28 April ,2008
I was afraid of someone reading it , so I prayed the God to not let others find it .
The next period was game , everyone was excited but I wasn't . For me games was too a boring period because I wasn't playing any game .
In game's period I didn't left class and tried to search my paper everywhere . I saw every desk and even looked in dustbin . After a minute or two someone came inside class . I thought to ignore him and was searching my paper .
A known voice spoke my name . I turned back and saw Sukhsirat . She was standing there . I noticed she had tears in her eyes but I tried to ignore them . She had a paper in her hand . I wished it wasn't mine but it was .
She said " Why are you so self-centered , why you don't consider our feelings ? " . She was crying .
She was scolding me " You even don't know , what we felt when you left home just for three days and now you are thinking of leaving us for lifetime . How dare you thought , we would be happy after your death , how dare you ..... "
It was the first time in two months someone was talking to me . It was a joy moment for me . I was thirsty for someone scolding me , I was thirsty for listening my name from mouths of my friends , I was thirsty for love ......
" Are you even listening ? " were her last words .
I knew it well that she had my paper but still I asked her " How do you know I am going to do suci.."
I felt something hard on my face . She slapped me . But it wasn't a pain that I felt but instead I felt someone's love for me .
"How dare you say that again ? " She screamed with tears on her cheek .
"Why are you trying to stop me ? " I asked
" I care for you ..... " she was sobbing in her tears .
Her words shocked me , and I felt something which is hard to explain .
" Thank-you " were my last words before I started crying .
When she saw me crying she stopped crying and hugged me . This was the first time I felt bad for my works . I owe my life to her .
That day she taught me first chapter when I asked her to tech me because I wanted to pass class X with good marks .
That day she asked me to remember the promise I made to her in class VII .
When I wasn't able to remember anything , she said " In class VII , you once promised me to overcome me in my grades in class X . You said you were tired of second position and wanted to be in first position . "
I didn't remember it , I even didn't remember how I looked when I was in class VII .
But the chapter she taught me was copied in my brain . She asked me to revise it in home . When I read that chapter in my room , I found it really interesting . I had a lot of time so I read next chapter too.
When she asked some questions from both chapters , I knew the answers of every one of it . It increased my confidence . Slowly and steadily I covered half of my syllabus .
I knew it well that because she taught me in free period or during lunch time , everyone started maintaining distance from her too. But she didn't show it to me.
I was studying in home just to make sure her hardwork doesn't go in vain . Because of it , I developed interest in studies .
In our pre-board exams , my average score was sixty percent . It was a lot to me . And Sukhsirat's average score was eighty-nine . It was the first time she scored less than ninety .
My teacher thought I cheated in my exams and also he blamed me for Sukhsirat's bad percentage . He also made sure never to let Sukhsirat talk with me .
On the other hand I knew it well that Sukhsirat's bad score are because of me . I made her to teach the topics I wanted to revise and never let her revise her own doubtful chapters . She was crying from inside but never showed it to me .
Therefore the next thing I did was to assured her that I can read chapters by myself and she didn't need to focus herself on me .
I read chapters and practised more and more .
In depression , I made myself cut from all the distractions and now it became boon for me .
I had no distractions and for the first time I was giving my hundred percent output .
In my next pre-board my average score was eighty-four and Sukhsirat's was ninety-three .
Everyone praised me . Even my parents were happy. This was the feeling I was searching for .
Now we were left with Board exams . She gave me her wishes and challenged me to score more than her . I accepted her challenge .
I did a lot of hardwork to make sure my victory . But at a certain time I was feeling bad by thinking myself ahead of her .
We had two months before result , so I thought to channelize my energy into something good . And also my doctor asked me to write a diry , so I stated writing it .