Chat Song: ‘Leave Me Lonely’ by Ariana Grande.
“Is it love when so easily you said goodbye? Is it love when we’ve given up before we tried? Is it love when you stole my peace of mind? Is it love when you cry, and cry and cry? So when you walk out that door, don’t you come back no more. My heart has had enough of the give and take and as much as I want you to stay. You’re a dangerous love, maybe you’re no good for me, darling. Cause if you’re gonna love me and leave me hanging here then I’d rather you leave me lonely even though it hurts.”
Tuesday May 19 2020
Lexie has her knees up to her chest, sitting on the cold tiles of her bathroom as she cries between her legs. She knows she has no-one to blame but herself; she was aware that Josh does not like her more than a friend, so she is not sure what she expected from all of this.
The most painful thing is that every time she closes her eyes, Josh’s face is the only thing she sees. How his gaze was fixed on hers as she rode out her pleasure and his amber devilish eyes that only tricked her into believing that he could be hers.
A mischievous devil, that is what he is.
To add to the taunting images, she can still feel his hand between her legs; a painful phantom that refuses to leave no matter how long she spent in the shower. She cannot help wishing she could reverse time and not allow him to touch her that way.
She knows that if she had not agreed to sext with him, she would already be on her way to recovery, but once again she allowed her emotions and feelings to step into the way of her happiness. She wishes she could punish herself for making such a rash decision.
“Lexie? You have been in the bathroom for over an hour now, sweetie.” Her mom knocks at the door, jerking her from the horrifying thoughts.
Lexie quickly wipes her eyes with the hem of her dress and pulls herself up. Her knees are numb from being bent for so long and her eyes are heavy and a little swollen.
She is so tired of crying over Josh.
“I’m coming, I was just having a little problem.” She answers, attempting to sound composed, but she is anything but.
She exhales heavily then reaches for the handle of the door. When it swings open with a faint screech, her mom is standing at the doorway with a hand on her hip. “What is wrong with you, Lexie?”
“Nothing, I just had a girl problem.” She mumbles her reply, refusing to meet her mother’s gaze as she steps past her and goes to sit on her bed. At the corner of her eyes, Lexie can see that her overprotective parent is observing her, and so she tries to keep her facial expression neutral to avoid further questions. Her mother could pass for a psychologist instead of a nurse.
“Come down for dinner.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Alright, suit yourself, Lex.” And with that, her mother finally leaves the room, shaking her head while she pulls the door up.
Lexie sighs and reaches for her cell sitting on her pillow. She decides to scroll down Instagram to burn some time until she feels sleepy. Normally she would be texting Josh until she falls into slumber but there is no more Josh right now and the absence of her best friend is already taking a toll on her.
Choosing to open the app is one of the many bad decisions Lexie has made during the past few weeks, or years perhaps, falling for Josh heading the list. She has barely begun surfing the social site when she spots a picture of Josh and his girlfriend. His arm is thrown around her neck with his signature cocky grin on his lips while Sabrina smiles radiantly with white perfect teeth.
Lexie glances at the account that it was posted by and realizes that it is his. The caption beneath the picture reads: ‘I Will Never Hurt You.’ Josh ensured to add a kiss face to top it off and Lexie stares at the image for quite longer than she should. Her heart is officially broken.
“But it was okay to hurt me.” She mutters to herself.
Biting down on her lower lip, she impulsively taps into messaging and clicks on Sean’s chat.
L: Hey. Could we put the date on Saturday instead?
(Sean answers in a swift as if he’s insanely thirsty.)
Se: Hell yeah!💃
L: Uhm, why would you use the emoji of a girl in a red dress though?
Se: It means I’m dancing😁
L: Not the best choice.
Se: Speaking of dresses and clothes, will you be wearing the leggings on Saturday?🙏🏽
Se: On second thought, jeans would be fine too.
L: Just some rules. No kissing...no touching.
L: And don’t pick me up at my gates. My mom wouldn’t like the fact that I am going out with a guy.
Se: Okay. Do I have to worry about your Dad chasing me with a machete?
L: My Dad doesn’t live with us anymore. He and my mom broke up five years ago and I haven’t heard from him since.
Se: Ouch. I’m sorry.
L: It’s okay, it doesn’t hurt like it used to. So Saturday then?
Se: Yeah baby.
Se: I mean Lexie. My sexy.😏
(Lexie shuts her eyes in sheer annoyance. She thinks it’s time to get some rest.)
Friday May 22 2020
Lexie’s location: In her room, sitting on her red bean bag while watching TV.
Two minutes later…
S: Lexie Simone.
S: Why is Josh ignoring my messages?
L: I don’t know.
S: Did you somehow piss him off? Or told him something about me?
L: 🙄Seriously Selene, what could I have told him about you?
S: I don’t know...people can be so sneaky and fake, you know?
L: ....What is that supposed to mean??
S: 🤷♀️I don’t know, just stating facts
L: Speak for yourself. 🙄
S: WOW😳Relax, it was a joke, grandma.
L: Well I didn’t find it funny.
S: Okay...someone seems to be experiencing that time of the month...😌
S: This is probably why Josh never sees you as more than a friend, you know? Yeah, this bland and average side to your personality is just like eating unseasoned chicken.
L: You should really stop texting me.
S: Did someone fuck you and leave you? You’re hella saucy and it’s definitely not cute.
L: 🙄Bye Selene.
(Lexie goes offline. She is not in the mood for Selene’s bad behaviors today. And probably will never be.)
S: Did you do something to Lexie?
Se: Oh, come on! I already told her I’m sorry.
Se: If you are referring to the other day when I asked her what she was wearing then I have already apologized.
S: That’s not what I meant. She was acting like a real bitch earlier, so I just thought you slept with her then effed her over. But please tell me you have already popped her cherry.
Se: Not yet😏
S: Ugh, hurry.
Se: Lol excuse me? Are we working together on something?🤔
S: I just have a feeling that one day she and Josh are gonna end up fucking or something. The thought of it makes me feel like strangling her.
Se: Woah, I thought she was your friend, mate.
S: Friend my ass, anyone who likes my man is not my friend. She’s a fake friend, the type that poisons your food or sets you up to be kidnapped.
Se: You more seem the type than Lex. Lol.
Se: Hold on, let me backlog a bit, did you say, ‘anyone who likes your man?'
S: Yes, you slow retard.
Se: Damn, I didn’t know you thought of me that way. I am sorry to break your heart, but I only see you as a friend Selene. I hope things don’t become weird between us now. And please, don’t propose any friends with benefits. I am remarkably good in bed so that’ll only break your heart and get you more attached. I am flattered, really.
S: Shut up, idiot. I am talking about Josh.
Se: Wait you like Josh?
Se: Wait, Lexie likes Josh?
S: Unfortunately. I pity her sorrowful soul. Josh will never see her in that light. They both will lie in a bed together and he wouldn’t even attempt to touch her. Lol. They have been friends for so long yet they have never even kissed, he’s a guy, she’s a girl, how is that possible?😂🤣It’s hilarious.
Se: So wait, how do you even know she likes him? Are you assuming this?
S: No dumbo, I heard from a credible source; the horse’s mouth. She told me.
Se: This is juicy. Finally, I am actually going to shag a girl that likes Josh. He gets all the girls, it will be super fun to get his best friend. Damn, thanks for the information Selene, it’ll be so handy for future references.
Se: As a payment, you can come to my place whenever you feel like it. As a special privilege, you can even lie on my bed, right beside me and we can cuddle and watch Netflix. It’s a rare gift and I am awarding it to you👑
S: Aww I am so flattered. You are such an idiot, aren’t you?🙄
Se: No but honestly, you have never once liked me?
S: Nah. You look too much like a pre-matured orange.
Se: 🙆♂️Oh Nah, not you too!
"Dangerous love. You’re no good for me, darling. Yeah, you turn me away, like I’m begging for a dollar.” —Ariana Grande.