Trigger scene - please read with caution...
Studying my tomb proved beyond my comprehension. The light slowly died as scenario after scenario went through my mind. Each time I thought of a way possible to escape, my mind inevitably went to me dying. I couldn’t leave through the window, not with it nailed shut and wire placed on the outside. I couldn’t leave by the locked door. Even though it looked flimsy with one of those old-fashioned locks that jiggled when I tried it, it still didn’t budge when I put my weight against it. Wrapping my arms around my cold body, I went to the door again, searching for a solution to my hell.
Looking out the keyhole, I could see so very little. I couldn’t hear much of what was going on. A mumble here and there but nothing that gave a clue to my future. Why did I have to drop my phone? Would it even have worked up here? Unwilling to give up, I tried to think of a way to get out. It wasn’t just me. I had a child to think of. I needed to escape and try to live despite what was going on.
Tears came to my eyes knowing Brandt was home by now. Surely, he saw what happened and called the police. There was no way he could find me though. He knew about Dan but not that he was around. I kept it from him at the farmer’s market. I remember thinking he was a mirage and not wanting to talk to Brandt about him. That was my mistake. One that would cost me gravely.
Sinking to the floor, I started to cry. Slowly at first, but then the floodgates opened as I let loose. Hugging myself as I had so many times in the past, my mind wandered to how my life had taken a turn for the worse. I was so cold and frightened and couldn’t comprehend why this was happening now. I had everything going for me. A good life, a great boyfriend, and hope for the future, so why this?
Giving in and using the bucket for the purpose intended, I went to the opposite wall, so I wouldn’t have to smell my own fluids. I hated to do it but would have hated it more if I wet my pants.
If I strained, I could hear Dan from my position on the floor. Faintly at first, but there were bouts of shouting heard from behind the door. Darkness settled in the room. The moonlight shining through the window cast an eerie glow across the floor making my situation worse without the benefit of sight. His voice grew louder as nighttime neared. He seemed to be yelling at someone although I didn’t think there was anyone else in the room. I left my position on the floor and went to the door. Looking out through the keyhole, I could see him occasionally as he paced around. His words were mumbled, but he seemed to be arguing with someone who wasn’t there. It made me nervous, and I retreated to the other side of the room, no longer wanting to know what was happening.
As the night progressed, his shouting became worse. Items were thrown around the cabin and glass shattered against the wall that this room shared with the living room area. Dan yelled with fervor at the unknown adversary. Had he been drinking or was he just that unstable? This time, I thought I was lucky to have a barrier against him with the lock placed on the door. My luck ran out as I heard the rustle of tumblers sliding into place.
Dan opened the door and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up, followed by my muscles tensing in fear. A single light bulb in the cabin shone brightly behind him flashing in my eyes and casting a foreboding shadow across the wall. He stumbled into the room where I stood quaking. “There you are, you frigid bitch!” As he came closer to me, I started shaking worse. Even halfway across the room, I could already smell the alcohol permeating his breath. He was drunk and therefore not in his right mind if he ever was.
Moving to my feet, I stood with my back against the wall. Dan looked at me and past me at the same time. His eyes were dazed and glassy as they traveled up and down my body, making me uneasy. He stood before me, and his heated breath blew on my face shifting stray strands of hair to twist listlessly around my neck. I didn’t know what to say, so I remained quiet, shaking with fear.
“What should I do with you?” He pushed me against the wall causing my back to sting. I wanted to appeal to his humanity, hoping he would let me go, but I knew it was a hopeless cause. “I could kill you.” A tear fell down my face as I stood still, locked in my fear. My stomach lurched with dread as I contemplated my options with the open door behind him. Could I make it in time? “You have a rich boyfriend, though. He might want to pay for you.” Yes, that might keep me alive. At least for a little while.
“Brandt would. He would. He would pay--” That was when the back of his hand came up and slapped me in the face. My cheek stung and warmth spread up to my hairline. I could taste something metallic and realized blood collected on the corner of my mouth. The pain was enough to keep me quiet.
“You fucking bitch! You fucking frigid bitch! I am not the only rich asshole you came after. You gold digging cunt. It wasn’t enough just to ruin my life, but you found yourself another sugar daddy, didn’t you?” While he was talking to me, he gripped my hips as I stood with my arms clutched in front of my chest. He veered slightly to the left, letting his one hand creep up my body while the other steadied himself against the wall. When he pushed aside my arm and found my breast, a frightened whimper escaped in the wake of more tears snaking down my bruised cheek. Fear rose in my throat at his attack.
“I saw you. You fucking cunt. I saw you with that guy.” His hand worked its way down to my pants, and I anxiously pushed it out of the way. His eyes focused back at me as a warning, and I swallowed not knowing what to do.
“You have a rich little boy toy now, don’t you.” He laughed in that drunken way of his that said he was having fun torturing me. Spittle flung from his twisted lips sending a cold sweat down my spine. My eyes locked on his bloodshot orbs and I didn’t know how to respond.
“You fuck him, don’t you? You let him fuck your tight little cunt. Maybe you aren’t the frigid bitch I remember. Now, are you honey?” My limbs trembled as I blocked his access to the button of my shorts while my vision centered on the open door once again. His other hand left the wall, and he pawed at my breasts.
“Don’t.” The word escaped me before I had time to stop it.
Raw anger turned his brown eyes black as he flared back at me. ”Don’t what? Don’t what!? Don’t you know who is in charge now, you fucking whore?”
He ripped my shirt and I watched as the buttons popped off as I struggled to keep it closed. Turning his voice sweet as possible, he said to me, “Come on now, sugar. You can’t still be so frigid.” He laughed at first but grew fierce as I fought off his wandering hands. He slapped me across the face again and I buckled. It hurt so bad that I didn’t think my adrenaline would overtake it enough to continue to preserve what little dignity I had left. The pain flared up inside me causing a fire to surface on my skin. He struck the same spot as before, and the blood at the corner of my mouth began to bleed faster leaving me to acknowledge my fate. He was going to kill me. First, he would rape me, and then he would kill me.
Dan put his left hand up to my neck and held me up against the wall. He closed it with force, making it difficult to inhale a full breath. I flashed back to the night I told him of our pregnancy. He was mad then too. He thought I did it on purpose to trap him and his anger surfaced the same way as he held me against the wall by my throat, just like he was now. Although he didn’t hit me back then, I saw his quick anger when I told him ‘no’ in the past, and he called me a dick tease.
Being such a naïve teenager, I didn’t see him for what he was. I only cowered and told him I loved him to appease him. Why had I been so weak and let him get away with it at the time? He did this back then, and if I wasn’t such a coward, I could have stopped him. Stopped him when I had the chance. Now he would kill me, and there was no one here to save me.
As drunk as he was, he was still quick. His other hand went to my shorts and ripped the button off, flinging down the zipper before I had a chance to block him. No, I couldn’t let this happen. I rolled over and played dead the first time he attacked me all those many years ago and look what it got me. I had to fight and get out of here. If not for me, for my child.
Gathering all my might, I brought my hands up and pushed. He was caught off balance and stunned as he didn’t think I could go against him. Why would he? I never had before, and it was just enough force for him to keel over and land on the floor.
My mind went back to the door. I tried to run and would have gotten away from him if I had had the forethought to sidestep him. Instead, I went straight, and he kicked his legs out, tripping me. I fell and landed on my right hip and side. Pain jolted up my back and into my right shoulder blade. It took the wind right out of me. I was in shock, and when Dan jumped on top of me, I wasn’t expecting it.
This time he wasn’t stopping. His hands mauled me, scraping at my clothes causing ripping sounds to echo through the room. He reached up to my shirt and pushed up my bra, exposing my breasts. I tried to push his hands out of the way, but it was futile. Even in his drunken state, he was too strong for me. There was still a sense of self-preservation in me. I needed to stop this. I needed to get away.
The pain he’d already caused me was kept buried under my panic. He grabbed my breast and squeezed maliciously. When his hand went down to my shorts, all I kept thinking was, God, don’t let him rape me. He would force himself on me and use me for his own carnality. No, I can’t let it happen. Oh God, please. I can’t.
Dan lifted himself up and tugged hard on the clothing concealing my lower half, ripping the zipper open the rest of the way. He worked my shorts down and I kept trying in vain to shove his hands out of the way. This time, I didn’t even care if he hit me. Each fist to my face would be a way of prolonging the inevitable.
The broken record in my mind kept circling back to the same thought: oh God, no. Tears soaked my face, and my breathing became jagged as I frantically tried to fight him off. He managed to pull down my underwear, exposing me to him as I gave up on keeping myself clothed and my hands came up to claw his face. Numbed by alcohol, he ignored my defenses, completing his mission to get my shorts and underwear pulled down to my knees to rub himself on me. No, no, no. I can’t let this happen.
When he moved off me, I watched as his hands went to the crotch of his pants, knowing that when he got his pants off, my fight would be over. Once he got his zipper down, he would rape me. Forcefully enter my body and take what he wanted. He would take my will to escape, my sense of survival, and I couldn’t let it happen. Oh, God, please.
Seeing a small glimmer of hope with his hands occupied, I took a chance. When he knelt between my right leg to unzip himself, I brought my knee up hard and connected with the crotch of his pants, hitting him so forcefully between the legs that I hit bone. Dan doubled over and fell to my side with his mouth contorted in pain while he grabbed onto his groin. Screaming with all my might, I worked away from his vicinity, trying desperately to pull up my shorts. My fingers weren’t working fast enough, either through the relief of escape or my dwindling courage, but at least now I had hope.
Pushing up and over him, I got to my knees slowly, thwarted only by the way my underwear and shorts were taking so long to get up. My growing fear made me look in his direction noticing the fire in his eyes. “You fucking bitch!” His scream echoed in the small room as I pulled up my bottoms and tried to stand, poised toward the door. “You fucking cunt!” His reddened face flung spittle from his lips as he threw the words in my direction, making him look insane and bloodthirsty.
Before I could even stand upright, he was there, grabbing my hair and pulling me toward the floor with force. I saw the light of the main cabin behind the outside door just out of my reach taunting me. He made his way to a semi-upright position while I struggled with him. A punch landed on my face, followed by another. They were weaker than before but still had the same impact, causing me to halt in pain and fear. Agony exploded around my left eye momentarily blinding me and knocking me back to the floor.
Holding my face with my hands, I writhed in agony while fighting to stay conscious. Dan made his way to a standing position, hovering over me. I didn’t even notice his leg pull back before he delivered an excruciating blow to my right side, rendering me motionless. The sharp, blinding pain shot deep into my stomach and my right flank area by my ribs which caused the air inside me to depart my lungs in a rush. The pain sent flashes of light into my eyes, and I clamored for oxygen knowing my fight had left me.
“You fucking bitch! You cunt!” My mind floated between consciousness and unconsciousness. He was yelling, but his voice grew softer in the distance. I curled into a ball and tried to postpone the darkness from overtaking me. I couldn’t gauge him anymore and gave up, unable to go on. The pain was bad, tormenting every small movement, causing me to weaken to the point I could no longer breathe normally. In my catalepsy, I noticed the room growing darker. Did he leave or did I finally blackout? Either sounded like heaven at this point and I let myself float into the abyss.