Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.
– Khalil Gibran
Imagine this with me: you're sitting on a sloppy bed. There's an AC on your right, poorly hanging in the wall, sealed with tape so wasps don't fly in and sting everything they land on. Part of the pastel colored sheets are pulled back, maybe just the corner. There's a stuffed black bear sitting sadly by your legs like he needs a hug. Desperately. The window is open. Just the curtains since the room doesn't see much light during the day. The sun is hidden today so there's clouds. You have your right leg perched up on your left knee while you lean uncomfortably against the wall, the new shell anklet tickling the inside of your left ankle. It's a new feeling but you bought it simply because your partner said they liked anklets. You wanted to make them happy.
There is a light wooden stool right at the edge of the bed, you placed your blue pen and pink mechanical pencil there along with two hair ties. One orange the other black and grey. Through the skinny bars on the back of the stool, there's yet another stool but it's solid, black, and faced away from you however you know there's a Stephen King book and a grey sketch book on top with the package your anklet came in. The medium sized TV has music listed, maybe it's the classics or something calming. You here the machine working to keep up with the WiFi and account. There hasn't been a song that suits you yet so you're sitting there repeatedly changing the song. If anyone else were here they'd be mad you haven't made up your mind.
On the two drawer dresser which is much like a night stand that the TV rests on, there's two jars. One for jewelry and the other for miscellaneous things. There's a black shelf to the left that is covered with old alcohol bottles, ones that mean a little something. One bottle in the collection is one you tried for the first time. You remember how brandy tasted and don't wish to try it again.
You sigh still not able to find a song, sit up and look out the window. You're waiting. For what? People. People you sort of know. You know there's a baby coming too so it sends a spark through you. You've loved kids and ever since your little sibling came along and you've been helping your parents take care of them, you grew a new feeling. A stronger love than you've felt before maybe. Much different than the love you have for your parents and your husband. It might be that when you see this baby, a little chubby but beautiful, you will have a little piece in you that says we want one, too.
As you sit here thinking about the baby coming, you remember how your husband has kissed you in the kitchen, on the porch, in the bathroom, in public, holding your hand and putting his other hand on your stomach. He had smiled, kissing your neck and whispered in your ear, "I can't wait to do this when you have our baby in there."
The moment he said it had sent a pure chill of joy down your spine. Then you begin to see his face again when he told you he loved you so so so much, and last night in the bath when he said "if anyone asked me a year ago if I could see myself married and living with my wife, I would've thought they were crazy." But he looks at you with such a loving expression and you can't help but hug onto him and feel a little emotional.
Someone's walking down the hall. The song switches again. You need something slower right now, you've got something going on in your head that you want to get out.
You sit up more, pulling your legs criss cross, changing the channel of music. You have a pad of paper beside you—
You hear his voice, "hey baby." There's a sudden rush of love flowing through you because as you hear him and look at him, you feel everything melt inside, nothing else mattered. The boredom disappeared, your spine straightened, and you were there staring in his eyes as he came closer.
He leans down to kiss you gently. It feels like the greatest thing in the world. "Do you want to shower with me?" He takes your hand, pulling you into the little bathroom.
Everything else has melted away. Just you and him. It feels good doesn't it? Don't ever let this go, this moment, this face, this love. Don't ever let it drip through your fingers. It's a fragile thing. He is there for you whenever it's needed, he knows when your heart is faltering and when you don't know who you are. He understands more than it seems.
When you look at him you know that he is perfection, he is who you love and want to be with until you die. How have you thought that the moments in your past were the happiest? In past relationships, did you know what this feeling was? Did you have it then?
Your life has been up and down since it has started, there is no time to constantly be afraid or waste time being sad. There will be moments where you're the angriest you've been or crying more than usual, but you have to look through it. And those times where you feel the most alone, you aren't. Look who is with you now. He is there, always. He is why you shouldn't let go of us, you shouldn't let go of yourself. All that you are is now with him. He is your personal superhero, saving you from all the negativity. No he's not comic book hero, gloves and capes, weapons and destruction. He's quietly fighting each of your monsters while you sleep, yeah he's awake sometimes to just watch you. He knows when they're coming and he makes a plan. When he gives you those random loving hugs, it's because he's your armor.
You stare up at him as he massages shampoo in your hair, smiling as he stares back with so much love. He leans down to kiss you softly. It's beautiful. He is your husband, your soulmate, your love, your life, and is going to take so much care of you. However, you have to do the same for him.
Wake up early to take care of yourself, make yourself stronger for the both of you. Eat something, make breakfast for him too even if it's just yogurt and berries. Go for a walk and just take a second to breathe. Realize that everything is going to be fine. You are no longer doing anything alone. You are waking up with the love of your life, you're eating and drinking with someone who cares, you're living in a place you never thought you'd be and it's because of this bond. It doesn't have to be that you're physically together but your mind is living somewhere new, feeling the addiction of love. It doesn't matter if you have no money, between jobs, struggling to get somewhere... there is always time and when you are married, you are now a unit, moving together in harmony because you bound yourselves together. It doesn't matter when you argue over small things because in the end you and him will be fine. You'll always be fine. Just don't give up.
Because one must never let their hero fall.
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