My Valerie

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T W E N T Y 5

Valerie

I had spent a few more days in the hospital before they finally discharged me. Adrien was angry. Since I woke up he’d have the worst mood swings I’d ever seen in my life. Phoenix said it was because of stress and the lack of sleep which made sense but it hurt, I needed him.

He carried my hospital bag to the car without saying a word to me and got in. As soon as I got into my side I clasped my hands together and stared at them as if they were the most interesting things ever. I felt horrible and I felt dead inside, I really needed him by my side.

“What’s wrong with you?” I decided to ask and break the silence. He looked like he’d been holding back from saying what’s on his mind for days now.

Adrien turned and looked at me silently as he pressed his lips into a thin line before taking a deep breath. “What were you thinking?” He asked.

“What?”

“What were you thinking when you went out there all by yourself and using your shield on me,” he said as he stared deeply into my eyes, making me wish I could melt into a puddle of nothingness.

“I- wanted to protect you,” I whispered and looked at my hands once again.

“You don’t protect me, Valerie. I protect you. That’s how it works. You know…” he paused before running his hands through his hair. “I don’t know what I would have done if I lost you. These past three weeks were hell for me and I’m not sure if I would have been able to handle more. You promised not to break me.”

I frowned and sunk back into the car seat before blinking to get rid of the moisture in my eyes, “I’m still here Adrien.”

“Dammit Valerie,” he hissed before smashing his hand on the steering wheel making me flinch and gasp as I squeezed my eyes shut letting the tears slide down my cheek. “You were not here for three weeks. Three!”

“I sat there. On that chair every single day waiting for you to just wake up because I couldn’t do this life thing without you. You’re acting like what you did wasn’t a big deal. Like if I lost you it wouldn’t have changed anything. I know you’re awake now but it still eats me up. You cannot act like this was nothing,” he said with a slightly raised voice as he ran his hands through his hair continuously.

“It’s not the first time you did something reckless. I don’t blame you for Lennon though, that was your brothers doing. But this? You could have told me and we would have planned something but you went and put your life on the line.”

“Please let’s go home,” I whispered and looked out of my window. I didn’t want him to see me crying.

“Let’s go home and act like nothing happened right? Like rogues aren’t coming back. Like you didn’t lose your wolf and like the pain I went through was nothing. Let’s go home and never talk about it because that’s not important,” he said and started the car.

I looked at him with wide eyes and another tear escaped my eye, sliding down my cheek as I tried to blink it away. That was the first time he said something about me losing my wolf. “Wow,” I whispered and wiped my cheek. “I- I can’t handle this right now... I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I felt scared and had to act fast and made a dumb decision to save you because I love you! You know the state I was in. I wasn’t okay Adrien. I had just found out about Lucien the day before,” I said and locked my hands together. The last thing I had expected was for him to yell at me and I was not in a mental state to fight or argue.

A sob escaped my lips and at the sound of it he turned to look at me with furrowed brows, “No-no fuck Valerie I didn’t mean to make you cry,” he said and moved closer to me. He reached his hands out to wipe my tears but I flinched and turned my face away from him.

“You need to work on controlling your emotions. Can we go home?” I asked and saw his hands drop to his lap.

“You thought I was going to hurt you,” he whispered more to himself than to me. I didn’t mean to flinch but after he slammed the steering wheel it scared me. The one person I needed the most was messing with my mental and emotional state.

“I shouldn’t have yelled. I’m sorry. I keep forgetting that we were both affected by this... Valerie,” he sighed. “I just cannot lose you. You know everything and you know how afraid I was of this. You came back to me this time but I cannot have this happen again,” he said in a calmer voice.

“You won’t lose me,” I mumbled as I leaned my head on the window and waited for the car to move.

“Isabelle will be there to talk about your wolf,” he said but it didn’t excite me anymore. I didn’t feel like meeting anyone, my brain felt like it had been running for miles and was begging me to stop.

“I’m tired now. I don’t want to talk about my wolf,” I said and that was the end of it. He looked at me for a moment before he began driving home in silence. It was like a void was inside me, a never-ending void that consumed me and left me feeling nothing.


I was glad to be home but I still couldn’t find happiness. I was laying down on our bed, curled under the covers when it dipped and I heard Adrien sigh. “Valerie?” He called and I slowly turned to face him.

He looked horrible, to say the least. I felt bad for ignoring him but I wasn’t exactly at my best either. “You look tired,” I whispered and looked at him.

“You’d be surprised,” he laughed. “The rogue we thought was dead outside the border wasn’t dead. Just weak so they took him to the cells and he refuses to talk,” he said before placing his head on the pillow facing me.

I stayed silent and pulled his head to rest on my shoulders. He buried his head in my neck and we stayed silent just enjoying each other’s warmth. Phoenix told me that he barely slept for three weeks because of me and I knew having me close to him would help him.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you,” he whispered and kissed my neck.

“I don’t like fighting with you,” I mumbled and played with the ends of his hair.

“Me neither. But Valerie… when you flinched,” he sighed and balanced on his elbows to look at me. “You know I’d never hurt you. I’d never raise my hand on you.”

“I know,” I whispered and pulled him back down to hold his head against my chest. “You’re like a big baby,” I said with a soft laugh, making him growl.

“I’m a fucking warrior,” he said and I just grinned.

“Baby warrior,” I said just to tick him off. I was trying to hide the fact that I felt like shit and dead inside. Besides, it was a good distraction from my thoughts.

“If those words leave this room you’ll see,” he said in a threatening tone making me laugh once again. He managed to somehow always lighten up the mood for a while.

“So I can’t tell Kade?” I asked with a raised eyebrow and ran my fingers through his silky hair.

“Try and see what happens. He already thinks you made me soft. Which I don’t think is true,” he said and I saw his face scrunch up with the word soft.

I hummed and continued running my fingers through his hair. I did believe he was becoming soft compared to when we met, but that was a conversation for another day.


A week had passed and it only made me realize how safe Alaska made me feel when I had her. I was wrapped around in a blanket just staring at the wall. I felt like a ghost just looking into nothingness, I had no purpose. I was so deep into the same repetitive thoughts when something blocked my view. I looked up and saw Adrien staring at me with sad eyes.

Isabelle tried to sit with me and do her witch stuff, she gave me herbs and made me do so many things but Alaska never showed. I tried to find a distraction from it but I couldn’t, so sleep was my best option.

“You can’t stay in bed for a whole week Valerie. Alaska won’t come back like that. You need to get up and let them help you,” he said as he crouched down so that he could see my face.

“She’s not coming back,” I whispered and tightened the covers around me, covering half of my face. There was silence inside. I could feel the chill in my blood, it was painful but I endured it.

“Precious,” he said and pulled the covers lower to show more of my face and brush my cheeks with his thumb. “Just because it didn’t work the last two times it doesn’t mean you stop trying. You’re beautiful but you look awful. You need to get up and I already told Isabelle to come.”

“Why are you so persistent? You hate me now because I don’t have a wolf? You don’t feel the connection anymore?” I snapped and sat up as I buried my head in my hands.

I knew that wasn’t true though. Adrien was trying his best to be there for me, but it was hard because he wasn’t home half the time.

“Don’t turn this on me now all right,” he said and stood up. “I want it for you. Do you not see the state you’re in Valerie? You haven’t gotten up. You’ve barely eaten and you barely talk,” he said and I was sensing the irritation in his voice.

I ignored him only to find myself thrown over his shoulders and walked over to the bathroom. “If you’re not going to move, I’ll carry you. Freshen up. Or do I need to do it for you?” He asked and crossed his arms. I clearly irritated him and he was slowly losing his patience.

“I miss you, I miss us Valerie don’t do this to yourself,” he said as he shook his head. I honestly considered myself pretty well at masking my emptiness with fake emotions. No one saw through it but I knew Adrien did. He knew that my smiles and laughs whenever my family came over were fake. He knew everything. After all, he was my soulmate.

I huffed and turned to begin undressing, totally ignoring the fact that he was standing right there watching me.

I turned to look at him and found him staring at me before clearing his throat, “your robe is there,” he said and pointed at my robe hanging on the wall while trying to not let his gaze wander.

He looked funny. I was fully naked apart from my underwear and I could already see the tent in his pants. The poor man had to keep it in his pants for a month. It was a laugh I definitely needed.

“Fuck,” he muttered before leaving the bathroom which made me frown. I believed that he wasn’t attracted to me anymore despite him assuring me otherwise. The only reason we fell for each other in the first place was because of our mate bond… and Alaska was gone.

“Actually fuck that. I’ve held back for a week,” he growled as he stalked back into a bathroom and pushed me against the cold wall which made me squeal. “Careful on your back,” he whispered huskily, making me shudder. My back was fully healed, it was just a scar that’s left but Adrien would forever baby me.

He slammed his lips on mine making me moan as I tried taking off his shirt. “Wait,” I breathed out between our kisses and pulled away to pull off his shirt and pants. Totally forgetting about the void in me.

“No patience huh?” He said with a chuckle while caressing my face. I could feel his length poking me which made me groan as he pulled us into the shower and turned it on. “Adrien stop teasing,” I moaned and glued my body to his. My body was yearning for his, more than it ever had before and I was losing it.

“Fuck Valerie I missed you,” he said, burying his head into my neck before hoisting me up and entering me with no warning. I gasped and wrapped my legs around him as he pushed me against the wall and the water trickled down our naked bodies. The sensation of warm water calming both of us.

I made embarrassing noises as he grunted and thrust in and out of me repeatedly while trying not to hurt me. “Oh, Adrien!” I literally screamed and threw my head back against the wall as I felt my body erupting with my release. I began panting and scratching his back as he continued thrusting to find his release.

“Fuck. Fuck I’m-” He groaned and dropped his forehead on mine as his body shook and he released himself inside me. Our breaths were uneven as we panted and held onto each other for life. I watched him as the water ran over his skin like a caress, he was my everything. When I was with him, I felt sane.

Adrien slowly lowered me so that I was standing on my feet before locking his gaze with mine. “I love you,” he whispered as he caressed my face with a smile on his lips making me smile as he glided his hands over my water slick body, pulling me closer to him.

“Turn around,” he said as he lathered soap into his hands and I paused before I shook my head and my heart dropped. “No.”

“Turn around,” he repeated but I just pressed my back against the cold, wet wall. “Valerie,” he whispered as he reached his arms out and tried to turn me around but I didn’t budge.

“It’s ugly,” I mumbled and looked down feeling the heat return to my cheeks. My back had a huge scar that made me feel insecure and ugly. I didn’t want the man I love to see me like that and think of me differently.

“It’s not ugly. It shows how strong you are. You are the strongest, most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. No one has gone through what you went through and no one would have made it like you did. Now let me wash you,” he said, making me frown. His words made me want to cry and feel loved, but I still felt ugly.

I slowly moved away and turned around waiting for him to say something but he didn’t. He just washed my whole body lovingly without saying a word.


I was sitting in front of the vanity in our room, looking at the reflection of the yellow buttercups on my nightstand. I loved those flowers and Adrien knew that so there were always new ones beside me.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t hear him come in. He was fully dressed and I was still in my robe with my damp hair just staring at myself.

“Why are- you’re still not dressed?” He asked and I just shrugged and grabbed the hairbrush to brush my hair. “What happened? Did I hurt you?” He asked and stood behind me massaging my shoulders with his chin placed on my head.

“No-no I was just thinking and I guess I lost track of time,” I said and smiled at him through the mirror. I had no idea what to do or say to him. Since I was at the hospital I forgot about my birth control pills, and we never used protection because I was supposed to be on them. We were like hungry beasts and totally forgot about something called protection. He didn’t like kids and I just hoped that fate was on my side and nothing would happen or he would hate me.

“Isabelle is downstairs,” he said and tilted my head upwards so he could lean down and kiss my forehead, then my nose, and finally my lips.

“Okay, I’ll be there,” I mumbled against his lips but in reality, I didn’t want to do it. I had given up on trying to find my wolf.

I quickly rushed to get ready and practically ran downstairs to find Isabelle alone in the living room with her infamous rocks and crystals sprawled on the coffee table. “Valerie! Thought you’d hid from me,” she joked making me laugh.

“No of course not I just lost track of time. Where is Adrien?” I asked and looked around but I felt that he wasn’t home.

“He got a call and left,” she said and I nodded. “We should start.”

I was squeezing a huge crystal in my hand with my eyes closed. Channeling my inner wolf or something like that when I heard a loud bang and Isabelle gasped.

My eyes widened as I scrambled up to my feet and looked around. She was staring at the door when it burst open and Adrien came rushing in.

“Isabelle we need you, they are right outside the border. We are under attack, they came out of nowhere, Quick we have to go now,” he said through deep breaths like he was running.

“Mason didn’t warn you?” Isabelle asked and Adrien shook his head. “No one saw them leave the base. Sylvie… Aramis’s mate was killed so they were distracted. I should have been there,” he said with a hint of sadness before he turned his gaze to me as his chest moved rapidly making my heart drop.

“Valerie, they are blaming you for Lucien’s death. I won’t hide that from you, I’ve learned my lesson. You need to stay in here okay?” He asked and I just looked at him while biting my lip. It wasn’t like I could do anything about it.

“Precious. Just once, stay away from danger and let me come back to you,” he whispered and pulled me in. He leaned in so that our noses were almost touching. “You’re not fully healed and you…” he paused. I didn’t have a wolf, I couldn’t help and I knew that was what he wanted to say.

“And I don’t have a wolf, I’m useless. You can say it, it’s okay,” I said and tried to hide the pain from my voice.

“No. you’re not useless and that is not what I was going to say.”

“Okay,” I mumbled and he pulled away to find him looking at me with a raised eyebrow.

“Okay?” he repeated, not sure what I meant.

“Okay, I’ll stay. But promise you’ll come back,” I said and bit the inside of my cheeks to stop myself from crying, which I did a lot off for the past week.

“I always do,” he said and leaned in to kiss me but I stopped him.

“Promise,” I said with my hands on his chest and furrowed brows. He held my wrist and pulled my hands away from his chest, “I promise,” he smiled and pressed his lips on mine.

After what happened to me we were both terrified of losing each other. I was sure he didn’t completely trust me and my promises but when someone’s time comes, there was no running away.

“I love you,” he whispered and kissed my forehead, making me sigh. “I love you too, go kick some ass,” I whispered in a really low voice and grinned up at him.

“Glad to see you still have your humor,” he said and I genuinely smiled.

“Lock the door and don’t open it for anyone, understand?” He said and I just nodded my head and watched him walk away from me along with Isabelle. Leaving me where they thought I was safe but it was far from that.

For once I wasn’t the one after danger. It came after me. In my own home.

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