Late Night Calls & Insomnia
"I'm never gonna let you close to me even though you mean the most to me 'cause every time I open up, it hurts. So I'm never gonna get too close to you even when I mean the most to you, in case you go and leave me in the dirt."
|| Same Night
[Lexie receives a message from Josh.]
J: Hey, don't mind the way Selene behaved tonight. You're not a slut or man-snatcher as she said.
(Lexie stares at the text. Josh is obviously trying to creep his way back in. She's unsure of whether to render a response or not. But considering how he stuck up for her tonight, she decides to offer a short reply.)
J: Didn't think you'd reply :)
L: Well. I did.
J: And it makes me happy. Thank you.
L: ok. Gonna get some sleep, goodnight.
J: Sigh. 😔Please stop running away Lexie.
L: I am not running away, I am tired.
J: I kept thinking about you all day today :(
J: And you keep invading my dreams. I keep thinking about how we were before we started fooling around the way we did, how close and happy we were. Then love came and fucked up everything.
L: Don't blame love. Love did nothing. You messed us up, Josh.
J: I know.
J: Fuck. I need you, Lexie. Please forgive me.
L: I forgive you, but that doesn't mean I want you in my life back.
J: Okay, can we just be friends again? At least.
L: Lol. How can we be just friends after everything that occurred between us? It would never be the same.
J: I know that but we can try. I just want to be close to you. I beat myself up day and night for allowing you to go through the heartache all alone. I am so sorry.
L: What on earth do you want from me, Josh? Why is it that I can't find happiness of my own without you interfering? Just stop. I want to move on.
(As Josh begins to type his reply, a message pops up onto his screen from an unknown number. He leaves Lexie's chat temporarily to respond to the person.)
(He rolls his eyes, annoyed at the fact that the person didn't see it fit to introduce themselves. How the hell is he supposed to know who they are with just an image of a flower as their profile picture?)
J: Who is this??🙄🤦♂️
Unknown: Sabrina's father.
J: Goodnight, Mr. Baker. I apologize, I didn't know it was you🙇
Mr: Mm. What did you do to my daughter?
Mr: Sabrina has been crying in bed for days on end, what transpired between you two?
J: Um, we broke up, sir.
Mr: I wasn't informed of this. Who called it off?
(Josh curses an expletive under his breath, rubbing his lips as he ponders on whether he should be honest or not.)
J: We grew apart, sir.
Mr: Grew apart? Young man, you are seventeen years of age, what growing apart are you speaking of?? How long have you two been dating?
J: Three years.
Mr: Three years isn't any amount of time. My wife and I have been together for twenty-five years. And we are still going strong. Is there another female that you have found interest in?
Mr: What's 'Yh'?
J: It's the short term for 'yeah'
Mr: Oh. Please use fluent language when texting me, I am not familiar with the acronyms you kids use these days.
J: Yeah. I am in love with someone else.
Mr: And after sleeping with my daughter and eating from my wife's pot, you decide to up and leave, shattering my baby girl's heart. Any problem you guys have can be easily fixed, I suggest you think this through again.
J: With all due respect, my heart is set on someone else and I am no longer in love with your daughter. I am truly sorry for this. I didn't mean for it to be this way but the heart does things without our permissions sometimes. I am sure you understand this.
Mr: Well, I can't force you.
J: I am truly sorry. I'll do anything to compensate for it.
Mr: Just know that you can never enter her life again. Not under my watch.
J: Noted sir.
Mr: Have a good night.
(Josh sighs and shakes his head, laying his head against his pillows and staring up at the ceiling. He does feel guilty about breaking up with Sabrina, but what can he do if his heart is now with someone else? He loves Lexie deeply and can't see himself with anyone else. Which is why he needs her to forgive him. To just give him a chance to show her he can be good to her.)
(He turns his room lights off and slides out of Mr. Baker's chat to enter Lexie's, noticing that she is still online. He quickly responds to her message.)
J: You're still up?
Five minutes later.
L: Yeah. I was texting Ian but he's asleep now.
J: Oh. It's almost 12 am and I thought you were tired?
L: I am. I can't sleep.
L: I just can't.
J: Me neither.
J: I keep thinking about you.
J: I want you to give me a chance to show you that I can be good for you.
J: Give me a chance to show you how much I love you, Lexie.
L: I am scared, Josh.
J: What are you scared of?
J: Tell me.
L: That you'll just hurt me again.
J: I won't, I promise. I will never hurt you again.
L: And then there is this guilt pricking my heart every time I remember that I came between you and your girlfriend. It just isn't right.
J: You didn't come between us. My breaking up with her had nothing to do with you. It was what I wanted.
L: I just can't feel right about this. I am sorry.
J: I want to see you tomorrow, can I come to your house?
L: I think it's best if we don't see each other.
J: :( You're making this really hard for me. But I guess this is exactly what I deserve after causing you so much pain.
J: Can I ask you something and you be completely honest with me?
J: Do you still love me?
(Lexie stiffens, staring at the question for a while.)
Four minutes later.
L: I don't feel like answering that.
L: I just don't want to.
(Suddenly Josh begins to call her, and Lexie swallows thickly as she stares at his caller ID. She doesn't want to answer, but perhaps he will leave her alone after hearing the rejection from her mouth. And so she takes a deep breath and picks the call up.)
"Hello?" She perches her duvet over her head, hoping to muffle out the sound of her voice so that her mom wouldn't discover that she's still awake at midnight.
"I still want your answer to the question." Joshua begins.
Her stomach leaps at the sound of his voice. It has been a while since she has heard it; the tone of it still has her heart thumping wildly in her chest.
"I already said I don't wish to respond," she says.
"Why? Because you still feel the same, don't you?"
Lexie sighs down the phone, hearing as Joshua releases a breath of his own.
"I don't know what I feel for you at this moment," she replies, hoping her voice doesn't decide to break. "But I am mad that I made my feelings blind my cognitive ability this entire time. Maybe I do have low self-esteem."
"Don't listen to Selene. She's just mad that she can't have her way with me. I love you, Lexie."
Hearing the words from his mouth causes chill bumps to grace her skin. She thought speaking on the phone would solve this issue, but patently, it's only making it worse.
"Say it back," he whispers, and she shakes her head though he isn't able to see her.
"I don't know if I love you anymore."
He sighs deeply, and Lexie hears as he shifts against his bed. "Shit, don't say that. That hurts."
She shrugs her shoulders. "You're not the only one hurting. I am tired, Goodnight."
She hangs up the call, fighting off the tears that are growing in her glossy eyes. She uses a palm to press over her face, hoping it'll be enough to keep the excretions away. Getting over Josh is harder than she thought it'd be. How can she heal when he just won't leave her alone?
Instantly, a message from him pops up onto her screen and she blinks the blur away to read the words there.
J: 😔💔I will wait for you.
She sighs as her lips quiver from the pain that is gradually expanding in her chest.
Then an unknown number sends her a message, and she clicks on it, discovering that there is no display picture to reveal their identity.
L: Who is this?
Unknown: Me, bitch. Selene.
S: Lol, cat caught your tongue. You had so much mouth in the group earlier, but since the boys aren't here to back you now, you're back to being a sneaky little lamb.
L: You're insane.
S: Don't worry, this is the last time I will be texting you. I just wanted to let you know this: Do you think you will be enough to keep Josh? A boy will always be a boy. And he'll soon find another girl who steals his interest, and you will be Sabrina next. He's going to fuck you over and leave you for another girl. Why? Because he doesn't love you. He just sees you as a stupid, insecure girl with no self-esteem and self-respect. In a nutshell, he just wants to fuck you. So sleep on that tonight, estupido. Sleep well :)
(Selene has gone offline.)
Lexie grows rigid at the words on her screen. She can't say they aren't possible; Josh could probably wake up one day and realize that this isn't what he wants anymore, right? She can tell he has feelings for her, but she's not sure if the same level of endearment she has for him is the same amount he has for her. She thinks maybe she loves him a lot more than he loves her.
Normally, the words would leave her sobbing. But not tonight. She has been through too much these past few days to sob at just a group of sentences on her phone screen. Instead, she blocks the number Selene texted her with and turns her lights down, deciding to get some sleep.
"I know you're thinkin' I'm heartless, I know you're thinkin' I'm cold. I'm just protectin' my innocence, I'm just protectin' my soul." —Sam Smith.
It has been a long wait, I know. Working on the next chaps and will post as soon as it is readable🖤🖤✨✨
*Other Books By Me:
•Show Me, Sensei (Can be found on my profile.)
•Rescue My Drowning Heart.
•Then You Look At Me.