The pain. The melancholy. The grief.
As if I lost someone forever.
Maybe. Maybe I did.
Maybe I will never see him again.
I realised that my hands never stop shaking. I have to swallow the tears that are stuck in my throat, threatening to come out and show it. To show the world, that I’m weak.
And at the same time, I can’t be weak, just because I have another life, growing under my heart. A life, that is the only memory of Kai that I have left. A baby, a life that we created together.
And I have to be stronger than I ever was, to be able to protect him. Or her.
A couple more weeks passed since we got separated. Using a fake name, a chestnut coloured wig, lots of makeup to hide my real identity; I finally went to my first doctor’s appointment. It was weird. It was strange to lay down there, without him. But not after I saw a tiny life, through the screen in Dr. Lewis’s office.
“Oh, what a beautiful miracle you have there. Its heart should start to beat so soon. Well, we will be able to hear it, soon.”
“So it means…”
“You’re pregnant for about five weeks, dear.”
I was never good at maths, but it wasn’t as hard to get two plus two. Five weeks ago… Around five weeks ago, my last name changed. The wedding. We started the baby the same night as we got married.
It would be like a dream come true, for other women. Finding your soulmate. Getting married. Starting a baby the night you become a family. Maybe, buying a house after…
I would be one of those women. If I still had Kai.
Both Brent’s and Kai’s trials, didn’t take long, to sentence them. They had enough proof for the murders. Enough evidence. For all of our murders.
One part of me wanted to surrender. What I know, that they don’t deserve to suffer for all of our crimes. We did everything together, what means we should all be in prison. Together.
“What are you talking about? You want to give birth to your baby in PRISON?”
Avery’s words were the only thing that stopped me from going straight to the police. I have another responsibility now, it’s so different, this time. I will be a mother.
And Kai doesn’t even know that he’s going to be a dad.
29 years. That is how long we will be separated. 29 years without seeing each other, because of the fear to get caught by the police. 29 years without touching, or kissing each other. 29 years, before we become a family again…
The blackness of my memories start to spread through my mind, clouding my thoughts and taking me back to places I never want to revisit. But the only thing we have left, is hope.
Hope to find a way for Kai to escape, no matter how hard that is. Hope to get revenge for everything that James did. Hope to find my, and Avery’s real father. Ben. Which seems to be the most irrelevant thing right now. But still; I have hope.
Hope is like a ray of light in the darkness of our past. It guides me back to reality. The reality, when the only thing I can do is to protect myself and the baby. To think of the plan that I need, to achieve things that I’m craving for.
And wait. Wait for the miracle to happen. But somehow, the wait lasts for two months.
Until suddenly, after two months being separated, something started to change...