It's been five weeks since they talked. Deeana still very upset, just now she has curbed, some of it. Trying to keep it in, and going back to her normal self. The one that would hide her feelings. She knew she couldn't keep it up. She was crying at a drop of a hat from a memory or thought. This wasn't good, she just couldn't help how sad she was inside.
She was proud of herself that she did stay away, not begging anymore. Because that is what she felt she was doing, and that wasn't her at all. None of this was, she was a strong woman, broken in some ways from her past, but still strong. Her heart needed mending, and she swore to herself if he never came back, she would never do this again. Love wasn't in her cards, and after this, she couldn't ever be with anyone else anyway. Joe held her heart and always would. Even after all she has gone through the last month, she loved him. She didn't understand him, but her feelings for him didn't change.
She did know her overthinking killed her, but then in this situation, anyone would overthink. It left a lot of things to wonder.
Did he still think about her? Did he just forget about her? Was he so busy, and so much really going on? Could he not go through with it because she was married?
Her brain went into overdrive at times, keeping her up till late at night, not able to shut down. If this was anyone else, she wouldn't be in this. She wouldn't feel this way. He was the one she cared about all these years, why was this happening?
Yet, she still held faith he would come to her, he would realize he loved her. It stayed in the back of her mind, and heart. For some reason, she couldn't let go of this.
She could let go of her husband, the man she spent twenty years with, had a ton of history and two children. It would take her no time, or nothing at all, to just say goodbye, but with Joe, she couldn't. She didn't want to, she still had hoped she would spend the rest of her adult life with him, and grow old with him. Doing everything they talked about and more.
She sits in her bed, thinking about him after a big storm takes place. She knows where he is, they get storms more than where she is. She hopes he is ok, that nothing bad happened. It's been five weeks since they talked.
She sits there going back and forth if she should send him an email asking if he is ok? Will, he answer? Will, he ignore her once again. Even thinking that the email may be blocked. Will she be rejected once again? So many things go through her mind. Yet this urge to email him takes over. She knows that if he doesn't answer her now, things are really over, that she is wasting her time. She just needs to give it another chance, to show him even with her overthinking, she hasn't given up on them. She still thinks about him, still loves him.
So she sends a short email saying.
I heard about the storms, I hope you're ok. Are you ok?
Her heart beats super fast, as her mind tells her your being a fool again, she lets her heart win and sends the email.
Joe sits in bed, seeing the email pop up on his phone from her. He wasn't really sure she would ever contact him again. It's been a while, and he knows if he doesn't answer it, it might be the last one.
He opens it and reads it, seeing she still cares. Seeing she signed it Love always. This gives him hope and lets him feel good, knowing that didn't seem to change. He knows he has been overwhelmed with things, and shut her out like he normally does.
This was normal for him, but not for her. He is a bit surprised she came back and glad in away. She didn't give up, she didn't fully let go.