Chat Song: ‘Kill Us’ by Jessie Reyez.
“Love you in the worst way. You knock me down like a heavyweight. I know nobody gets outta love alive. We either breakup when we’re young or we say goodbye when we die. For a moment at least I know you were mine and it was beautiful but winter comes and roses don’t survive. It’s getting late, and I should go.” —Jessie Reyez.
|| June 28, 2020
Lexie’s location: On her bed, watching TV
[An unknown number texts Lexie]
Unknown: Hey, I heard the audio with you and Josh that has been circulating, how you holding up?
(Perceiving it as another one of those troublemaking, lustful boys at her school, Lexie is unable to repress the anger and annoyance building up within her.)
L: Could you please stop?! This is freaking cyberbullying and I have had it with you people. This is the number one cause of suicide, you assholes!!!!! Do you think texting girls and terrorizing them about something that is not even true, makes you attractive???? No, it doesn’t, and I am sorry for the women who will marry you guys in the future if you all are lucky enough to find someone who will put up with your narcissistic, sickening behaviors! You all are a bunch of evil, detestable creatures with nothing but a head full of hormones!!!! I am so damn fed up! I did not sleep with Josh so please just stop!!!!!! STOP! GIVE ME A FLIPPING BREAK!!!!!
Unknown: Wow, glad you could get it off your chest😅
(Lexie narrows her eyes bewilderedly.)
L: Who is this??
Unknown: Check the dp.
(Lexie’s eyebrows crumple together as she points her gaze to the small circle beside the unknown number where an image should be, finding it blank.)
L: There is nothing there.
Unknown: Yikes. Forgot to save ur number. Give me a sec.
(Just a minute later, the blank space is filled with a picture, and Lexie clicks on it and waits for it to load up. When it finally becomes clear, her jaws drop when she sees the familiar handsome face of Ian, Josh’s friend. She has met him a few times when her school plays against his at football tournaments. He’s a part of their team, with a muscular built and curly jet-black hair that’s always brushed back. Embarrassment reddens her face as she types a response.)
L: Sorry. 🤭
I: Lol! Nah, it’s alright.
L: I thought you were one of those boys at my school.
I: Yeah, I know how annoying they can be. I play against them in football you see, and it takes every strength within me not to knock them out with a fist.
(Lexie chuckles a little. She’s not ignorant of the fact that Ian has a grand sense of humor.)
L: Lol I know. I watch you guys sometimes.
I: Ah, you do? Checking me out subtly, I see😏
L: No not at all.
I: Lol or is it Josh, that you’ve been checking out?
(Lexie’s cheeks redden at the truth his question holds but her heart still aches at the thought of her best friend. Now that she has told him how she feels about him, she knows their friendship is probably done for good. Her phone pings as another text comes in from Ian.)
I: Have you heard from him?
L: Well, he sent me some texts but I didn’t look at them.
I: I am not saying this because he’s my friend and whatnot but he wasn’t the one who recorded the audio. I know Josh, and he wouldn’t do that to you.
L: I know. That isn’t why I have been avoiding him.
I: Then why?
(She contemplates whether to tell him the reason she has been distancing herself from Josh. Seeing as Selene has only been laughing at her demise, she has no one to vent to lately so she figures sharing her thoughts with Ian will pacify her growing anxiety.)
L: Because...I kind of told him that I like him. As more than a friend.
I: Well, he didn’t tell me that. What was his response?
(She tries not to break down again as she thinks back.)
L: That he has a girlfriend and I can’t feel this way about him...
I: Oh. I am sorry.
L: It’s cool.
I: It isn’t. It sucks, I know. I liked this girl at my school once, but she liked some other guy. It was one of the worst feelings in the world, even worse than getting kicked in the nuts. Lol, I’m kidding no pain can top getting kicked in the nuts, but you know what I mean.
L: Lol yeah, I do.
I: I felt like shit. Unrequited feelings are a bitch. It took me quite a long while to get over it.
L: Wow. I just can’t imagine you not getting who you want.
L: You are very good looking.
I: See, checking me out.
L: 😂No, it’s not hard to notice.
I: 😊Stop, my head is probably the size of a giant globe right now.
I: *Currently flipping my hair.*
I: Lol, I made you smile.
L: How do you know that I am genuinely smiling??
I: I don’t know, I can picture it. When you smile, the corner of your eyes smiles along with your lips.
(Lexie forehead puckers. Has he been observing her?)
I: Hey, I know what will make you feel better😋
L: Lol, I don’t have any in my fridge right now.
I: Lucky for you I happen to be in your neighborhood right now. You live in ‘Jackson Close’ right?
I: Scheme Two, right?
L: Lol, are you a stalker??
I: Maybe. I am visiting my grandmother around here, so maybe I can drop by and bring you a tub?
(Lexie thinks hard about it. Her mom and sister aren’t home which would make it a lot less uncomfortable if he were to drop by. Plus, she could use the company.)
L: Lol alright, deal.
L: Lol what??
I: Chocolate tastes awful. I love the strawberry.
L: Strawberry is a flavor mostly preferred by girls....😌
I: What are you trying to say?😂
L: Nothing at all........😏
I: 😂😂😂😂Stop it.
L: Stop what?😂
I: Whatever you’re doing or thinking lol. Gonna put a shirt on and drop by. Give me fifteen minutes.
With a smile on her face, Lexie exits his chat, noticing that she got several texts and missed calls from Josh. She sighs and presses the ‘home’ icon before placing her phone onto the mattress and getting down from her bed. She grabs a pink hoodie from her closet and spritzes a little body spray before retrieving her cell phone and heading downstairs. She plops down onto her living room couch, switching the Tv on, and deciding to watch a movie until Ian gets here.
His promised timing was accurate since in just fifteen minutes she hears the faint roar of an engine outside her house gates. She gets up and slips her phone into the pocket of her hoodie, moving toward the window and sliding back the dove-grey curtains.
She smiles a little when she sees him climbing out of his black Subaru, his thick hair thrashing in the cold night wind as he adjusts his black pullover. It’s not her style to bring a boy into her mom’s house unless it’s Josh, and so she decides to go meet him on the pavement, choosing to have the rendezvous at the driveway.
She slips her boots on and opens the door, the brisk air almost stifling her as she steps out onto her porch. Ian’s face pipes up when he sees her approaching his car, and he leans his lower back against the shiny automobile, two tubs of ice cream grasped in his palms.
Lexie returns a cheerful smile, her black hair blowing into her face as she pries strands away with a slender hand. This is what she needs. Some ice cream and a little company to help get her mind off Josh.
“Goodnight.” He extends one of the tubs to her and she smiles.
“You bought them so fast.”
“Actually, they were in my grandmother’s fridge.”
She raises a brow, leaning her rear against his car so they are now standing side by side. “Well isn’t she going to miss them?”
“Nope, there are plenty where these came from.”
Lexie smiles at his response, taking the plastic spoon from on top of it and lifting off the lid. The delicious scent of chocolate seeps through her sense of smell and she sighs in contentment.
Ian flashes her a charming beam, his hazel eyes filling with admiration. “You’re welcome.”
She scoops some of the frozen food onto the utensil before putting it into her mouth. The taste of the brown creamy dessert pleases her taste buds and her shoulders slump in relief. Her eyes drift to his tub and she smiles at the pink flavor, recalling their earlier conversation.
Ian notices the grin on her face and his lips tug up. “What?”
She shakes her head. “Strawberry.”
He chuckles, rolling his head back. “Why is it weird that I like strawberry?”
She shrugs her shoulders, jamming her spoon back into the cream. “I don’t know...it just doesn’t seem manly?”
Ian laughs at this, his white teeth shining under the bright moonlight. “Sexism.”
“Noooo.” Lexie giggles. “Not at all. It’s just not a masculine flavor I guess.”
“Well, I am manly alright. Look at these biceps.” He shifts on his stance and arches his right elbow, causing his arm to boldly tense up. Lexie identifies the muscles protruding under his tanned skin and she smiles, shaking her head.
“Mm. Point proved.”
He laughs. “And that ain’t even half of it. Should I lift my shirt?”
She chuckles. “Noo, I get the point. I get the point, trust me.”
He titters as he puts a spoonful of ice cream into his mouth, glancing over at her with a soft smile before looking away.
Lexie’s cellphone suddenly rings from the pocket of her pullover, and she holds the ice cream in one hand as she retrieves the buzzing cellphone with the other. She notices Josh’s name on the caller ID, and she swallows hard, her mood immediately becoming sour once again.
Ian notices where her gaze is fixed, and he looks down at the sleek device, twisting his lips in sympathy. “Are you going to answer?”
Lexie is unable to respond to the call out of fear that she’ll end up crying, and so she just silently shakes her head, stuffing her cell back into her pocket.
Blowing her lips out, she blinks away tears and pulls her eyes back to the treat in front of her. Gathering the willpower to speak, she offers a soft response.
“I just want to get over him.”
A tear escapes and slips along her cheek and she quickly sweeps it away with a quavering hand. Ian sighs and turns to her, resting a finger under her chin and steering her face to look at him.
His eyes search hers for a while before he exhales sharply, cold vapor transpiring from his mouth as he does. “Want me to help you?”
Confusion surfaces her face at his suggestion, and she tilts her head slightly. “Help me how?”
Ian’s eyes sink to her mouth, and he sucks his lower lip in. “Like this.” He suddenly leans into her and places his mouth against hers in a soft kiss.
Lexie’s eyes grow wide, surprised at his actions, but then she slowly closes them as she allows him to claim her lips as if they were his own. She’s not sure why she’s not pushing him away, but perhaps it’s because she needs any amount of distraction she can get. Josh is driving her crazy and she needs to escape from the agonizing thoughts for a while.
His lips are soft. But not as soft as Josh’s, and she scolds herself for still thinking of him at a moment like this.
Suddenly a bright light projects onto their faces as the sound of gravel crunching beneath tires resonates in the quiet scheme. She pulls away and catches her breath before turning her face to see who had arrived.
Her squinted eyes widen when Josh gets out of his car, slamming the door with fury as his eyes blaze at the two people who just locked lips. “WHAT THE FUCK?!”
“Shit,” Ian mutters, rubbing his lips as he sighs, but his tone is dry of all remorse.
“What the hell is this? Huh? What the hell do you think you’re doing, Ian?!” Josh walks over to them with rage, wanting to charge into his male friend when Lexie slips into the pathway, pressing a hand to his chest. She’s unable to meet his eyes and so she stations hers on the ground. Just one look at him will have her in tears.
“Leave him alone, Josh.”
“Did you just kiss her?! How dare you after I clearly warned you to stay the hell away from her!” Josh is trying to pass around Lexie but she’s slithering in his way at every move. His eyes are dark, his jaws grounded noticeably. “I am going to murder you for putting your damn lips on hers!”
“Joshua, leave!” Lexie orders, unable to handle all this added drama. This has all just been too much for her lately.
“No, he’s the one who should leave. He better leave! He better leave right now or I swear to God, I am going to fuck him up!”
Ian sighs. “Maybe that’ll be enough for you to wake up, Josh. If you don’t come to your senses, another guy is going to sweep right in and take her away from you. Because she’s beautiful inside, out. And it’s not hard to see.” Then he looks at Lexie. “I’ll text you, Lex.”
She nods with an apologetic face, and Josh looks between them both and clenches his teeth hard. “No, you won’t be texting her! You will never text or call her again, you hear me, Ian?! Or our friendship is over!”
Ian just exhales heavily and opens his car door, sliding in before starting up his engine and driving away.
Josh points his glare to Lexie who leers at him before shaking her head and walking off toward her house in anger. She can’t understand what on earth is his problem. He has a girlfriend so he has no right to tell her who she can or cannot kiss or hang out with.
She opens her door and walks inside, attempting to slam it shut behind her but Joshua stops it with a palm, furiously following after her.
“Like seriously?! My friend, Lex?! So it couldn’t be anyone else? Mm? What’s this, revenge?!” He grabs her arm to spin her around and the tub of ice cream slips from her hand, the brown melted cream splashing all over her grey carpet.
And that’s all it takes for thick teardrops to spill from her eyes. Not because of the wasted ice cream but because she is beyond exhausted and worn out.
She shoves him in his chest, and he stumbles back as she buries a hand in her hair. “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!”
Josh’s face softens in remorse. “I’ll buy you another tub.”
“It’s not the fucking ice cream! It’s you! You just won’t leave me alone!! Just let me get over you, please? Just live your life and stop interfering with mine!” She turns away in tears to go to her room when he quickly pulls her back against his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around her and burying his face in the crook of her neck.
“I am sorry, forgive me please?”
“Don’t say sorry to me!” She squirms away from his hold and turns to face him, stumbling back on her feet. “Say sorry to Ian. He only wanted to help me, he only wanted to make me feel better and you chased him away!”
“Stop siding with him, goddamnit!” Josh pushes a hand through his hair. “You already kissed him, you don’t need to be his fucking advocate too! Jeezus! You’re driving me crazy Lexie!”
“Me?! I am driving you crazy?! HA! I am not the one who has a girlfriend but keeps kissing and touching his best friend. I am not the one who keeps leading her on! You’re confused Joshua, you don’t know what the hell you want!”
“I do know what I want.”
“No! You don’t! You don’t know what you want, you’re confused and you’re confusing everyone around you too! You’re indecisive, selfish, and care only about how you’re feeling! You only care about your feelings! Not about anyone else’s!”
“Did you care about how I would feel to come by here and see you kissing my friend on your damn pavement?! Did you think about that?!”
“Wow! Funny of you to say that! Do you know what it was like listening to you having sex with Sabrina that night?! Do you know how painful it all was for me?! Or when you blabber on and on about your intimate moments with her! It hurts! And you will never get it! You have no idea how much I HATE YOU!”
Josh’s eyebrows furrow, pain written all over his face. “Don’t fucking say that.”
“I will say it because it’s the truth. I hate you, Joshua! I hate you so so much! And you will never understand the level of hatred I have for you! You will never understand how much I detest you to the bone! I can’t stand you, I can’t bear to—”
Josh firmly grabs her neck and shoves his lips fiercely onto hers, kissing the soul out of her. Lexie is shocked as she tries to pull away but he holds her face so tightly against his that she’s almost unable to breathe. He bites her lower lip hard, and she whimpers, her lips parting and allowing his tongue to slip inside, waltzing the walls of her mouth as if it’s his territory. His hot, minty breath melds with hers, clouding her mind and soothing her heart temporarily. But she quickly comes to her senses and gathers some strength to pull away from him, almost tripping over her own shaking feet as she wipes her lips with anger, seething at him.
“Don’t fucking kiss me again, you asshole!”
Josh swallows, his eyes clouding with hurt.
“I am so done with you.” She shakily wipes her tears away and moves off to her room on wobbly feet. She climbs the steps, tears trailing down her face as her body trembles.
And as soon as she enters her room, Josh grabs her arm and push her up against her room wall, pinning her arms beside her head and holding them firmly in place. He stares at her, and she gazes at him anxiously, her silver, sparkling tears glistening amidst the dim lighting of the room.
“I fucking love you too, alright? You are not allowed to be done with me. So don’t even dream about it.” And he roughly press his lips to hers again.
“But I wanna hold you like it’s June in the West End. Back when you were my best friend before love came to kill us. We’re not supposed to but I can’t learn my lesson. I miss when you were my best friend before love came to kill us. So under the mask of the moon could we dance in the past? Before love came to kill us.” —Jessie Reyez.
Truly sorry for the long wait guys!
Stay tuned for more updates!😊♥️
P.S: In the meantime you can check out my new story: ‘Rescue My Drowning Heart’ It would mean a lot :)
Thanks, lots of love & keep safe!ヽ(✿ﾟ▽ﾟ)ノ