Loss of ones you loved takes longer to heal. The heart doesn’t recover overnight.
For weeks, I led myself to cope, but the tides of sadness kept coming in rather quickly. I tried to stay positive and wanted to be in a typical environment. Still, the people around me made it difficult for me to remain positive; their intrusive care made my pain more evident than before. So I created distance from people at work.
Everything around me changed—because I changed. I lost my appetite for food. Nothing tasted the same. Wearing makeup was my pride, but I waived it all to the plain look. I’ve become so bland that nothing interested me anymore.
Anytime in loneliness, I treated myself looking at his pictures, reading the text conversation from Sam on my phone, but it only initiated tears to rain down heavily. So I invested myself in work, going to work, and bringing more load at home to keep me busy.
Yet grief’s evenings were long, but that was only evening. The blue nights made it worse. Sleep didn’t come easily to the eyes anymore, so I just lay limp on the bed staring into space until I fell asleep. My life was beginning to feel hollow. Nothing interested me. No inspiration. No motivation to explore.
Alone, this journey was tough. Aaron would come into my thoughts at times, and I’d itched to call him for a glimpse of happiness, but I never did.
The very first thought upon seeing a broken glass is worth throwing it away and thinking of replacing it with something new. But with a broken heart, you cannot throw it away, no, you can’t. You can only mend it with LOVE.
So far, the grieving course ran disorderly, and it’s only been a month--one awful month. I was staring at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, and it was not a pretty sight: dark circles, puffy eyes, stone face.
Mom made sure to call me, basically checking up on me, and Alice and Sage would spend their valuable hours with me over the weekends.
“What is this condition that you have made for yourself, Jess? You look like a living dead person.” Alice made a face.
“What Alice meant to say is, this is not healthy—at all,” Sage said, glaring at Alice.
“Jessie, it’s been a month. You need to get your act together.” Alice spoke.
“Maybe we all can go to Tahoe for a weekend. Fresh air, cool breeze, and fall colors, it will be amazing, let’s go there.” Sage insisted. Their spirit was high with a similar interest.
“Why don’t you get out of your sweats and put on some nice dress, and we all can go out for dinner,” Alice recommends.
"I don't feel like it."
“Jess, it’s just dinner,” Sage said.
“And drinking. And having fun.” Alice jumps in.
I know they were only trying to get me out of the house, but I wasn’t feeling it. When I looked at them with a low spirit, I faced with both frustrated and concerned looks.
“We are here to help you, and if you prefer, then maybe, we can go out some other time.” Sage looked upset. Her words showed she was giving up on me, but she was right; they love me, so they were here for Me.
Previously, and other times before, I’d repeatedly deny their every idea intended for me. It made both of them very sad.
“Okay. Let’s go, but only for dinner,” I said to both of them.
Their faces lit up with joy; they were so happy, and knowing I made them happy made me feel pleased.
I got dressed but kept very simple. I was not doing it for me; this night I dedicated to them--my friends, and frankly, getting all dressed up made me feel pretty inside and out.
“I think we need to take a group selfie.” Sage raised her phone high to take a pic.
During dinner, Alice was a little distracted. Sage took a peek at Alice’s phone while she was texting with someone.
“Aww.,” Sage reacted on reading whatever was on Alice’s phone.
“What is it?” I asked curiously.
“Nothing.” They both said simultaneously. And that raised my suspicions.
“Are you guys hiding something from me... again?” I glanced at them with a questioning stare.
“Umm... There is something you should know?” Sage blurted out of nervousness.
“What did you do, Sage?” I asked.
“Here.” Alice handed me her phone, and I began to read the text, and I scrolled to read more of the previous conversation, and as I read all of them, I clasped my mouth with my hand as tears pooled in my eyes.
“Oh, my god,” I said.
The text I was reading was from Aaron, and it showed how Aaron has been in contact with them; they talk about me and chat about me. He’s been very concerned about me, so he’d have the girls look after me to see if I was doing okay.
Aaron had them spy on me that was absurd--but at the same time heartwarming—watching over me like an Angel for far away.
“He cares for you, Jessica,” Alice interjected. “We know it has been hard for you. We all want to help you.”
“Please don’t get mad at us, and Aaron.” Sage pleaded.
I immediately dialed his number, didn’t even realize it was three hours ahead in time. He picked in three rings.
“Hey Alice, everything okay? Is Jess, okay?”
I didn’t say anything. I was too choked on sobbing, and the sound gave out some presumptions.
“A-Aaron...” I finally spoke. There was a long pause on the other end.
“I wish I could come to see you,” I said.
"I'll be waiting."
"HOW IS THE STORY GOING SO FAR?ANYONE?"