13 April , 2008
In class VIII , the best thing you can think of is the lecture on Reproduction in Living Organism , specially on sexual reproduction .
I started reading that chapter in the starting of the term . Till now , I never read a chapter on my own before it was finished in class but it was exception .
I read it whenever I was alone in home , it always made me erotic . Even in school , we always laughed at it .
In school sometime, we knowing read contents of the science book and when the name of this chapter came , we spoke loudly and watched blushing face of girls . It was all fun.
The time came , chapter started but before reaching Sexual Reproduction , we were given a sex education class separately from girls .
It had nothing .
Now , I think that the root cause for a person to become evil is not his own lack of discipline but the lack of guidance from adults .
Our quest for sex didn't decreased by sex education but it increased by ten , as we became more curious about it .
When teacher started teaching Sexual Reproduction in my class , all of us were smiling silently . My eyes were on Sukhsirat . She was restricting herself from smiling and watching her was really funny .
All of us were either having our heads down or slightly bend to hide our smiles .
When teacher left , we laughed aloud and then looked at each other with a wide smile .
This was fun but wasn't enough to quench our thrust for finding it more .
Some boys were shaking earth and heaven to find about it . And after that much of work , one day
We watched PORN
The day started like a normal day . But during lunch time same as always one of my friend told me that one of our classmate had porn in his phone . We asked him to play it during lunchtime . On back seats , we made a group of boys and surrounded him and watched it .
It was erotic .....
Girls somehow knew that we were watching something like porn , so they just ignored us and saw us falling in hell .
On that day , I learnt about a porn site . And I remembered it.
On some other day , when when my parents were out and I was alone in my room . I turned on PC . But before that made sure to lock door and to put curtain on windows. Fearfully and excited I watched porn and masturbated for the first time .
After a month or two , it was my habit to watch porn whenever I was alone in my room .
I never felt regret after watching it because I thought I was learning from it.
But for a child like me , it created many illusions and therefore in reality my expectation from other person increased .
This was the third step towards hell .