It's Hard to Explain
Aaron and I walk up the drive and the gate begins to open for us. We walk inside and I hop off and lead Bandit back to his pen and start taking off his gear. Aaron ties Milo up next to Bandit and does the same. I brush off Bandit’s sweat and let him loose into the pen before walking over to my tent. I zip it open and climb in. I lay back onto my sack and hold my bag over my face and groan loudly into it.
I hear the tent unzip, followed by a voice. “you okay?” I Rayla questions.
“Oh, you mean other than being a fucking basket case with extreme emotional problems with Anxiety and what I’m pretty sure is PTSD? Then yeah I’m fine,” I say, removing my bag from my face.
“Did something happen on the ride?” She asks, sitting down on her sack.
“I guess you could say that,” I say, sitting up, “Long story short, we almost kissed.”
Rayla looks at me, eyes wide and mouth open slightly, “you almost kissed?”
“Yes, but as I said we almost kissed,” I repeat.
“Who pulled away, you?” She asks, curiously.
“No shit, I just don’t want him to get hurt,” I answer looking over at her.
“You and I both know that’s not what you’re afraid of,” She comments, putting a hand on my shoulder, “Amara, I get if you’re afraid of getting hurt, but don’t give him mixed signals because not only will it hurt him but it’ll backfire and come back around to you.”
“I know, and don’t get me wrong I do like him, I just don’t want anyone to get hurt,” I add, “Okay now onto other matters because if I keep talking about this I’m going to have an episode, Matt said something about a kind of hang out after dark and I invited Aaron and I don’t know if he invited Isaac and if he did if he invited you but long story short do you want to come with me?”
“I already planned on going, Isaac asked me earlier after you guys left,” she replies.
“That works out well, at least I won’t be alone with Matt if Aaron decides not to come,” I comment.
“I have a feeling you didn’t scare him off,” Rayla says standing up, unzipping the tent, “You coming out with me, or are you just going to sit in here and feel sorry for yourself?”
“Alright alright, I’m coming,” I answer, smiling.
Rayla, Major, and I exit the tent and walk towards the lunch area. Aaron and Isaac are nowhere to be seen, and Matt is talking with Henry and 2 other guys. It feels like we’re back in high school with the douchebags and the normal people.
“Amara!” Matt hollers at me, waving me over towards him.
I walk towards him. “Yeah?” I ask awkwardly.
“You coming tonight?” he asks, lowering his voice.
“I plan on it, yeah,” I answer.
“Good, it wouldn’t be as fun without you,” Matt adds, winking at me.
“Right,” I say awkwardly, walking away towards the food area.
“He’s really forward with you,” Rayla points out, looking back at him.
“Yeah, no shit sherlock. Something about him rubs me the wrong way,” I chuckle uncomfortably. Rayla and I sit down at one of the tables and talk for a while.
After maybe 15 minutes, Isaac and Aaron start walking towards us. Aaron stops and Isaac walks back towards him. I listen as best as I can without being obvious.
“I think I’m going to go check on the horses, besides I’m not that hungry,” Aaron comments.
“Dude, come on, you aren’t seriously chickening out because of what happened,” Isaac complains.
Aaron is at a loss for words. “Just don’t worry about it, and like I said I’m not that hungry,” Aaron adds, walking away.
Isaac walks over to the table and sits next to Rayla, putting his hand around her.
“What was that about?” I ask, trying to seem like I have no idea.
“He told me about what happened on your guys’ ride, why did you pull away?” Isaac questions, confused.
I cover my face in embarrassment. “Fuck,” I groan, feeling guilty.
“What?” Isaac asks, confused.
“Look I didn’t want to pull away, at least part of me didn’t. It’s hard to explain and I would rather just have Rayla explain,” I say, standing up.
“Wait where are you going? I thought we were going to eat?” Rayla, questions confused.
“To see Bandit,” I reply, “Come on Major.”
I walk over to Bandit’s pen and he immediately walks up to me. I stroke his face gently before he points his nose to the ground, joining his face with Major’s. I smile at the fact that they seem to be okay with each other. I glance over to the right to see Aaron looking over at me. I walk in his direction and his body language changes completely, his face goes red and his arms tense up, showing his veins.
“Hey,” I say, slightly anxious.
He stays silent for a few seconds, “hey.”
“Look, I want to apologize for our ride, I feel like I kind of ruined it,” I apologize, avoiding eye contact, looking towards the ground.
“You didn’t ruin it, I was just too forward and moved too quickly,” He apologizes in return.
“Well, I won’t correct you there, you were pretty forward, but not as forward as Matt,” I say, chuckling slightly.
“So, we cool then?” He asks, holding his hand out slightly.
“Yeah, we’re cool,” I say, grabbing his hand and pulling him in for a hug.
“What’s this for?” He questions, confused.
“For not being a dick and ignoring me,” I reply, wrapping my arms around him.
His hands wrap around me and we hug for a few seconds before releasing from each other.
“Now, come on, let’s go eat,” I suggest, walking away.
Aaron and I walk back over to Rayla and Isaac and sit down at the table.