say. I didn’t know you’d ever been with someone, I didn’t expect you to ever bring me to your... Hookup spot.”
“That’s not what this is, I swear! I just... I wanted to keep you safe and that was a place I knew I could make work. I’m not going to do anything to push you into something you don’t want,” I hear a deep sigh, “Do you want me to just take you home? I understand if you’re not up to going out today.”
“I don’t know... I want to but I just feel awkward. I don’t know what to do,” I sit on the bed and rub my forehead.
“Maybe a compromise? I’ll pick you up, we’ll go out, if you decide you can’t handle it, I’ll take you home.”
“Alright, I can do that. I’m going to finish getting ready.”
“Ok, I’ll be there soon... I love you.”
“I love you too,” I hang up and drop the phone onto the floor.
I finish getting dressed and lay back down. My makeup isn’t perfect but it’ll do for the day. Slowly, I start drifting off again. My arms and legs feel heavy, as if they’re sinking into the bed.
I don’t realize I’ve fallen asleep until I’m waking up to the sound of knocking at my door. Letting out a deep groan, I drag myself to the door to find Jordan looking upset.
“I’ve been knocking for ten minutes,” He sighs as he brushes past me into the room, “Are you ok? What happened?”
“I fell asleep,” I cross my arms and squint, suddenly cold and sensitive to the bright room lights.
He gives me a sympathetic look, “I’m sorry,” He sits on the bed, “I’m just making things worse aren’t I?”
“No,” I groan as I sit next to him, “There’s just so much going on, so much of this is new to me. It’s... Confusing and overwhelming, I don’t know what to do a lot of the time.”
He takes my hand, “You do whatever feels right, you tell me when something is wrong. That’s all that’s expected of you, we’ll take this as slow as you need.”
I don’t look at him, “What are you planning for us to do today?”
“Umm, I was thinking... Maybe we could go back to the park for a while, just relax for a while. I want to just take today slowly, play it by ear, if that’s alright.”
I nod. The bed creaks loudly as Jordan gets up to get my bags. It takes me a couple minutes to get up and follow him. My mind is still racing, thoughts that clouded my brain all night are not going to easily be gotten rid of.
We make our way to his car in silence. The desk attendant gave me another sleazy look on the way out, making me highly aware of my appearance. Jordan doesn’t seem fazed by my tight jeans or soft, thin shirt. I want to hit myself for thinking that means he’s not attracted to me. I bite my lip as I wait for Jordan to start the car, desperate to let go of these poisonous thoughts.
“My parents are going out to dinner tonight, so we can go back to my place later,” He gives me a genuine smile as he gets the car started.
“Sounds good,” I say.
I become numb to everything going on. I’m too lost in thought to notice as Jordan drives us into a neighboring, small town. I stay quiet and agree with most of what he says, we go through different shops, the only one of which holds my attention is a music shop. We listen to tons of the sample music together, at one point we start dancing. He doesn’t think I see him buying a couple of the CD’s I was eyeing. I can’t help but smile.
By the time it gets dark we’ve exhausted the quaint little town. We’ve had lunch and dinner, we’ve gone in every store, we’ve bought stuff. My feet are killing me and my brain is ready to explode.
We’re going back to his house. I’ve made a decision about tonight.
Jordan is talking but I don’t hear him. I stare out the window and watch the nothingness move. I start counting the stars to settle my suddenly queasy stomach.
I watch us drive into town and through the crowded streets of houses. I feel butterflies doing backflips in my stomach once we reach his house.
“You can just leave my bags,” I say before we get out. I don’t think there’s a point in taking them out.
He doesn’t question it as he goes to unlock the door. I meet him in the entryway.
“Rosie!” He calls out, “We’re home! Rosie?”
I look around and find a piece of paper on the small table by the door, “Jordan,” He turns to face me as I read the paper, ”‘Jordan, I wasn’t feeling very well so I decided to go home early. I didn’t want to risk getting anyone sick. Let your father know I left at approximately two o’clock so as to make sure my paycheck has accurate hours. Dinner is done in the oven, tell Rhea I said hello. From, Rosie.’"
He sighs, “She didn’t look great this morning. Oh well, I’ll tell my dad when he gets home.”
I put the note down and follow him into the kitchen. He looks around for plates before looking back up at me.
“If you want you can hang out in my room. I’ll be up in a minute.”
I nod and head for the stairs. My palms are sweaty and clammy. I find his room, now neat and clean. I sit on the bed and calm myself as I wait.
He comes in a few minutes later with two plates of food. I don’t have much of an appetite right now. I stand as he puts the plates down and looks over his bookcase.
“I know we already ate but Rosie made chicken, and it is perfect tonight. What do you want to do? We can watch a movie or we can talk, as corny as it sounds I have some board games in here somewhere,” He starts chuckling.
“Jordan,” I speak out, sharp and quickly, though my voice itself is still quiet and almost soft.
He turns with wide eyes, “Yeah?”
I take a few steps closer, “Tell me that you love me?”
He smiles and tilts his head, “Of course I love you. I love you so much.”
I take a deep breath as my fingers brush over the bottom hem of my shirt. Before I can chicken out, I grab hold of the fabric and lift it off over my head. I let it fall to the ground in a soft, white pile.
Jordan stares at me, clearly stunned. His mouth hangs open while his eyes search over me. I can feel him looking at each of the fading scars.
“Rhea, what are you doing?” He asks as I step closer.
Gently I press my lips to his. He sucks in a deep, quick breath before hesitantly running his hands around my waist.
“Rhea,” He whispers in a small moment our lips are apart, “We don’t have to... If you’re not ready we don’t have to do this.”
I stare into his eyes, I can see the hunger conflicting with his need to make me comfortable. I bite my lip and pull him closer, I can feel his heat radiating through his shirt onto my skin.
“I want this,” I whisper, “Do you?”
I watch a switch flip, only a second before he smashes his lips against mine again. His hands travel all over my body, gripping me gently in so many different places.
He pulls away long enough to rip his shirt over his head and toss it across the room. His hands quickly grab my waist. I don’t have time to process before he lifts me up, cupping my bottom in his hands. I wrap my arms around his neck, my legs around his waist as he kisses me again. Feverishly attacking my lips as he carries me to his bed.
I feel the area between my legs get warm and soft as he lays me on the bed and fumbles to undo his jeans. I do the same. Once we’re both in nothing but underwear, he climbs on top of me.
His hands feel like clouds as they travel down my chest and stomach. His fingers graze my skin as they climb up my legs. I let out a gasp when he lowers himself to kiss my neck, his teeth pull at my skin.
“Jordan...” I moan.
“Do you want to stop?” He asks as his lips travel to the space between my breasts.
“Not at all,” My chest is heaving as I run my hands up his warm, firm chest, carefully exploring every muscle before gripping his hair. He lets out a deep growl before his hands take hold of my legs and wraps them around his waist again.
I feel a warm bulge press against my thigh. His hands grab at my bra and unclips it. His hands feel alien on my bare skin, warm and soft as he squeezes me.
I let out a soft moan, which only makes him squeeze my breasts more.
“I want you so badly,” He groans as his hands travel down my stomach and to my hips, his thumps loop under the hem of my underwear.
“I want you too. Don’t stop Jordan,” I arch my back, accidentally rubbing against him.
He releases a deep, pleasured sigh before taking off both of our underwear. I feel exposed, but not in a bad way, and seeing him over me so open with me is comforting.
His lips travel, leaving phantom sensations down my stomach and to the soft spot between my legs.
I can’t fight the loud cry that escapes my lips as his tongue travels over me, awakening parts of my body in ways I’ve never known. I feel his hands travel up my squirming legs as my body flails with desire.
“Are you sure you want this?” Jordan asks, towering over me again.
“Yes, please Jordan, don’t tease me anymore,” I let out in a husky breath.
A smile spreads over his lips as he wraps his arms around me, burying his face into my neck. His teeth find my earlobe and I feel something warm poke in between my legs.
I let out a high squeal of excitement as I feel Jordan press him body to mine opening me to him.
I let out a deep moan, “Jordan!”