I can't even remember the last time I felt that way..
All I know is the closest I've come to it, is when I'm around her.. Ellerie exudes a warm confident energy, in a way that only she can.. and after West's brutal honestly today, I'm beginning to see that denying my feelings for her really only serves as a punishment to myself..
One that maybe I don't deserve as much as I wanted to believe..
And maybe that's something I'm ready to let go of..
Maybe I'm rady to give happy a try..
She shifts forward on the sofa, wrapping her smooth, bare thighs around my ribs and her hands around the back of my neck, I let my arms rest, either side of her hips.. "I wanna be the guy that makes you happy, Ellerie.. I know I haven't given you any reason to believe me when I say this .. But, I'm gunna try.." Her eyes glisten with the hint of tears, but she blinks them back leaning forward and pressing a featherlight, tender kiss on my lips before whispering..
"Jackson.. You dont have to try to be anything for me.. Just be you.. That's enough.."
The woman is and absolute Saint..and that only makes me feel even more like a complete dick for not making sure she knew how I felt sooner..
After everything, somehow she still sees the good in me..
And that is what gives me hope..
My hands move to grip her hips now, her body fits so perfectly in my hold and the temptation of having her so close has me itching to feel her, to have her even closer.. And to have her closer, I have to let her in.. Open myself to the possibility that maybe.. I really could be that lucky..
To find that connection once is rare but to find it twice..
"In that case.. I want to tell you something.."
She leans back, her head tilted to one side, her long red hair falling over one side of her sweet face and spilling over her shoulder.. Her jade eyes wide and curious.. "You can tell me anything, Soldier.." Her sentiment makes me smile.. I know she means that..
"I've never been good at this stuff, Ellerie .. Even before going into the Marines. But, Dahlia.. She was.. Effervescent.. Outgoing.. She was the kind of person who saw what she wanted and went after it.. And for some crazy reason.. I'll probably never understand, she wanted me.." I sit back on my haunches.. My nervous pulse picks up.. I never really talk about Dahlia because, well what am I supposed to say..
The subject usually ends up making people uncomfortable or worse.. Her eyes search mine and she nods as she hangs on my every word, as if she's a desperate to know my secrets as much as I'm dying to know hers.. "When she died.. It was like.. Everything turned grey.. I'd never been so lost.. So I switched off, stopped caring.. And I just kept on thinking about how it should have been me.."
She gasps as single tear slips down her rosy cheek.. I wince a little at the sight.. I hate the idea of her feeling even a fraction of my pain.. "Jax,no.."
I rub at the discomfort in my chest.. The scalding burn in my scars begins to intensify, the way it always does when I try to talk about the past.. I reach up and brush her silvery tears away with my thumb.. "Shh.. Don't cry, baby.. Please.."
She sniffles and nods again.. Doing her best to blink her tears back, biting her bottom lip.. "West pointed out to me that I've been stuck..and he was right.. I may as well have been dead for the past decade, cus I sure as shit haven't been living.."
She smiles softly, she strokes a soothing trail across the nape of my neck.. "You loved her, Jax.. There's no right or wrong way to cope with something like that.." She's so sweet.. Understanding.. I honestly thought this would be so much harder, but the way she looks at me.. Its not the usual pity that I expect to see.. Instead, she simply listens..
"I did love her, Ellerie.. But she's gone, and shes been gone for so long.. You know, I can't remember the sound of her laugh anymore.. Because all I can hear is yours.. I guess what I'm trying to say.. Fucking terribly, is.. You make me want to live again, Sunshine.."
She reaches up, running her hands through my hair, her fingers moving again to gently massage the back of my neck and shoulders, tension melting out of my stiff muscles at her touch.. "You have no idea how badly I wanted to hear you say that, Soilder.."
She draws me closer, the taste of her soft lips spurring me on, she presses herself into me, her tounge toying with mine encouragingly and its like a thousand volts shoot straight through my chest..
She tastes like cotton candy and whiskey.. Sugary with a hint of spice.. I can smell the light floral perfume of her hair.. Her throaty moans triggering a surge of blood to stiffen my wanting cock..
She pulls back as her fingers dip beneath my shirt at the back of my collar, before she tugs.. I raise my arms, allowing her to pull the shirt from my back.. Letting the white cotton fall to the floor, her hands then move to trace lightly over the tattoos that cover my shoulders, moving down to my pecs, her eyes follow her fingertips, a coy smile forming on her lips.. "Mmm.. Soilder, you look good enough to eat.."
I grin at her mischievous tone, rising up on my knees to move over her as she lays back down on the sofa, her hands continuing their teasing exploration of my torso... "Yeah? You like yourself some chocolate, huh baby.."
She giggles, that smooth silky sound, smacking my arm with an open palm in playfully punishment before she licks her lips with a sexy hum.. "Mmhmm... I want the whole candy store, Soilder.."
My hands wander beneath her stappy singlet, pushing it up to expose her tight, toned stomach, tiny waist and full breasts.. Her perfect pink nipples tightened into stiff peaks..
Jesus fucking christ.. No bra..
This woman is so goddamn hot, she's going to be the death of me..