Outlaws of Love

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Ch. 16 - Painful Lies




I sighed, knowing I had to face the situation and talk things out with him eventually. The thought of losing our friendship did not sit well with me at all, especially because he was my first friend here.

“Yeah, it seems that we do.”

“Look, I’m so sorry about what happened on Friday. I just...I don’t know what came over me, and I know that I fucked up.”

“That you did, Jay. What am I gonna do if Cyrus finds out, huh?“, I questioned him. “I know that it’s best if I just tell him, but what if he gets upset and cuts things off with me, thinking that we kissed on purpose? And then there was the issue with Livie thinking we were both lying to her.”

“I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean to put you in such a difficult situation, Xia. I totally understand if you want to leave and stop being friends with me, but I won’t stop apologizing until you forgive me.”

“Leaving people isn’t something I enjoy doing, and I’d much rather appreciate it if we just both give each other some time off to recollect ourselves and think things over. How does that sound?”

“Really? You’re willing to give us a second chance?“, Jay asked, his eyes gleaming with hope.

“Yeah, because it would suck to lose such a great friend like you. But I’m only okay with it if it doesn’t hurt your feelings to stay, knowing that I don’t like you back like that.”

“Don’t worry about that, Xia. I’ll get over my feelings over time, but thank you so much for not pushing me out of your life. It sucks to not get you as my girlfriend I’ll admit that, but it would suck even more if I didn’t have you as my friend anymore either.”

“Jay, I don’t know if this will ever happen, but if you ever decide to give Livie a chance or you start liking her in the future, can you promise me one thing?”

“What is it?”

“Please...don’t ever use her as a rebound to get over me. And only give her a chance if your feelings are genuine. She’s a soft person, I wouldn’t be able to bare watching her get hurt. It breaks my heart.”

“You really care about Liv, don’t you?”

“More than you think. The girl was so shy and nervous at first but then slowly opened up to us. She wanted to be friends with me even after hearing all of the rumors about me, even though I didn’t fit in with the rest of them in school. I find all of her little traits and habits so cute too, she’s like the little sister that I never had.“, I unknowingly rambled on in adoration. “So if you hurt her, I’ll break your bones, got it?”

“Yes m’am.“, he said in a light jokingly manner. “I know you probably have to go right now, but can you answer one question for me?”

“Sure, ask away.”

“When I kissed you at the field trip, did you really not feeling anything? Like not even in the slightest? But I thought I was a good kisser.“, he pouted playfully.

I started laughing, dumbfounded at his foolish question.

Why am I even friends with this idiot? And why do so many girls even like him?

I was gonna say answer his question and say no, but an all too familiar voice beat me to it.

“What kiss?”

I looked to see that Cyrus was standing a few feet away, looking at us both with venom in his eyes.

Oh my god, please don’t tell me he heard us. I didn’t even get to explain it to him personally yet.

“Cyrus? Since when were you standing there? And h-how much did you hear?“, I asked, internally face palming myself for stuttering.

Great, you just made yourself look even more suspicious.

“Doesn’t matter, but what does matter is that you guys kissed each other during the field trip. And you, Xia, fucking hid it from me.”

“Cyrus, please don’t misunderstand, it’s not what you think-”

“Yeah, that’s what they all say.“, he cut me off. “Don’t try looking for excuses now that you’ve been caught.”

“At least let me explain.“, I pleaded, my eyes showing hints of desperation.

“Yeah, it’s not what it looks like, you should hear her out first.“, Jay said from beside me.

“There’s no need to, everything’s clear isn’t it?“, he questioned, his voice sounding like he was wounded. “That must mean you also probably lied to me during the trip when you said that you and Jay were just pretending to flirt with each other. Why’d you do that? Was it because you just wanted to get fucked by me? Was Jay not enough for you?”

“You’re crossing the limit, Cyrus. Stop saying things you don’t know shit about.“, I warned, masking the pain I currently felt at his words.

“Am I really crossing the limit though? I know all about sluts like you. You do things to gain sympathy from guys like me, and then after you get what you want, you move on to your next target. I thought you were different because of the situation you’ve been in at your old home for so long, but you’re just like the rest of them.”

“Cyrus...“, I whispered, questioning if my ears were tricking me or not. “How can you say that so easily?”

“Just as easily as you deceived me.“, he retorted, his eyes piercing mine.

“But I didn’t deceive you, I promise.”

“Don’t give false promises, it’s repulsive. Also...go home by yourself.“, he said, turning his back on me and walking away.

“But I only love you.“, I whimpered almost inaudibly, knowing that no one else besides Jay could hear me anyways.

I crouched down and covered my face, feeling Jay wrap his arms around me as he let me cry on his shoulder.

“I’m so so sorry, Xia. This is all my fault, I didn’t know he was there listening to us, and I shouldn’t have ever done what I did to begin with.“, he apologized guiltily once I calmed down a bit.

“It’s okay, it wasn’t fully your fault either. He’s the one overreacting right now without even giving a chance to explain. I guess he never had any trust in me to begin with. But it hurt to see him looking at me so coldly like that.”

“Didn’t you mention to me that you guys live in the same apartment complex? Why don’t you go and try talking to him one last time tonight? Maybe he’ll be more calm by then and actually listen to you.”

I agreed with him and then slowly got up, wanting to just go home.

“Xia, wait.“, Jay stopped me. “Come with me, I’ll drop you off.”

“No, it’s okay. I’ll just walk home, but thanks for the offer.”

“Are you serious? There’s no way I’m letting you walk the entire way home. Not only will you end up being late to your work place, but you’ll also be too tired for the rest of the day.”

“Fine.“, I sighed, dropping my shoulders and following behind him. “Thank you.”

“We’re best friends, aren’t we? So no please and thank yous.”

I managed to get through my entire work shift without letting the thoughts of Cyrus distract me, but the second I stepped out of the café, he became the only thing on my mind once again.

I was walking home like I usually did, the cold breeze outside making me slightly shiver. I plugged in my earbuds and played one of the songs from my playlist, feeling my heart ache the whole time.


I Believe - By: Younha

You made things dizzy in my head
You made things shake in my heart
Why do you keep looking at a different place?

I’m looking at you, right in front of me
You’re there and I want you so much
But why do you feel so far away?

With just your smile, my heart is at rest
With just your single tear, my heart aches
My heart, in which you live, is always like that

As much as the sighs behind my clumsy smile
As much as my tears that I secretly threw away
Can’t you come by my heart?

My one and only you
If only you can see my frozen heart some day
Like a dream, like a miracle
I hope you will be there, when I dreamed of you
I believe

Did you know? My eyes have stolen you
And filled up my everything
Everything in the world had changed

My heart that can’t be stopped
When I listened to it
You already became my everything

With just your smile, my heart is at rest
With just your single tear, my heart aches
My heart, in which you live, is always like that

As much as the sighs behind my clumsy smile
As much as my tears that I secretly threw away
Can’t you come by my heart?

My one and only you
If only you can see my frozen heart some day
Like a dream, like a miracle
I hope you will be there, when I dreamed of you

My one and only you
Don’t close the door of the remaining memories
Eventually, in the end
I hope we will become each other’s desperate wish
I believe


Making it to the apartment complex, I went up to Cyrus’s apartment, but stopped behind the hallway doors when something, or someone caught my eye.

There was a beautiful, fairly tall woman with light brown hair, blue eyes, and a perfect figure, standing in front of Cyrus's door with his hand in hers.

"That can wait, Nadia, but come inside first.", Cyrus softly spoke to her, leading her inside.

Nadia? As in the girl who's name kept popping up on his phone screen whenever I was with him?

I decided to not doubt him right away like he did with me, and went back to my own apartment.

"They could be only friends, don't jump to conclusions.", I told myself. "Let's just come back in like an hour or two. Maybe they'll be done talking or she'll be gone by then."

I stepped inside my place and right away jumped into the shower, turning the faucet to only cold, in hopes that it could numb me.

Stepping out of the shower, I got dressed and then went to the kitchen to make dinner for myself. The remaining hour or so was spent by me doing my homework as a form of distraction.

I went up to Cyrus's apartment once again, gently rapping my knuckles against the door. Hearing no response, I was going to knock again but then I heard the sound of something breaking from the other side of the door.

Thinking he got hurt or something, I quickly pressed in his apartment password and stormed in, the words getting stuck in my throat as I started regretting ever walking in.

Cyrus was laying down on the couch, and Nadia's body was hovering above his, her legs on either side of his lower waist. Her hand was gripping the waistband of his pants, and his hands were pinned above him.

They both froze at the sound of me opening the door, and Cyrus pushed her off of him immediately.

"X-Xia? What are you doing here? How'd you get in?"

"Baby, who is she?", Nadia asked him, but he didn't answer.

"You told me your password last week.", I muttered in a monotone voice. "Wanna tell me what's going on right now?"

"She's Nadia, m-my ex girlfriend.", he stuttered. "But why are you here right now?"

"I was here to talk about what happened this afternoon, but seems like there's no need for that."

"What about this afternoon?"

"Nothing that matters anymore, forget it. But Cyrus, don't you think you sounded like a fucking hypocrite?", I asked with an attitude. "How the fuck can you call me a slut who goes around wanting to get fucked by multiple guys, when you're over here hooking up with your ex girlfriend right after walking away from me earlier today?"

"Xia, don't say that. I wasn't hooking up with her, trust me. And besides, why does this even hurt you so much when your feelings were never genuine towards me to begin with? You're acting like we were already dating and that you were serious this whole time."

"Crazy right? I'm asking myself the same question. Why am I so angry over someone who was never even my boyfriend? I should've known this would've never worked out."

"What do you mean?"

"This.", I spat, pointing to both me and him. "We would've never worked out, it was unrealistic from the start, wasn't it?. You're a teacher, and I'm a problematic student who doesn't give a fuck about school or other people. We were always too different, and just can't be together in the end. Our relationship, dating or not, was always wrong and out of place."

"You really never wanted to make it work at ? Do you really mean everything you just said?", Cyrus asked, his eyes not leaving mine.

"Every single word.", I confirmed, mostly trying to convince myself more than him. "I guess we never belonged with each other after all. You can live happily with your Nadia, and I'll move on with my own life."

Turning around and walking out of his apartment with no signs of hurt showing on my face, I remembered something else I wanted to say to him.

"Oh...and Cyrus?"

"Yeah?", he answered, his voice gruff.

"I did kiss Jay on purpose, I wanted to. The flirting was never fake either, I lied to you."

I stepped out of the apartment and ran outside as the hot tears that I was holding in streamed down my face, knowing fully well that I just left behind a piece of my heart. A piece of my heart that I'll never get back.


//////

Author's Note:

Oh no, I already feel like so many of you are gonna get triggered lol. Leave your thoughts in the comments. Was this what you were expecting? How do you feel about it? What do you think will happen next? - Venus



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