Outlaws of Love

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Ch. 4 - Glass Heart




I opened my eyes, squinting at the brightness of the light above me.

“Oh my goodness, seems like Xia has woken up.“, I heard the voice of an unfamiliar lady say. Once my eyes were more stable, I looked around the room to see a fairly young lady, Mr. Moreau, Blaine, and Nathan standing in front of me.

"“Get out.“, I snapped at Nathan, but groaned at the pain in my head due to sitting up so abruptly.

“Careful sweetie.“, the lady, who I assumed to be the school nurse, reminded me.

“Do I have to repeat myself?“, I asked, glaring at Nathan with nothing but hatred in my eyes.

“Geez, what did I even do that you dislike me so much?“, he questioned. “You should be thanking me, if anything. Who do you think noticed you on the verge of passing out and then went to go inform the teacher?”

“Thank you...happy now? Now get out of my sight, Nathan.”

“What a bitch.“, I heard him say, before scoffing and walking out.

“So can I go home?”

“Are you sure you’re okay, sis?“, Blaine asked, feigning concern, making me roll my eyes.

“Don’t fucking call me that.”

“You shouldn’t be so rude to your own younger brother, Xia.“, Mr. Moreau spoke up, trying not to be too harsh since I just gained consciousness.

“And you shouldn’t speak about things that don’t have to do with you, sir.“, I said back, not bothering to hide the irritation in my voice.

I could tell my answer didn’t sit well with him, but he held himself back out of consideration for my current state.

“I’ll ask again, can I go home now?“, I questioned the nurse.

“Yes you can, but be careful, Xia. Also, why is your body so frail? You shouldn’t skip meals, okay? And I don’t know what disciplinary action Mr. Moreau will take against you, but you really shouldn’t be drinking at this age, sweetie. You’re harming your body by doing so.”

“You think I don’t know that?“, I whispered to her, my eyes holding a thousand emotions, but I quickly realized my slip up and snapped myself out of it. “I’ll do what I want, and whether I get punished for it or not doesn’t matter to me.”

I got up and started walking towards the door, but Blaine stopped me.

“Sis, don’t go without me. Mom and dad said to make sure you come home with me in the car.”

I could sense the fakeness in his voice right away due to living with him for his whole life. But to outsiders, he probably sounded nothing less than a brother who was deeply concerned over his older sister’s health.

“Didn’t I tell you to not call me that? And fine, but just for today.“, I complied, but it was only because my body felt too weak for me to walk all the way home.

“Both of you get home safely.“, Mr. Moreau said. “And Miss. Hart, you have two-hour after school detentions tomorrow and the day after. Be happy I’m letting you off easy this time.”

“Oh my God, I’m so grateful.“, I said sarcastically, but before I could say anything else, Blaine dragged me out of there.

“Seriously, what’s your fucking problem, Xia? Do you have any idea how bad this makes mom and dad look? And what about my reputation? Now there’s a chance of people in school seeing me as the brother of a drunkard.”

“Wow, so that’s what you care about right now? I should’ve just seen in coming.“, I muttered, walking ahead of him and getting inside the car. I plugged in my headphones and let the music drown out my surroundings until we arrived home.

Mother and father were both sitting on the couch with tensed looks on their faces, and I could already tell tonight wasn’t going to be pleasant for me.

“Blaine, go upstairs until we tell you to come down.“, my mother ordered gently. “We have some matters to discuss with Xia.”

He did as she said and once it was just us three downstairs, she forcefully made me get on my knees in front of both them.

“Take off your jacket.“, my father ordered, taking off his belt. “We’re going to go easy on you today since we don’t want you passing out again in school tomorrow, so I want you to count until I reach fifteen lashes. And I don’t want you making a single noise, got it? Or else Blaine might hear you.”

I closed my eyes, bracing myself for the impact of the rough leather on my back. I flinched at the first hit, but didn’t let out any sound. Each hit stung, the burning sensation making me want to scream. I bit down on my bottom lip harshly to stop myself from doing so, feeling blood drip down from it.

“Thirteen..fourteen....fifteen.“, I quietly gasped, letting out a sigh of relief once I realized that it was over. I forced my body into a standing position, wanting to make my way upstairs, but of course they stopped me again.

“What is it?“, I asked in an emotionless voice, keeping my eyes fixated on the ground.

“Go get something to eat, and I better not get a call in the future about you drinking or fainting.“, my mother warned. “What you do on your free time, whether that’s drinking or doing drugs, doesn’t concern me one bit, as long as no one else sees you doing it. But the second I get an outside report on it, you'll have to face the consequences.”

Wow, talk about being a good mother.

I picked up a plate and served myself whatever she had made, and went back to my room. Sitting at the edge of the bed, I forced myself to eat everything and once I finished, I got up and went in front of my mirror.

I took off my t-shirt and turned around, visibly cringing at the sight of the red marks from the belt. I knew that they probably weren’t permanent since he hit me over my shirt, but I also knew that these would take much longer to heal.

How do I know that? Because I’ve received this same punishment several times in the past, sometimes much much worse than how it was today. Stripping myself of my clothes completely, I took a shower as I cried once again at the feeling of the water making contact with my back.


The next day, I was in the middle of making a water-colored painting for art class, when Jay started bothering me again.

“Dude, why are you being so persistent even though I’m not interested in being one of your friends? You have a shit ton of other people at your feet, go to them and stop staying so stuck up on me, because I’m tired of being patient with you.“, I voiced with frustration.

“That’s exactly why I want to get to know you more. Because you keep pushing people out, but I can tell that you feel lonely. You need someone, Xia, even if you act like you don’t. So why do you keep fucking pushing me away when all I’m trying to do is become someone you can one day rely on?”

I just stared at him, not knowing how to react. That was the first time someone was that straightforward with me in school, and it was the first time Jay ever raised his voice at me, unlike all the other times I harshly told him off.

“You’ll regret it, Jay. You’ll regret trying to get close to someone like me.“, I urged, not wanting him to tempt me any further into giving in.

“That’s not for you to decide. Just let me in, Xia, that’s all I’m asking from you.”

“...Then don’t hurt me. Don’t make me wish I never let you in my life.“, I murmured, turning back around to continue my painting.

I could tell that he was smiling at my decision, and I faintly smiled too, but of course he couldn’t see it because of the mask covering my mouth.

Later, in history class, the teacher told us to find partners to work on the newly assigned project with. Usually, I would say no and that I’d do the entire thing by myself, but Jay was in this class with me and since I said I’d try to be friends with him, I let him pick me as his partner.

I engaged in some small talk with him while working on our project, but I kept the conversation to a minimum because I still wasn’t fully comfortable with opening up so soon.

It was eventually time for Mr. Moreau’s class, aka my most dreaded class of the day. Not only did I have to deal with my anger every time I saw Mr. Moreau, but now I also have to deal with Nathan being in that class with me.

“Oh look...it’s the ungrateful bitch from yesterday.“, I heard Nathan chuckle with his friends when he saw me coming in.

“Watch what comes out of that filthy mouth of yours, Nathan.“, I interjected in their conversation, hearing him go silent. He was going to say something back to me, when Mr. Moreau noticed the situation and spoke up.

“Don’t you guys dare create commotion first thing when walking into this room. Xia, go sit in your seat and Nathan, stop trying to rile her up knowing she won’t let it go.“, he demanded in a tone of authority.

I clicked my tongue but still did as he said, not having the energy to talk back. The rest of the class went by with me trying to concentrate as much as I could and keep up with taking notes to the lecture he was giving about chemical reactions.

At some point during class, it started to rain really heavily, making a small smile trace my lips. Rain is one of my most favorite things in the world, for it always made me feel less alone and comforted me when I needed it. It felt like I was no longer crying alone, since the skies were crying with me.

The dismissal bell rang and I was about to get up and leave, when I remembered that Mr. Moreau said I have to stay for detention. I sighed and sat back down with slumped shoulders, watching everyone empty the classroom. Mr. Moreau also left for a little bit, making me feel internally relieved.

I opened up the window next to my seat, pulling down my mask and putting my earbuds in one ear, so I could listen to music while listening to the sound of the rain with the other. I put on the song Lovely - By: Billie Eilish, and decided to softly sing along since the classroom was currently empty, and also because I needed an outlet for my emotions.


Thought I found a way
Thought I found a way, yeah (found)
But you never go away (never go away)
So I guess I gotta stay now

Oh, I hope some day I’ll make it out of here
Even if it takes all night or a hundred years
Need a place to hide, but I can’t find one near
Wanna feel alive, outside I can fight my fear

Isn’t it lovely, all alone?
Heart made of glass, my mind of stone
Tear me to pieces, skin to bone
Hello, welcome home

Walkin’ out of town
Lookin’ for a better place (lookin’ for a better place)
Something’s on my mind
Always in my headspace

But I know some day I’ll make it out of here
Even if it takes all night or a hundred years
Need a place to hide, but I can’t find one near
Wanna feel alive, outside I can fight my fear

Isn’t it lovely, all alone?
Heart made of glass, my mind of stone
Tear me to pieces, skin and bone
Hello, welcome home

Woah, yeah
Yeah, ah
Woah, woah
Hello, welcome home

My voice was trembling towards the end as I continued staring out the window. I wanted nothing more than to just be held by someone and be able to cry into their chest, but I still refused to let the tears fall, even though they were clouding my vision like they always did.

"Don't fucking do it, Xia.", I told myself once again, closing my eyes and leaning my head against the window seal as I tried to tame my emotions.


Mr. Moreau's POV

Once the bell rang, I went to the printing room a few rooms away in order to make copies of tomorrow's assignment. When I came back and was at the edge of the door, I stopped at the sound of an angelic voice that also resembled that of a siren.

Looking at where the voice was coming from, I was shocked to see that it was Xia. Her eyes were closed and she was singing to herself, her voice wavering every now and then. She sounded like she was....hurting? Her voice was filled with what I perceived as pain and sorrow.

"Don't fucking do it, Xia.", I heard her say to herself as she tried to stop herself from crying.

'Why does she seem so empty and vulnerable, now that there's no one here to see her?', I thought to myself. Where'd her attitude and coldness go? Because the Xia in front of me didn't seem like the one that always talks back to me in front of the class and gets willingly kicked out.

Just who are you really, Xia? And why do you keep piquing my interest?


//////

Author's Note:

I don't know if you guys noticed (if you've read my previous book), but I always find a way to involve music into my books, mostly because I find it as a great way to give insight on the character's emotions at certain points throughout the story. Although writing is my favorite hobby, singing/music is my main passion so I like incorporating it into everything I do. Hope you guys don't mind it! + Leave your thoughts in the comments - Venus <3

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