Take It All
Chat Song: ‘Take It All’ by Adele.
“Didn’t I give it all? Tried my best. Gave you everything I had, everything and no less. Didn’t I do it right? Did I let you down? Maybe you got too used to, well having me around. Still, how can you walk away from all my tears? It’s gonna be an empty road without me right here. But go on and take it, take it all with you. Don’t look back at this crumbling fool, just take it all with my love.”
Lexie blinks her eyes rapidly. She cannot believe the words she just read. Josh is coming over, right now.
She quickly gets up from her bed and unzips her dress, letting it fall into a pile onto the floor before hurrying over to her wardrobe. Josh drives, so he can arrive at her place in approximately thirty minutes. The fact that he is also a speeder does not help her apprehension.
She puts on a blue summer dress then hastily washes her face. Lexie never used to care this much about her appearance in the past, but since she started developing feelings for Josh, she began to put plenty of effort into her countenance.
Staring at herself in the large mirror hanging on her wardrobe, she can certainly see why Josh only sees her as a friend. Her black shoulder-length hair appears brittle and unkempt even when she tries to comb it, her round baby-face makes her hardly look past twelve years old, and she is a little short in stature with a skinny body. She sighs as she tilts her head to the side, hoping her appearance would look slightly better from a different angle.
Nope. She looks the same. She will be stuck in the friend zone forever.
Soon, a knock on her room door jolts her from her insecure thoughts and she whirls around with wide eyes of disbelief. She finds it hard to believe that Josh would get there that fast. Apparently, she underestimated his ability.
Did he take a private jet instead of a car?
She minces her way over and grips the knob with a clammy palm. She shuts her eyes and takes a deep breath; a ritual she has begun to practice since the first time she realized she has feelings for him.
She recalls that day as if it were yesterday. It was ninth grade and Josh had announced that he had a girlfriend; Sabrina. Lexie felt a bizarre, uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her stomach then. She was not sure of what it was until she saw them kissing one day when Sabrina had visited Josh at school. After some research on google and indirectly asking her mom questions about the subject, she came to realize that she liked him. As more than a friend.
Josh was not single—still isn’t—and she was scared of ruining their friendship. So, she brushed the feeling aside, fighting it off for years. But that only magnified it more and more at each second she spent with him.
It has always been a struggle for Lexie. Even until this very moment.
She finally opens her room door and Josh stands there in all his handsome glory. His hands are jammed into the pockets of his sports shorts, his grey T-shirt displaying his sturdy body beneath. Lexie feels her face becoming crimson as he regards her with a giant smirk on his face.
“H-how did you get here so fast?”
He chuckles, taking a step into her room as he pulls the door up.
“I drove. And your Mom allowed me up here in case you’re wondering.”
Josh and Lexie have been friends for quite a long time, so their parents trust them being in a room alone. They have never given them a reason to detest the idea. But maybe things have changed now, right?
Josh nibbles his lip, and Lexie sees when his eyes rake over her attire before landing back on her face. “So, what were you saying on the phone again?”
He begins to take small, provocative steps toward her while she steps back subsequently, her eyes watching his every move.
“Was I saying something on the phone? I can’t recall…”
He laughs, showcasing his pearly white teeth. “Is that so? Where have all your ‘sassiness’ gone? Mm, Lexie? You seemed to have had so many things to say earlier. I’m here now…so talk rudely to me again.”
She is unable to hide her anxiety as she grips the hem of her dress. “You were the one doing most of the talking, If I recall clearly, I was only—”
Josh cuts her off by picking her up bridal style into his arms. It happened so quickly that Lexie is unsure of how she ended up in the position. He instantly begins to playfully tickle her sides and she lets out a squeal, laughing hysterically as she squirms in his arms. Her Mom would not be appalled by the noise; she is very much aware that whenever Josh and Lexie meet up, they are always playing like two five-year-old kids.
Lexie is desperately trying to be released, but thanks to Football and all the other sports Josh takes part in, she is unable to free herself from his strong captivity.
“Stop!” She wails, but he takes her pleading as nothing but a motivation to continue his torture.
“Talk rudely to me again.” He dares her and she threshes helplessly, laughing uncontrollably as she hits at his chest. Josh is chuckling at her failed attempt to wound him, and he bites his lip, looking down at her small figure. “Backtalk me again, Lex. Do it.”
“Let me go, Josh!” She secretly does not want him to release her; she likes being into his arms and wishes this could last forever.
She missed him.
Unfortunately, Josh finally feels sorry for her and sets her down on the bed. Lexie’s hair is now a mess and her dress has slightly ridden up, revealing her creamy thighs. Josh’s eyes fall to them and he swallows hard, quickly gripping the hem of her dress and tugging it down.
Lexie’s face is rosy as she mutters her gratitude. “Thank you…”
He clenches his jaws and nods as he lies down next to her. She follows his action and they are now lying side by side, staring up at the ceiling. This is a normal thing for them. Since they met in the last year of elementary school, lying onto their backs and looking heavenward had been their mutual customary.
“Lexie…” Josh shifts his face to look at her, and she meets his gaze.
“Please don’t go out with Sean…I don’t want you to get hurt.”
Lexie sighs. Josh is unaware that the only reason she decided to accept Sean’s date request is that she desperately wants to get over him. Her unrequited feelings are causing her nothing but pain, but Josh is oblivious to this.
“Okay…” She half-shrugs. “I won’t.”
“Promise me, Lex.”
“I promise, Josh.”
She watches as his face relaxes, the previous creases between his brows now smoothed out completely.
“And I am sorry that I suddenly called off the whole sexting thing,” he says. “I don’t want us to stop. I enjoyed it…a lot. But you know I have Sabrina and—”
“I understand.” Lexie tries to smile. “We don’t have to do that anymore...”
Josh purses his lips and nods, but his eyes tell his agony. That makes the two of them. Lexie doesn’t want to stop either.
They lay staring at each other for a while; both not saying a word. She sees when Josh’s gaze drops to her lips. The room is quiet, and their breathing is loud and uneven. A thick tension hangs in the air as they maintain eye-contact.
Then his head begins to move in closer to hers and Lexie stiffens, unsure of what is happening. Is Josh planning to kiss her? No. They are just friends, he would not, right?
Their lips are now inches apart, but something seems to be stopping them, as they brush their noses together.
Josh shuts his eyes tightly and takes a deep breath and Lexie watches him silently. She is unsure of what is going through his mind right now, but when he reopens his orbs, she sees a clear look of desire in them.
Then without another thought, he presses his lips against hers. She is shocked out of her wits but closes her eyes as he moves his lips against hers. She cannot believe that she is kissing her best friend right now; this must be a dream.
His lips are soft and warm, and she grips her sheets tightly into her palms as she basks in the heavenly moment. This is her first kiss and it is everything she wanted it to be. With Josh.
He breaks the kiss and gently pulls away and she blinks her eyes at him, uncertainty swirling within them.
“I don’t think…friends are supposed to kiss each other…” She whispers; her eyes burning with tears. She is not sure why she wants to cry. It is probably because she has been waiting for this moment since forever.
“I know…” Josh whispers. “I know, Lex.”
And he moves in to kiss her again, slow and tenderly as if he is afraid that she will break. He separates her trembling lips with his and slips his tongue inside, his hand coming up to grip her jaw as he claims her mouth. Soon they are insanely making out, and Josh begins to hover above her as she lies flat against her bed. Their tongues battle furiously together while he grinds his body against hers; all the built-up tension they underwent during their virtual intimacy coming on in full force.
Josh begins to skim her neck, his lips teasing their way down to her cleavage. Lexie grips her sheets in her palms, her back arching off the bed as she closes her eyes. She bites down on her lower lip to stifle her moans as Josh’s hand moves down to slip beneath her dress.
She slightly jolts at the contact, and her eyes fly open as Josh brings his head up to look at her. She stares at him with parted lips and wide eyes of fear.
No. She cannot let him do this. If he touches her now, she will not be able to go back to who she was before she insanely fell in love with him. She will not have a chance at freedom again.
“If you don’t want me to touch you…I won’t,” he whispers, his orbs holding nothing short of serenity.
Lexie stares into his eyes; the eyes she has grown to adore so much. They resemble a cat’s in some way; they are beautiful and rare.
She loves this boy so much. If only he knew.
She finds herself nodding, her forehead puckering from a million emotions.
Josh studies her expression with concern and hesitancy, ensuring she is certain about her decision.
“Do you want me to touch you, Lex?”
“Yes…” Her voice is barely audible.
“Are you sure?”
She nods. “I am…”
She is. No matter how much she may regret this later.
He kisses her then, and his hand torturously trails higher beneath her dress as she shudders involuntarily, her heart rate rapidly exhilarating.
“I want you by my side forever, Lex…” He utters against her lips. “When I said I can’t live without you…I meant it.”
She shuts her eyes, as she feels his fingers brushing against the hem of her panties. He kisses along her neck, as he skillfully slips his hand inside. She squeezes her eyes tightly as she feels his finger makes contact with her womanhood.
This is it. There is no going back for her now.
He begins to rub up and down against her, a slow, steady pattern that has her breath trapped in her throat. His finger doesn’t enter her, but the feeling he is evoking by just merely stroking her sex is unearthly.
She looks at him with a face of slight confusion. It felt good when she tried it for herself, but she does not recall it feeling this good.
“You’re wet…just as I’ve always imagined. Is this how wet you are when we sext?”
She fights back a moan, groping her duvet in her hands as she bucks her legs. Josh watches her from above, his lower lip stacked between his teeth as he stares at her with lust-filled eyes.
“When I told you what I would do to you…did you think I was bluffing, Lex?” he mutters, his finger speeding up its pace. Lexie cannot fight it any longer, and a small moan passes through her lips as she pulls at her covers. The need prompts her to clamp her thighs together but Josh pulls them apart and switches things up, using his thumb to rotate the small aroused nub at the top of her sex, while his index finger continues its blissful torture.
“Josh…” His name somehow rolls off her tongue, and he begins to move more quickly, drowning her moans out with a hard, passionate kiss. He sinks his teeth in her lips and Lexie can feel her orgasm steadily approaching as she curls her toes, her back arching up.
“Cum for me, Lexie.”
His command sends her at the edge of the cliff. But she does not fall off yet and so he uses his other hand to find one of her aroused nubs on her chest, gently kneading it with his palm.
“I need you to cum for me now, Lex.” His voice is soft and serene and is enough to send her flying through the freefall. She trembles uncontrollably and Josh watches her through it all as she savors into the peak of her pleasure.
She is breathing heavily, her forehead drenched in sweat as she fights to come back down. Josh kisses her to stifle her soft cries as he pulls his hand from her and wraps it around her.
He embraces her as she returns to earth, placing a soft kiss against her drenched forehead. Lex can hardly open her eyes and she is extremely exhausted as she lies limply in his arms.
“Are you okay?” Josh is now beside her, his arms tightly coiled around her trembling body as he sweeps a wet strand of hair from her forehead. She nods at him, gripping his shirt tightly into her hands.
She will not be able to let him go now, right?
“You’re still shaking…do you want me to get you some water?”
She shakes her head. “No…I just need a shower…that’s all.”
He smiles. “Okay, I’ll wait until you get back.”
She manages a smile as she weakly gets up and moves to the bathroom. Her feet resemble jellies as she undresses and climbs into the bathtub. She takes a much-needed shower, her thoughts running wild with what just happened between them. Will that be a decision she will live to regret? She shakes the negative thoughts away. She just got one step closer to Josh. She should be happy, right? But she cannot shake the uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach.
Thinking about the fact that maybe they could watch a movie and spend some time together, she pulls her dress back on and steps out of the bathroom.
She stops in her tracks when she notices how Josh is seated on the bed, with his back turned and his head rested in his hands. She narrows her eyes, watching him for a few seconds before she decides to move over. Her footsteps against the floor prompt his head around.
She half-smiles as she sits beside him, gripping the edge of her bed in slight anxiety. “Hey…is everything okay?”
He pushes his hair back. “Yeah...it’s just…I was texting Sabrina earlier and then…I forgot that I didn’t respond to her.”
Lexie tries to hide her discomfort. “Oh…well why don’t you text her now?”
“I did…she’s mad at me.” Josh sighs. “I totally forgot about her…damn.”
Lexie’s face softens and she goes to put a hand on his shoulder, but he subtly moves his arm away, as if he does not want her touching him right now. She notices but pretends not to as her heart breaks to a million pieces. “Uh, you should go then…and see if she’s fine, you know?”
“Yeah...I should.” He exhales heavily, shaking his head. “Fuck, I’m such an asshole.”
He gets up and Lexie fights back tears as she stands behind him, gripping the hem of her dress. “I’ll see you, then?”
Josh turns to her. “Yeah, I’ll text you, okay?”
He turns away but runs his hand through his hair and looks back to her. Lexie hopes he is deciding to stay but all her hopes are demolished when he speaks.
“Don’t tell Selene…or anyone about what we just did, okay? I just don’t want Sabrina to find out…”
Lexie’s throat burns and her eyes well with tears as she nods. “Okay. I won’t.”
“I love you, Lex. I’ll call you.”
And with that, he turns away. Lexie watches as he leaves, a teardrop slipping from her eye as she sees him walk through the door. He doesn’t look back, to see the tears rolling down her face.
She knew she would regret this…but just not this fast.
It always ends badly for her. Always.
“Maybe I should leave to help you see, nothing gets better than this and this is everything we need. I will change if I must. Slow it down and bring it home, I will adjust. Oh if only, if only you knew, everything I do is for you.”—Adele.