Chapter 15: We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together
Then you come around again and say
"Baby, I miss you and I swear I'm gonna change, trust me."
Remember how that lasted for a day?
I say, "I hate you," we break up, you call me, "I love you."
Rachel expected to find at least one if not both of her dads at the airport when she got into JFK. That was how it had always been. Before she became recognizable, she would always make her reunion with her fathers as dramatic as possible because it was a game they played. Over the years they stopped playing the game because of paparazzi, but her fathers were still always there to greet her.
Long story short: it wasn't her fathers that were waiting for her when she got off her flight from London.
"Finally. I was starting to think you had stayed in London." She heard the second she stepped out of security into the baggage claim area.
"Hello to you too, Kurt," Rachel muttered, not really caring if he heard or not. The fact that he was there instead of in LA was news that things were serious.
"Yes, yes, hello," he said distractedly, looking around to make sure there weren't any paparazzi in the vicinity.
"May I ask why you're here instead of my fathers?" she questioned, trying to hide the annoyance in her voice. She loved Kurt, really, but he wasn't the person she wanted to see at the moment. That person was an ocean away.
"We have things to discuss. Your fathers were more than okay with waiting to see you when I explained the situation with them," he replied.
"You what?" Rachel tried to keep her voice down so they wouldn't cause a scene, but she was about ready to strangle Kurt. "I was supposed to tell my fathers what happened."
"That was before you started hooking up with Quinn Fabray," he said. "Let's get your bag and we can discuss this somewhere else."
Rachel sighed and waited at the luggage carousel. She wished that it was Quinn waiting next to her again, telling her jokes and discussing random things. She knew she shouldn't be wishing these things after what Quinn did, but she couldn't let go of the thought that she should have given Quinn another chance. Had there been the time, had they lived in the same part of the world, things might have been different.
She couldn't change anything now, though, and she should be accepting that fact. She had tried the entire plane ride to rid her mind of Quinn and their weekend, yet she couldn't. There was nothing she wanted more than to relive it.
Ooh, we called it off again last night
But ooh, this time I'm telling you, I'm telling you
We are never ever ever getting back together.
"Rachel?" She heard Kurt calling her, pulling her out of her mind. "What kind of coffee do you want?"
Somehow they had gone from the airport and ended up at Rachel's New York apartment without her even noticing.
She shook her head, trying to get rid of her thoughts. "There's no coffee here."
"What do you mean there's no coffee? I got you one of those fancy coffee makers for Christmas!" Kurt exclaimed, moving through the kitchen to where it was set up. "Remember? I thought it would be nice to have so that when you wanted coffee you wouldn't have to go down to Starbucks and run into paparazzi?"
Rachel remembered this. She had tried to get the machine to work, truly she had, but it was just too complicated for her. "Sorry. I'm sure there's some wine in the cabinet though."
"Don't you think it's a little too early for wine?" Kurt asked, rifling through the cabinets to see if he could find anything else. "I mean I know you're on vacation and all but— aha!" He must have found something. "I knew an actor could never have a home without these!"
He came over to Rachel, smiling like a kid in a toy store, all because he had found some tea packets. Rachel fought the urge to roll her eyes. "I don't want anything, but thank you."
He scoffed, starting to fix his own tea. "Nothing is good enough for you movie stars, is it?"
Rachel gaped at him for a second. "That… That's not true! I just don't want anything to drink! I had coffee on the plane!"
Kurt turned around to smile at her. "I'm just kidding, Rachel. Calm down."
"Wow, you still have a sense of humor? I thought you'd turned into a heartless manager," she replied, teasing him.
"That hurt," he said, not even glancing back at her. "You know I care about you."
"Not enough to leave me alone during my vacation," she singsonged.
Kurt sighed, sitting down at the counter with his tea. "Rachel, I'm sorry. You know I'm sorry. But you did some things that we're going to have to fix. They can't wait."
"I know." Rachel knew before she even stepped off the plane that she'd have to deal with all of this sooner or later. She had just hoped it would be later. "So what's the damage?"
"Let's see… Your arrival in London caused a stir in the tabloids, and then it was made worse with the ice skating pictures. That would have been manageable. We could have just claimed Quinn as one of your close friends. What really killed you, though, would be the pictures they got of you kissing Quinn at the airport before your flight to New York."
"They what?" Rachel froze. She had been careful all her life, and they had seized her one moment of weakness with Quinn.
Kurt went over to his satchel and pulled out a newspaper. He placed it on the counter for Rachel to read, but Rachel couldn't bring herself to read anything because she couldn't get past the picture of her and Quinn.
"Shit," she muttered, running her hands through her hair in frustration. "What do we do, Kurt?"
"Well, Rachel, I'm not sure there's anything we can do," he replied. "I mean, sure, we can release a statement saying that you and Finn have been separated for some time now, but in the eyes of the public this will be nothing but a coverup. Finn is going to be the tragic hero in this story, and you're going to be the heartbreaking slut."
"Fantastic." This was exactly how Rachel wanted to start her Christmas break.
"Not to mention the paparazzi are going to be following Quinn around now, so they'll see her with her various girls."
"Quinn isn't going to do that anymore!" Rachel snapped, but right after she said it she knew she couldn't count on that. She wanted to believe that Quinn would be hurt after what happened between them, but when Quinn was hurt the last time she had turned to mindless sex.
"Okay, okay," Kurt held his hands up in surrender. "But they'll still use her past data. They're going to dig until they have every last one of her secrets out in the open. She's going to make you look horrible, more than she already has with that damn kiss."
"I don't need a lecture on Quinn today, Kurt. If there's something you want me to do, then tell me, but otherwise I would like to go see my fathers and maybe have a couple drinks."
Kurt sighed. "I want you to tell me what's going on with you. You don't do this!" He shook the paper in her face to confirm his point. "Who is she and why did you let her destroy your reputation?"
"She's wonderful and fantastic but she broke my heart and I don't want to talk about it," she stated, oversimplifying it.
"I warned you about her. Remember?"
Rachel stood up, not wanting to hear his inevitable 'I told you so' lecture. "Thank you for this information. I will see you on the first Monday of the new year when I get back to LA. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go see my dads."
Before Rachel could get halfway to the door, however, there was a knock. She looked to Kurt. "Were you expecting someone?"
He shrugged, but Rachel could see the guilty look on his face. Hesitantly, she went and opened the door.
The person she found on the other side was not one she expected. She expected Quinn to be there, ready to really apologize for what happened, ready to prove herself worthy of Rachel's love.
"Hi, Rach," Finn said, bouquet of roses in hand and dopey smile on his face.
No, it definitely was not who she expected.
Ooh, you called me up again tonight
But ooh, this time I'm telling you, I'm telling you.
Rachel slammed the door shut. She turned around to glare at the other person in the room.
"What the hell, Kurt?" she yelled, advancing on him. He quickly began trying to back his way out of the situation.
"I- I had nothing to do with this!" he tried, but Rachel wasn't having it.
"Like hell you didn't have anything to do with it."
"Maybe you should go see what he wants instead of attacking me?" he suggested.
"I explicitly told you I never wanted to see him again," Rachel whispered, getting in his face. "But because I am the bigger person, I will talk to him. You, on the other hand, should probably be gone by the time I'm done with him if you want to keep both your job and your life."
She left him backed into a corner and went back to the door. She was tired and heartbroken and just about ready to kill someone. Yet she put on her best blank face and opened the door up. Finn was unfortunately still there, though Rachel noticed his smile wasn't as sincere as before.
"What can I do for you, Finn?" Rachel asked, trying to keep any emotion out of her voice.
"Um, can I come in?" Rachel noticed the hesitation in his voice. She decided he must know that he did something wrong by then.
Rachel sighed and stepped away from the door, letting him in. She knew she would probably regret it later, but what the hell? She had already made so many bad decisions within the past few days, what was one more?
When they had both settled down on sofas in the living room, Rachel putting as much distance between them as possible, Finn spoke. "How are you?"
"Did you really come all this way to ask how I am?" she questioned. "Because you should already know the answer to that."
"Look, the thing I did, well, it was horrible," Finn stated.
"It was much more than that and you know it. There aren't even words strong enough to describe what you did to me. So no, you cannot just show up and ask how I am and pretend like you did nothing more than forget to pick up something I wanted on your way home. You used me!" Rachel lost it on the last three words. She couldn't keep up this act of being emotionless.
"I didn't—" But Rachel cut him off.
"Yes you did! You used me to jumpstart your career! I figured it out! You probably never even loved me at all and I absolutely adored you!" Rachel was trying her best not to become hysterical, but it wasn't exactly working.
"I did love you, Rachel," Finn said. "I still do now. That's why I'm here. To make things right and do something I should have done a long time ago."
"There is nothing you can do to make this right," she replied, and she could feel the tears start. So much for remaining emotionless.
"Oh really?" He grinned at her, and her body filled with dread. He had something planned, and Rachel didn't want it to happen.
"I think it would be best if you left," Rachel said, standing up and wiping her tears away with her sleeve. "Right now."
He stood up and took a few steps for the door before turning back around. "But I love you, Rachel. I always have. From the time we first met in high school I've loved you. I admit I haven't gone about showing you in the right ways, and I haven't always made the best decisions, but I love you. Doesn't that mean anything?"
Rachel felt her heart clench. This was the boy she loved from high school standing in front of her, not the man she had found cheating on her. Was this how it felt to Quinn when she faced Zoie again? Because God, she wanted nothing more than for him to wrap his arms around her and spin her around like he would do after one of them got a role.
Her resolve was cracking. She could feel it. So she tried one last time. "Finn, please," she whispered.
"Is that what you really want, Rachel? Do you really want me to walk out that door?" he asked, walking back to her.
"Finn," she whined, unable to say anything else.
He continued on. "Because if it is, I'll go and never come back. We can have a public statement up in the morning. But that's not what you really want, is it? Sure, it's what you wish you wanted because it's the thing you should do, but it's not what your heart is telling you. I know you still love me, Rachel."
"I do," she admitted, her voice cracking. She didn't want to, just like he said, but she did.
"And I love you," he replied. He opened his arms for a hug, and Rachel collapsed into his chest. He held her tight, and Rachel continued to cry.
"I just want things to be normal again, but they can't be," she said into his chest.
"They can't," he agreed, letting go of her.
The shock registered on her face. He wasn't supposed to say that. He was supposed to say that they could try to make things normal, but he was instead getting on one knee and pulling a small box out of his coat pocket.
"I don't want things to be normal again. I want things to change," he stated as he opened up the box to reveal a ring. "So Rachel Berry, will you marry me?"
You go talk to your friends
Talk to my friends
Talk to me
But we are never ever ever ever getting back together.