Can We Do This Again?
Chat Song: ‘Just a Little Bit of Your Heart’ by Ariana Grande.
“I don’t ever tell you how I really feel. ’Cause I can’t find the words to say what I mean. And nothing’s ever easy, that’s what they say. I know I’m not your only, but I’ll still be a fool. ’Cause I’m a fool for you.”
Monday May 11 2020
Lexie’s Location: In bed, under the covers.
J: Lie onto your back.
(Lexie stares at Josh’s instruction. Why does it matter how she’s positioned?)
L: You mean right now?
J: Yeah, lie onto your back. Facing the ceiling.
(Lexie follows the command though she doesn’t understand what that has to do with sexting. She thinks Josh is weird.)
L: On my back.
J: Good....now the bed is dipping as I climb into it. I’m hovering above you right now, can you see me?
J: 😂you are supposed to pretend I’m there Lex.
L: Ohhhh, yeah I see you.
J: I’m pulling my shirt off, slowly. With our gazes fixed on each other. I’m lowering my lips to yours for a kiss and you’re allowing me to because you want me just as much as I want you.
(Lexie’s palms become clammy as she reads the words twice. She knows this is fake but why does it feel so real?)
J: I’m kissing you right now, and your lips are soft and sweet. I’m pulling your lower lip between my teeth, while my hands come up to undo the buttons on your shirt.
L: I’m wearing a dress.
J: Even better😏My hand finds its way under your dress.
(Lexie shifts uneasily, a weird feeling washing over her as her body courses with anxiety. She can’t believe Josh is talking to her like this. It’s naughty but she likes it.)
J: I slowly undo your bra...
L: I’m not wearing one.
J: Sorry, let’s continue...I grope your chest, using my thumb to rotate one of your small nubs that are rigid with arousal.
(She squirms slightly, evidence of her arousal pooling between her legs. She clamps her thighs together; not sure she can do this.)
J: My mouth replaces my hand, as I pull the sweet bud on your chest between my lips. Your toes curl as you cling to your sheet, your nails almost ripping the fabric.
L: This feels a bit too real.
J: Lol what do you mean?
L: Is it supposed to feel this real?
J: 😂Just relax and enjoy the moment, Lex.
J: My hand travels down to your panties and makes its way inside, discovering how wet you are. Are you wet right now?
(Lexie’s breathing has become ragged, and she blinks her eyes at her phone screen, wondering if he is waiting for a response or if it is just a rhetorical phrase.)
J: Are you wet right now?
J: Genuinely? Or are you just playing the part?
(She’s not sure if she should tell him. Does admitting that means that she’s revealing her feelings for him?)
J: ....That’s hot. I wish I were there.
(She freezes. Is that a part of the act? She does not think so.)
J: I would make you wetter by pleasing you with my fingers while the raindrops splatter onto the rooftop, drowning out the moans of your pleasure.
(Lexie’s hands can barely hold the phone up now, her palms are slippery, but they are not the only things that are.)
L: We should stop.
L: I feel weird.
J: Describe how you’re feeling.
L: I can’t.
J: Why not?
L: I can’t find the words. It has never happened to me before.
J: ....I don’t want to stop.
(She doesn’t either, but she realizes that she was right. This is only magnifying her feelings for Josh and she’s not sure she can handle it.)
L: Me either.
J: Then why do we have to?
L: It’s not right. What if Sabrina sees these messages?
J: She knows we’re just friends and that we talk about anything and everything. Are you worried about Sabrina?
J: She’s not the insecure type, she knows I don’t like you that way.
(Well ouch. Lexie’s eyes sting and she grips the phone tightly.)
L: I know.
J: Maybe later we can try this again? If you want to...that is. I enjoy doing this with you. It’s fun.
L: It’s not fun for me.
(She rolls back onto her stomach, and tears blur her vision as a single drop escapes and wets her phone screen. She sniffles and wipes it away.)
J: You didn’t like it?
L: I did.
J: Then what do you mean?
L: I don’t know.
J: 😕I don’t think I understand.
L: Forget it.
J: Are you okay? I’m worried that you aren’t.
L: I’m fine, Josh.
J: Can we try this again another time?
(Lexie thinks hard about his request. She doesn’t think that’s a good idea, but she decides to just agree for now.)
L: I guess.
J: 😘I love you.
( Josh doesn’t know that Lexie is crying into her pillow, her weeping is muffled as her petite body jerks at each guy-wrenching sob. She likes him so much and she knows that maybe he’ll never like her that way.)
“I know I’m not your only, but at least I’m one. I heard a little love is better than none.”—Ariana Grande.