The week goes by and Deeana does her best to stay away, taking Brenda's advice. She knew she was right, and she had to stop. It wasn't good for her or him.
That week, she does a lot of soul searching, seeing even more how she wanted out of her marriage. Inside she was falling apart, her emotions everywhere. It was as if she was on an emotional rollercoaster. One she couldn't get off of, she would cry herself to sleep, begging God to not let this be over. Asking how he could put Joe back into her life and then let him disappear like that.
She just sees now even more how much she cares for him and wants him. How she wished they were together, and she wasn't married. This just lets her resent her husband even more, acting out towards him, and showing him more than ever that she didn't want him.
Phill sees and notices all the week she stays away from him even more and when he does see her she is just grumpy towards him. Snapping at him, no matter what he says. He isn't sure what is going on, but he knows she is pulling away more and more.
Deeana goes to her Instagram account removing her marriage name, and the pics of her with her husband, wanting to remove him from her life. Going to Facebook and taking her status from Married to Phil to nothing. Removing him as a member. It was something small, but yet to her, it was a start to gain her freedom. A start to show him, I no longer want you.
The weekend comes, and she is sitting in bed thinking about Joe, needing to tell him how she feels, what she wants. So she emails him, knowing this will break the week of silence, and her promise to herself to stay away. She just can't help herself. She promises herself if he doesn't answer it will be the last one, but she has to tell him just how much she cares.
She lets him know, she wants to be with him, that she will leave her husband, that everything they talked about she wants and hope he wants it too, even though at the moment she feels he doesn't. She states it all being honest, and telling him it's up to him, he knows how to contact her now. She will always be there for him and love him until her dying day.
As she writes this, the tears just stream down her face and her heart in pieces. She is so hurt he can just stay away from her like this, but she has to try. Not wanting this to end, not wanting to give up without a fight.
She sends the email and keeps checking to see if he writes back, which he doesn't. Deeana feels defeated. Her hopes lost. She knows its time to let go, she knows she needs to back off and stay away. If he wanted her, he will come to her, he would tell her. He would fight for her. He fought for his ex but was letting her go so easily. This hurts her greatly, the thoughts running through her mind, take over more and more. A lot of negatives, at the same time, a part of her still has a tiny bit of hope.
She tries to go on, still being miserable in every way. From grumpy, she is just downright bitchy to Phill at this point. For the first time in their marriage talking up, and not putting up with anything from him. What he did to her, she now does to him. Even taking her wedding rings off for the first time in their marriage. As far as she was concerned it was over. She wanted to get him so disgusted that he would be the one to say he was leaving. She knew if it came out of his own head, it would make things easier. She also knew that was going to take time. Just at the same time, there wasn't a big rush, Joe was nowhere to be found.
This hurt her badly, she was willing to leave her life for him, and here he just disappeared. Just as bad as she hurt, she still loved him, still wanted him. She had a tiny shred of hope in her heart.
As the weeks go by, Joe doesn't text or call her, he is busy with work, even going on a business trip for two weeks. He is overly stressed out. He thinks about Deeana from time to time, just with all the overthinking he is doing, he shuts down staying away from her more and more. His life getting crazier as the weeks go by.
As they do, it gets harder for him to go to her, now wondering if she would even want to hear from him. What would she say? Would she be mad? Which makes him stay away, and keep himself closed off.