My Valerie

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T W E N T Y 7

Valerie

As soon as I felt the sharp pain hitting my abdomen I winced and knew it wasn’t mine and I knew something was wrong.

“I need to go!” I said and ran back down the stairs, away from Sebastian and the house.

“No! Valerie you can’t go there it’s not safe,” Sebastian said and held my arm in a tight grip.

“I don’t care, let me go! I need to get him,” I yelled again and yanked my arm away from his. I ran to our northern border with Sebastian trailing behind me. My heart was pounding in my chest and I feared the worst. The sharp pain I felt through our mark only meant one thing and one thing only. I could feel my panic arriving and it felt like discomfort in my chest along with the urge to just run.

I was standing behind a tree and from a distance, I could smell the blood and I could see many unconscious wolves laying on the ground. I gulped and turned to look at Sebastian who gave me a sad smile as I tried to ignore my brain screaming.

“You can’t shift. If they see your wolf you’ll stand out and they’ll attack you,” he said and my fists automatically balled up, “But I need to get to him,” I said and held back a sob. I knew Sebastian was right. The rogues were almost gone as they were killed or chased out but there were a few lurking around and Alaska’s white fur would definitely divert their attention to me.

“I’ll shift. You go in your human form. I got your back,” he said and I looked at him with a smile before nodding. “Thank you.”

The land where the attack took place had bushes and trees all around so I tried to stay on the down-low and hide behind trees as I searched for Adrien. The further I walked and avoided the dead wolves laying on the floor, the stronger his scent got.

My heart rate picked up its speed and I turned around to make sure Sebastian was still close by when all of a sudden Adrien’s scent was stronger than ever and I looked to my right to find a familiar grey wolf laying in a pool of his own blood.

My eyes widened with fear and my breath went cold as I ran towards his wolf and fell to my knees beside him before patting his snout. “No-no-no! Hey, look at me,” I whispered but he didn’t respond and my eyes immediately gathered moisture. I was scared, so scared of losing him.

“He was shot,” I said in a panicked voice as I stared at the hole in his abdomen and his fur coated with blood. I heard a whimper from beside me and turned to find Sebastian’s wolf bowing his head down before nudging Kai who was still unresponsive.

“You can’t die. You’re not dead. Adrien,” I called out as my vision became blurry and I quickly took off my jacket and pulled off my shirt to press it against his wound which made him whimper slightly. I had my shield around us and I hadn't even noticed. It was like an instinct in Alaska to protect us both.

Everything around me was non existent and it was just him. I breathed out a sigh of relief knowing he was alive and I could hear the faint beating of his heart. “Shift Adrien. You need to shift!” I almost cried out before bending down and pressing my forehead to his snout. If he completely passed out in his wolf form no one could shift him back. We couldn’t just have a wolf laying on a hospital bed.

“Kai. Adrien please,” I said and shook his body slightly. I caught his eye twitching before his bones cracked and he was back in his human form.

I felt tears rolling down my cheeks as I looked at how deep the wound on his hip was as it gushed out blood and I continued pressing my shirt on it and used my jacket to cover him. “I’ll get you out of here, just stay with me okay? Don’t leave me please Adrien. You'll be okay,” I said as I looked around frantically, trying to figure out what I could do. I wasn’t a doctor and I was not strong enough to carry him.

“Allie go,” he managed to whisper with his eyes closed but I only shook my head as another sob escaped me. I was glad to hear his voice but it sounded so faint and distant that it made more tears fall down my face.

“I never listened to you before. You think I will now?” I said and saw his body go limp. “No Adrien! I don’t know what to do.” I cried out as I placed his head on my lap as I kept the pressure on his wound. I’d never felt so helpless in my life. My mate was dying and all I could do was hold him.

“We need to get him out of here, fast. You help me and we’ll carry him.” I heard Sebastian say as he stood behind me. I had no idea when he even shifted and I didn’t even pay attention to the fact that he was naked.


Two days had passed and Adrien was still unconscious. I could see visible improvements and I could tell that he was getting better. I could feel him strengthening despite not being awake and that kept me sane.

I couldn’t even begin to imagine what he had to go through for three weeks with me being unconscious because two days were already getting the best of me. I felt lonely even though I had everyone around me. Loving him and being with him was an emotional vulnerability and without it, I felt lonely and I was drowning in my thoughts.

Sebastian and I got him to the pack doctors just in time before the silver had spread too much, if we were just a few minutes late the situation would have been way different. It was unfair that we couldn't save all the wolves. It was unfair that he got out while the others were not saved on time but I just wanted him back.

I wanted to stay with him, sit beside him until he woke up but I also knew I had to go to work. I was the reason everything was messed up so it took everything in me to get up from beside him and go get things done. I was his assistant and it was my job to have things under control when he was unavailable.

The warriors were coming back in a day. Aramis was a mess and he refused to talk to me about anything when I called. I had no idea how many wolves we lost at the base or anything in general. He made Kade talk to me and deep down I knew Aramis blamed me for the death of his mate Sylvie because Adrien was supposed to be with him but instead stayed behind for me. I couldn't even imagine what Aramis was going through with the loss of his mate when I was a big mess and my mate was alive.

I had spent a few hours with my father, taking care of other warriors who were not badly wounded since we didn’t have enough pack doctors for that. However, I was not mentally there. I was doing what I was supposed to but my mind was with Adrien the entire time. I thought the past weeks without Alaska were horrible but if I had a choice I would give her up in return to have him back.

I made it to the hospital and I was walking through the hallway leading to the room Adrien was kept in as I stared down at the tiled floor when I heard his voice and I felt like the dullness I’ve felt for the days he was unconscious had simply vanished as a smile crept up my face and the tears found their way to my eyes.

“Don’t fucking baby me. I don’t care. I don’t want to hear that she’s okay, I want to see her!” I heard Adrien yelling all the way from across the hall and felt my heart rate pick up at the thought of seeing him.

“Mr. Grey you have to rest and-” The nurse tried to say but he cut her off.

“I don’t care. Get me Valerie and stop treating me like a baby,” he growled. I gasped and walked faster to get to his room before he loses it more.

As soon as I made it to his door I almost bumped into the nurse walking out. Her face was red and she looked like she was about to cry. I smiled at her and she just nodded with a soft smile before literally running away.

“Adrien,” I breathed out once I saw him lying on the bed which was adjusted so that his back was slightly raised.

His eyes immediately connected with mine and the scowl left his face as I walked towards him. “Valerie....” He breathed out, “They didn’t want me to see you,” he grumbled as I sat on the edge of the bed, careful not to hurt him as I caressed his face. He pressed his cheeks deeper into my palms and closed his eyes as he took a deep breath, savoring the feeling of our closeness.

“I heard. I think you made the nurse cry. She was just doing her job you know,” I said as I shook my head.

“I missed you,” I said as I dropped my hands to my lap and stared at him through my tears.

“You’re hurt,” he said as soon as his eyes landed on my neck that was patched up along with my shoulders, totally ignoring what I said. “Who? What happened?” He asked and clasped his hands around mine.

“I’m fine Adrien. It’s you that got shot. How are you feeling?” I asked, drifting the subject away from myself.

“Nothing I can’t handle, but I would love to move without my hip hurting like a bitch. Now, what happened?” He asked and I sighed knowing he wasn’t going to let it go.

“Scarlett tried to dig her nails to the vein on my neck but she missed,” I whispered and he let out a low growl.

“I wasn’t there for you,” he said and looked into my eyes. I quickly shook my head and laced my fingers with his. “I’m fine. I- I killed her…” I mumbled. I hated saying it out loud, it made me feel awful.

As soon as I said that he tilted his head as his brows knit together. “How?” He asked and I took a deep breath before explaining everything to him with every single detail.

I had to tell him the whole story which made him furious, to say the least. He tightened his hold around my hand without noticing, not until I winced and wiggled my fingers. He was so mad at himself that he ignored the positive side of the story where I found my wolf and my gifts.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry you had to go through that and I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you. I failed you, again.” He said while looking into my eyes with a sad glint in his own, I could tell that he felt guilty which I didn’t want him to feel.

“You didn’t fail me. I’m fine, and you sent Sebastian. You still thought about me and made sure I was taken care of when you couldn’t,” I said with a soft smile and he just shook his head before we fell into an uncomfortable silence.


A few moments had passed and Adrien was lying down as I sat on the bed beside him with my knees to my chest. I turned my head to look down at him when I heard him take a deep breath. He looked into my eyes and I knew something was off. He looked very distant.

“I want you to leave,” he said, breaking the silence between us. I felt my heart stop and I furrowed my brows and swallowed the lump I felt forming in my chest.

“What?” I whispered and turned my body to face him, trying to control my emotions before I jumped to any conclusion.

“You’d be better of without me. As much as it would hurt me and our bond, I want you to leave,” he said and never looked away from my eyes. Like he was trying to memorize them before I left.

“Adrien… Everything that happened to me was not your fault, it was mine,” I said and clasped my hands around his. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“I wasn’t asking you if you want to, it wasn’t a question. You will leave. It’s what’s good for you and for my own peace of mind. Because this.” He said and pointed at our surroundings. “Our life right now is not what I want for you. I can’t see you in danger again, I can’t put you in danger again.”

“Since when do you know what’s good for me?” I asked as my eyes filled with tears to the brim. “I’m not going anywhere, it wasn’t your fault. You never put me in danger.”

“Why do you think it all started? Before we met your life had none of this. It all started after we met. Why do you think that rogue came after you in your cabin? Because of me Valerie. They wanted to harm you to get to me even though we were not a thing. They knew it would affect me.”

“I don’t understand where all of this is coming from… You can’t do this,” I said and pulled my hand away from his. He turned his head and looked at the wall instead of me, not being able to see me cry.

“Since we’ve met I’ve brought you nothing but harm Valerie. If we never met you would have still been living happily in that awful cabin of yours.” He said with a soft laugh and I just frowned as I wiped my tears with the back of my hand.

“I am happy now. Who told you that I was happy before?” I asked and got off the bed. I walked around the bed to the other side and stood beside him, blocking his view of the wall.

“Damn it you don’t realize anything do you?” He snapped and looked into my eyes challengingly.

“Lennon came after you because I killed his mate. Then because of me, Scarlett found out about your gifts and your past that you had forgotten about. And because of me, you lost your wolf. And then she tried to kill you in your own home and I couldn’t be there for you. Leave me,” he said but I knew him too well to believe that that’s what he actually wanted. His voice was laced with pain and I could tell he was hurting despite the cold face he put on.

“I didn’t lose my wolf. Adrien Alaska is back and-“

“I know Valerie. But she wouldn’t have left in the first place if I had not come into your life. Why is it so hard for you to do one fucking thing for me? I don’t want you with me. I don’t want this and I never did. I don’t want you.” He snapped. My eyes went wide before a tear rolled down my cheek which made him look away immediately and place his arm over his eyes. He was trying so hard to not let me see him and what he actually felt but it was useless.

“You don’t mean that. After everything? I know you don’t. Look me in the eyes and tell me that you don’t want this, tell me you never want to see me again. Tell me you feel nothing,” I said and sat on the bed carefully while staring into his eyes with my own tear-filled ones praying he doesn’t.

He looked at me and pressed his lips into a thin line before looking away, “tell me, Adrien. I want to hear the words. Look into my eyes and tell me and I’ll walk out.”

“You know I can’t do that. Why can’t you just do this one thing for me?” He asked and I could see the faint redness in his eyes.

“I’m not letting you do this. I came into your life. I walked into your office. I am not walking out. I would do anything you ask me to but this because I love you. And I know you too well to believe that you actually want me gone. You’re just saying this because you’re scared.”

“You shouldn’t say that out loud,” he mumbled and I smiled at him before sniffling.

“Why? You don’t want people to know that you get scared and that you aren’t as cold and heartless as you act?” I asked and he just looked at me before shaking his head with a soft, sad smile.

“Come,” he said and stretched his arm out as far as he could without it hurting him. I carefully leaned in and placed my head on his shoulders with my body in the most uncomfortable position just so I wouldn’t hurt him.

“You can’t say stuff like that to me again,” I whispered.

“It was supposed to work… I hate being the reason for any harm coming your way and I thought if I get to you by saying those things, you’d listen,” he mumbled and sunk his fingers into my hair.

“For the last time, it wasn’t your fault. Even if it was, I wouldn’t leave.”

“I’m not near strong enough to watch any more shit thrown your way. I don’t care what happens to me, I don’t care if they shoot me. But I care about you. I’ve learned the hard way that feeling your mate’s pain is far worse than feeling your own. When I got shot, all I could think about was if you were okay. I had no idea if Sebastian got to you, or if you were even alive,” he said. I pulled my head up and caressed his face before sighing and sitting up straight.

“Would it make you happier if I left?” I asked out of nowhere. I was not thinking about him when I refused to leave, all I thought was about myself and I wanted to know how he felt.

“No. Of course not, and to be honest I was secretly hoping you’d do what you just did. You have to understand that it’s not because I hate you, or dislike you, or that I would be happier without you that I wanted you to leave. None of that bullshit. It’s that you’d be safer in a much more quiet world. That is the life I want for you,” he said and I tilted my head to look at him.

“It’s not the life I would choose for myself though. I want this, with you,” I whispered. “Remember when you gave me this necklace?” I asked and fiddled with the sunflower in my hand.

“Yes,” he said as his eyes lingered on it.

“You said that sunflowers can survive anything. That they stay with you regardless of your troubles,” I said and he lifted his gaze up to mine. He smiled, although it didn’t reach his eyes, and his eyes glossed over. I knew that he always thought he didn’t deserve me and using his own words hit him hard.

“And you can’t lie, you need me as much as I need you even though you won’t admit it.”

“I do need you. All of you,” he said and my eyes widened knowing very well what he meant.

“Needy colossal beast,” I mumbled and pressed my forehead against his. I could hear his breath shaking as he looked into my eyes. It was so intense, I felt like I could drown in those blue eyes of his. I slowly leaned down and pressed my lips against his and felt a tear drop from my eyes to his cheek.

"What will I ever do with you. Always defying me," he whispered.


Adrien

I never thought I would ever ask Valerie to leave me but after the events that took place, I felt and knew that I was the reason for every single mishap that happened to her.

I didn’t want her to go through more than she already had but fortunately, my stubborn mate does what she wants. My words don’t matter all that much.

My wound was better and I could stand using crutches but I wanted to be able to do it on my own. I kept trying but the silver had slowed down my healing and I could barely stand for a minute without feeling a stabbing pain in my stomach causing me to fall back on the bed. I hated it, I hated being so weak.

“Stop forcing yourself to get better,” Valerie said from behind me and I just glared at her before trying to stand up again.

“I have things to do and take care of. I can’t lay in bed all day Valerie,” I said and heard her mumble a ‘fine’

Ever since I asked her to leave I noticed her become a little distant and distracted. I had no idea why and I wasn’t going to ask. My mind was too occupied with the warriors we had lost and I felt like my thoughts were a jumbled up mess.

I sighed and sat back down on the bed with my hand on my wound when I heard a knock on the door and turned to find Aramis looking at me with so much hatred in his eyes, a pain untold. His eyes were narrowed, rigid, cold, hard. At that moment I knew he was already far away. Once more I was the enemy.

“Aramis?” I mumbled as Valerie came to stand by my side. I saw his gaze move from me to her with a burning hard stare. I was never afraid of his anger but the icy look in his eyes as he looked at me and then Valerie alerted me and my wolf.

I looked up at Valerie and moved closer to her so that only she could hear. “Go outside. This can’t be good,” I said and she furrowed her brows. “Valerie I’m serious,” I said knowing she was about to refuse like she always did. She just nodded and walked out, making sure to glare at Aramis before doing so.

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