“what you want”..I looked at my cup of coffee that cooled..and I started talking ...
“Did you know that I remember the first time I saw you in college..I was sitting..You were on the second floor ... we both looked at nothing..I noticed you looking at me..I ignored you and then I looked at you again and found you still staring at me..I did not understand very well what was the connection between us at that time ,But I liked it..So I started to see you every day at the college, see you in the morning when it is cold and you are rushing to amphi..And when you are on your bike leaving the college..I noticed all your details without getting bored..and when you look at me I ignore and represent that I do not care, believe me, I was interested in you a lot.
It was my first year at the university and you were your last year..At some point I thought you were interested in me, as much as I was interested in you..I looked for your account on social media..and I found you..I checked all your pictures and memories..and I liked to be your secret fan..but I could not add you.
After that the last semester exams passed..I looked at your results before mine..You had succeeded in the exam..I was very happy even this means that you will leave the college.Two days before the graduation party..i added you to my instagram account..and you also did..
on the day of the party ... you were, as usual, elegant and distinguished from the others who wore dress of graduation.. I noticed that you look at me again..I liked that. I still kept a picture of me and my friend while you were looking at me from behind..I love that picture.I posted a photo to my account when I returned home after the party ended..It did not take minutes until you text me .. It seems that you did not know that it is my account because I did not put my pictures in it..You said hello..
I answered you; hello..
you:How are you doing..
me;fine and you..
you:me too..why did you not congratulate me at party; I waited for you but you did not...
I felt, as I read those words, that my dreams come true and that I am very happy.I was late to understand what you said to me and choose what to tell you wisely.
“I wanted to congratulate you, but I was shy”..this is not what I said; I wish I said it...
me:I did not know that you graduated ..
You laughed and then you said; Yes, I did not wear the graduation dress or celebrate with my classmates because I hate those things that are traditional to everyone..I love to celebrate on my way ...
and I love your way,I wrote it so I went back to erase it..
me:ok that good..However, congratulations ..you:Thank you.
I didn’t answer you, I wanted you to continue the conversation. But you didn’t do..that night,you left and left me in that scary world alone.
But I woke up to a morning message from you ..
you:Good morning, sorry I fell asleep yesterday and left you.
I wish you knew what that message had done to me..it moved my feelings..I liked how you justified a girl who just spoke to you yesterday..
You allowed me to dive in you..and now I am drowning ...
We are chatting every day..My day became incomplete without talking to you,but..I wished that I could complete what we started..I know well that I hurt your feelings,suppressed them and that everything was true on your part ..
But nothing makes sense to me,I hate myself, I hate how I deceived you and then I betrayed you ... But I did not think you would leave me that simple, I wanted you to hold on to me,but...