Sold my Soul

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Chapter Thirty Eight - Trinity’s POV

I watched my husband as he became the strength I didn't even know I needed. He called our midwife and doctor immediately who advised they would like us to get to the hospital immediately as they needed to confirm it was the first baby's water that had broken and not the second baby's.

Stephen ran up and grabbed my bag for me while Mia and Clint helped locking up the house. At first I was elated, I had been hoping my water would break and I would go into natural labour and not have to be induced or worse a c-section as everyone I had spoken to said the recovery time was worse than with a natural birth.

My elation was soon overshadowed by anxiety. That means NOW, tonight I have to do the whole labour and pushing and hurting.

Stephen drove steadily but quick to the hospital and we were soon escorted to a private suite and waited for the midwife and doctor. The doctor and midwife came to examine me and confirmed it was our little boy's water that had broken, but baby girl's was still intact.

The midwife and the nurses checked me and I was dilated to a four so they advised they would be placing an epidural. I wasn't in that much pain yet, but they had advised those pains I had been experiencing all day were in fact not my sciatica that I had suspected but rather contractions.

The nurses asked me fifteen-hundred random and sometimes ridiculous questions to fully admit me, took two tries to get my IV in place, and I just kept breathing through the contractions that were now slowly starting to build until the nurse anaesthetist arrived

Most doctor's require all mamas expecting multiples to have an epidural placed due to the high risk nature of the birth and needing to have a backup should an emergency c- section take place. I honestly hated the epidural being placed.

Once this had been completed I laboured with just myself and Stephen in the room, our midwife regularly coming to check by. My husband was being truly amazing and if he was nervous I would never have guessed.

Trinity - You are amazing baby, you are calm and steady and giving me everything I need right now because I am on the verge of freaking out

Stephen - Baby, you have got this, you are the strongest woman I know, you are amazing and I am so god damn proud of you, you got this momma and I will be with you every step of the way.

Trinity - Ugh I am dreading the doctor coming back in to check my cervix baby that shit fucking hurts like crazy

Stephen - Baby you squeeze my hand as hard as you need to, don't be afraid ok, we are in this together

Trinity - Together

Stephen - I love you

Trinity - awwww fuckkkkkk I love you too shit shit

Stephen - breath baby deep breaths

Trinity - ooo ooo you know we are not doing this again right?

Stephen - haha we'll see baby

Trinity - Stephen Luciano!!! aghhhhhhhhhhh

Stephen - concentrate baby, that is a conversation for another day

I squeeze his hand extra tight to give him an indication of how serious I am being right now. I see him wince so I know he got my point!

After labouring for about 7 hours my doctor came in and let me know it was time to wheel me back to the operating room ( as most all twin momma's have to deliver in the operating room for safety reasons) as I was now dilated enough. I honestly never thought that much of the birth up until that point, and it all hit me at once.

I grabbed my husband's hand as they were wheeling me back and telling him I was scared.

Baby don't be scared, I am right here, I will be right next to you the whole way, I am not going anywhere. You've got this baby, I know you do.

The operating room lights were bright, and I was shocked by how many people were there (two doctors including Dr Cater, an anaesthetist, several nurses, some for the babies and some for me). I realised suddenly that this was not going to be the soothing, spiritual and sentimental birth experience that everyone had lead me to believe and I began to get a little nervous.

I started to freak out slightly when I had heard the nurse mention nearly half a dozen times about the what ifs if they had to open me up (c-section)

Trinity - baby

Stephen - Yes sweetheart

Trinity - you need to tell that nurse to shut the fuck up or speak quieter before I punch her in the throat

Stephen - hahaha it's ok baby, they are just making sure they have every thing ready.

Trinity - if she says open her up one more time Stephen

Stephen - shhh it's ok baby it's ok

He leans over and takes my lips in his as he brushes his fingers over my forehead trying to distract me from what the nurse is saying. Our kiss is broken by another heavy contraction as I grip his hand to high waters. I hear him groan with me but bless him he stays encouraging.

Stephen - That's it baby focus, look at me please, it's ok we got this

Trinity - aghhhhh it's ok it's ok

Stephen - That's my doll

I continue to staredirectly into my husband's eyes focusing on him who soothes my soul and stopsme from panicking

I hear the doctor advise they are going to top up my epidural and also do a pudendal block.

Dr Cater - Ok Trinity next contraction and you're going to push.

And so I did screaming the room down as my husband squeezed my hand and leaned into my ear whispering words of encouragement and soothing me

Dr Cater - ok hang on patience Trinity, we have to be patient stay with me . . . . . ok and push

This continued for a few more pushes as I screamed blue murder, something about feeling like I was splitting in half, anything I was delirious by this stage.

Dr Cater - Ok Trinity one more really big push

Trinity - I can't anymore

Stephen - Yes you can baby, come on let's do it together

Dr Cater - Ok Trinity now push

I scream as I grip both of Stephen's hands and he groans in pain as the feeling in his fingers escapes.

Dr Cater - That's it Trinity good work good your son is here.

I panicked a little when I didn't hear him wailing, however it only took a moment for his lungs to fill with the world and to bellow his frustration at being torn from his cosy home.

I could hear the nurses yelling out he is fine to Stephen and I as they took him over to weigh him and clean him up.

Things immediately got difficult though because my body didn't wait. There was no delay as they were hoping and I started contracting again immediately. This made turning the baby much much harder. It is quite common for the first twin to be born vaginally and the second to be born c- section. I had been hoping and praying that would not be my experience, but all of a sudden it began to seem more likely.

Stephen - Baby you need to focus now ok.

I nodded to my husband. Every time I pushed I felt our little girl come down, but then the contraction would end, I would stop pushing and she would pop back up again. A uterus that carries twins is distended and stretched and there was too much room to keep the baby moving down into the birth canal.

Dr Cater was careful and patient but time was ticking and our little girl's heart was showing that she wasn't having a good time. I was pushing and pushing and was absolutely sure I was going to be hoisted onto the operating table at any minute. I felt myself start shaking and crying

Trinity - Please please let our girl be ok, do whatever it takes to get her here whole and healthy.

Stephen - baby it is ok you can do this, you got this. Come on babe I know you can do it. You're the strongest person I know

I was almost praying for a c-section just to get her out and into my arms and yet I kept pushing and pushing with all my might.

I felt weak and tired and completely overwhelmed. I asked Stephen if he wanted to go be with our boy, but he saw the panic in my eyes and nothing could have moved him from my side.

Forty-three (agonising) minutes after our boy was born, I screamed out a loud and convincing "I CAN'T DO IT!" and then that was it- I pushed our daughter into the world.

Our daughter finally wailed and I knew she was ok too. Within a minute or two of her delivery, I delivered the placentas. They came so quickly after baby, one was likely starting to pull away from the side of my uterus already, so it was a good thing I went into labour.

And then it was over. Well, really it was just the beginning- I had two babies in my arms. Stephen and the nurse pushed my bed back to my room after getting us all cleaned up while I cradled my brand new loves. I stared and stared at them. Two babies. Completely healthy. Neither one to be whisked away to the NICU or taken from my arms. I nursed them one-by-one and whispered sweet nothings into their tiny ears.

Stephen came and sat on my bed next to me as I passed our son to him who weighed in at 6 pound 7 and our little girl who was a tiny 5 pound 8

Stephen - You are the most amazing thing I have ever seen with my eyes. I have no words to describe that. I am amazed by you baby. You are incredible. I can't even describe how much I love you

He leans over and kisses me as I feel his warm tears drop on to my cheeks.

We gently lay our twins down together in front of us as we stare at them in awe

Stephen - Thank you baby, thank you. My whole world is right here in front of me

My husband pulls me into him cradling me as we stare at our beautiful safe children

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