Seeing her again broke my heart, I didn’t know what to say. My legs went numb and time felt like it just stopped again the moment I saw her. It felt like I lost a part of myself again the moment she put her arm around her waist.
The way she looked at that girl, it killed me inside every time they smiled at each other. For the past few months I been scrolling through her social media, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, Tumblr, and this might sound kind of weird but I was also stalking her Spotify and looked through all the sappy playlist they made for each other.
The fact that she moved on so fast killed me, was I just another girl to her despite everything we had in the past? All the late nights staying up, all the drunk conversations, all the sneaky makeout sessions? Everything at the moment just froze up, I couldn’t feel my surroundings, I couldn’t even feel myself physically. My emotion was a mess, all over the place, Ryan was just right beside me and that was my only resurrection.
“Hey, let’s go.” I jumped up as he touched my shoulder. “You alright?”
“Yea,” I mumbled, taking a deep breath, trying so hard to hold back the tears.
“She ain't worth it, Kate. We both know it.” He grabbed both my shoulder, looking at me straight to the face even though I was trying to avoid eye contact. He must have had noticed Joana. I didn’t want anyone to see me breaking down in public, it’s embarrassing.
“She cheated on you, Kate. She didn’t value you like you did.” He said “You deserve so much better than someone who doesn’t value you enough to stay loyal to you. You don’t have to cry over some teenager who doesn’t know how to treat you right.”
“You know what you need right now?” He let go of my shoulders and raised his eyebrows. “A drink. And some joints.”
I looked at him for a moment then shook my head as I let go of a pathetic smile. “Not my thing, dude. Has smoking a bunch of weed while getting drunk ever really helped you? I’m also broke as hell right now for weed.”
He stayed silent for a moment as we both stood quietly holding our coffee.
“Finish your cup.” He said. “Tonight we’re finding you a new girlfriend.”
“Alright no?” I laughed sarcastically, sipping my coffee. The last thing I needed at the moment was another girl who I just knew would break me in the end, just like how the ones in the past did. But don’t get me wrong, they all had very unique ways of doing it. It was either their unstable mental state or their religion, the religion thing was rare, but it happened. It was pretty crazy how one time this girl would slap the whole “I want to be a good child of God” thing in your face then go back to dating men. Or the time when they got caught cheating and decided to call you a crazy delusional jealous bitch. The most common way was how they would just slap you with the whole “I’m just not right for you” kind of thing, which probably hurt much less compares to the other lines since it didn’t involve either calling you a crazy bitch or denying their sexuality because of the “Issa sin we’re going to hell” thing which would just make you hate the entire world and how it operates. But the long break up text in the morning before they vanish into thin air was the most iconic, that’s all I could say for now. “So what now? We’re going to home depot and tryna steal somebody’s wife?” I asked sarcastically.
“No Kate, we’re going out tonight.” He replied.
“Alright?” I sighed. “Where do you wanna go?”
“The bar,” He said. “And before you’re gon say something, it’s a gay bar.”
“No, Ryan, just no,” I replied, putting my empty cup into the paper recycling bin.
“Just this time, Riley is coming with us this time.” He said, “We have not gone out drinking for so long because of all the working and shit, I need a rewind. Please, Kate. Just this time.” It was true that college and working at the coffee shop had gotten him feeling drained, but Ryan is Ryan, never too tired to go out. Try to stop him from going out for more than a day and he’d go insane. The guy had not been out to places besides either the grocery stores, the school’s library, or the coffee shop and I felt bad for him.
“Alright.” I replied, “This is the last time this month that I’m going out with you. I have work to finish.”
“Yes!” He jumped up, hugging me while I rolled my eyes. I just knew it would drain me right out, all the drinking and talking, and drunk laughing at random things. Everything is either super funny or super sad when you’re intoxicated. The worst-case-scenario would be me jamming my tailbone onto the floor since I wouldn’t be able to feel pain once I go hard on the alcohol.
“Kate, go get her number!” Riley whispered to my ear.
“No thanks,” I replied, sipping on my bottle.
“Alright, can I ask why?” She asked.
“She’s not my type” I replied, “And even if she’s my type. What if she said no? I’m not smoking hot like you.”
“Noone is ever your type.” Ryan added up. “just give them a chance, please Kate you don’t want to end up with a bunch of cats.”
“Well, that doesn’t sound so bad,” I smirked, taking another sip. “At least the cats love me”
“Alright babe let’s do this again” Riley grabbed me by the face with both her palms pressing against my cheeks as she looked into my eyes. Her eyes were so freaking pretty, and her long black hair with the side shaves and the earplugs got me feeling some type of ways. I would give Riley a shot if she wasn’t my best friend’s girlfriend.
“You will go out there and you will get at least one person’s number, it doesn’t matter if it’s a guy or a girl. You need to realize there are so many things out there besides your pathetic ex who cheated on you.” She was always such a bad bitch and it lowkey turned me on…
“Don’t steal my girlfriend, Kate.” He said.
“What?” I replied.
“We all know what you like.” He winked, finishing his glass.
“I’m not into your girlfriend, Ryan.” I lied and we all knew it, based on the fact she used to be my middle school’s science substitute teacher. I had a thing for substitute teachers back then. Let’s just say that I find older women so much more attractive than the youngsters. “Plus I don’t need a girlfriend or a nightstand, why are we even here?”
“We don’t necessarily need to find you a girl, Kate,” Ryan said, looking at me. “We just want you to have fun, that Joanna girl dragged you down mentally, I have never seen you this sad before.”
“Here you go.” The bartender smiled as she put another beer in front of me.
“I didn’t order this,” I replied.
“Well, it’s on her.” She answered. The woman with the undercut and the leather jacket at the table across the room smiled at me as she raised her glass. She was sitting with her female friends and a few guys. Why the fuck is everybody so hot? All of them combined looked like another episode of Love Island to me.
“She’s a snatch,” Riley whispered.
“What?” I jumped, cringed a bit, “Don’t ever do that again, both of you! It cringed!”
“Whatever, go talk to her! She’s hot as fuck…” She said. She was probably more excited than I was.
“I better not,” I smirked to myself. “Well, you guys finish the beer for me, I’m just gonna walk home.”
“Wait what?” Ryan asked. “Dude are you serious? She’s freaking attractive! And she’s just your type!”
“How do you know she’s my type? How do you know if I am not only into women who are twenty years older?” I said, “How do you know I’m not onto a secrete lesbian love affair with your girlfriend?”
“She’s looking at you, Kate,” Riley said, smirking while looking at her drinks. “Go talk to her. It’s now or never, she’s freaking hot, that’s all I’m gon say.”
“What do I get out of this?” I asked. “I mean, look at my past relationships, they were all shit anyway. If I have to be single for the rest of my life then I would be so fucking glad not having to deal with any girl anymore.”
“It’s on you, Kate. If you don’t want her then we’re not forcing you.” Ryan replied.
“Fine,” I replied, gathering my things on the counter into my backpack and walked towards the girl. She smirked as she saw me walking her way.
“Hey how’s it going?” I greeted, “I’m Kate, by the way.”
“I like your hair.” One of the girls gave me a half-smile. She had bleached blonde hair and a half head shave, with tattoos on her head.
“Thanks,” I replied. “Your hair is cool too, and can I say that I just love your tattoos?”
“Ah thanks, they look dope and extra painful as well.” She replied, “Do you have any?”
“Tats? Yes, I mean not on my head, but I have a few.” I replied, “I have one on my hip and another one on my back, and it’s not one of those cute little ones.” I winked
“I’m J.” The girl who been lurking on me finally speaks up, smiling at me.
“You seem like you’re cold.” She said, looking down at my shirt. Yes i was not wearing a bra, thank you for noticing.
“Probably a little,” I smirked.
“You’re with friends?” she asked, running her hand through her short dark hair.
“They’re my brother and his girlfriend, actually.” I lied. I didn’t know why I did it but I did it.
“So you’re from here.” She asked.
“Yea.” I lied. “What about you?”
“I’m from Russia.” She replied, “I’ve been living here for twenty years actually.”
“I guess you moved here when you were two or three?” I asked.
“Well, in fact, I moved when I was twelve.” She said, “I’m thirty-two, yes.”
“Oh, ok.” YES. I love older women.
“And this is my daughter Jessie.” She said, looking at the girl with the tattoos. Fuck, ok this is weird. Don’t get me wrong, I have no issue with the fact that she has a daughter or the fact that she was almost ten years older, it was only weird because I thought her daughter was hot and was flirting with her.
“You know what? I think I have to go, my brother is probably too wasted to be alone right now.” Well that was a lame excuse. “Nice meeting you tho, J.”
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