“NO, no... no... Y-your l-lying. It can be. Say, say that you’re lying. Tell me you’re lying...Sam.” I was choking on my sobs.
I hastily rush to get my phone. My hands were shaking badly. I fumbled with my phone, blinded by tears, trying to find a number to call.
“Jess, what are you doing? Who are you calling at this hour?”
“M-mom, S-she is a doctor. She can fix you. She’s a doctor, and she’ll make you better.”
Sam took away the phone, “Oh Jess,” and embraced me, “no one can save me... it’s too late.”
“You can’t just do that to me, Sam.” I cried. “You just said you love me, and you can’t take that away. No, I won’t let that happen. Please stay with me and protect me. Sam, say something...” Fat tears were dropping from his eyes.
I clutched on to him as if my life depended on him, and I cried--unbearably.
The love in my heart for Sam was like a sandcastle, and the waves of my tears were dissolving it, breaking it apart.
“We just met Sam. We just made love. There are so many things we still have to do together, days to talk, long nights to be shared, they will all remain incomplete i-if y-you...” I couldn’t finish the horrible sentences.
I closed my eyes and gripped his shirt tightly as tears continued to fall and soak into his shirt.
Sam picked me up and laid with me on the bed. My body sags into the mattress, and I cuddle into his chest and close my eyes as he rubs my back.
“Hush...” He whispered into my ear, making the tears fall even harder. “I love you, Jess.”
“You’d have just lied to me, Sam. You could have just told me you were married and have kids or something. I would have loved you less.”
“Okay... I’m married and have two girlfriends, but you’re my favorite one.”
“You can’t even lie, Sam.” I started to sob silently.
While the world was sleeping, this night didn’t seem to pass.
~Two souls were lost. Two hearts in pain and only tears seemed to rain.~
I don’t know how long I’d cried or when I’d dozed off to sleep, but when I woke up, I’d have a bad headache, and my eyes were puffed and swollen.
The morning came with brightness, but the dark clouds were still floating in the atmosphere and made me anxious.
“Sam!” I shouted worriedly. He was not in bed next to me anymore.
My thoughts went to last night. It has to be a dream until a nightmare left a sharp ache in my heart.
I ran out of his bedroom to look for him and suddenly stopped when I saw him in the kitchen. I sighed with relief.
He saw me. I wiped my tears. “Are you feeling okay?” I asked, still sniffling.
“I should be asking you that.” He chuckled. “Come here,” he opened his arms, and I ran into them.
“I hate you. I hate you, Sam Regan. I hate what you did to me?”
“I know. I hate me too.”
“I don’t want to accept your words, bear your grief--” My mouth shuts when I feel wet drops on my skin, which have seeped through the material I was wearing, his shirt.
“I’m not scared of dying. I never was. But for the first time in my life, I wanted to live longer only for you. To be with you and to love you, and life won’t grant me a spare.”
His words were killing me silently. I again start to cry in his embrace, holding him even closer, if that was even possible.
“How long...?” I was scared to know of this uneasiness point.
“Months could be weeks,” but he’d answered my incompleted question.
Shock held in my breath.
“I wish I could take your pain away. I wish you may take my lifeline.” I said to him.
“God, Jess...you make me wanna not to die.” He hugs me tightly, buried his face into my neck; his shoulders were heaving with sobs as he wrapped his arms around my waist.
I didn’t stay with Sam. I needed to be alone for some time...to cry, cause my crying would have made him feel miserable than he already was. But I needed my friends.
“Alice,” I said into the phone.
“Jess, Are you okay? You sound-”
“Tired... I-I don’t want to be alone tonight.” My voice was low.
“We’re both are coming over.” She said and hung up.
Sam asked to keep this as a secret and not disclose the news to the office. I respect his privacy. But I needed my friends, and being drunk has always numbed my pain, even if it was temporary.
Alice and Sage came over. They bought chocolates and wine with them.
“Aww... I love you guys.”
We sat, munching on whatever I could find in my pantry—chips, cereal, jerky, olives, hot dogs. It was ridiculous but fun.
A few hours later and after a couple more glasses of wine. We were drunk, and we started talking about all kinds of stupid things.
“Say if you were to be gay and have to choose between Me and Sage, who would you choose?” Alice asked, challenging me.
“What? Okay, wine is off-limit for you. No more.”
“Oh, come on, tell us, it’s just us.” Sage winked and pouted her lips, making kissing noises.
I had my fair share of all serious and humorous conversations with them, but this was by far crazy.
“If I have too, huh?” I laugh at such foolishness.
“I don’t know you both are great in your way, and it’s hard to choose... so I don’t know.” I shrugged.
“Oh, come on, pick one.” Alice insisted.
“Alright, alright ...fine, I can’t choose from either of you, so I would have to say, I would pick one for a morning,” I pointed at Alice, “and the other one at night.” I swiped the same finger at Sage. “There you have it!” I raised my glass.
“OH. MY. GOD!!!” Sage almost choked on her olive. Alice’s jaw fell to the ground. We laughed at the bucketload.
“Oh shit! This is so stupid, don’t you dare tell this to any-fucking-one—ever.” I yelled. Alice crossed her heart and swore by it.
It was nice hanging out with my friends. I’d miss them.
The atmosphere was beautiful, happy, but still, the weather was sad.
We spend the remaining of the evening watching movies. Sage and Alice were holding each other, enjoying the movie. On the other hand, I was relating my pain, mixing my sadness with the ongoing emotional movie scenes.
FUN FACT: Well, SAD FACT in this case...
After I wrote this chapter, I took a very long break. I was hurt immensely. Even though I know it’s fiction. So I added a little fun little talk with the girls to mellow down my sore heart.