The more time they spend together the more it seems like a dream. Deeana always tells him she is scared he will disappear. In her heart, it's her main fear. That he will just up and disappear just like he appeared out of nowhere. Joe keeps telling her, " Where am I going?"
She just hopes that is true, that he won't freak out from all this. At the moment, he seems happy and content. She just wonders, for how long? Every night when he goes home he always says he wishes she was there with him. She wishes the same, more than he knows. She just knows it will take a bit to actually get that far.
"You know this is complicated right? Are you sure about it?" Deeana asks again.
"Complicated Yes. Impossible No." Joe answers.
"True," Deeana says.
"I just don't want to do anything to get you jammed up. I know to leave him is a lot. You have twenty years invested in this, two children. I don't want to break up a marriage." Joe replies.
"I know, it's already broken," Deeana says.
"I know, you two live two separate lives, without any romance. You just live together like brother and sister. I see its over, even if I didn't want you. Anyone could see it. I am sure he does as well."Joe states.
"Yes its all true. I want more." Deeana says.
"I know you do, so do I. I can see myself falling hard. You will have me wrapped around your little finger. I guess I shouldn't tell you that."Joe answers.
"It's mutual you know that. I feel the same way about you." Deeana states.
"I know. Your not going to get tired of me are you?" Joe asks.
"No! never." Deeana comments.
"I hope not, I also hope you don't find me boring," Joe asks.
"No, not at all. I am the boring one remember?" Deeana replies.
"Your not boring. Your intelligent, funny, sexy, pretty. I love the conversations we have together." Joe responds.
"So do I. I love being with you." Deeana answers.
They were both scared the other would go away or change their mind. It was evident. It wasn't said directly sometimes but just in the words they spoke to each other. Neither of them ever felt this way or had this before. The connection was strong like nothing ever experienced. Not to mention, they were both happy, really happy for the first time in a very long time.
Deeana put any doubts and fears in the back of her mind, doing her best not to think about what could happen. How hard this was going to be, she was for once in her life trying to live in the moment and enjoy everything Joe was offering to her.
For Joe it was totally different, he was overthinking everything like he always has. He couldn't help himself it is what he would do. Even telling her
"I always want to be friends, even if we don't work out. Promise me that. I think of all the ways this could go." Joe states.
"I always want you in my life, no matter what." Deeana answers.
Deeana had no intention of going anywhere, she loved him, and to think of him not in her life anymore only hurt her deeply. To lose him again, it would be worse this time. She told him how she felt and he felt the same. She never wanted to let him go, she just saw he was scared.
Scared of a lot of things, mostly her leaving him behind. Or maybe changing her mind? He still didn't understand or realize just how much she loved him.
It was new to Joe, no one ever loved him like this before. His past relationships sucked, to say the least. His last one, took a lot from him, hurting him to the core. He loved her and she only destroyed him in every way she could. It left a lot of open wounds for him, which Deeana understood.
She might not have had a lot of relationships but the one she did have did a lot of damage to her. In a lot of ways. It was definitely not the marriage she saw herself having so many years ago.
She wanted to do all the right things, with just the wrong person. So did Joe. The people they were with were not bad people, they were just not meant for each of them.
Deeana believed that reason was that they were meant for each other this whole time, just life wanted them to experience the heartache, and pain to let them know, when they finally were with each other, this is what they both wanted, both needed. Sometimes you have to go through a lot to see what you really want, what really matters to you. They both went through it, now it was finally time to rise above and do it together. Just would they be strong enough and believe in each other?
Deeana knew no matter how this went, Joe was the love of her life. Was the one she should have spent her life with, she just hoped that God would give that to her now, give it both of them.
She saw as she was with Joe, she was healing. She was going back to the person she used to be. She believed in love again. He brought out the best in her in every way.