Joe misses her as he lays in bed still weary from the day before. He hasn’t talked to her in weeks, trying to keep away from all the stress and craziness going on in his life. He knows he needs her, he knows she makes him a better person. When they were together even though it was just a month, his life was full again. He was happy. Now he was rethinking and putting everything else in front of their relationship. Just he knows he can’t do this anymore.
He craves her, as he reads her emails to him telling him how much she does want and love him. He can’t believe how she really feels for him. It was another reason he stepped back. Just reading her words to him, breaks him down, making him feel worse than before. Every word she says to him, he feels the same. He wants the same, he told her this in the past but he sees she is doubting his feelings now since he has stayed away.
He lays there feeling he needs to contact her, let her know everything is ok. It’s just hard for him to do, he has been so hurt in the past and he doesn’t want to do that again. At the same time, not wanting to hurt her, he just sees that he is.
He picks up his phone, and looks through her pics, feeling all kinds of feelings for her. Love, trust, desire. This is the woman he gave away so many years ago, and now he was doing it again. Yes, there was a lot in their way but was it enough to let go again? To make more regrets? He had so many already from the past, not seeing how much she cared so many years ago, thinking it was a just a kid thing when she held a candle for him for so many years. Twenty-eight to be exact. This wasn’t their first contact in those twenty-eight years, the last time, she told him she was married and had two kids. It was a let down for him but at the time he had his own failing relationship that he was desperately trying to fix.
He told her this and she at the time figured there was no use and let go. Just this time eleven years later he contacted her and they both just let their feelings fly towards each other. Telling each other they always cared. Not wanting to let go of each other ever again, that fate brought them together, now here he was not texting, calling or answering her for weeks. What was he doing?
He was going through a lot in his own right, Work had gotten crazy, family issues arose. He was being pushed in every department of his life and needed a break. He knew he flipped her out and made her second guess everything. Wouldn’t you? From being always together, telling each other everything to silence. Her thoughts went everywhere and he knew it.
When she asked if things were ok, he told her yes, it wasn’t her or them, but the silence still made her wonder deep down if it was. He knew he lied, trying not to hurt her, but everything in their way scared him on top of everything else.
He keeps looking at her photos, feeling an emptiness inside himself without her. Knowing this is his soulmate, the one he was meant to spend his life with. If he lets her go now, he may not get another chance. A deep sadness fills his heart as he knows, this is do, or die. They were no longer children, this wasn't a kid thing. He needed to make up his mind if he could go through with this or not? It would be a lot to take on, would she really go through with this as well?
He goes and sees a missed call from her, knowing the first few weeks she has tried to keep in contact with him, either by email or a text here and there, the last email she wrote him told him everything she felt, even that she felt he didn't want her anymore, and she was going to stay away, giving him space, and it was all up to him now.
The email was detailed with everything she wanted to do with him, and how she felt about him. Even saying she would leave her husband, and marry him. She tried to address every worry he may be feeling inside. He just couldn't answer her then.
She was persistent, he had to give her that. She wasn’t scared to tell him how she felt. It was all overwhelming but he felt the same. He saw the words that she used, were his own. He just had to be man enough to give in to his feelings yet again and put the stress of his life on hold and the fright from all this behind him. Even if just for a minute to tell her, he still loves her.
He goes to his messages, seeing the missed one from weeks ago. "I hope your ok?" He sees how she cares for him, how she thinks about him. He knows now he has to message back.
He also sees another email, one just asking if he is ok, that she knew there was storms where he was. It was time to break the silence.
“Hey, I am ok. Just tired but I do miss you. I know it's been a while. I am sorry. I had a lot on my mind. I overthink and shutdown” Joe says.
“I understand, I am just glad you’re ok. I really miss you too. Its nice hearing from you. I do wish it was sooner.” She answers.
“I know I been quiet, I am sorry its been a rough few weeks. I will try not to stay away so long again. A lot has been going on.” Joe replies.
“Thank you that means a lot. I am sorry your weeks have been like that. I hope things get better. I hope you know I am here for you in any way you need.” She responds.
“I do, I just needed some space and time. I know I left things in a way to make you wonder. I am sorry. My feelings for you are there, they haven’t changed. Just things are really busy with work, and family. I am sorry that I blocked you out though.” Joe admits.
“Things happen. I have to say it really did hurt when you did block me out. Made me feel you did just give up on us. I tried to keep things going but it’s hard when it’s one-sided. I am sure we can work through this though, I really do care about you.” She states.
“I know you do, and I do as well. I didn't mean to hurt you or want to.” Joe answers.