Please, Let It Just Be Over
Chat Song: Overdose by Alessia Cara.
~ Oh and I overdose. Boy, I want off of this roller coaster, you take me high just to bring me down. Oh, and you bring me down. I’m trying not to take too much. I’m in over my head, overlove, boy I overtrust. Give me the chance to pick up the pieces you left me in, why did I let you in?~ Alessia Cara.
Lexie woke up with a fever this morning. Her dreams during the night were filled with images of her first love and his girlfriend, and the words of adoration they exchanged during and after their lovemaking.
Her mom made her breakfast and ensured her condition was stabled before leaving with her little sister. She had an early shift at the hospital and Lola was unable to stay with Lexie because of her mid-term project. She is now in the house alone, lying under her covers while she absentmindedly stares at the patterns on her curtains.
She doesn’t mind being bed-ridden, at least she will not have to face Josh at school today. She took the ill-health as an opportunity to hide away as she is without an excuse as to why she listened in on his and Sabrina’s intimacy. Without a doubt, Josh must think she is weird or has some creepy, odd fetish for listening to people’s sex lives.
Night has fallen when her phone dings from beneath her pillow, and she lazily retrieves it to see a message from Sean. She ignores Josh’s text siting in her chat list and decides to respond to her apparent ‘boyfriend.’
The date with Sean had gone boring since the seventeen-year-old spent the entire day gawking at himself in his pocket-mirror and mindlessly chattering about football and how many girls he has been with. Lexie was annoyed and found herself thinking back to Josh every ten seconds. She thought the date would ease her distressed mind, but instead, it made matters worse. Sean only proved to her that it will be hard to find someone who can make her feel the way Joshua does.
Se: Are you still sick?
Se. ☹ Sorry bae.
Se: I mean Lexie, sorry.
L: It’s okay. Are u okay?
Se: Noooo ☹
Se: I miss you. I wanted to see you at school.
L: Are you still there?
Se: Yeah, got heavy football practice. Btw, I saw Josh earlier, he told the coach that he had something important to do and left before we even started.
Se: Probably on some mission to fuck some girl. Lol.
Se: So, can you give me something to hold onto?
Se: Send me a pic of you.
(Lexie is about to ask him why but recalls Josh’s words: “I feel closer to her that way.” She presumes that Sean just wants a picture of her for the same reason. To feel closer to her. So, she opens her gallery and sends him a picture of her in a blue dress that stops below her knees. She had worn it on her little sister’s birthday when her mom had taken them to a sea-food restaurant out of town; it is one of her favorite attires, and she strongly feels Sean will like it. The ticks below the image instantly become blue which notifies that he has seen the picture. He doesn’t reply for a while though, and she wonders if the image is so pleasing that it rendered him speechless. Finally, he sends a message.)
(Not what Lexie was expecting.)
Se: You’re wearing clothes.
L: Uhm, yes.
Se: Lol. Alright, Lex when I said I wanted a picture of you I meant one with less covering…or perhaps none.
(She blinks her eyes rapidly.)
L: Excuse me? Are you asking me to send a nude picture?
Se: Well…yes. If you’d like to put it that way.
(Lexie cannot believe the nerve of this guy.)
L: Are u insane? I would never do that; I am not that type of girl.
Se: Yeah, but I can be the one to change that, baby.
L: One, stop calling me baby and two, I will not be sending you a nude picture.
Se: Lol. Lex come on, it’s not a sin to pamper your boyfriend. You did say we were dating right?
(And now she regrets ever agreeing to that. Her decision was quite impulsive. During their date, she had opened Instagram while Sean was busy jabbering away about one of his eyebrows being thinner than the other. She saw a picture of Josh that Sabrina had posted, a series of lovey-dovey emojis being the caption beneath it, and without a doubt, Josh had commented underneath it with a huge heart-eye emoji. That was what propelled her to accept Sean’s offer of starting a relationship, and now she wishes she could sail off a cliff.)
Se: Okay, just bra and panties then.
Se: Please don’t make me beg!🥺
L: I said no.
Se: Come on, I’m sure even Josh’s girlfriend sends him nudes.
(Lexie narrows her eyes. If he’s trying to guilt-trip her, that was definitely the wrong card to pull for. That’s the last thing she wants to hear right now.)
L: I am going to sleep, you’re being rude.
L: Bye Sean.
Se: Alright, alright, I am sorry. Can I call you then? At least?
L: Okay, that I will agree to, but no nudes.
In a matter of seconds, Sean’s ID pops up onto her phone, and she blows her cheeks out and presses the green icon before pressing it to her ear.
Lexie must admit, Sean does have a great voice, but the words that leave his mouth often makes her feel like throwing up. She cannot help it. She fancies Josh’s voice a lot more though; it has a silvery edge and an attractive bed-room-pitch to it. She could listen to it all day.
Stop it, Lex. Focus on Sean, Sean.
“God, I could get myself off just by listening to the sound of your voice.” He chuckles, and for some reason, she does not find the compliment enticing, more like disgusting.
“Why do you want us to talk on the phone?”
“Because I feel like I’ll better be able to convince you about sending that picture if we…”
Lexie hears nothing else as she is suddenly distracted by the sound of her window being pulled up. She snaps her head in its direction, only to discover Josh’s knapsack landing onto her bedroom floor.
Her eyes almost pop out of her head as his mop of dark hair pokes through her windowsill, his fingers gripping the edge as he pulls his body through.
“Lex?” Sean’s voice is laced with confusion at her sudden silence. “You okay?”
“Uh…yes?” She shakes her head in stupefaction as Josh plops onto her carpet, whipping his bouncy hair from his eyes with a tired breath. Breathing heavily, he meets her astonished gaze and a devilish smirk rises from the corner of his lips. His eyes are twinkling beneath the lights in her room as he steadily approaches her.
She squirms slightly in agitation, unable to look away from his captivating orbs.
Those eyes. The eyes of a deceitful devil.
“What’s that sound?”
She forgot that Sean is on the line right now.
“Are you sure? It sounds like someone is breaking into your house.” He chuckles.
“It’s a …uhm….” She is unable to form words as Josh quickly snatches the cell from her grasp and presses it to his ear.
“Don’t call her back.”
Her eyes go wide as he hangs up and casually throws her phone onto her bed as if what he had just done wasn’t an impudent thing to do.
“Why did you do that?! Are you insane?!” She tries reaching for her cellphone but Josh grabs it up, holding it away from her. His facial expression is unsmiling, his jaws clench tight.
“Give me back my cellphone, Joshua!”
He raises a brow. “Why? So, you can call him back?”
“You have no right to do that!”
“Oh, I do. I told you to stay away from him, didn’t I?”
“He’s my boyfriend, just so you know!”
A strong wave of aggravation crosses his face at those words. Lexie takes notice of the way he sharply swallows as his orbs become dark but resume their natural shade in a flash. What is his problem?
“What the hell’s wrong with you?” She frowns, scuttling on her knees to grab the cellphone, but Josh swiftly throws the device onto her bean bag then prods her onto her back, immediately hovering over her delicate form.
Lexie’s eyes widen as she stares up at a hooded-eyed Josh whose hands are palming the bed on either side of her. She lies stiffly beneath him, her hands gripping the cleavage of her dress in severe anxiety. Something is seriously wrong with him.
Lexie knows that being in a bed with Joshua is quite dangerous. The last time they laid together, things took quite a sexual turn. She cannot allow that to happen again.
Swallowing hard, she tries to wriggle away from him, but Josh presses himself firmly against her, trapping her beneath him. Unintentionally, she can feel the hard poke of his nature against her thighs and her heartbeat quickens.
He knows what he’s doing. His eyes are watching her and without a doubt, he can see the deep blushes on her face, and so he pins himself harder into her, causing her to hold her breath.
Why is he doing this? Aren’t they supposed to be friends? She cannot understand him, and when he does things like this it only pulls her further into his web. He needs to stop.
“Why-why are you doing this?” Her voice is strained, hemmed with exhaustion and pain, but Josh probably doesn’t hear it. His mind is clouded with this new feeling of lust for his friend.
She is beyond tired, and she feels like screaming at herself for being this helpless and stupid when it comes to him. The guy has her wrapped around his forefinger. A puppet on his string.
“Why do you keep doing these weird things, Joshua?” She needs an answer. He’s driving her crazy.
He stares at her for a while then closes his eyes, his minty breath hitting her face as he sighs. She can see the perturbation on his face, and it seems as if he is battling with something, but Lexie is unable to tell what it is.
“I don’t know…” He finally whispers, squeezing his eyes tightly. “I don’t know what the fuck’s wrong with me. I just…I just can’t forget what happened that evening…and I am just so mad whenever you talk to that guy.”
She is speechless as she gazes at him, unsure of how to perceive those words. Surely, that was not a confession, right? Joshua’s tongue can be overly sweet, and Lexie is aware that his compliments toward her, though may sound intimate, are usually completely innocent.
“Just let me kiss you…” He utters, his nose brushing against hers.
Don’t let him do it. Don’t let him do it.
Her subconscious screams at her to say no, but Lexie has lost all control once again, and so as she lies beneath him, his cat-like eyes peering into hers, she finds herself slowly nodding, allowing her best friend to lower his head and press his pink lips onto hers.
~Over and over I let you under my skin and it’s over. I promise never again you’d come over. Something takes over me I can’t control this hallucinogen.~ Alessia Cara.