Chapter 28 Miscarriage and Miseries
At the Cowell's Hannah POV January 1668
It had been a couple months of wedded bliss. I am not saying life in the home has been easy, but my husband has been understanding. I suspected that I was with child since I did not have my menses after our wedding. I told John and my mother, but I did not want to announce until after the danger period was over. John was thrilled so was my mother. She promised not to tell anyone yet.
I was busy doing chores, and we hired two indentured servants to help me. One was washing the clothing. The other was helping John do the farming. I was making a quilt for Joseph and Sarah's wedding anniversary when I felt a severe pain in my abdomen. I asked the servant to call John from the yard and then to go get my mother. I told the servant to inform them that something was wrong. She left right away. Before I knew it, My husband asked me, "What is wrong, my sweetie?" "John, I am having a lot of pain in my stomach." He asked, "Do you think it's the baby?" I wasn't sure, but something was not right.
My mother came rushing over in a haste. She asked similar questions. I asked her to stay with me. I told John that I would inform him once I figure out what was going on. I let him get back to his work. He looked very concern, and I tried to appease him. I said, "John, my mother is here, and she knows about the woman's body, so once we figure this out, we will send someone for you. My mother told him a midwife was coming soon to check me out. He said, "I really do not want to leave, but this matter is out of my range of knowledge." He turned to me, and gave me a kiss, and whispered, "Whatever is happening, I love you, and I will be here for you." I gave a nod of understanding, and he left the room.
Just as he left, I doubled over in pain. My mother rushed over and lifted my skirts. She saw blood running down my legs. She gave me the chamber pot. I aimed, and I lost the child. My mother wiped me up, changed my dress, and held me as I cried. I must have cried so hard that the whole front of her dress and apron were full of my tears. I felt horrible. The midwife arrived and confirmed that I lost the child. She said that it happens quite often. Even my mother admitted to having a miscarriage between Benjamin and Jacob that is why we celebrated after Jacob's birth. I felt so lost. I felt that I was to blame. I started to doubt God. He did not want me to have children. I feared John would divorce me to find a fertile wife. After my examination, the midwife told me that I can have children and that there was something wrong with this baby, and that is why it left my body. She reassured me that I could start trying again in a few months. She said to wait a while to have intercourse. She wanted my womb to heal. She told me to keep taking care of myself with proper food and rest. I nodded my head and she left. My mother asked the servant to get John.
He rushed in the door and saw the bloody dress. He looked at me with solemnness in his eyes. I looked up in his eyes and said, "John, I lost the baby. The midwife said I need a few months to heal, and then we can try again. I am to eat well, rest and abstain from being intimate for a few months. I feel so disappointed. I keep thinking I did something wrong. I keep thinking your going to divorce me thinking I can't carry a child. I am so sorry that I could not bare this child for you."
John approached me, and he sat on the bed next to me. My mother started to flash, so she excused herself to cool off outside. He held my chin up and looked into his eyes and said, "Hannah, stop speaking nonsense! You are the only women I will ever love. You will be the mother of my children even if it's just one. Do not let this loss win at taking away your joy. I will never agree to separate from you even if God made you barren. You are my wife, and we are now one. This miscarriage was not your fault, and stop doubting God. I am disappointed too, but we can bare this burden together, Okay? I nodded and said, "I love you too, and you have helped me feel better. You are the best the best husband besides my father, of course. He treats my mother the same way. I know I will get over this with lots of rest, prayer and eating well." He said, "Now my sweetie is back. We will try again, and God does not give us children, we'll have plenty of fun trying to make them. He said that with moving his brows up and down. We chuckled. My mother knocked on the door, and I told her to come in. She said, "Ahh...My Hannah is back! I knew your husband would get you out of your tantrum." I asked her, "Mom, how are you doing with the change?" She replied, " I sought out the medicine man from the natives, and he recommended black cohosh to treat my symptoms. He also recommended alfalfa, chaste-berry, dong quia, maca, oak, sage, sweet grass, red clover, star anise blended together to treat my symptoms. The doctor told me to drink ale, eat raw eggs or ground animal ovaries. Ewe gross!" They all were chucking at her reaction. Her face was all scrunched up and her lips were puckered. "Otherwise, I just have to deal. I have been suffering with this for a few years, so it should be over soon. It does make me depressed knowing that I am getting old, but God is blessing me with grandchildren, so has helped me out of my miseries. I have read and memorized Philippians 4:8 which says: Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. By thinking of the things of God, you focus on the positive and it relieves you of the negative. So my Hannah, think of God during your time of sorrow, and you will get better.
My mother had a point.
After she left, I sat in the chair looking out the window as the snow started to fall. I bowed my head and prayed to God. I prayed for comfort and sought hope in him. I thought about the psalms and recalled Psalm 42 where David says that his soul thirst for God. He asks through his tears, Where is my God? He says that he is so depressed, but he hopes in God. He will praise God even in the bad times. He will hope in God even though he is depressed. I decided to hope in God because he is faithful. He answered Hannah's prayer for a child in 1 Samuel. He will answer mine. I am blessed because I trust he will be with me through it all. I prayed for my time of mourning to be short, and that I would have children in the future only if he wills it.
Mary walked into the house and I noticed her appearance. She was all wet in front of her dress. She was sweaty from her flashes, and she had a disappointed look in her eyes. "Mary, What's wrong?" I asked
Mary looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, "Hannah was with child, but she lost it an hour ago. John, It was so hard to be strong for her because I knew the pain of losing a child. Then, I started my flashes and I had to step outside to cool off and cry for her. I am all wet from sweat and her tears. Oh John, it was so tough, but I am glad that our son in law comforted her with his arm, assured her through his love and encouraged her through God's love that she was smiling when I came back in. I told her about Philippians 4 and it helps me with my depression during this time of misery (her change). I also had the midwife give her an exam and she is able to have children. Oh John, I am sorry I did not tell you that Hannah was with child because it was early and she lost the child during the first stage."
I sat there and looked at my beloved and said, "You are forgiven. I know you ladies like to wait until the first stage is done before announcing to others. I also know that Hannah can try again, and if God wills, she will have a babe. I also know that you are dealing with turning "old", but I still think you are the most beautiful woman in my world and that no matter how mature you get, I will always be hot for you. Let me get a servant to have a bath drawn for you, and then you will see that it is not a falsehood.
The maid had drawn the bath. Mary and I went to our room and locked the door. I took all her clothes off. She took off mine for me, and I asked if I could join her. Of course, she agreed. We got into the tub, and I rub the homemade soap on my hands, and started to wash every inch of her body. I noticed the her birthing scars, but I thought they were very appealing to me because she carried all ten of my children. Those scars were a result of my undying love for her. I said, "Mary, I will love you forever even in my grave. No matter what happens in this life, you will be my only one true love." She looked at me and said, "John, I will love you forever even in my grave. If you die before me, I will not remarry because no other man compares with you. These marks are the result of that love, and you will be the only man that sees or touches them intimately. You are my true love!" We kissed and bathed, and then we were joined together in the tub, and then we dried off and made more hot, steaming love. Our attraction for one another has never got old.
About a year later, John and I had a hot night of love making, and I finally got pregnant again. I took really good care. I made sure I ate well, rested more, and I finally was able to carry to full term. In November of 1669, after many hours of travailing, I had a girl and named her after my mother, Mary. John was thrilled. He came into the room and told me that I did well. He praised God for his faithfulness. I held the baby in my arms, and I cried tears of joy. God finally answered my prayer and made me a mother. I thanked and praised him for his faithfulness too.
A few days later, John C. wrapped baby Mary tightly in a homemade quilt, took her to the church, and she was baptized.
"Miseries" is the term they used for a woman's change. My how times have changed in treatments, eh..
Hannah found hope in God. He is faithful!
Next few chapters will focus on Benjamin and Jacob. They both marry in the same year as well 1675. You will still see Joseph and Hannah too.
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