Is This Love Book 2: Losing Yourself

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Chapter 14: The Freakout

“So, where did you get these clothes anyways?” I ask Samantha.

“You mean these fashionable Jean shorts and this Keith Urban t-shirt? I’ve had them forever. I don’t know how you haven’t seen them in my closet.”

“Really? I didn’t know you had anything close to these.”

“I don’t, they’re your mom’s.”

“That makes more sense. You almost had me there.”

“Are you kidding me? I did have you there. You believed every word I said. Now, let’s get out of these dirty clothes.”

Samantha plays some music on shuffle from her phone. The first song that plays is “Sugar” by Maroon 5.

This is a good song...maybe I should give her a show.

“I’m hurting, baby, I’m broken down.” I sing while circling around Samantha. “I need your loving, loving, I need it now.” I unzip my pants and raise my shirt halfway up.

“When I’m without you, I’m something weak.” I drop down on my knees and hold her hips. “You got me begging, begging, I’m on my knees.”

I continue singing and slowly removing my clothing trying to be as seductive as I can.

When I get to removing my bra, I move the straps down each shoulder and watch Samantha eye me hungrily.

I can’t be completely undressed and Samantha fully clothed.

I move against Samantha’s back and put my hands in the bottom of her shirt. I slowly raise it over her head as the chorus plays. I then spin to her front, “Your Sugar, yes please.” I unbutton her shorts. “Won’t you come and put it down on me.” I take them off slowly, rubbing her legs along the way, and revealing her black thong.

I don’t think I can wait any longer. I need her.

I stand up, put my hand on the back of her neck and pull her in for a kiss. I slowly back her up to the wall and run my fingers over the front of her silky thong. “Fuck, I just want you!” I say aggressively under my breath.

“You amuse me, My Pet.” Samantha smiles down at me. “I think you’ve forgotten who’s in charge.”

“Please, My Queen. Can I just fuck you how I want. I just need you and I need this.”

“For you, I’ll allow it. Show me what you’ve learned. What do you desire to do?”

Excitement surges through my veins giving me adrenaline and confidence.

“You’ll see.” I say coyly.

Finally...I can do anything that I want.

I kiss her deep and start rubbing against her. She responds by also moving her hips. I slip my tongue into her mouth and dance it around with hers.

Samantha’s mouth tightens a little. What the shit? What’s she doing...oh fuck, that’s nice. Samantha lightly sucks on my tongue and rubs hers over mine. Wow, we’ve never kissed this way before. Gods, it’s so hot.

I slowly break our mouths apart and move down to her neck. I kiss and lightly nibble all over. I wait for her breath to falter before I start sucking on that spot. She immediately moans into me.

I continue on that spot as I undo her bra and release her beautiful breasts. I lightly squeeze and massage them. I kiss down her chest and to each nipple. I suck on them lightly and continue down her stomach. I kiss across the top of her thong.

I yank it off in one motion. I look up at her naked flesh above me, she’s so perfect. I raise my arms to cup her breast and breathe in the scent of her sweet sex.

I take another breath and lightly lick her pussy folds. Her legs stiffen in response with anticipation as she lets out a deep breath.

I forgot there’s a shower. Gods she’d be so hot with water droplets glistening on her skin.

I stand up, turn on the shower and walk back to Samantha while shimmying out of my underwear.

“Let’s start getting clean.” I suggest.

I lead Samantha into the stream of hot water and begin lathering soap all over her body. Once it’s been rinsed off, I continue praising her body with my hands.

I lean into her and kiss her collarbone, slowly making my way across her chest to the other side. I kiss the spot I found on her neck earlier and she instantly starts melting in my arms.

I press my naked body against hers, feeling our figures form perfectly together. Fuck...she’s perfect.

“Turn, My Queen.” I request.

Samantha slowly turns away from me with our bodies rubbing against each other along the way. I take a step back and just look at her.

I massage my hands up and down her back as she moves and bends with my fingers. I reach to the top of her shoulders and hold pressure down on her. I just wish I could fuck her so good like she does me.

I move her against the shower wall and I press my wet pussy against her ass and feel the warmth of her against me. She presses into me with pleasure. I rhythmically hump her and listen to the faint moans escaping her mouth.

I keep pushing harder into her while holding her body against mine. “Fuck.” I moan into Samantha.

I start nibbling the back of her neck and shoulder, we each quicken our thrusts and breaths. Soon, we are panting together in the steamy air around us.

I wonder if she’d ever beg to be fucked…

The thought starts driving me crazy. I slide my hand to her front and slowly rub her clit. Samantha moans and drives into me harder.

“So, I guess you’ve had enough teasing then?” I ask.

“You can tease me all you want, My Pet.” She whispers out.

Fuck...I’ve had enough teasing her.

I run my hand down her ass and feel her lips from behind and we both moan together. I find her opening and slide my finger in her waiting pussy.

She’s so wet. Fuck, her muscles feel so good around me.

I stir against her with my finger following my movements. She presses into me and I slide another finger inside.

She starts moaning quickly and I suck and bite the back of her neck. She removes one arm from the wall and moves it down to rub her clit.

Oh, fuck.

I start fingering her faster and I feel her muscles start tightening around me and she moans out, “Deeper.”

I press in deeper and harder, “Fuck, Ily, fuck me.”

I continue my movement within her as she moans and screams out in pleasure as the orgasm overtakes her.

Hearing her scream out sends a surge of desire and need through me. I’m so ready for her.

“How was that?” I ask as I remove my fingers.

She turns and faces me, “Very good, Ily. Thank you. I say it’s time for you now.”

“I’m so ready, My Queen.”

She pushes me up against the shower wall. Shit, that’s kind of cold.

“Your neck is so perfect.” She whispers in my ear. A second later, I feel her hand over my neck, just resting there.

Fuck...just press down a little...that feels so nice...take me. She instantly makes me forget about my surroundings. “Shit Sam, I like that. I need you!”

She presses against me and glides her hand to my center and then slowly stimulates my swollen clit.

“Yes, I need you, My Queen.”

She kisses me and slides inside. Yes, finally. I moan out as she fills me with pleasure. She skillfully fucks me.

As I’m getting close to climaxing, she returns her hand to my throat and slightly presses down which sets me off immediately, “Fuck….uhhhh….Sammmmm!” I scream out as I come for her.

“Very good, My Pet.” She holds my head with both of her hands and kisses me. “We should return to the party. I’m sure everyone is here by now.”


“There you guys are! You almost missed all the food.” My dad says as we join the celebration.

All of the farmers and families in our town have someone present here. There are about one hundred people gathered eating in lawn chairs and mingling around.

Holy. I didn’t think there would be so many people here. Samantha grabs my hand and leads me to the beginning of the food table.

I release her hand and grab a plate...there’s so much food. I start having major anxiety and don’t want to grab anything. My hands start shaking and I can’t look at the food. I can’t do this. I’m okay. I don’t need to eat.

“Hey babe, I know it’s a lot here. How about you grab a seat by Jack, and you can munch off of my plate?” Samantha suggests.

I nod my head and retreat away from the source of my ill feelings. I try to search for Jack with my distracted mind. I wander through the people until Samantha comes up behind me, “This way, love.” She guides me to Jack and we sit.

“Are you okay?” Jack asks.

“Yeah, I don’t know. It will be okay.” I say not understanding really what’s happening. Why am I feeling like this? I can’t eat, there’s too much food. I don’t need it. I’ll be okay skipping this meal. I had breakfast and I’ll have dinner. Just breathe…calm down…you got this.

The commotion around drowns out my head and I zone out for a while.

“Ily, are you there? You’ve been quiet for half an hour.” I’m drawn back by the sound of Samantha’s voice.

“I’m here.” I respond flatly.

“Will you eat for me?” She asks.

“I can’t, no I can’t. I just...can’t right now.” I say starting to freak out.

“It’s okay…shhhhh. You’re okay. I’m right here.” Samantha pulls me to her chest and rubs my head to comfort me. “Take a deep breath, Doll.”

I take a deep breath and her perfume fills my nostrils, washing me with a calm wave. “I’m sorry…”

“There’s nothing to be sorry about. You’re safe. Just BE, here, with me.”

I hold onto her and try to relax. Wait, I can’t show affection like this. The whole town will know I’m gay parents barely even accepted me. Now everyone in town will hate me. I can’t do this.

I stand and get away from Samantha. There’s so many fucking people here. I make my way towards the house, people are walking up to me asking how everything is going. I ignore them, just trying to make it to the house.

“Ily, over here. I was just talking to Gerald about.” My dad summons me over towards the house. I look over to him with fear in my eyes. I can’t. I have to go.

I turn around and start running down the driveway, past all of the people and ignoring Jack and Samantha’s pleas.

I run until I can’t anymore. When I look around, I realize I ran to the field Jack and I were previously in. I walk to the patted down area and sit, holding my knees to my chest.

Breathe. Just breathe. You can do this. Those people don’t even matter. You’re gay Ileana, you can let it show.

No, I’m not perfect, I’ll never be perfect. Everyone sees me differently. Even now, I’m still broken. I need to be perfect again.

I see the way everyone saw me. They think I’m a freak. No one will ever talk to me again if they knew I was gay. If they knew I have an eating disorder, they’ll all refer to me as a freak.

I’m my only friend. I know me, I get me. I don’t need anyone else. I can do this alone. I’ll always be there for myself. I can’t count on anyone else.

That’s right. I got this.

The confidence within me builds, by the time Samantha and Jack reach me, it’s too late. I don’t need them anymore.

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