I was sleeping in bed.
When I opened my eyes, I found Sam looking down at me.
He smiled. The sweetness was unselfish.
He bent down and placed a kiss on my forehead and started to walk away from me.
“Sam,” I called, but he didn’t look back.
“Sam!” I called again, a little louder.
He only kept walking away.
I fidgeted a little, trying to move, but I couldn’t. I was attached to the bed. I squirmed and wiggled around to shake the blanket off, but I was stuck.
“Sam, stop!” Reaching out my arms.
“Don’t leave me!”
“SAM!!!.” I screamed, with my hand out, reaching for him as my heart calls him. I looked around, and I was in my room--in my bed.
“Jessica..., Jess...” My Mom came running into my bedroom.
“Mom...” I cried in her embrace. She clutched me into her body, and her heart was racing. “It’s going to be okay... I got you, honey...” She smoothes my hair gently.
Flashes of memory flickered through my mind. I barely comprehend what Mom was saying. I wanted everything to go back to normal.
“It’s almost time, and you should get ready. Everyone is waiting for you.” She said sadly. I wept but gave her a nod.
It was time to say a final goodbye.
I got out of the bed and struggled a bit to stand up. I pulled every ounce of strength I’d and walked into the bathroom.
After the shower, I dropped my towel on the floor, picked up the thick black garment cover, and unzipped it. An elegant lace dress laid in it. Next to the box was a veil--beaded with crystals and a pair of black gloves.
‘I’d dreamed of being in a white gown, and not black. White veil and happy, not shedding tears of sadness. I wanted to say my vows and start a new life with him and not speak about the end of my love.’
“Jess, are you ready?” Sage peeked inside, and Alice also walked in behind her, holding a plate with food. They stood still looking at me. Instead of joy, there was a sorrowful look in their eyes.
I got up on my feet, wiping my eyes. “Let’s go.”
“Here, you should eat something before we leave.” Said Alice.
“I’m not hungry.”
“Jess, you need to be healthy; you need strength. Please eat just a little of this plate.” Alice made me sit on the bed with her, offering me a slice of apple. Sage came and sat next to me.
The dark shadow had spread over my entire world. Everywhere, there was sadness. I began to weep, and with me, Alice and Sage also began to cry.
“Honey, the limo is here.” Mom came and announced it. I climbed down the staircase, maintaining my composure for the emotional ceremony.
On our way to the church in the limo, Alice, Sage, Mom were by my side.
If I’m in such a devastating emotional state, I couldn’t imagine Sam’s parents’ condition, especially his mother.
The weight of grief was clear to see as I arrived at the church; their condition was as hopeless as mine. I carried myself and put on a brave face; as I approached the open casket, I struggled to hold my tears; they ran down without my consent.
A moment with the man I loved, standing alone next to his coffin, I took a long paused look at his lifeless, cold body for the last and final time.
‘You’ve separated me from you, and it’s not even your fault.’
‘Unknowingly, I’ve become your widow.’
‘I think of you, and my eyes search for you.’
‘Now, where should I wander looking for you, Sam?’
‘Your going away is like some curse.’
‘Fate has written my story with tears.’
I placed my hand on the coffin. “You’re my love story. You’ll always be alive in my heart, Sam.” Softly, I said and placed a kiss on his temple.
All members of the Regan family gathered in front of his coffin, stood quietly as a priest addressed the mourners.
After Sam’s sister--Nicole, I took over to the podium with a heavy heart filled with intense grief. Thousands of words held on my lips, but they didn’t seem to come about to the audiences. Because none of them would understand the kind of sacrifices my heart had to give. It was a difficult task. I wasn’t prepared for it and tried to keep my emotion a secret.
“This is not how I’ve imagined being here, while the love of my life... gone.” My throat felt constricted, preventing me from speaking further. I wiped my tears again and cleared my throat to speak again, but they just decided to keep rolling down. I glanced over the close casket. The painful feeling of the unspeakable horror was more than I could bear. My hands began to shake. I cling my dress into a tight fist.
I stared at the exit sign on my right. I wanted to flee from here. It was too much for me to take on.
“Sam is--Was...” I made an innocent error. “A-a loving son, a good friend, and the best person in my life who loved me so much...” I broke down, and I couldn’t do it. My head started to spin. My stomach felt sick. I wanted to get out of sight—hide away from everyone.
Amid all the grievances, a feeling of calmness came over me when I saw him—standing at the church’s portal, holding a bouquet of calla lilies in his hand.
‘Aaron!’ He was here.
“I’m so sorry...Excuse me!” I clasped my mouth and ran off the stage. Waves of gasp made its way across the church.
Instead of the exit, I ran to him. Seeing me coming towards his direction, Aaron flared his arms open, and I—I broke down crying against his expensive designer coat. He wrapped his arms around me. I sank low, falling, taking him with me.
“Take me away from here, Aaron. I’m suffocating. Please, please take me away.” I pleaded.
Without a second thought, Aaron picked me up and drove away.
Where? I don’t know, and I didn’t care.