Chapter 13: The Last Time
Found myself at your door
Just like all those times before
I'm not sure how I got there
All roads they lead me here.
After leaving Rachel, Zoie and Quinn went out to dinner. Quinn was still in a sort of trance, unable to comprehend what was happening. This couldn't be real. Zoie would never come back.
Yet she had, and she was letting Quinn pay for dinner.
"So tell me, what have you been up to?" Zoie asked after they ordered.
"Working," Quinn replied. She didn't feel that she should bring up the fact that she had also been sleeping around with dozens of girls. That would make her seem unfaithful. It didn't occur to her that Zoie had already been unfaithful. The reappearance of her best friend caused a poisonous haze in her mind that completely destroyed her rationality.
"Oh me too. A museum in America just bought up a bunch of my photos, but that doesn't matter." She waved it off like that wasn't the huge deal Quinn knew it was. "I want to know the story behind how you ended up hanging around Rachel Berry."
Quinn felt a pang of guilt at the mention of Rachel. She had just left her there in the middle of London. Sure Rachel had lived there for a summer, but London was a big place, and Rachel could've gotten lost. She knew she should never have left her on her own. "She sat beside me on my flight back from LA," Quinn shrugged. "That's about it."
"That's all? Really?" Zoie pressed. "You didn't seduce her or anything?"
Quinn shook her head. "No. We shared an eleven hour flight and became friends."
"That's… Really unlike you."
"It's what happened." Quinn didn't want to talk about Rachel anymore. Every second she spent on the topic made her feel worse about what she did. Except Zoie didn't want to talk about anything else.
"Did you learn all of her secrets?" She hesitated for a second, and Zoie caught it. "You did! Spill, Q!" This was what happened when you grew up with someone. Quinn couldn't hide anything from Zoie no matter how hard she tried.
"I'm not going to tell you her secrets," Quinn stated. It was bad enough she abandoned Rachel, but she didn't also want to throw away her trust. With everything Quinn had heard about Rachel's life, she knew that if she betrayed her trust it would be the absolute worst thing she could do.
Zoie grinned at her, and Quinn knew what was coming. It was like they had never broken up. "Not even for a kiss?" Zoie leaned in, and Quinn let her, allowing herself to get lost in the first kiss from Zoie in months.
And you open your eyes into mine
And everything feels better.
It's safe to say that Zoie and Quinn did not stick around for dessert after dinner. When Zoie could not get any of Rachel's secrets out of Quinn with one kiss, she resorted to more. The kisses led to more than kisses, and soon Quinn knew they needed to get back to Zoie's before they got asked to leave.
"Have you moved from our old flat?" Quinn asked as they walked out of the restaurant and Zoie automatically cuddled up to her.
"Mmhm," Zoie replied simply, not giving Quinn any hints at all as to which direction they should go in. Quinn felt a tinge of sadness knowing that their beautiful flat that had so many memories was gone.
"Well where is it?" she questioned.
"Can't we just go back to your place?"
Quinn thought about it for a moment before shaking her head. "Santana would kill me, not to mention Rachel's there. Fuck!" That's when it hit her what she'd been planning. "Rachel's surprise party is tonight."
Zoie pulled her in for a deep kiss. "I'm sure she can manage without you," she whispered after they broke apart.
Quinn smiled at her. "I'm sure you're right."
"When am I not?" This caused Quinn to roll her eyes. It had been a constant joke throughout high school that Zoie was always right. It was nice to hear it again.
"Where are we going?" Quinn asked again.
"Just trust me, okay?" This was something Quinn had a bit of difficulty doing. It's always hard to regain a person's trust after you've destroyed it, and Zoie had fucked her over once before.
Quinn shrugged it off and let Zoie lead the way. It wasn't like she was asking Quinn to do something big that actually required trust. Quinn could handle this. She wanted to be with Zoie again.
Yet there was a part of her that wanted to be with Rachel, watching how she reacted to the surprise party. She didn't even know if Rachel liked surprises. She knew how Zoie would react; she absolutely hates surprises, and would've have walked out the door the second she realized it was a surprise party. What if Rachel was like that? And what if she wasn't? What if Rachel was one of those people who cried tears of joy whenever anyone surprised her? Quinn would never know, and she couldn't help but focus on this as Zoie led her back to her place.
Why did Zoie have to appear now?
This is the last time I'm asking you this
Put my name at the top of your list
This is the last time I'm asking you why
You break my heart in the blink of an eye.
Quinn couldn't sleep. She had been trying for hours, and it just wasn't happening.
Her limbs were intertwined with Zoie's, and it felt like old times. Sometimes, before they broke up, Quinn couldn't sleep due to having an amazing idea for a painting, but she didn't want to get up to start it because she knew it would wake Zoie up. It was different now, because instead of a painting idea keeping her awake, it was the thought of Rachel.
She hoped Rachel would understand. Zoie needed her; she had always needed her. And Quinn had needed Zoie. Yet it didn't feel right anymore. She worried about Rachel, and whether she would ever see Rachel smile at her again. Had she ruined everything by doing this? And for what? Zoie said she wanted to be together again, but would that really last? Quinn was having doubts now.
Slowly, Quinn started to untangle herself from Zoie. She needed to get to Rachel and make things right. This thing she was doing at the moment wasn't right. She would never be able to trust Zoie fully again, and she knew she couldn't be with someone who she didn't trust. If she was always scared of catching Zoie with another woman, she wouldn't be able to enjoy anything.
Before she could get up, Zoie stirred.
"Where are you going, babe?" she asked sleepily, only half awake.
"I can't do this," Quinn replied, turning on the bedside lamp so she could look for her clothes.
Zoie sat up. "Okay."
This got Quinn to turn around and stare at her. "That's really all you have to say? You want me to be with you again, and when I decide I can't, you just accept that?"
"Do you want me to fight for you, Quinn?" she teased. "Because that's not my style."
This wasn't something Zoie would do. Quinn knew that. Zoie wasn't one to accept defeat unless… "You never wanted to be with me again."
Zoie gave her half a smile. "You've always been so clever, Q."
Quinn didn't want to be right, but that confirmed it. It was like Zoie had ripped open the wound that Rachel had just started to mend. She tried her best to fight off the tears, because she couldn't stand crying in front of other people. "Why did you do this?"
Zoie shrugged. "I wanted to see if I could."
She shook her head. That was a lie. "You're not that much of an asshole, Z. Just tell me why you would want to hurt me again when I was finally finding happiness?"
She sighed. "Shit, Q."
"I needed to know information about Rachel Berry, okay?" she said angrily. "My photos haven't actually been selling, so I'm working for a fucking tabloid now. Happy?"
Quinn felt her heart sink. Just seconds ago she had been angry, but now there was nothing left in her but sympathy. "I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize. It's not your fault that I'm a shit artist. I shouldn't have done this. I just thought she was some fling like all the others. I didn't know you were actually happy."
"Well, I was. And you're right, you shouldn't have done this. It's fucking stupid." Quinn pulled on her jeans.
"I know. I just… Have you seen where I'm living? I'm in the bad part of town." Quinn had noticed, but she had chosen to ignore it because at the time Zoie had been kissing her on that part of her neck that she loved. "A scoop on Rachel Berry, well… It might have gotten me out of here."
"You fucked up my life again, Z."
"Don't make me feel worse about it!"
Quinn scowled at her. "If you so much as dare to print an article on Rachel…"
Zoie held up her hands in surrender. "No way. I won't. I'm done messing up your life."
Quinn slipped on her coat. "Good. Now I need to go try to fix this."
She was halfway out the door before Zoie called after her. "Quinn?"
Reluctantly, Quinn turned around. "What?"
"I really do want us to be friends again. Do you think we could try to do that?" she asked, looking hopeful.
Quinn thought about it for a minute. "Maybe one day."
"I'll take that for now."
This is the last time you tell me I've got it wrong
This is the last time I say it's been you all along
This is the last time I let you in my door
This is the last time, I won't hurt you anymore.