Chapter 14: Come Back Be Here
Stumbled through the long goodbye
One last kiss, then catch your flight
Right when I was just about to fall.
When Rachel woke up, she had no idea where she was. She remembered watching Beauty and the Beast with Santana, Brittany, and Puck, but that was all she remembered. She certainly didn't remember getting into a bed.
After a bit of investigation, she concluded that she was in bed between Brittany and Santana in their room. How she got there, she didn't know. It did feel good to wake up with someone, though. They were likely protecting her from Quinn's inevitable return, and Rachel appreciated it.
She also knew she couldn't just go back to sleep. She had a plane to catch.
Trying her best not to wake the two up, Rachel crawled her way to the end of the bed. She really didn't want to have to say goodbye to them. She hated goodbyes more than anything, and she knew this would be the last time she saw the two. They had been so kind to her, and Rachel felt bad just leaving them like this.
She resolved to send them a letter once she made it to New York. She would have plenty of time over the break and even on the plane ride to write a heartfelt letter to Santana and Brittany. She would also leave her phone number just in case they were ever in LA and needed a place to stay.
It was only when she got up and began looking for her suitcase to change clothes that she realized all her stuff was in Quinn's room. She hoped that Quinn stayed the entire night at Zoie's just so she wouldn't have to endure running the risk of seeing her again. A small part of her hoped Quinn didn't, because it would mean that she cared at least a little bit about Rachel.
She didn't plan on Quinn being awake and cooking breakfast when she walked out of the bedroom.
Upon Rachel's arrival, Quinn looked up. She started to smile, but then wiped her face of emotion, as if she knew she wasn't supposed to smile after everything that happened. "Good morning."
Rachel didn't know whether to express shock or happiness, anger or sadness at Quinn's sudden reappearance. She was just as confused as Quinn on how to react. So instead of acknowledging her, Rachel simply ignored her and went to Quinn's bedroom to start getting ready.
She took her time getting ready. Rachel hoped that Quinn would be gone when she opened the door. After all, Quinn had to go to work sometime.
Unfortunately for her, Quinn was still there when Rachel walked back out.
"I made you breakfast," Quinn said, and Rachel could hear the hint of hope in her voice. Rachel couldn't let herself fall for that hope again, or she would end up completely breaking. So she headed for the door.
Quinn hurried out of the kitchen, rushing to stop her. "Rachel, please. Let me just say something, okay?"
"What? Are you going to say your time with Zoie meant nothing?" Rachel surprised herself with how venomous that question came out.
Quinn looked taken aback, but quickly recovered. "Well yes, actually, but can I explain—"
"No, Quinn," Rachel said, cutting her off. "You've done enough explaining. I think it's time I get to the airport and catch my flight."
"At least let me take you there?" Quinn asked, defeated.
Rachel wanted to say no. She wanted to. But there was a part of her that knew maybe if she said yes then things would work out better for the two of them. That was the part that ultimately won. "Fine."
I told myself don't get attached
But in my mind I play it back
Spinning faster than the plane that took you.
Quinn borrowed Santana's car for the trip to the airport. She didn't often drive in London, but Santana did. Quinn felt that driving would give them a chance to talk without a cab driver listening in on their conversation.
"I would just like to say before you say whatever it is you're going to say to try to charm me again, and don't you try to deny that's not what you're doing Quinn Fabray because I can see right through you," Quinn held her hands up in surrender. "I want to say I never loved you. I wanted to, but I never got there, and with what happened yesterday I think it is a good thing I did not. What we had together was a one time thing, with no feelings attached from my part, and I sincerely hope we can both move on with our lives after this."
Quinn felt pained at what Rachel was saying. She truly did love Rachel, and it hurt to hear these words. If the logical side of her brain had been working that morning, it might have crossed her mind that Rachel was only saying this to protect herself, but Quinn wasn't thinking logically.
"Okay," Quinn managed to get out after a while. "Well, I just thought I'd tell you that I'm not with Zoie again."
"You're not?" Rachel's voice was even, not revealing any traces of emotion. At that moment Quinn hated that Rachel was a trained actress.
"I'm not. The only reason she wanted to be with me was to get information about you," she replied.
"So what did you tell her?"
Quinn looked over at her, disbelief written across her face. "Who exactly do you think I am? I didn't tell her anything."
"I have no idea who you are, Quinn," Rachel admitted. "I haven't even known you for a week."
This hurt. It was true that they hadn't known each other but for a few days, but Quinn felt that Rachel knew her at least somewhat. "Well, I didn't tell her anything. I would never do that to you."
"Really?" Quinn could sense the sarcasm.
"Um, yeah, actually." Rachel had completely shut her out, and Quinn had no idea of what to say. Every word had to count because every second brought her closer to having to say goodbye to Rachel. "I know I fucked up going with her, Rachel. I know."
"Do you though?" Rachel snapped, letting a little of her true anger come out. "Do you really? It was my birthday, Quinn!"
"I know," Quinn assured her. "And I feel absolutely horrible about it. You have no idea how much I wish I could take it back."
"Yeah, you only wish that because Zoie wasn't actually interested in you again," Rachel said.
"That's not it," she replied. "I wanted to be there for your birthday, for you."
"Then why weren't you?"
Rachel made it sound so simple, and it probably did seem simple to her. To Quinn, though, it wasn't. She had never been able to deny Zoie anything. And the thought of Zoie needing her again after all this time wasn't just something she could ignore, no matter how much she wanted to.
"She was my best friend. I never thought I'd get a chance to have her back in my life," Quinn tried to explain, but Rachel wasn't having it.
She exploded. "Why the hell would you want her back in your life after the shit she did to you? Why would you want to go back to a toxic relationship when you could've had something great with me?" Rachel took a deep breath to calm herself after that outburst.
"She wasn't always a cheater. Most of my time with her was happy," Quinn said, choosing to ignore some of the question.
"Quinn, you said that she cheated on her girlfriend with you in high school," Rachel stated.
"But nothing. Yeah, she was your best friend. Big deal. I mean, I may have never had a real best friend before, but I do know that they're not supposed to be assholes. They're supposed to be genuine and trust-worthy and not act like she did!"
Quinn sat in silence for a moment, taking it all in. "You're right. I shouldn't have went back to her."
"And honestly? If you were going to do it, you couldn't have waited one more day?"
Quinn didn't know what to say to that. It was true. She could've just waited until Rachel was gone if she wanted to see Zoie. She could've spent Rachel's birthday with her at the party, and then went to see Zoie after dropping Rachel off at the airport the next day. It had just seemed so important to go with Zoie yesterday. But Quinn knew she had no excuses. "I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too," Rachel said as they pulled into the airport. "I really wish things would have worked out, whether it be with me or Zoie. It looks like you're just going to have to find someone else."
"But what if I don't want to find someone else?" Quinn found herself murmuring.
Rachel, who was about to open her door, looked over at her. "Quinn Fabray, that was perhaps one of the cheesiest lines you've used on me all weekend."
She shrugged. "I think it was the desperation of the situation. Let me get your bag."
Rachel got out, trying to get to her bag before Quinn. "Oh no, it's fine I—"
"I've got it," Quinn finished for her, pulling the suitcase out and setting it on the ground beside them. "There you go."
"Thanks," Rachel said, almost managing to smile.
"So I guess this is it," Quinn stated, unsure of how they were supposed to end this. Did they hug? Did they shake hands? What level of acquaintance were they?
"It is," she agreed, looking at the ground instead of at Quinn.
"Um, since you said before that you never actually cared about me and all of this meant nothing to you, do you think we could have one final kiss, for old times' sake?" Quinn knew it was stupid to even suggest, she knew Rachel would never agree to it, but she just needed one more. She had to have something to remember her by.
Rachel glanced at her, tears in her eyes. "I don't see why not." She smiled, and put her arms around Quinn's neck to pull her closer.
Quinn knew, right when it was happening, that she would remember this desperate kiss with Rachel at Heathrow for the rest of her life. Though the moment was made much more memorable by the camera flash that neither girl noticed.
And this is when the feeling sinks in
I don't wanna miss you like this
Come back… be here. Come back… be here
I guess you're in New York today
I don't wanna need you this way
Come back… be here. Come back… be here.
Rachel didn't know how she made it.
Somehow, she had managed to navigate the airport, put on a smile for the paparazzi that of course found her, and sign autographs for dozens of fans. This was all in her most vulnerable state after leaving Quinn.
Quinn. Rachel wished she could've just forgave the girl. She wished she could've believed in the good. She wanted to believe, but she couldn't. She had been hurt by too many people in the past, and this wasn't even counting Finn.
Rachel sighed as a businessman sat down beside her on the plane and immediately began reading the paper. That was supposed to be Quinn's spot. A part of her had hoped that Quinn would surprise her and go to New York with her to spend Christmas at the Berry household, making up for the horrible mistakes she made. She knew it was unrealistic, but she was a dreamer.
More than anything, she wished that she had more time with Quinn. Maybe if she had more time, she would be able to fully get to know her and realize that it's okay to love her again. Yet she was out. Quinn was gone, and she was on a flight to New York. They would most likely never meet again, and she needed to face that.
She had more important things to worry about, like how she and Kurt were going to deal with rumors and the breakup, and of course she had to decide which Broadway musicals to see with her dads. She had plenty to worry about, and yet she couldn't quit replaying her time with Quinn in her mind.
This is falling in love in the cruelest way
This is falling for you and you are worlds away.
New York… Be here
But you're in London and I break down
'Cause it's not fair that you're not around.