Chapter 20 Part 2
“Your attention, your interest, is driving me crazy.” He nuzzled behind my ear. “Let’s go somewhere. We can leave tonite. I want to take you someplace far. It will be romantic, just made for you and me.”
Fire seared through me. My heart was racing so fast in my chest. His robust frame, standing so close to me, his hot breath touching me. His hands set firm on my waist, fingers digging in. More heat flooded through me.
My finger curled on the expensive counter, and toes curled on the floor. My body shivered with excitement, and every fiber was tingling with lust.
Before I completely lose my mind against the surge of arousal.
“Aaron, I’ve found a place to rent.” I blurted out and broke the spell.
He stepped back and widened the space between us. I cut the flame off the stove and slowly turned around.
“So, you decided to leave me.” His mouth twisted into something that was a mixture of bitterness and sneers.
“You knew this was temporary, and I was only going to stay until you come back. Besides, I’d already put down a deposit on the apartment.”
“I didn’t mean literally, Jess.”
“I know. But it’s necessary--for us.”
“Did I do something wrong, Jess?” He looked sad and worried.
‘I can’t hide it, nor can I show it...I am in love with you, but I can’t even tell you that. The words are on my lips, but yet I don’t know why I am afraid to tell you.’
“No. Aaron. You were wonderful to me, and you made it very easy and comfortable.”
“Thank you for showing mercy.” His mouth twisted ruefully.
“You don’t have to be so rude,” I said, feeling awkward.
“Hah! I’m rude, Jessica? You’re the one who doesn’t care for me.”
“Aaron...” I looked at him with a sad frown.
“Then why are you hurting me like this?” Aaron was upset. He closed his eyes and shook his head, “You know Jess, you’re so consumed in your grief that you don’t see other people who are affected around you.” The restrained menace in his voice was frightening, and his eyes blaze as he stares at me.
“These two weeks, I’ve been feeling like every time I get closer to you. You’re just pulling away from me. Every time we come together, you create this distance between us.” He closes his eyes once more as if in pain.
“You ignored me like I don’t even exist in your life, nor do you give fucking respect for my feelings, and that hurts.” He said, sounding annoyed.
I sulked, standing there, feeling every bit of his pain through his words.
He had every right to be upset with me. I’ve been rude about his feelings. I’ve created this shield, an outer atmosphere that burns any ounce of kindness that comes to me from him.
“Aaron...” I dragged myself to him and rested my forehead on his heart.
‘How can I explain it to you, what I’m going through, even though I know you won’t understand my suffering.’
“What I feel for you is so strong, but I can’t, Aaron. You won’t understand, you won’t be able to handle it.”
“Try me.” He demanded. I look up to see him. “Tell me.” He said, clearing my hair away from my face.
I watched him with bemused fascination as he tends to expel the words out of me. He still had this effect on me every time he showed me a semblance of kindness.
My mind debating whether to tell him or to walk away. Sighing, however, there was no escaping. I took one deep breath, trying to calm myself down, slowly lowering my gaze to the ground.
But Aaron’s long fingers slide under my chin, lifting my face. I gaze up, seeing him.
His mouth was moving on me, and his hand was holding me close. He placed a kiss on my forehead, then both my eyes and before he could get to my lips, “I...I’ve to get to work.” I interrupted.
“No. You don’t,” Aaron pushed me against the wall. “Give up your stubbornness, Jess.”
“Aaron...please, let me go.” I made a plea.
“No, not until I aroused those intimate feelings for me inside you.” He said, lowering his head down to me. “This is me being greedy.”
I see an aggressive kiss coming.
Uncertain, what to do? Or say next. It hurts me that I’m not truthful to him. But this is something I have to resolve on my own and be honest with him.
“Aaron. I have to tell you--”
“Not now, babe.” He suggests as he did not want to stop now. He leaned down and nuzzled.
“It’s crucial, Aaron. Something you need to know first.” I said, insisting harder. My heart was pounding in my chest.
“It can wait...” He trailed off, kissing my cheek.
“Aaron... I..I’m pregnant.”
There. The words were sorrow itself, breaking in its despair.
Aaron leaned back; he studied me for a moment, marrying the space between his brows. He released me and went entirely. I felt a change move through him, the quickening of his breath, and a loosening of his hold on me. My belly clench suddenly.
“I’m pregnant with Sam’s baby,” I whispered.
Now he created the distance from me, but I don’t blame him for his reaction. Of course, he felt defeated, and if we’re going to discuss this now, it better be now before anything could happen between us.
Before I could utter another word, he said: “I’ve to go.”
“Aaron--,” I held his wrist.
“No, Jess. It seems like you’ve figured out your life, and I don’t see me in it.”
‘O God, it hurts so bad.’
“Aaron...” I fight the tears that were forming in my eyes.
“I’ll always be just a fling from Vegas.” His voice was cracking; he strode out the door with keys before I could stop him.
And I bawled, slipping down slowly.
“No, you’re my beloved,” I spoke into the vacant space.
I called my office and gave them a reason, something urgent came up and that I won’t be able to go to work today.
Hours had passed since Aaron had left the house. I waited for his arrival, but he never came back the whole afternoon. He never even picked up my calls. Then I called his office, and they said they haven’t heard from him either. So I spent the house pacing. I need to know he was okay. I need to listen to it from him.
After Sam, once again, Aaron was one of the best things that happened to me. He was filling the colors back in my life, comforted me, taught me not to give up. He not only gave a shoulder to cry but supported me in his warm embrace.
I drop my head into my hands, and whimper the tears that filled my eyes, spilling down my cheeks.
Sunset was still a couple of hours away. My anger towards him was building, and if he would walk in right now, I was going to go haywire on his ass; I knew that much.
It was now midnight, and I was beginning to worry even more now. I couldn’t be more restless. Impatiently, pacing back and forth, both patience and wait were testing my ability to stay calm. I kept calling and calling, but there was no response. The silence atmosphere was making me nervous.
I hated that I was no use at all in this situation. I was alone. I didn’t know anybody here nor the city or the island. ‘Where could I go, where can I find him?’
I sighed at how little I know anything about Aaron. He has always, by luck, been there on my side when I needed comfort. And today, I fought with him.
No clue where he goes to vent when he’s unhappy. Bars? Clubs? Friends? Or? The bittersweet pangs of jealous thought reminded me of Aaron’s hobby--He hires pleasure.
It’s all my fault. I pushed him away. I’m the one that wanted this, distance, thinking of separation would be good for us, but I’m so stupid even to feel that way. I have no one to blame but--myself.
I brought this upon myself. I’m the reason I’m all alone.
The waiting was frustrating, and the clock was moving too slow for my peace of mind, so I started to pace the room’s length with the phone in my hand. My patience growing thin, my mind refused to stop worrying. I went to his bedroom and curled in his bed.
These waiting eyes were ready to close and as were heavy with sleep. I need him, and I want him close to me, hug me... right now.
“Please come back, please, please...” Being so helpless was all extremely frustrating. I laid on the bed in the fetus position. I was half-conscious before I fell to sleep.
Morning came, and I was wide awake. I glanced around, only to find my disappointment—still no sign of Aaron. I was alone in his bed.
‘Did he not come back at all?’
“Aaron,” I called his name and walked room by room in a daze, my eyes wandering, flitting around for any chance of seeing his shadow. He might have stumbled and fallen asleep in another room. I checked every room and did not find him.
‘Why hasn’t he come home yet?’ My mind was giving out irrational scary thoughts.
‘Did something bad happen to him?’
“What if—what if he’s in trouble.”
Accident. Blood. Hurt. My heart clenched in my chest. I’ve not experienced this enough to know how to handle the situation, and quite honestly, I was now scared, scared to lose Aaron too.