Fond and Fugue

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It was that time in the year once again. The day daddy went away to heaven. It’s been years since that event, but looking at the headstone in front of me, everything comes rushing back like it happened yesterday. I couldn’t hold in the tears anymore and someone engulfed me into a hug from behind. A comforting smell calmed down my nerves as I nuzzled my face in the crook of his neck.

I looked up into the mesmerizing sea blue eyes that hold so much pain in them. Admiring his flawless skin and features for a brief second. In an instant, he leans in to me, kissing me gently. It was soft, comforting and somehow reassuring that everything will be alright.

*Flashback over*

- I pulled away, quite taken back by the pictures that flashed before my eyes. In confusion, I rushed to the bathroom to get my head straight. Twisting the tap open, I take a handful of water and splash it onto my face to relieve any misunderstandings due to my lack of memory. Raising my head, staring at myself in the mirror -


My cheeks were damp from tears, I’m still wheezing at the news I received. This was going to be a good day, a happy day. I was going to say ‘yes’ to him. We had plans for the future, phir yeh kya hai [what is this]? No, no, this can’t be true! I refuse to believe this, he can’t be gone.

Staring at myself in the mirror in my bathroom in front of me, I wash my tears off, refusing to believe anything that stupid bakwaas [nonsense] doctor says. Denying the truth only gets me so far. When it finally settled in me, I smashed my right hand into the mirror, creating large pieces of glass that fell onto the ground.

Bending down, I grabbed the biggest piece, not caring it had cut through my palm, the bleeding was merely a pinch of the pain I was feeling, and I slit my wrist as deep as I could. The blood oozed out of my wound as I dropped to the ground, slowly losing my consciousness with a smile on my lips knowing I’ll meet him in the afterlife.

*Flashback over*

Still deep in thought of my memories, a sudden knock on the door brought me back to my current state. Looking towards the wooden coloured door opening, Jayden’s face filled with worry, he tried coming in as he saw the condition I was in. Raising his arms, he tries to engulf me into a warm hug but I couldn’t accept it, not after what I‘ve recovered. I ran against his shoulders and back into the room, snatched my purse from the dressing table and out of the house.

It took him a while to collect himself of what just happened before he trailed behind me. Quick on my feet, I heard him call me after me, “Amaya, wait up. What happened? Are you okay?”

But all I could hear was the same voice from my memories.

“Amaya, are you okay?”

“Maya, everything’s fine. Calm down.”

I pressed my hands to my ears, covering them so I wouldn’t hear anything else. All that I could think about at this moment was getting home and finding out who that was. And why he looked so much like Jayden. What if it was Jayden? Did I know him from before? I ran as fast and as far as I could go, hoping my legs wouldn’t give out before I reached home.


I fumble over my keys, trying to fit the right one that opens the lock to Nani’s house. My eyes still blurred and sticky from all the tears I shed just now. Pushing the door open with all my force, I rush up the stairs, jumping two by two to get to my bedroom faster. Ruffling through my luggage, closet, dresser, anything and everything to find something that would trigger my memories.

Something sparkly sticks out of my jewellery box which caught my eye. I went over, carefully placing my foot onto the floor that wasn’t camouflaged with colourful clothing. An unfamiliar necklace hid in the slightly opened drawer of the box. Feeling the metal in my fingertips, I notice a unique engraving, “A&A”.

*Flashes of memories*

It was Aiden. I forgot Aiden. I completely broke down. The loss settling deep within me. He doesn’t exist anymore. Not after his asshole of a sperm donor killed him.

Tu meri neendo me sota hai, tu mere ashqo mein rota hai, sargoshi si hai khayaalon mein, tu na ho, phir bhi tu hota hai.

My phone rings, the sudden sound jolted me back to reality. I tried ignoring the calls, but somebody was really insistent tonight. They were spamming continuously so I gave up and went hunting for the muffled song, and found it under a pile of clothes spread onto my bed. Staring at the caller ID for a good minute, it clicked that Jayden was calling me. I didn’t know how to react. Not after the scene I made, and certainly not after reliving the memories I lost. But I have so many questions? Is Jayden, Aiden? Did they know each other? Why do they look alike?

“Hey… you okay now? Will you tell me what happened? If you don’t want to, it’s okay, but will you meet me? Don’t say anything, just come tomorrow. Central Town Park. 5pm.” His soothing voice left as soon as it appeared.

My hands rubbed my temples in all the emotions combined. I don’t know how to feel. Should I be angry, sad, confused, happy?

I went downstairs, ate dinner gloomily and stomped back into my room. Looking at the mess I made just now, I picked up the necessary and left the rest of the cleaning to tomorrow. Now, all I could ponder about was Aiden and Jayden. With that, I fell into a deep slumber.


Heavy content heh? Stress, anger, sadness. A pile of emotions just dropped like a bomb.

Sorry, it was getting too long for my assignment and I had to get to the point. Hope you don’t mind it. It’s my first.

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