I took a deep breath in gathering myself to finally spell out the words I have been encouraged by my doctor to accept. The words that were supposed to free me from the deepest darkest shackles of my hideous past, the words which would signify the beginning of the new start.
It was heartbreaking as the image of my house blazing in the fire, crumbling down into nothing but dusts played in my mind. My desperate screams of helplessness got stuck on my throat and only beads of droplets dripped down my chin as I watched my entire family burn down in flames right before my eyes.
However, with a final gulp of the inexpressible agony, the words slipped out of my lips as though it was not the hardest thing I had to go through.
"It wasn't my fault" I half-heartedly admitted.
My doctor Suba, who I had grown accustomed to due to countless therapy for my PTSD, gave me a small smile and nodded her head.
"Your loved one will be proud of you. I am sure they want you to forget the past and move on as well" She leaned forward and gave me an encouraging pat on my thigh.
Despite being in her mid-twenties, She was one of the reputed psychiatrists in the city and also a friend of my late elder brother, one of the reasons why I preferred to go to her.
"Life is like a chocolate box, we never know what we are gonna get, all we can do is expect for it to be good" she was very soft-spoken and just by listening to her voice, I could relax.
"Forest gum" she quoted the source of those wise words and I mirrored her smile recognizing the famous movie.
We both stood up from our respected seats and gave each other a hug knowing this was not just the end of the session for today but the last of our session together.
In a few days, I would be leaving the town for a fresh start and I would be continuing my therapy from the doctor recommended by her. "Jin Walker"
"I wish you all the best for your future" she wished as I held her more tightly grasping that I would miss the person who helped me so much to stay sane.
"Thank you for everything" I sniffed being genuinely grateful for her support.
As we chatted and exited her office, I was welcomed by an angelic face with a soft smile gracing his plump lips. His bouncy golden hair parted with perfection as he glanced at me instantly elevating my mood.
The person I wouldn't survive without after the incident that shook my world took place. As always, he was patiently waiting for me while I got my therapy.
He was my backbone in this lonely world and even a day without him would make me feel as though I was crippled. Without any words, he took my hand and after bidding goodbye to my doctor he led me to his car.
"So much shopping to do and stuffs to pack" he exclaimed as we both secured ourselves with the seatbelt.
"I finally got the confirmation from the building management, our rooms are on the same floor so you have nothing to worry about" As he went on I quietly listened to his words and occasionally responded to him with head nods.
It wasn't that I was disinterested in his talk, in fact even Christian knew I was listening to him with full attention but I was no longer a cheerful, talkative girl I used to be. The glee from my world had faded away and I was simply living the life I was awarded by god after so much of bloodshed. I just didn't want to take the breath I was breathing for granted.
"Cant we live together?" I questioned him in a low voice since we had been living together for three years now.
Following the night of tragedy, Christian took me in since I had no one left in the world. My greedy relatives did want me to come to them however I knew they were just behind the inheritance left by my parents so I rejected their offer and held the hand of my friend who I knew would never let me down.
Ever since I moved in with him, he was in charge of everything regarding my life and had taken the responsibility to fulfill every hole in my life.
Like a mother, he took care of me, Like a father, he supported me, like a brother he protected me. He bore the burden of my degrading mental health, held me when I had nightmares, sustained me whenever I had a mental breakdown, therefore, knowing that I would no longer be sharing the same space with him kind of made me feel weary.
"Our university is quite strict when it comes to accommodation, They don't seem to allow both genders to rent the same apartment, so for some time lets manage and after few months we will search for a place together" He placed his hands over my thigh and rubbed it to ensure everything would be fine eventually and I trusted him for that.
"Since we will be on the same floor, I will always be near you" I guess he knew what was bugging me hence he quickly added retracting his hand back to the steering wheel.
Trying to understand the situation I bobbed my head. He was already leaving behind his life and coming with me to a new city to help me start a new life and I couldn't ask anything more than that.
I was more than grateful for the sacrifices he had done for me. I leaned my head against the window plane numbly staring at the scenery that was passing by in a blur. Until Christian was there, I knew I would be fine. With him beside me, I had started to believe things will slowly get better. To be honest, I had started to become a little hopeful of my future.